Stupid Joke Thread!

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day_trippr

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This rolled through my FB feed, thought it was cute. And probably made up, but still...
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His name was Ole,
He was from da Minnesota... And he needed a loan.
So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an
International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow
$5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Swede from Minnesota for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found
that you are a Distinguished Alumni from The University of Minnesota, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate
and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of oil wells around Williston, ND.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I
return?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheers! :D
 

Immocles

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This rolled through my FB feed, thought it was cute. And probably made up, but still...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His name was Ole,
He was from da Minnesota... And he needed a loan.
So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an
International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow
$5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Swede from Minnesota for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found
that you are a Distinguished Alumni from The University of Minnesota, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate
and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of oil wells around Williston, ND.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I
return?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheers! :D
Haha, I actually hadn't heard that one before. Local papers run those Sven and Ole jokes all the time.
 
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Nurse to patient - we need a urine sample, I'll give you some privacy - be back in 5 minutes

Patient takes peach juice from breakfast tray and pours it in sample cup

Nurse re-enters, looks at sample cup and remarks how cloudy it looks

Patient grabs cup and says, let's recycle it once - and downs the contents
 

Barbarossa

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A man comes home from a long day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television and turns on the game. Without hesitation he tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He quickly finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.” The wife is furious. She yells at him “Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore …”

The man sighs and says, “It started …”
 
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