Stupid Joke Thread!

[riceral]

I'm not dead yet!

Good comeback.

I miss Python

 

[balrog]

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

having kids is just like visiting Hawaii. Whether you want to or not they give you a sampler of the Pupu platter.

Too dirty?

Did you hear about the pool cleaner who went to jail for embezzlement?
He was skimming off the top.

Much cleaner joke, that one...

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A man fell in a puddle.

.

Wanna hear a clean one?

He took a bath with bubbles.

.

Wanna hear another dirty joke?

Bubbles was the girl next door.

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Man, that joke killed back in 2nd grade...

 

[balrog]

Man, that joke killed back in 2nd grade...

All the goods ones do.

 

[Snuffy]

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

A guy who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

 

[BongoYodeler]

The Outhouse

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter, and stank all the time.

The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.

Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."


The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."

 

[3 Dawg Night]

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish.

 

[Lynxpilot]

My neighbor had miniature ponies and as I drove by one day he was giving one cough syrup. I asked him why. He said........

He's a little horse

 

[BongoYodeler]

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish.

Said REO Speedwagon.

 

[doug293cz]

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish.

I'll bite - what about the glue?

Brew on

 

[3 Dawg Night]

I'll bite - what about the glue?

Brew on

I knew you'd get stuck on that one!

(This is my son's favorite joke.)

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a leak?

Because the P is silent.

 

[doug293cz]

I knew you'd get stuck on that one!

(This is my son's favorite joke.)

I knew I'd regret asking (but somebody had to give you a chance to finish the joke.)

Brew on

 

[3 Dawg Night]

I knew I'd regret asking (but somebody had to give you a chance to finish the joke.)

Brew on

I was willing to wait months, nay, years on that one. Thanks for bailing me out early!

 

[day_trippr]

Trust me, I was about to raise the question and would not have let it drop easily

 

[balrog]

I, too, appreciate you taking one for the team, @doug293cz, falling on the sword of questionable comedy.

 

[Abrayton]

Why did the scarecrow win the award? He was out standing in his field.

 

[soccerdad]

I'm looking for inexpensive pets. I heard birds are going cheap.

 

[day_trippr]

Aw...ya screwed up the punchline, dude

 

[balrog]

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can extract from incomplete data.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

There are 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

[balrog]

Oops!

 

[Beekeeper]

There are 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Heard this one before, but there were 10 kinds.

 

[Snuffy]

Why are phone chargers not called Apple Juice?

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Heard this one before, but there were 10 kinds.

Yeah, I'm in that second category.

I live in Alabama. I have to take off my shoes to count to 11.

 

[bkboiler]

There are 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

11 is binary for three.
I still laughed.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Yeah, I'm in that second category.

I live in Alabama. I have to take off my shoes to count to 11.

But I can still count to 1010 with my shoes on.

 

[ncbrewer]

11 is binary for three.
I still laughed.

Ya - 11 is actually for Romans (as II)

 

[GrogNerd]

 

[day_trippr]

This rolled through my FB feed, thought it was cute. And probably made up, but still...
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His name was Ole,
He was from da Minnesota... And he needed a loan.
So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an
International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow
$5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Swede from Minnesota for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found
that you are a Distinguished Alumni from The University of Minnesota, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate
and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of oil wells around Williston, ND.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I
return?"
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Cheers!