Stupid Joke Thread!

[ba-brewer]

reasonable price for dinner and a show

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I saw two huge black birds in our yard this morning and they were stuck together.

Turns out they were Velcrows.

 

[ncbrewer]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.
Her: Flathead, phillips or vodka?
Me: And that was when I knew she was the one!

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I met a microbiologist once.
They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

 

[agentbud]

My wife keeps telling me we need to do a better job at communicating with each other. Or at least I think that's what she said. I wasn't really listening.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Your igloo may be cool, but mine is cooler.

 

[day_trippr]

Q: How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?
A: It's not hard

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Cow farts come from the dairy air.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

A clown held the door for me today.

It was a nice jester.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

The Big Bang makes me nostalgic. It’s a blast from the past.

 

[ncbrewer]

 

[balrog]

(warning, old music reference ahead)

The proper use of commas have been on the decline ever since Culture Club's chart topping 1983 single used 5 commas before "chameleon".

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

As anyone who has endured ODE and PDE calculus knows, duh!, it’s 3.

 

[Sailingeric]

A dung beetles walks into a bar and says, "Is this stool taken?"

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you call a Chinese camera man?

Phil Ming

 

[balrog]

Apple has developed a new hi-tech toilet.

It's the i-Peed.

 

[balrog]

The only time incorrectly is spelled incorrectly is when it isn't spelled incorrectly.

 

[balrog]

 

[doug293cz]

Apple has developed a new hi-tech toilet.

It's the i-Peed.

Years ago, there was a real product for hikers/campers: a small trowel for burying feces that was named the "iPood." Needless to say, Apple was not amused, and copyright action ensued.

https://www.theregister.com/2010/07/22/ipood/

Brew on

 

[balrog]

 

[BongoYodeler]

A highly regarded professor from one of the best universities in the world, sat next to an old hay seed farmer on a plane. The professor was bored and thought he could make a little money by setting the old guy up. So the professor broke the ice and asked the farmer if he'd like to play a game. The farmer said, "sure, why not"

Professor: "I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you give me 5 dollars. Then, you ask me a question and if I can't answer it, I'll give you 200 dollars"

Farmer: "okay, shoot"

Professor: "what is the distance from Earth to the moon"

Farmer: scratching his head, then just handed him a 5 dollar bill

Now it was the farmer's turn to ask a question.

Farmer: "what animal uses four legs to climb a hill, but only three legs when going down hill?"

The brilliant professor racked his brain and finally went to his laptop, but had to concede that he didn't know the answer, handed him 200.00 and said, "okay, what is it?"

The farmer nodding off simply handed the professor a 5.00 bill and went to sleep.

 

[agentbud]

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up. However, in doing so, he lets you down. Thus, creating the Astley Paradox.

 

[tracer bullet]

move

Did you mean movie?

 

[day_trippr]

"Yer mama's so ugly when she looks in a mirror her reflection ducks!"

 

[Closet Fermenter]

Yer mamma’s so fat she leaves the house in high heels and comes back in flip-flops!

 

[agentbud]

Did you mean movie?

thanks. corrected.

 

[ehall]

your mama so poor she cant afford to pay attention

 

[balrog]

NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.

It’s Apollo G

 

[jcav]

I am so ugly I have to sneak up on my breakfast!

 

[balrog]

{credit Steven Wright}

Physics humor.


Okay, so what's the speed of dark?

 

[Closet Fermenter]

{credit Steven Wright}

Physics humor.


Okay, so what's the speed of dark?

Can’t say; I always fall asleep.

 

[balrog]

 

[fluketamer]

how do whirlfoc tablets work ?


...fine.

 

[balrog]

Groan!

 

[homebeerbrewer]

 

[balrog]

You know I'm totally stealing that, @homebeerbrewer

 

[Agent]