Ugh friends w/kids (sorry long rant)

[shafferpilot]

Thanks for the discussion, everyone. I don't have any kids of my own yet, but it's comin soon. I've got a lot to think about, now, that probably wouldn't have occured to me until it was time to act. I really think I'm gonna be a little better prepared.

 

[Bobby_M]

I've hit my daughter twice, both times she "got up" from her current discipline - "time out".


I feel now, when I was hit, I deserved it. I remember one time, my dad was chasing me cause he was pissed and I turned around and blasted him right in the nuts... I'd have beat my ass, too!

The problem with hitting, and a point I don't think was mentioned yet, is that kids learn by example. When you reach that threshold where smacking them is the last resort, you're showing them that it's a reasonable way to deal with anger.

Kids will try to run out of the time out spot, they'll cry and throw themselves on the floor and try to gain sympathy. You've got to increase the punishment as they continue to act out, but again, jumping right to hitting is extreme.

I'm all for strict. We don't let my 3yo daughter get away with anything. It's frustrating and tiring as hell.

 

[sirsloop]

heh heh... just wait till you have the two of them egging each other on You'll NEED homebrew then!! HAHAH!

 

[Yooper]

I believe my daughter (now 18) was spanked once, when she was about 4. She was mad about going to bed and called her father "a flat faced butt sniffer". He gave her a smack on the butt. She laughs about it now, but realized even at that she had just overstepped the bounds. I think I spanked my son on the butt only once, when we were in a busy parking lot and he took off running. He was about two. I caught him and gave him a swat on the butt. I was so scared about his safety! When he wakes up, I'll ask him if he ever got another spanking. I don't think so.

My kids are well adjusted people who don't use drugs, or drink, and they are of good character. They have always behaved well at home and in public. Raising them to be this way was the absolutely hardest thing I have ever done, or can imagine doing. It takes vast amounts of time and energy to raise children with love and discipline. It really would be much easier to let them run wild and not have to deal with all the issues that we face as parents. I think that's why we see the mom in the grocery store begging her little demon to behave. They've given the control to the child.

 

[5 Is Not Enough]

Man, you got that right Bobby_M(learn by example). My daughter puts the kitten in time out in exactly the fashion that I do to her. She sits him down, gets real close to him (in his face) explains exactly what he did wrong and explains that he is in time out for doing that. Its kind of funny to watch.

So far, the 2 smacks in the ass have not been copycatted, and I dont think they will be. Both times she was pretty young and now she just seems to have an understanding about not getting up from time-out.

 

[Flyin' Lion]

I don't believe everything I see on TV, but the recent series of Nanny shows are pretty good examples of really bad parents with good intentions.

I'm glad you mentioned this. I occasionally watch Supernanny with SWMBO because I'm interested in discipline without physical punishment. I'm fully invested in raising my daughter without spanking, but still disciplining her so she knows how to behave properly. I even started going to anger management so I don't bring her up in the same type of environment I was raised in.

I also think the Jo is hot (its gotta be the accent). I make say Jo-isms like "that's unasseptable."

 

[Donasay]

Ah supernanny and her english taxi to the rescue. Have you guys seen the south park where cartman reduces her to eating her own excrement.

 

[Homercidal]

I could count the number of times I've spanked my kids on one hand. It's been used to great effect at the right time. I also don't count to 5 to get them to do what they were told. If I know they heard me, I start at 3 and count backwards, if I count at all, and I'm already moving towards them. That usually has to happen two, maybe three times before they know there is not time to ignore me.

You should have seen the look on my friends' kids when I did this to my kids once. They were more scared than my kids! My sister doesn't do this, and that is why it takes 1/2 hour for her to get her kids to put their shoes on to go home.

 

[Hopleaf]

I got spanked a lot as a kid, I turned out fine. I won't ever spank my child though, unless it's a swat when they do something life threatening, like run into traffic. If that happens, they're getting some good ol' fashioned behavioral conditioning.

 

[Dr Vorlauf]

I got spanked a lot as a kid, I turned out fine. I won't ever spank my child though, unless it's a swat when they do something life threatening, like run into traffic. If that happens, they're getting some good ol' fashioned behavioral conditioning.

+1 on this. This is where I draw the limit. No time outs our go to your room when you put yourself or others in physical harms way...