Stupid Joke Thread!

[Schlenkerla]

How do you say brassiere or bra in German?

Stoppen-frum-floppen!


[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hETBpWRy3rc[/ame]

 

[Schlenkerla]

 

[JonM]

A snake walks into a bar.

Bartender says "How did you do that?!"

 

[GrogNerd]

http://increasinglyuncommoncommonsense.blogspot.com/2013/07/feghoot-of-day.html

 

[arturo7]

Your face

 

[mikeasu]

So a skeleton walks into a bar, and orders a beer and a mop...


Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

 

[JonM]

An Irishman, a Mexican, two priests and a Rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

 

[JonM]

www.conjunctivitis.com - now there's a site for sore eyes.

 

[Steveruch]

http://increasinglyuncommoncommonsense.blogspot.com/2013/07/feghoot-of-day.html

A guy I worked with quite a few years ago used to regularly say, "Why is common sense so uncommon?"
He only said that when he was drunk.

 

[jstringer1983]

A Man and woman lay in bed together. Man: "do you smoke after sex?"
Woman: i dont really know, ive never looked..."

 

[bruce_the_loon]

For sale, dead budgie, not going cheep.

 

[Schlenkerla]

21 Stupid Jokes

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

 

[JonM]

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector. That constant beeping was making me dizzy.

 

[Schlenkerla]

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He wiped his a$$....

 

[Schlenkerla]

What is Forrest Gump's gmail password?

1Forre$t1

 

[Zuljin]

Your face

Your face sucks! And you can't even report me, because it does.

 

[Fedora]

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?











































The "P" is silent.

Courtesy, hat Jr.

 

[smurfjuice]

Nyuk, nyuk. ...

 

[JonM]

Before you go into the bathroom, you're American. When you come out of the bathroom, you're American. What are you when you're IN the bathroom?

You're-a-peein'!

 

[Zuljin]

Hey! European on mah boot!

 

[arturo7]

There is a brothel in the mountains.

The guy going in?

He's Russian

The guy leaving?

He's Finnish

The guy inside?

Himalayan

 

[Schlenkerla]

Hopefully ethnic jokes are ok. My family is Polish, so I'm ok with it...

Q: Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him?

A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover".

 

[arturo7]

Polish jokes seemed to come to an abrupt end when they became the first country to tell the Soviet Union to bless off.

 

[JonM]

Milwaukee just hosted its huge annual Polish Fest last weekend. There was a Sunday Mass, bands, lots of traditional food, dance and art, that submarine with the screen door ...

 

[JonM]

Still waiting for an opportunity to use the old Groucho line

*speaks into microphone*

"Can you hear me?"
"No"
"Well you're not missing anything."

 

[MHBT]

What do you call a werewolf that is sleeping?

an unaware wolf he ha he ha he ha he ha

im made another funny

 

[soccerdad]

Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter?

A: Arrrrrrrrrrr



... no sorry, that would be The C

 

[Schlenkerla]

Milwaukee just hosted its huge annual Polish Fest last weekend. There was a Sunday Mass, bands, lots of traditional food, dance and art, that submarine with the screen door ...

What did you get to eat? I'd have gotten a Polish Sausage covered with kraut and later some prune or potato pierogies.

For you Non-Polskies - Pierogies are the Mexican version of empanadas or small version of the Italian calzones.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Q) What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A) A small medium at large.

 

[Schlenkerla]

I went to the bank the other day and asked the teller to check my balance.

The teller pushed me, but I couldnt really blame her. LOL

 

[JonM]

What did you get to eat? I'd have gotten a Polish Sausage covered with kraut and later some prune or potato pierogies.

For you Non-Polskies - Pierogies are the Mexican version of empanadas or small version of the Italian calzones.

Unfortunately, didn't go this year. SWMBO is German and I am all Scandinavian. We love German Fest, but the closest Syttende Mai Fest is too damn far. However, I do know the best kielbasa maker in town - a genuine bona fide Pole who makes the finest Polish and Hungarian sausage ever ....

http://www.eurosausage.com/Pages/default.aspx

 

[Schlenkerla]

Unfortunately, didn't go this year. SWMBO is German and I am all Scandinavian. We love German Fest, but the closest Syttende Mai Fest is too damn far. However, I do know the best kielbasa maker in town - a genuine bona fide Pole who makes the finest Polish and Hungarian sausage ever ....

http://www.eurosausage.com/Pages/default.aspx

That's awesome, I love in-your-face garlic of traditional Polish Sausage!

Germans and Poles love their beer, sausage, kraut, beer, smoked pork, smoked beer, and ........kuchen.... after they are done drinking.

My mother used to bake Polish Sausage at 325F about for 30 - 45 minutes until you could smell it, then cover it with foil and bake it for the balance of ~60 minutes.

Just to get an idea of how serious we were about Polish Sausage, we used to have "it" for Thanksgiving, Xmas, and Easter.

Polish sausage in place of Turkey on thanksgiving. (Dad hated Turkey)

Polish Sausage and Roast Beast for Xmas. (My Irish wife says the Beast was too done for her...hence the beast (beef) comment.)

Polish Sausage and Ham for Easter.

So, Polish Sausage was for special occasions like Thanksgiving, Xmas and Easter. That wasn't special enough throw in;. Advent, Palm Sunday, New Year's, and Sunday!

My Birthday for one.... LOL

It's like that Greek Family Wedding thing....

At least I do like Polish Sausage, Keilbasa, Kabanos, and Knockwurst!

Why not just throw in Poppyseed Bundt Cake too. That was my birthday cake for 45 years...

 

[Schlenkerla]

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

 

[soccerdad]

What's the square root of 69?

8 something

 

[GrogNerd]

Why is 77 better?

You get 8 more

 

[Brewenstein]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?










Because....







7 8 9

 

[GrogNerd]

what do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?






walk him & pitch to the rhino

 

[GrogNerd]

it's the old west and the stranger rides into town, up to the saloon, gets off his horse, hitches the horse, walks into the saloon, up to the bar and orders a drink

whole time he notices there's no women in the town, so he asks the saloonkeeper

saloonkeeper says, "well, they herd sheep around here, so they treat sheep like women."

stranger thinks it's weird, but he's... ya know... anxious. he's been out riding for weeks. so he goes out to the pastures, finds a herd, grabs one of the sheep, takes it into town to the store, buys it a dress, puts the dress on the sheep, takes it to the saloon, props it up on a stool and orders drinks for the both of them

EVERYONE in the town looks at him like he's crazy. which confuses the stranger, so he asks the saloonkeeper, "hey! why is everyone in town looking at me like I'm crazy? you said they treat sheep like women, that's what I'm doing"

saloonkeeper replies, "I know what I said, but that's the sheriff's girl!"

 

[beerinthebloodco]

What is fuzzy, green and kills people when it falls out of trees?


A pool table. ....