Ugh friends w/kids (sorry long rant)

[Rick_R]

I've found that the ones that didn't understand the kid thing were just really self absorbed/selfish people anyway.

As a blanket statement, that seems a bit harsh, but could be true of the ones you knew/know.

For us, we're at the other end of the kid thing. My youngest of two kids is a senior in high school so we haven't had to worry about babysitters for quite awhile. We do have friends/family with younger kids that we enjoy hanging out with on occasion, but actually prefer to hang out with those who, like us, have finished that stage in life. Maybe it is self absorbed to enjoy a more adult evening than you get with a kid interrupting every few seconds, but, hey, been there, done that, wouldn't give up those years for anything -- but happy enough it's behind us.

Rick

 

[zoebisch01]

Maybe it is self absorbed to enjoy a more adult evening than you get with a kid interrupting every few seconds, but, hey, been there, done that, wouldn't give up those years for anything

I am a firm believer in embracing the moment that we live in to the fullest. Instead of seize the day, I believe in seize the moment. So I don't think it's selfish at all.

What I think would be selfish is that when one is at the time in life with kids to try and always 'get away' from it. Sure it's not easy, I'll be the first to admit that...but then again nothing rewarding ever is and people need a break from time to time. I guess what I am getting at is that where does a parent cross the line between needing a break and abandoning their role as a parent.

Actually (philosophical rant here) you are at this very moment creating your future to a degree and your past. In this moment in time you have power, at no other moment will you have it. :fro:

 

[c.n.budz]

I think its pretty clear that once you have kids its not possible to hang out with people who don't have them, for exactly the reasons posted here.

I gotta disagree with this statement. I have plenty of friends with kids that I still hang out with. The dynamic of how and when we hang out may have changed, but to say that people with kids can't be friends with people without kids is a bit narrow minded. So, since I don't have kids yet I have to stop being friends with people that have been some of my best friends since grammar school? If these are actually good friends that we're talking about, you just realize that once kids are in the picture the friendship changes, it doesn't have to end.

 

[Fish]

I gotta disagree with this statement. I have plenty of friends with kids that I still hang out with. The dynamic of how and when we hang out may have changed, but to say that people with kids can't be friends with people without kids is a bit narrow minded. So, since I don't have kids yet I have to stop being friends with people that have been some of my best friends since grammar school? If these are actually good friends that we're talking about, you just realize that once kids are in the picture the friendship changes, it doesn't have to end.

Of course you are right.

 

[Baldy_Beer_Brewery]

Been all through this years ago. Kids and dogs. In fact we had some friends and we didn't particularly care for their kids or dogs as neither were very well behaved.

When you entertain or plan gatherings, I think these kids and dogs should both be taken into account. If the event is not appropriate for them leave them (kids and dogs) home or put them (dogs) in the kennel.

 

[PeteOz77]

Simply put, people without kids do not understand how having kids will change you and your priorities. .

Some of us without kids DO understand how having kids will change you and your priorities.

We also think some of you become so centred on your kids that you forget that YOU are a person as well, not just a servant to your new offspring.

I totally lose respect for people who completely dismiss their previous friends, hobbies and other aspects of their lives the second they have a child. YES, having a shild changes your life drastically, and your responsibilites and focus of your life change, but if you let this new addition to you life completely change what you love about your life, and who you are, I have no time for you.

I don't have kids, and my wife and I have decided that we never will. I understand and respect that someone needs to produce the next generation of doctors, lawers, garbage men and hookers, and I applaud the efforts of the procreating masses!:rockin:

We have friends that turned into totally self centred a$$holes when they had kids. We don't speak to them anymore.

We also have friends that are well balanced, intelligent, understanding people that appreciate us for who and what we are and socialise with us, both with and without their kids. They don't treat us like freaks because we don't plan to have children, and they don't bore us with the amazing stories of how their supergenious kids are smarter than everyone else in the entire school and sh!t golden eggs!

We in turn show the same interest in their kids as we would in any other aspect of their lives, like their jobs, their parents, their hobbies etc.

Having children doesn not mean evey other aspect of your life becomes irrelevant eh? They are just another addaition to your lives to make it more full and enjoyable.

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong!

 

[Bedlam]

Some of us without kids DO understand how having kids will change you and your priorities.

We also think some of you become so centred on your kids that you forget that YOU are a person as well, not just a servant to your new offspring.

I totally lose respect for people who completely dismiss their previous friends, hobbies and other aspects of their lives the second they have a child. YES, having a shild changes your life drastically, and your responsibilites and focus of your life change, but if you let this new addition to you life completely change what you love about your life, and who you are, I have no time for you.

I don't have kids, and my wife and I have decided that we never will. I understand and respect that someone needs to produce the next generation of doctors, lawers, garbage men and hookers, and I applaud the efforts of the procreating masses!:rockin:

We have friends that turned into totally self centred a$$holes when they had kids. We don't speak to them anymore.

We also have friends that are well balanced, intelligent, understanding people that appreciate us for who and what we are and socialise with us, both with and without their kids. They don't treat us like freaks because we don't plan to have children, and they don't bore us with the amazing stories of how their supergenious kids are smarter than everyone else in the entire school and sh!t golden eggs!

We in turn show the same interest in their kids as we would in any other aspect of their lives, like their jobs, their parents, their hobbies etc.

Having children doesn not mean evey other aspect of your life becomes irrelevant eh? They are just another addaition to your lives to make it more full and enjoyable.

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong!

You hit the nail right on the head! Nice way of phrasing it.

The only thing I might add is that I feel it is a vital part of parenting for kids to see their parents as complete people, with their own interests and persuit of personal growth. That's what you want your kids to be, right? So they need a model for that!

 

[Donasay]

There is always the option of a 4th term abortion. I have been a huge proponent of someone going around and performing 4th term abortions on all the screaming crying brats you see people dragging around with them, especially in restaurants and movie theaters, wow that bugs me.

Just remember the children are the future, unless we put a stop to them right now.

 

[shafferpilot]

There is always the option of a 4th term abortion. I have been a huge proponent of someone going around and performing 4th term abortions on all the screaming crying brats you see people dragging around with them, especially in restaurants and movie theaters, wow that bugs me.

Just remember the children are the future, unless we put a stop to them right now.

ROFLMFAO

 

[WOP31]

There is always the option of a 4th term abortion. I have been a huge proponent of someone going around and performing 4th term abortions on all the screaming crying brats you see people dragging around with them, especially in restaurants and movie theaters, wow that bugs me.

Just remember the children are the future, unless we put a stop to them right now.

How are you going to blame the kids for lack of proper parenting. Remember Kids are only as good as the role models they have to follow. SO if you are looking for 4th term abortions how about you aim that statement at the parents of the "screaming crying brats you see people dragging around with them."

 

[PeteOz77]

The fact that Kids who misbehave have their parents to blame, doesn't make them any more tolerable.. a BRAT is a BRAT, for whatever reason...

Wouldn't it be great though, if when you see a kid running up and down the aisles of a supermarket, or racing around the tables in a restaurant screaming, you could grab them and give them a whack on the backside (like their parents SHOULD be doing) and then go over and smack the worthless parents as well?

I agree that 98% of the misbehaving kids out there are the product of poor parenting. That being said, NO amount of "good Parenting" or discipline would have stopped ME from being a PAIN in the ARSE kid

 

[the_bird]

You know what?

My daughter's pretty loud. She loves to run. She does that sometimes when we're in the supermarket. I try and get her to "behave," but there's only so much you can do with a 3-year old. I ain't going to hit her, and if anyone else did, I'd lay them out cold.

But you know? She's having fun. She's laughing and singing and observing things and learning and all the good stuff. Smart kid, she's just full of joy and exhuberance and excitement.

She's also a lot happier than I ever recall myself ever being as a kid.

She's a little bit loud for you? Well, **** off, I don't care.

 

[PeteOz77]

You know what?

My daughter's pretty loud. She loves to run. She does that sometimes when we're in the supermarket. I try and get her to "behave," but there's only so much you can do with a 3-year old. I ain't going to hit her, and if anyone else did, I'd lay them out cold.

But you know? She's having fun. She's laughing and singing and observing things and learning and all the good stuff. Smart kid, she's just full of joy and exhuberance and excitement.

She's also a lot happier than I ever recall myself ever being as a kid.

She's a little bit loud for you? Well, **** off, I don't care.

Maybe you SHOULD CARE about what everyone around you thinks when your daughter is yelling and screming and having FUN! Maybe those around you aren't having as much fun? Maybe they are very annoyed? Based on your comments, your Daughter's happiness is the only thing that matters, regardless of how anyone around her is affected.

Perfect example of just what I am talking about.

Your right to let your daughter run and scream and carry on, is greater than my right to enjoy a nice meal in a restaurant when I am paying for that right?

Relax mate. No one said I was going to touch you or your kid.... I was just suggesting that it would be great if more parents thought about the feelings of people around themselves and their kids and were more respectful of their rights as well.

I can see this getting very ugly, so I won't comment again. I don't need people abusing me for putting my opinion forward.

I did expect better behaviour from a moderator

 

[the_bird]

She doesn't scream and carry on (which is, 99 times out of 100, a sign that the child is overtired), but she expresses her exhuberance sometimes a bit louder than would be ideal.

Anyway, I get a lot more smirks from cute young mothers than dirty looks from middle-aged guys, so I'm pretty satisfied with the status quo....

 

[Bedlam]

Supermarket? No problem. Going to the supermarket is a chore and nobody there is paying for the simple joy of wandering the household goods aisle.

What it comes down to is that there are kid-okay places and kid-not-okay places. Simple as that. Supermarket, McDonald's, airplane (sadly, but just a fact of life), well they're gonna be there. And that's okay. Like I said before, sometimes a kid gets grumpy or gassy in these places and those of us who are kid-free have to just deal.


But those kid-not-okay places are where I get my dander up.
Champagne brunch or fancy steak place for example...better keep 'em under your thumb. I will usually splurge on two or three NICE restaurant meals per year and really, really look forward to them. If there's a kiddo acting up and parents don't take care of it, I'm liable to get PISSED. I don't see any point in bringing a kid to an adult outing if there's any doubt about kiddo misbehaving in a big way. It is a little different if a parent is really trying, but at some point you just have to say it isn't working and vacate the premises.

I work hard for my money and don't treat myself much. But if good time that I've worked hard to get and pay for is getting ruined, I will take action. I'll either talk to the parent, restaruant manager or somesuch. Or just tell the kid if he doesn't settle down, I'll kill Santa.

 

[brauhaus]

man... here we try to suppress every little noise that comes from our little one... I always think people are giving us nasty looks... then again, i'm just paranoid.

my daughter fortunately is wonderful and we get a lot of compliments on how well behaved she is, I am glad. When we go out and there is a kid crying and carrying on she always looks at us like, "why is that kid being bad?" and she is only a year old.

don't get me wrong, she likes to be heard sometimes, but she isn't doing it in a crying screaming kind of way... I think she is just trying to talk to us or something... most of the time she is very content munching on whatever we put in front of her.

there are some kids who can go out, and some kids who can't.

my niece for instance is an embarrassment, and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law both know it, my niece will kick and scream to the point where I have even walked away from the table to go somewhere out of earshot so I can just absorb a few minutes of quietness. However, my BLW & SLW just sit there and get all flushed red and don't know what to do... it's horrible and it's a shame... but some kids know how to behave and some don't...

kids in general just don't bug me and I think most kids are pretty good, it's the kids that throw a fit and scream in anger that bother me.

 

[the_bird]

I probably worded that reply too tersely. I just react pretty negatively to the whole "children should be seen, not heard" attitude that's implicit in some of the comments.

Fact is, Cassie talks a lot. I have no problem with that. It'd developmental; we hold conversations throughout the time that we're shopping together, be it the grocery store, the HBS, Home Depot, wherever. We observe things and talk about them, and she's always amazing me at the vocabulary that she's picked up.

When we're at the restaurant, she can't always sit still for the whole time. So, we get up and walk. We're usually at the brewpub - YES, I take my daughter to the pub, it's one of our most common places. She'll want to go look at the grain mill, she'll see the "HLT" on one of the tanks and I'll explain that means "Hot Liquor Tank" and that the tank is where they keep the hot water for making the beer... it's all teaching her stuff. She'll be a better brewer than most of us by the time her classmates are stealing their first Budweisers from their fathers. If her singing the "ABCs" or "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" as we pass your table bothers you... well, that's your problem.

FWIW, the propreitors of the Asian restaurant we go to all the time absolutely ADORE her. They'll take her on a tour of the kitchen, they'll always come up to her (even if they're not waiting on us) and try and make her smile, they'll tie together the chopsticks for her so that she can try and eat with them. It's not a terribly uptight place, we don't bring her to the fancy resturants, but still, she can be fairly rambunctious but it doesn't seem to bother anybody.

Does this mean that she runs wild? Of course not - she gets consequences when she truly misbehaves, but I'm not about to repress her natural enthusiasm. Daddy isn't someone that she's going to learn to fear.

 

[brauhaus]

FWIW, the propreitors of the Asian restaurant we go to all the time absolutely ADORE her. They'll take her on a tour of the kitchen, they'll always come up to her (even if they're not waiting on us) and try and make her smile, they'll tie together the chopsticks for her so that she can try and eat with them. It's not a terribly uptight place, we don't bring her to the fancy resturants, but still, she can be fairly rambunctious but it doesn't seem to bother anybody.

damn, you guys get that treatment too? hehe, here I thought my kid was special... for some reason Asians seem to love little girls (not in a weird way, b/c yes that does sounds weird), they are always flocking to our table and playing with our daughters hair or telling her how cute she is... my kid hams it up...

 

[the_bird]

I think it's just good business; they let us know that we're welcome as a family, we make it a point to always go there (or the pub) for dinner.

 

[Beerthoven]

My wife and I took ourselves and our 2 and 5 year old boys out to Chili's for dinner last Sunday. My kids are pretty damn energetic, and they were playing with the silverware and coloring and laughing and being kinda loud. The NFC championship game was on and there were a lot of families with kids in there, and it was pretty noisy so I didn't think anything of it.

There was this middle aged guy sitting in the booth across the aisle from us with his wife or girlfriend, being very quiet. They didn't look like they were having any fun at all. You know the couple...very tense, like they could explode at any time. Anyway, this guy gets up and says to me "Your kids are being too loud. Its rude and I can't enjoy my meal" or some such thing.

I said "No, my kids are not being too loud and I will not tell them to be quiet. This is what kids do."

So this a$$hole goes and gets the manager, who offered to reseat them in another part of the restaurant but they decided to leave instead. What a total loser.

I have no sympathy for people who don't have children but who feel they have all the right in the world to tell people who do have children how to raise them. If my children are bothering you, then go **** yourself, because I don't care. And if you you think you know better than me how to raise my children then go **** yourself again because you don't have a clue what you are talking about. And that's a fact.

 

[srm775]

I probably worded that reply too tersely. I just react pretty negatively to the whole "children should be seen, not heard" attitude that's implicit in some of the comments.

Does this mean that she runs wild? Of course not - she gets consequences when she truly misbehaves, but I'm not about to repress her natural enthusiasm. Daddy isn't someone that she's going to learn to fear.

Agreed ... Furthermore, the comments that it's a parents fault and "they should do something" to stop their kid from being a kid are rather annoying. I'm more than certain that the vast majority of those making those comments or believing that certainly weren't absolute angels at all times while out in public when they were children.

The fact of the matter is that kids 2-6 years old are the same now as they were 10 years ago, 20 years ago and even 30 years ago. I'm sure that all of us, as children (maybe even as adults), are guilty of throwing a fit in the grocery store cause we didn't get Cookie Crisp cereal or yelling at our parents because we didn't want to buy new socks.

Everytime my son starts acting like the 3 year old he is in the store cause he wants to go look at the toy isle and I get dirty looks from 20-something kids, I just glare right back, and if they keep it up, I'll make a note to follow them throughout the store just to annoy them even more. It's my little way of having fun.

 

[Joker]

For those complaining about the kids:

1) Did you run around and act wild as a kid? (probably not right you behaved everywhere you went..............right?)

2) Have your parents told you any stories about how you ran around <insert location> and it was all they could do to catch you and get you under control?

3) Did your parents leave you home everytime they went out or to a friends?

Next time you are getting mad at a kid running and playing think about what you use to do as a child and the fun you had doing it.

 

[Brewpastor]

I figure in 10 more years my boys are going to be heading off to college. I plan to make the most of those ten years, and will figure out how to fill the time after they are gone. Of course I was 39 when the first one was born, so I had kind of done the free-agent adult thing already. Personally, I try not to put parents in situations where they have to make a choice between their kids and me. I will always lose that one.

 

[TexLaw]

I have two boys, 7 and 4. They are every bit "boy" and every bit their age. You better believe my wife and I have our hands full. I don't like the folks that say to stay home with your kids and all that goofy jazz. You want me to stay home with my kids? To hell with you. Stay home if you don't want to see them. I'm going out, and chances are good that they are coming with me.

However, by the same token, I don't agree with the "**** off - kids are kids" bit, either. If I am going to bring my kids out with me and the SWMBO, she and I understand the responsibility, and we deal with those kids. We've worked hard to teach them how to behave and we correct them if they don't do so. I've had more than one "discussion" out in the car with one or both of the boys when they act up at the wrong time. When they've behaved well, I let them know that, too, and tell them how proud I am of them. Most of the time, we get the same "well behaved" comments that others have mentioned. Parenting, when parents bother to do it, works.

Yes, I certainly did act like a kid, running around and acting the fool whenever I could. I also had parents that put up with that when it was appropriate and corrected me firmly when it was not. I learned how to behave appropriately to the place where I was. I remember, even back when I was a kid and as I grew up, how poorly behaved some of my friends were because they didn't know the difference between a nicer restaurant and the school playground and that certain things that are just fine in one place don't fly in another. I also remember how those kids' parents reacted to that behavior. Sometimes, it was "kids will be kids." Sometimes, it was nothing at all. I was shocked about that, even then. Guess what? Nearly every one of those kids grew up to be a certifiable ****up because they still don't know how to behave appropriately. Now, they're having kids, and I sometimes see them raising the ****ups of the future.

So, you folks that can't stand to see kids around, loosen up. Kids are out there, and you just have to deal with that. And, you folks who don't bother teaching your kids how to behave appropriately, get ready for bigger problems down the road.

Oh, and those parents that think their kids $#!+ golden eggs drive me completely up the wall, too. I'll laugh about that comment for a long time.


TL

 

[Flyin' Lion]

FWIW, the propreitors of the Asian restaurant we go to all the time absolutely ADORE her. They'll take her on a tour of the kitchen, they'll always come up to her (even if they're not waiting on us) and try and make her smile, they'll tie together the chopsticks for her so that she can try and eat with them. It's not a terribly uptight place, we don't bring her to the fancy resturants, but still, she can be fairly rambunctious but it doesn't seem to bother anybody.

Does this mean that she runs wild? Of course not - she gets consequences when she truly misbehaves, but I'm not about to repress her natural enthusiasm. Daddy isn't someone that she's going to learn to fear.

We get the same type of reaction at the Mexican restaurant we got to. I think the people taking offense in this thread are not the ones the comments are directed at--at least they shouldn't be. But, good parents are still going to be offended by Anti-children comments. Some people have absolutely no patience for children and view any little noise as offensive. Those people truly have a problem and like other parents here, I have no interest in bending to their will either.

 

[Brewpastor]

My kids are expected to behave in public and when guests are around. If they don't they know there will be a consequence. But that is how they have been raised and now they are really easy to take places. Besides, they are 7 and 8 and really no longer little boys. They do push the limits, but I am lucky to have the kids I do.

 

[Beerthoven]

I have two boys, 7 and 4. They are every bit "boy" and every bit their age. You better believe my wife and I have our hands full. I don't like the folks that say to stay home with your kids and all that goofy jazz. You want me to stay home with my kids? To hell with you. Stay home if you don't want to see them. I'm going out, and chances are good that they are coming with me.

However, by the same token, I don't agree with the "**** off - kids are kids" bit, either. If I am going to bring my kids out with me and the SWMBO, she and I understand the responsibility, and we deal with those kids. We've worked hard to teach them how to behave and we correct them if they don't do so. I've had more than one "discussion" out in the car with one or both of the boys when they act up at the wrong time. When they've behaved well, I let them know that, too, and tell them how proud I am of them. Most of the time, we get the same "well behaved" comments that others have mentioned. Parenting, when parents bother to do it, works.

Yes, I certainly did act like a kid, running around and acting the fool whenever I could. I also had parents that put up with that when it was appropriate and corrected me firmly when it was not. I learned how to behave appropriately to the place where I was. I remember, even back when I was a kid and as I grew up, how poorly behaved some of my friends were because they didn't know the difference between a nicer restaurant and the school playground and that certain things that are just fine in one place don't fly in another. I also remember how those kids' parents reacted to that behavior. Sometimes, it was "kids will be kids." Sometimes, it was nothing at all. I was shocked about that, even then. Guess what? Nearly every one of those kids grew up to be a certifiable ****up because they still don't know how to behave appropriately. Now, they're having kids, and I sometimes see them raising the ****ups of the future.

So, you folks that can't stand to see kids around, loosen up. Kids are out there, and you just have to deal with that. And, you folks who don't bother teaching your kids how to behave appropriately, get ready for bigger problems down the road.

Oh, and those parents that think their kids $#!+ golden eggs drive me completely up the wall, too. I'll laugh about that comment for a long time.


TL

I suppose some of this *might* be directed at my post above, deservedly so. I was pretty angry when I wrote it. Believe me, my kids know how to behave in public and there are consequences for not doing so.

What really gets my goat is when people (especially those who don't have kids) start getting all judgemental when kids behave like all kids will do at times - unruly. Or simply loud and playful. My wife and I are very concientous about when and where to take the kids, and we have not gone some places (or left once we got there) because it wasn't working out.

But I'll be damned if I'm going to unnecessarily discipline my kids just because some ignorant jerk is being inconvenienced.

 

[dibby33]

Screw babysitters.

...mmm

 

[Yooper]

...mmm

You have got to get out more.................

 

[shafferpilot]

But I'll be damned if I'm going to unnecessarily discipline my kids just because some ignorant jerk is being inconvenienced.

If it's inconveniencing anyone, the discipline is probably necessary.