lol, i'd have to say savings accounts are so much better, never had a credit card myself....when i was a young early 20 something, i decided i don't like bills, and couldn't figure out how i'd keep credit on a credit card....
Dealing with Angry Wife when Upgrading Brewing Equipment: A How-To Thread
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lol, i'd have to say savings accounts are so much better, never had a credit card myself....when i was a young early 20 something, i decided i don't like bills, and couldn't figure out how i'd keep credit on a credit card....
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Just like your bank account can't be overdrawn. You still got checks!
+1, but i use a debit card most of the time, checks are for property tax.....(i'm not even sure if they still take checks at the store, lol...And the damn bank only does transfers on weekdays, so if i need money from myself, i have to do it before the weekend)
I wasn't arguing that it's a good way to live. I was commenting on an increasingly typical reality. If people live beyond their means at 50k, they'll do it at 150k too. I'm not talking about anyone in this thread specifically but there's a trend towards overindulgence and "I deserve it" culture maxing out credit cards and refinancing the mortgage multiple times as the interest rates were chased down and the home values went up.
A lot of this is market dependent too. Here in NJ, we have one of the highest costs of living around and 100k households are pretty common.
I doubt I'd make it to 24 years (maybe not ten) if I took that path. Every marriage is different. In mine, I get grief for just about anything I spend more than $50 on without clearing it with my wife first. It's a bit of a hassle sometimes, but the fact is that I've become a lot more conscious about discretionary spending through it so the occasional headache pays for better household finances.
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It would require a lot more grovelling than what you're comfortable with doing, so you would not do it cause you're not self-denigrating or disingenuous.
The easy way to avoid this is with budgeting. Ear-Mark so much from each paycheck towards the hobby out of discretionary spending. Acrue a balance then spend when it covers that cost for your upgrade.
This isn't rocket science. Personally I think it's a an utter lack-of-balls to have a discussion and then admit your wants don't really out weigh needs of your household.
(Lack of balls are code words for being passive-aggressive).
Soulshine2
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I obviously read that wrong. Sorry , I had a long day yesterday... you're exactly right.
Is there makeup sex after the fight? If so I see a lot of stainless steel in your future.
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... and debt.
I'm single so I don't really have the experience.... But. How much debt? If the debt is large and you are not paying down the debt at a reasonable rate, I side with the wife. There is also a communication problem you need to face. There have been some good suggestions like making a budget and sticking to it. Separate mad money accounts, provided that communication about it and the budget allows for it, could work.
I have never made it even to half of a 6 figure salary and have never been seriously in debt. Mortgage, car loan and a thousand or two on the credit card was the worst. When even that small in debt, $1100 for bling is not something that I would do.
Sit down and talk it out, make a plan, and DON'T use the advice of asking forgiveness.... That is what has started your problems.....
I have never made it even to half of a 6 figure salary and have never been seriously in debt. Mortgage, car loan and a thousand or two on the credit card was the worst. When even that small in debt, $1100 for bling is not something that I would do.
Sit down and talk it out, make a plan, and DON'T use the advice of asking forgiveness.... That is what has started your problems.....
I think most of the married folks want to stay married rather than use How-To to get what you want at the risk of pissing off the wife, potentially to the point of divorce.
In other words the best way of How-To "Deal With Angry Wife" is to not anger her in the first place.
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I still think the best how-to is communicate.
Still Brewn
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Exactly! 28 years and counting.
I agree. I don't think the wife is REALLY even angry about the stuff - she is angry because he didn't bother to talk to her about it. Take out work and sleep and I spend about 8 hours a day with my wife. Figure 2 hours max of sex. That still leaves 6 hours a day that you have to talk about something...
Braggart....
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Really! I mean, when's the time for important stuff, like, rearranging your sock drawer, cleaning lint from your navel, brewing, binge buying at Yakima Valley Hops?!!!
I do that (and HBT) "at work"...
My wife and I are happily married 33 years tomorrow! We have always consulted each other before making a large purchase. Just something we agreed to do early in our marriage and it has served us very well. It's just a respect thing and so that we are on the same page with our budget and spending. I do not deny her when she wants to make a purchase and she doesn't deny me either. If it is a big purchase we might not buy it right away but wait a little until we purchase it. I might put money aside for it or I might use a zero percent credit card. We usually won't dip into savings unless it makes more sense to do so.
When I was putting together my upgraded three vessel electric herms brewery a few years ago, my wife was actually very supportive. I had been brewing for about 11 years at the time and she knew I was very into the hobby and it was not a fad. I just took it slow and added a piece here and there, as it did cost a lot of money. She is the best!
John
When I was putting together my upgraded three vessel electric herms brewery a few years ago, my wife was actually very supportive. I had been brewing for about 11 years at the time and she knew I was very into the hobby and it was not a fad. I just took it slow and added a piece here and there, as it did cost a lot of money. She is the best!
John
Ouch! I didn’t read all replies but this is my experience. You have a very controlling wife. 90% of time not good. I had one like that. I suffered a lot. After 10 years (waited way too long) I dumped her. Got new one that rarely asks about my expenses. Happy marriage for 20 years. Listen this: she will always be like that. Sorry. Get use to it if you love her to death and learn how to hide expenses.
LuckyBeagleBrewing
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My wife and I agreed I have my hobby project account so if I want something, I save for it through that. Bills and breakage take priority. I just plan accordingly and I do good with what I get. The only time I exceeded it is during income tax. Most of the time we use that for getting ahead and home renovations. I used some of it to build a keezer after my original bit the dust. Recently I saved and got a glycol chiller and now making cheap stainless fermenters. By time they are done I will have 3 chilled fermenters for less than a fully equipped conical. And did I mention they are stainless?
A little elbow grease and ingenuity also makes it cheaper. We talk about everything and I tell her my plans. She has hers and I have mine. Just working together solves the big problems.
A little elbow grease and ingenuity also makes it cheaper. We talk about everything and I tell her my plans. She has hers and I have mine. Just working together solves the big problems.
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well, happy terniaristicalifragicalirupus anniversary!
Still Brewn
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Newlywed .... after so many years it's down to that a 2-3 times a week but thank goodness it's still going on. A friend of mine for 25 years is down to that a couple of times a year. Of course she divorced him after 3 months of marriage and came crawling back 3 years later and they have been together since but not married. They work well together for the most part but I couldn't handle it.. I still have never figured what he sees in her.... maybe the money. She inherited a ton of properties when her dad died, several of them filled with antiques. I think they have had 3 auctions to get rid of stuff and haven't even gotten to all of the cars yet. They keep finances completely separate. She buys the houses and he buys the RV's.
You might ought to take a quick second and read maybe one or two ... or all of the replies to see that your advise is about literally the only person here saying this dude isnt way off base. Everybody's got an opinion though right?
Perhaps the key to avoiding marital discord over hobby expenses is to wait until the kids are grown, educated and married to take up a hobby that involves any significant expense.
Ha! As a 37 year old that just had his first kid...that ain't happening!
If you are fiscally responsible, it is crazy NOT to use a credit card. I use a cash back card for every purchase I make then pay it off completely at the end of every month. I have literally earned thousands in free money on stuff I would need to buy anyway, have never incurred any interest charges and keep my credit score high. Win win win.
A lot of my check goes into the main account which is also my wife's and pays most bills. I have had my own account since we got married which the other part of my check goes into.
I have saved money in it to buy snowmobiles, ATVs and now brewing equipment. Sure it takes a few years to save up for large purchases but due to the necessities of life, aka hobbies, she knows it keeps my sanity.
Every marriage and relationship is different and while this has worked for us for 28 years that does not mean it will work for others.
I have saved money in it to buy snowmobiles, ATVs and now brewing equipment. Sure it takes a few years to save up for large purchases but due to the necessities of life, aka hobbies, she knows it keeps my sanity.
Every marriage and relationship is different and while this has worked for us for 28 years that does not mean it will work for others.
Maybe I'm the only one right. Time will tell. A lot of good advise here. I'm just being brutally honest. Hope it is just a small hiccup in a sea of super awesome marriage for them. He's not buying a Porsche. Just a dam cooking kettle. Just my experience.
ProblemChild
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I manage by the following means:
1) Not saying "my" money
2) Not being indignant about her wanting to be involved in decisions when it comes to money
3) Realizing that 10 years is not the end of sacrificing - otherwise known as "making prudent decisions"
4) Working on the "we" things before the "I" things
5) Laying out plans for future purchases and learning what I can give up or do better before dedicating cash to purchases.
6) Slowing down my plans - ask her how I can go about things that make it more palatable. Offering compromises like - I want to get the SS Brewtech mash tun. Can we budget X-dollars a month to set aside, and I will get it after I have saved enough?
7) Realizing that if I am good and help her with her concerns first, I can get what I want (within reason) and she is more agreeable.
My wife is awesome and wants me to have everything I want and can afford, but she is rooted in taking care of business. I win all the way around and realize these rules above make thing so much nicer
The problem was that this was the second big purchase.. Plus, he knew that it upset her the first time. And it was not just your average cooking kettle.... She may be controlling, or she may just be angry that she wasn't consulted at all. On top of that we don't know their finances. It may be that they really needed to put toward their debt.
Asking "How-To" deal with an angry wife. Simple... Don't do again what you already know angered her once..
I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to call BS on this one too. I had the same thought when I was younger. On the one hand, you're correct that if you pay off the balance at the end of the month before interest hits, you do gain a percentage back. That's unarguable.
About the best I've ever found is a 5% cash back card. That's situational too. It ain't 5% on every purchase. I even got one of those promotional cash back match at the end of the year type cards. That's for the first year only.
Do the math, best card in existence with about the best deal you could think. Imagine putting 20,000 dollars on that card in 1 year. 5% of that is 1,000 dollars. 2,000 assuming a one time match.
Statistics say that approximately 86% of the people who play the pay off before interest hits lose the game. That's why credit card companies finance things for zero interest. It's a winning hand. Sure, theres 14% of the people who win the game. They may even be able to get a few percentage points back. Totally not worth it.
Every relationship is different. For my wife and I the "It's better to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission" approach is not a good idea at all. One morning I said I was going out to buy a screwdriver and drove home a new car instead. Big mistake! Since then for me "Happy wife happy life" is the better approach especially for big ticket items.
I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to call BS on your BS. Even if it is only a 5% cash back that is something that you can spend. My cards are not for the first year only. So every once in a while I can cash in, get something for less or something for no money out of my account.
Just because most don't get the cards paid off doesn't make the idea BS. I have also gotten cards purely for the purpose of zero interest. That way I was able to get something that would have drained my account. I paid it off in chunks over the term of the loan. Win Win.
I'm not sure what you are calling BS on? I pay off my balance every month and get free money back from the credit card company for doing so. My credit score goes up by making these timely payments and I get better fraud protection on my purchases than if I were paying via debit card and my account got hacked.
Clearly, if you aren't responsible and don't pay off your balance, any interest charges you incur will negate any benefits from the cash back (like you said you will get at most 3-5% cash back and interest rates are much higher). I live within my means so, if I were to buy everything with cash/debit card, I would be losing out on free money every month.
Can't argue with math. Sounds like you're winning at the same rate credit card companies are winning. You sir are a rare unicorn. The one who profits off the credit card companies.
Well, I think there are people who are just averse to debt, so I can't be critical of anyone who simply doesn't want to use a credit card.
We, however, manage our finances as do you, i.e., we have a couple rewards cards and pay them off each month.
My daughter went to college about a 12-hour drive from here. Using free miles from credit cards we flew her home for Thanksgiving and Christmas about 5 times during that four year period. Probably saved close to $2000 just by having those free miles.
I flew to the BYO Boot Camp in Asheville last March. Plane ticket was free as I used miles to get it.
A cash-back card might be better depending on circumstances, but one can clearly gain some financial advantage by using credit cards and paying them off each month.
Totally agree with this. Most people do not understand that they already pay 1-5% for everything due to CC charges to vendors. We pay it. Not vendors. I pay 0 items with my debit card. All is paid by CC and I'm blessed enough to be able to carry no balance in the last 20 years. At the end of the year I get $800-$1200 back on money that otherwise would profit the CC. Now also be aware that even if you carry a balance you still get the same cash back. Of course the interest will eliminate the real profit bit not the net benefit. But still in that case would be better to just stop using the CC and pay it off.
I was talking to someone once a while ago, not sure how long ago but certainly within the CC and cash back era. This person didn't believe in credit cards, paid everything in cash. Had little if any debt. Then he said he tried to purchase a house. Guess what? He had a very low credit score and had a lot of trouble securing a mortgage. If he was even able to do it. I don't remember the end of the story. There are hidden advantages to having and using credit cards.
lump42
The Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob
I don't think it's as rare as you think, since there are plenty of businesses large and small that utilize credit cards for making purchases. If you treat it the same as a debit card or bank account, and don't spend more than you have, then there's never a chance of carrying a balance over.
This one is inaccurate. If he had a low credit score, it meant that he missed payments, not that he didn't have a credit card. His poor credit was due to poor money management, not lack of credit cards.
My lack of financial planning has left me in the current position that I'm in. Sadly I have a 790 credit score. I wish I was in the boat of the story that you're trying to tell of your "friend" above. In approximately 8 years... because that's what it will probably take, I hope to have no credit score. It's not a zero or a low credit score... it's literally no credit score. To me, those are the people who have finances figured out. I realize I am going to be in the vast minority on this one, and I am proud of it.
Those who worship the "all mighty FICO score" are great at owing people money. That's literally all a high score means. You live off paying debt back to someone else, and you're really good at it.
In 1 year, I will not be a slave to the lender. In 7 years, if all goes to plan I will not have a score at all. It's true, some lenders are so stupid that they look at the all mighty FICO score to see if they should loan you money. There are a rare few who are smart enough to look at someone's finances and personal wealth to see the true story. You can finance a house without any credit score at all.
There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race.
#DaveRamsey
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