Stupid Joke Thread!

[3 Dawg Night]

I'll bite - what about the glue?

Brew on

I knew you'd get stuck on that one!

(This is my son's favorite joke.)

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a leak?

Because the P is silent.

 

[doug293cz]

I knew you'd get stuck on that one!

(This is my son's favorite joke.)

I knew I'd regret asking (but somebody had to give you a chance to finish the joke.)

Brew on

 

[3 Dawg Night]

I knew I'd regret asking (but somebody had to give you a chance to finish the joke.)

Brew on

I was willing to wait months, nay, years on that one. Thanks for bailing me out early!

 

[day_trippr]

Trust me, I was about to raise the question and would not have let it drop easily

 

[balrog]

I, too, appreciate you taking one for the team, @doug293cz, falling on the sword of questionable comedy.

 

[Abrayton]

Why did the scarecrow win the award? He was out standing in his field.

 

[soccerdad]

I'm looking for inexpensive pets. I heard birds are going cheap.

 

[day_trippr]

Aw...ya screwed up the punchline, dude

 

[balrog]

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can extract from incomplete data.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

There are 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

[balrog]

Oops!

 

[Beekeeper]

There are 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Heard this one before, but there were 10 kinds.

 

[Snuffy]

Why are phone chargers not called Apple Juice?

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Heard this one before, but there were 10 kinds.

Yeah, I'm in that second category.

I live in Alabama. I have to take off my shoes to count to 11.

 

[bkboiler]

There are 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

11 is binary for three.
I still laughed.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Yeah, I'm in that second category.

I live in Alabama. I have to take off my shoes to count to 11.

But I can still count to 1010 with my shoes on.

 

[ncbrewer]

11 is binary for three.
I still laughed.

Ya - 11 is actually for Romans (as II)

 

[GrogNerd]

 

[day_trippr]

This rolled through my FB feed, thought it was cute. And probably made up, but still...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His name was Ole,
He was from da Minnesota... And he needed a loan.
So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an
International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow
$5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Swede from Minnesota for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found
that you are a Distinguished Alumni from The University of Minnesota, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate
and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of oil wells around Williston, ND.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I
return?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheers!

 

[Immocles]

This rolled through my FB feed, thought it was cute. And probably made up, but still...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His name was Ole,
He was from da Minnesota... And he needed a loan.
So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an
International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow
$5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Swede from Minnesota for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found
that you are a Distinguished Alumni from The University of Minnesota, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate
and financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of oil wells around Williston, ND.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I
return?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheers!

Haha, I actually hadn't heard that one before. Local papers run those Sven and Ole jokes all the time.

 

[Hophunter]

What do you call an off topic pachyderm?

Nevermind, it’s irrelephant.

 

[bleme]

My teenage daughter treats me like a god. She acts like I don’t exist until she wants something…

 

[Snark_Wolf_Brewing]

Did you hear about the invisible man who married the invisible woman? Their kids weren't much to look at either....

 

[Abrayton]

What did 0 say to 8?
“Hey ass hole, give me back my belt!”

 

[soccerdad]

Nurse to patient - we need a urine sample, I'll give you some privacy - be back in 5 minutes

Patient takes peach juice from breakfast tray and pours it in sample cup

Nurse re-enters, looks at sample cup and remarks how cloudy it looks

Patient grabs cup and says, let's recycle it once - and downs the contents

 

[Steveruch]

Yeah, I'm in that second category.

I live in Alabama. I have to take off my shoes to count to 11.

And drop your pants.

 

[soccerdad]

And drop your pants.

That would get me to ten and a half.

 

[agentbud]

A guy walks into the beer store to buy some beer. The clerk tells him he needs to see some ID. The guy pulls out his wallet to get his license but his Blockbuster card accidentally falls out. The clerk says " Never mind, you're old enough."

 

[Barbarossa]

A man comes home from a long day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television and turns on the game. Without hesitation he tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He quickly finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.” The wife is furious. She yells at him “Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore …”

The man sighs and says, “It started …”

 

[Abrayton]

 

[balrog]

Scientists have determined that the same one side of every cat and dog everywhere has more fur than the other.

Yep

The outside

 

[AkTom]

What animal has more lives than a cat?
a frog. It croaks every day.

 

[balrog]

Physics aerodynamic joke


You know how when geese fly south they are always in a “V”?

you know why one side of the “V” is longer than the other?

that side

has more geese

 

[BongoYodeler]

Did you know that a school of piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

 

[bkboiler]

For the kiddos:
What color is a burp? -Burple

What did the mommy cat say when she realized she had 10 babies? -Are you kitten me?!?

 

[smurfjuicebrew]

did you hear about the kidnapping in town? they had to wake him up. ... * groan *

 

[balrog]

I like cooking my family and my pets.

Use commas. Don't be a psycho.

 

[Tyler B]

16 sodiums walk into a bar, who walks in next?

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na... Batman!

 

[Drewch]

Two atoms ran into reach other walking around a corner. The first atom helps the second back to his feet, apologizing and asking, "Are you ok?"

The second atom replies, "I think so, but I've lost an electron!"

Says the first atom, "Are you sure?"

To which the second answers, "I'm positive!"

Badumbum.