Stupid Joke Thread!

[homebeerbrewer]

Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled and I laughed at the irony.

Then I laughed again because of the word "irony"

 

[agentbud]

Wife: Sarcasm doesn't get you anywhere.
Me: Well, it got me to the Sarcasm World Championship in Peru in '98.
Wife: Really?
Me: No.

 

[balrog]

Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled and I laughed at the irony.

Then I laughed again because of the word "irony"

Beat you by 2-1/2 hrs!

 

[agentbud]

If you wait long enough to cook dinner, everyone will eat cereal.
Follow me for more recipes.

 

[balrog]

Did you know that ants never get sick?

It’s because they have little anty bodies.

 

[balrog]

There was a young girl from Purdue
Who kept a young cat in a pew
She taught it to speak
Alphabetical Greek
But it never got further than µ

 

[homebeerbrewer]

From my 6 year old nephew:
What did the doctor say when he was sorting his mail?
"Pills, pills, pills."

What did the owner of a pickle company say when he was sorting his mail?
"Dills, dills, dills."

 

[balrog]

Ya really gotta hand it to short people.


Because they can’t reach in.

 

[balrog]

I just watched my wife trip and fall, dropping a basket of laundry she had just finished ironing.

I watched it all unfolding.

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

If you lose your Khakis in Texas, it means you can't find your pants. If you lose your Khakis in Boston, it means you can't start your car.

 

[agentbud]

Today I would have been 2 years sober...
...if I had quit drinking 2 years ago today.

But hey, cheers to knowing what could've been!

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

Mentally I am 26, humor wise I am 12, but physically I'm pretty sure I fought in the Civil War.

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Hey, have you all heard Vlad the Impaler's favorite joke? It starts...

"So this bar goes into this guy, see..."

 

[agentbud]

Age 12: fell off bike at high speed onto gravel road and still biked 5 miles home.
Age 50: used wrong pillow and back was out for 2 days.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

An ice cream van spilled its load on the highway this morning.

The police have put cones out around the area.

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

Bad puns make me numb.

Math puns make me number

 

[agentbud]

Beer & Math...
Mike drinks 2 beers. He then drinks another 2 beers.
What does Mike have now?
HAPPINESS! Mike has freakin' happiness.

 

[agentbud]

When the cashier called out my order #867, I yelled out 5309. Nobody laughed. Then I felt old and ate my burger alone.

 

[day_trippr]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

Her: I was up with the baby until 4 am last night.
Him: It's probably not a good idea to keep the baby up that late.