Stupid Joke Thread!

[agentbud]

We do not throw away perfectly good food in our house. We put it in a Tupperware container until it goes bad - then we throw it away.

 

[ba-brewer]

We do not throw away perfectly good food in our house. We put it in a Tupperware container until it goes bad - then we throw it away.

The final step of looking inside the container is what i call refrigerator roulette.

 

[day_trippr]

 

[agentbud]

Me: Hi, my name is Matt.
AAA: Sir, this is triple A.
Me: I know. I'm here to explain why my car is in the lake.

 

[agentbud]

The fact that there's a Highway to Hell but only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipate traffic numbers.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I burned my Hawaiian pizza. I should have used aloha temperature.

 

[balrog]

I burned my Hawaiian pizza. I should have used aloha temperature.

You tryin' to start another holy war about pineapple on pizza?

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Don’t even get me started about Velcro.
What a rip off.

 

[balrog]

The one thing I hate about office Christmas parties
Is looking for a job the next day

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I’m starting a company out of recycled chewing gum. I just need some help getting it off the ground.

 

[balrog]

I’m starting a company out of recycled chewing gum. I just need some help getting it off the ground.

Everything will be under the table for a while.
It'll be tough going at first until we chew through some startup issues.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

Pun enters room
10 people die

Pun in, 10 dead.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I read 10 puns to my girlfriend to make her laugh.

No pun in ten did.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

 

[agentbud]

Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch, "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"

 

[day_trippr]

^That's apocryphally hilarious!^

We all were warned, weren't we?

 

[balrog]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I found a great place to hide at work, which makes me a good employee. Good employees are hard to find.

 

[agentbud]

Any time I use AI, I always say thank you at the end. When the robots take over the world, I want to be remembered as one of the nice humans.

 

[ncbrewer]

Any time I use AI, I always say thank you at the end. When the robots take over the world, I want to be remembered as one of the nice humans.

That's out of place. This is the joke thread.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

An exterminator went out on a call and found his customers standing in a field. He asked why they were there.
The customer said, “Well, we have two problems. The first is we have termites.”
The exterminator said, “Ok, where’s your house?”
The customer said, “That’s the second problem. You were supposed to be here last week.”

(Edit: I tried posting with my phone, but somehow got cut off. Fixed it now.)

 

[day_trippr]

 

[ba-brewer]

I call my printer Phish because it keeps jamming.

 

[balrog]

An exterminator went out on a call and found his customers standing in a field. He asked why they were there.
The customer said, “Well, we have two problems. The first is we have termites.”
The exterminator said, “Ok, where’s your house?”
The customer said, “That’s the second problem. You were supposed to be here last week.”

(Edit: I tried posting with my phone, but somehow got cut off. Fixed it now.)

I was able to extrapolate from the original and thought the minimalist delivery quite awesome. Now that whole weevil squared granite lamb thing of @day_trippr 's is unfortunately a couple Glenfiddich 14 yr old bourbon barrel drinks beyond me.

 

[fluketamer]

issues issues issues issues issues
issues issues issues issues issues

tennis shoes ?

 

[day_trippr]

Now that whole weevil squared granite lamb thing of @day_trippr 's is unfortunately a couple Glenfiddich 14 yr old bourbon barrel drinks beyond me.

You're so close.

Spoiler: Spoiler

Think "Queen"

 

[day_trippr]

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

They shoulda ducked….

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled and I laughed at the irony.

Then I laughed again because of the word "irony"

 

[agentbud]

Wife: Sarcasm doesn't get you anywhere.
Me: Well, it got me to the Sarcasm World Championship in Peru in '98.
Wife: Really?
Me: No.

 

[balrog]

Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled and I laughed at the irony.

Then I laughed again because of the word "irony"

Beat you by 2-1/2 hrs!

 

[agentbud]

If you wait long enough to cook dinner, everyone will eat cereal.
Follow me for more recipes.

 

[balrog]

Did you know that ants never get sick?

It’s because they have little anty bodies.

 

[balrog]

There was a young girl from Purdue
Who kept a young cat in a pew
She taught it to speak
Alphabetical Greek
But it never got further than µ

 

[homebeerbrewer]

From my 6 year old nephew:
What did the doctor say when he was sorting his mail?
"Pills, pills, pills."

What did the owner of a pickle company say when he was sorting his mail?
"Dills, dills, dills."

 

[balrog]

Ya really gotta hand it to short people.


Because they can’t reach in.

 

[balrog]

I just watched my wife trip and fall, dropping a basket of laundry she had just finished ironing.

I watched it all unfolding.

 

[BongoYodeler]