Stupid Joke Thread!

[An Ankoù]

Most people recognize the name Karl Marx, but few realize he had a sister named Onya.


She was an Olympic runner, and she is mentioned at the start of every race.

Puts me in mind of the Capone twins: Al brought in the bread and Mars looked after the cheese.

 

[balrog]

I like to put whiskey in my dessert.
Most folks are skeptical.
But the proof is in the pudding.

 

[balrog]

 

[Jonakr]

I like to put whiskey in my dessert.
Most folks are skeptical.
But the proof is in the pudding.

https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/the-proof-is-in-the-pudding/#

The proof of the pudding is in the eating. We as a species are truly… no words.

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[Kee]

View attachment 870475

Fun fact: I once had a summer job in a toilet seat "factory" (we called it the seat plant, part of a larger sawmill operation.)

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[day_trippr]

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[Broken Crow]

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Gray is a Color
Grey is a Colour

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Quay is a harbour
Key is something that opens locks

 

[homebeerbrewer]

My boss threatened to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

 

[balrog]

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

 

[balrog]

Dark, but it made me chuckle.

How many dead bodies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well it isn’t 3, because my basement is still dark.

[edit: yeah, "dark humor". Get it?]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[Agent]

I no long trust stairs.

They always seem to be up to something.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

 

[Cheshire Cat]

I didn’t know what happiness was until I got married.

 

[balrog]

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.
People get out of the way much faster now.

I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes 5 years in a row.

I stopped calling the bathroom "John", I now call it "Jim".
Sounds much better to say "I gotta go to the Jim now"

 

[BongoYodeler]

I stopped calling the bathroom "John", I now call it "Jim".
Sounds much better to say "I gotta go to the Jim now"

True story. When I was in elementary school I'd always eat my lunch in the cafeteria. One year due to construction the cafeteria was closed. I came home from school one day and as usual my mom asked me about my day. Excitedly I told her we couldn't eat lunch where we normally did, so instead we had to eat in the john. I imagine she almost passed out. After a few questions it was determined we had eaten in the gym (Jim). I just got the name wrong.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

How much would it cost to buy a singing ensemble?

You mean a choir?

Fine. How much would it cost to “acquire” a singing ensemble?

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[Closet Fermenter]

I knew he was a composer; had no idea he was a homebrewer.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

A man walks into a bookstore. He says to the person behind the counter, “I’m looking for a book on indecisiveness. Do you have one?

The person says, “I’m not sure.”

The man says, “That’s the one.”

 

[balrog]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you call a koala that’s good at math?





A koalaculator.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

That's right up there with "How much do you drink?" "Oh, you know, I do okay"

"You mean you count beers too?"

 

[balrog]