Stupid Joke Thread!

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

If you lose your Khakis in Texas, it means you can't find your pants. If you lose your Khakis in Boston, it means you can't start your car.

 

[agentbud]

Today I would have been 2 years sober...
...if I had quit drinking 2 years ago today.

But hey, cheers to knowing what could've been!

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

Mentally I am 26, humor wise I am 12, but physically I'm pretty sure I fought in the Civil War.

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Hey, have you all heard Vlad the Impaler's favorite joke? It starts...

"So this bar goes into this guy, see..."

 

[agentbud]

Age 12: fell off bike at high speed onto gravel road and still biked 5 miles home.
Age 50: used wrong pillow and back was out for 2 days.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

An ice cream van spilled its load on the highway this morning.

The police have put cones out around the area.

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

Bad puns make me numb.

Math puns make me number

 

[agentbud]

Beer & Math...
Mike drinks 2 beers. He then drinks another 2 beers.
What does Mike have now?
HAPPINESS! Mike has freakin' happiness.

 

[agentbud]

When the cashier called out my order #867, I yelled out 5309. Nobody laughed. Then I felt old and ate my burger alone.

 

[day_trippr]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

Her: I was up with the baby until 4 am last night.
Him: It's probably not a good idea to keep the baby up that late.

 

[doug293cz]

Her: I was up with the baby until 4 am last night.
Him: It's probably not a good idea to keep the baby up that late.

I hope he has a comfortable bed in the garage.

Brew on

 

[day_trippr]

I hope he's not sleeping in a mortuary

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[day_trippr]

Puns make me numb.
Math puns make me number.

 

[doug293cz]

Puns make me numb.
Math puns make me number.

Day late, dolla short

Brew on

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I have a friend who is a tightrope walker.

He’s a nice guy, but he’s high strung.

 

[agentbud]

I like to think that I am a good person, but the way I react to people driving slowly in the left lane would definitely suggest otherwise.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

I just saw someone refer to “mansplaining” as “correctile dysfunction” and I can’t stop laughing.

 

[agentbud]

I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I don't like my attitude, and I caught myself drinking on the job.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I feel bad for Bigfoot. Everyone confuses him with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains.

 

[agentbud]

I'm so thankful they taught us about parallelograms in school instead of teaching us how to do taxes. It's coming in super handy this parallelogram season.

 

[agentbud]

Old age is a real thing... Last night I was in bed for 20 minutes when I heard the pizza guy cough. Then I remembered I came to my room for my wallet.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia.
He said, "Go ahead. Knock yourself out."

 

[balrog]

The patron saint of copying people on an email is

St Francis of a CC

 

[balrog]

Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. If you remove it, you just have


Gravy.

 

[day_trippr]

You know how sports players throw the ball into the crowd after they win a game?
That's not allowed in bowling - I know that now.

 

[balrog]

I don’t drink bourbon every day. That would just be ridiculous. It’s just at night.

 

[balrog]