Dealing with Angry Wife when Upgrading Brewing Equipment: A How-To Thread

[LuckyBeagleBrewing]

My wife and I agreed I have my hobby project account so if I want something, I save for it through that. Bills and breakage take priority. I just plan accordingly and I do good with what I get. The only time I exceeded it is during income tax. Most of the time we use that for getting ahead and home renovations. I used some of it to build a keezer after my original bit the dust. Recently I saved and got a glycol chiller and now making cheap stainless fermenters. By time they are done I will have 3 chilled fermenters for less than a fully equipped conical. And did I mention they are stainless?

A little elbow grease and ingenuity also makes it cheaper. We talk about everything and I tell her my plans. She has hers and I have mine. Just working together solves the big problems.

 

[balrog]

My wife and I are happily married 33 years tomorrow!

well, happy terniaristicalifragicalirupus anniversary!

 

[Still Brewn]

I agree. I don't think the wife is REALLY even angry about the stuff - she is angry because he didn't bother to talk to her about it. Take out work and sleep and I spend about 8 hours a day with my wife. Figure 2 hours max of sex. That still leaves 6 hours a day that you have to talk about something...

Newlywed .... after so many years it's down to that a 2-3 times a week but thank goodness it's still going on. A friend of mine for 25 years is down to that a couple of times a year. Of course she divorced him after 3 months of marriage and came crawling back 3 years later and they have been together since but not married. They work well together for the most part but I couldn't handle it.. I still have never figured what he sees in her.... maybe the money. She inherited a ton of properties when her dad died, several of them filled with antiques. I think they have had 3 auctions to get rid of stuff and haven't even gotten to all of the cars yet. They keep finances completely separate. She buys the houses and he buys the RV's.

 

[Jtvann]

Ouch! I didn’t read all replies but this is my experience. You have a very controlling wife. 90% of time not good. I had one like that. I suffered a lot. After 10 years (waited way too long) I dumped her. Got new one that rarely asks about my expenses. Happy marriage for 20 years. Listen this: she will always be like that. Sorry. Get use to it if you love her to death and learn how to hide expenses.

You might ought to take a quick second and read maybe one or two ... or all of the replies to see that your advise is about literally the only person here saying this dude isnt way off base. Everybody's got an opinion though right?

 

[kingmatt]

Perhaps the key to avoiding marital discord over hobby expenses is to wait until the kids are grown, educated and married to take up a hobby that involves any significant expense.

Ha! As a 37 year old that just had his first kid...that ain't happening!

 

[kingmatt]

lol, i'd have to say savings accounts are so much better, never had a credit card myself....when i was a young early 20 something, i decided i don't like bills, and couldn't figure out how i'd keep credit on a credit card....

If you are fiscally responsible, it is crazy NOT to use a credit card. I use a cash back card for every purchase I make then pay it off completely at the end of every month. I have literally earned thousands in free money on stuff I would need to buy anyway, have never incurred any interest charges and keep my credit score high. Win win win.

 

[Saunassa]

A lot of my check goes into the main account which is also my wife's and pays most bills. I have had my own account since we got married which the other part of my check goes into.
I have saved money in it to buy snowmobiles, ATVs and now brewing equipment. Sure it takes a few years to save up for large purchases but due to the necessities of life, aka hobbies, she knows it keeps my sanity.
Every marriage and relationship is different and while this has worked for us for 28 years that does not mean it will work for others.

 

[Alex4mula]

You might ought to take a quick second and read maybe one or two ... or all of the replies to see that your advise is about literally the only person here saying this dude isnt way off base. Everybody's got an opinion though right?

Maybe I'm the only one right. Time will tell. A lot of good advise here. I'm just being brutally honest. Hope it is just a small hiccup in a sea of super awesome marriage for them. He's not buying a Porsche. Just a dam cooking kettle. Just my experience.

 

[ProblemChild]

Fellow Brewers,

My wife gets very angry every time I make a brewery upgrade. The first time, it was the 5 gallon Spike conical (~450) and she was very angry as she thought it should be a mutual buying decision aka I should have asked her before I spent my money. This time it was the Spike hot liquor tank (~650). She is livid. On both purchases, I used Klarna which allows one to make 6 months in payment plans 0 percent interest.

I love the hobby of brewing and I am slowly upgrading my brewery to the exact way I want it. It would model the Spike Brewing system when I am finished. She doesn’t understand why I keep buying expensive things to brew with and just wants me to use what I have. In a way, she’s right. I can brew with what I have but I want to brew with what I WANT. I went to college for 10 years and sacrificed almost all of my twenties to earn a doctorate degree. Not to boast, but Ill just be breaking the six figure mark in salary this year. I want to enjoy my hobbies. We have a considerable amount of debt that is being slowly but surely paid off. She wants most of my pay and hers to go to paying off debt but where is the enjoyment on sacrificing after you have already sacrificed 10 years of your life to get where you are? Anyways...
Do any of you guys/gals deal with the same thing from your significant others and if so, how do you manage?

I manage by the following means:

1) Not saying "my" money
2) Not being indignant about her wanting to be involved in decisions when it comes to money
3) Realizing that 10 years is not the end of sacrificing - otherwise known as "making prudent decisions"
4) Working on the "we" things before the "I" things
5) Laying out plans for future purchases and learning what I can give up or do better before dedicating cash to purchases.
6) Slowing down my plans - ask her how I can go about things that make it more palatable. Offering compromises like - I want to get the SS Brewtech mash tun. Can we budget X-dollars a month to set aside, and I will get it after I have saved enough?
7) Realizing that if I am good and help her with her concerns first, I can get what I want (within reason) and she is more agreeable.

My wife is awesome and wants me to have everything I want and can afford, but she is rooted in taking care of business. I win all the way around and realize these rules above make thing so much nicer

 

[kh54s10]

Maybe I'm the only one right. Time will tell. A lot of good advise here. I'm just being brutally honest. Hope it is just a small hiccup in a sea of super awesome marriage for them. He's not buying a Porsche. Just a dam cooking kettle. Just my experience.

The problem was that this was the second big purchase.. Plus, he knew that it upset her the first time. And it was not just your average cooking kettle.... She may be controlling, or she may just be angry that she wasn't consulted at all. On top of that we don't know their finances. It may be that they really needed to put toward their debt.

Asking "How-To" deal with an angry wife. Simple... Don't do again what you already know angered her once..

 

[Jtvann]

If you are fiscally responsible, it is crazy NOT to use a credit card. I use a cash back card for every purchase I make then pay it off completely at the end of every month. I have literally earned thousands in free money on stuff I would need to buy anyway, have never incurred any interest charges and keep my credit score high. Win win win.

I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to call BS on this one too. I had the same thought when I was younger. On the one hand, you're correct that if you pay off the balance at the end of the month before interest hits, you do gain a percentage back. That's unarguable.

About the best I've ever found is a 5% cash back card. That's situational too. It ain't 5% on every purchase. I even got one of those promotional cash back match at the end of the year type cards. That's for the first year only.

Do the math, best card in existence with about the best deal you could think. Imagine putting 20,000 dollars on that card in 1 year. 5% of that is 1,000 dollars. 2,000 assuming a one time match.

Statistics say that approximately 86% of the people who play the pay off before interest hits lose the game. That's why credit card companies finance things for zero interest. It's a winning hand. Sure, theres 14% of the people who win the game. They may even be able to get a few percentage points back. Totally not worth it.

 

[ScrewyBrewer]

Every relationship is different. For my wife and I the "It's better to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission" approach is not a good idea at all. One morning I said I was going out to buy a screwdriver and drove home a new car instead. Big mistake! Since then for me "Happy wife happy life" is the better approach especially for big ticket items.

 

[kh54s10]

I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to call BS on this one too. I had the same thought when I was younger. On the one hand, you're correct that if you pay off the balance at the end of the month before interest hits, you do gain a percentage back. That's unarguable.

About the best I've ever found is a 5% cash back card. That's situational too. It ain't 5% on every purchase. I even got one of those promotional cash back match at the end of the year type cards. That's for the first year only.

Do the math, best card in existence with about the best deal you could think. Imagine putting 20,000 dollars on that card in 1 year. 5% of that is 1,000 dollars. 2,000 assuming a one time match.

Statistics say that approximately 86% of the people who play the pay off before interest hits lose the game. That's why credit card companies finance things for zero interest. It's a winning hand. Sure, theres 14% of the people who win the game. They may even be able to get a few percentage points back. Totally not worth it.

I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to call BS on your BS. Even if it is only a 5% cash back that is something that you can spend. My cards are not for the first year only. So every once in a while I can cash in, get something for less or something for no money out of my account.

Just because most don't get the cards paid off doesn't make the idea BS. I have also gotten cards purely for the purpose of zero interest. That way I was able to get something that would have drained my account. I paid it off in chunks over the term of the loan. Win Win.

 

[kingmatt]

I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to call BS on this one too. I had the same thought when I was younger. On the one hand, you're correct that if you pay off the balance at the end of the month before interest hits, you do gain a percentage back. That's unarguable.

About the best I've ever found is a 5% cash back card. That's situational too. It ain't 5% on every purchase. I even got one of those promotional cash back match at the end of the year type cards. That's for the first year only.

Do the math, best card in existence with about the best deal you could think. Imagine putting 20,000 dollars on that card in 1 year. 5% of that is 1,000 dollars. 2,000 assuming a one time match.

Statistics say that approximately 86% of the people who play the pay off before interest hits lose the game. That's why credit card companies finance things for zero interest. It's a winning hand. Sure, theres 14% of the people who win the game. They may even be able to get a few percentage points back. Totally not worth it.

I'm not sure what you are calling BS on? I pay off my balance every month and get free money back from the credit card company for doing so. My credit score goes up by making these timely payments and I get better fraud protection on my purchases than if I were paying via debit card and my account got hacked.

Clearly, if you aren't responsible and don't pay off your balance, any interest charges you incur will negate any benefits from the cash back (like you said you will get at most 3-5% cash back and interest rates are much higher). I live within my means so, if I were to buy everything with cash/debit card, I would be losing out on free money every month.

 

[Jtvann]

I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to call BS on your BS. Even if it is only a 5% cash back that is something that you can spend. My cards are not for the first year only. So every once in a while I can cash in, get something for less or something for no money out of my account.

Just because most don't get the cards paid off doesn't make the idea BS. I have also gotten cards purely for the purpose of zero interest. That way I was able to get something that would have drained my account. I paid it off in chunks over the term of the loan. Win Win.

Can't argue with math. Sounds like you're winning at the same rate credit card companies are winning. You sir are a rare unicorn. The one who profits off the credit card companies.

 

[mongoose33]

If you are fiscally responsible, it is crazy NOT to use a credit card. I use a cash back card for every purchase I make then pay it off completely at the end of every month. I have literally earned thousands in free money on stuff I would need to buy anyway, have never incurred any interest charges and keep my credit score high. Win win win.

Well, I think there are people who are just averse to debt, so I can't be critical of anyone who simply doesn't want to use a credit card.

We, however, manage our finances as do you, i.e., we have a couple rewards cards and pay them off each month.

My daughter went to college about a 12-hour drive from here. Using free miles from credit cards we flew her home for Thanksgiving and Christmas about 5 times during that four year period. Probably saved close to $2000 just by having those free miles.

I flew to the BYO Boot Camp in Asheville last March. Plane ticket was free as I used miles to get it.

A cash-back card might be better depending on circumstances, but one can clearly gain some financial advantage by using credit cards and paying them off each month.

 

[Alex4mula]

I'm not sure what you are calling BS on? I pay off my balance every month and get free money back from the credit card company for doing so. My credit score goes up by making these timely payments and I get better fraud protection on my purchases than if I were paying via debit card and my account got hacked.

Clearly, if you aren't responsible and don't pay off your balance, any interest charges you incur will negate any benefits from the cash back (like you said you will get at most 3-5% cash back and interest rates are much higher). I live within my means so, if I were to buy everything with cash/debit card, I would be losing out on free money every month.

Totally agree with this. Most people do not understand that they already pay 1-5% for everything due to CC charges to vendors. We pay it. Not vendors. I pay 0 items with my debit card. All is paid by CC and I'm blessed enough to be able to carry no balance in the last 20 years. At the end of the year I get $800-$1200 back on money that otherwise would profit the CC. Now also be aware that even if you carry a balance you still get the same cash back. Of course the interest will eliminate the real profit bit not the net benefit. But still in that case would be better to just stop using the CC and pay it off.

 

[kh54s10]

I was talking to someone once a while ago, not sure how long ago but certainly within the CC and cash back era. This person didn't believe in credit cards, paid everything in cash. Had little if any debt. Then he said he tried to purchase a house. Guess what? He had a very low credit score and had a lot of trouble securing a mortgage. If he was even able to do it. I don't remember the end of the story. There are hidden advantages to having and using credit cards.

 

[lump42]

Can't argue with math. Sounds like you're winning at the same rate credit card companies are winning. You sir are a rare unicorn. The one who profits off the credit card companies.

I don't think it's as rare as you think, since there are plenty of businesses large and small that utilize credit cards for making purchases. If you treat it the same as a debit card or bank account, and don't spend more than you have, then there's never a chance of carrying a balance over.

 

[Jtvann]

I was talking to someone once a while ago, not sure how long ago but certainly within the CC and cash back era. This person didn't believe in credit cards, paid everything in cash. Had little if any debt. Then he said he tried to purchase a house. Guess what? He had a very low credit score and had a lot of trouble securing a mortgage. If he was even able to do it. I don't remember the end of the story. There are hidden advantages to having and using credit cards.

This one is inaccurate. If he had a low credit score, it meant that he missed payments, not that he didn't have a credit card. His poor credit was due to poor money management, not lack of credit cards.

My lack of financial planning has left me in the current position that I'm in. Sadly I have a 790 credit score. I wish I was in the boat of the story that you're trying to tell of your "friend" above. In approximately 8 years... because that's what it will probably take, I hope to have no credit score. It's not a zero or a low credit score... it's literally no credit score. To me, those are the people who have finances figured out. I realize I am going to be in the vast minority on this one, and I am proud of it.

Those who worship the "all mighty FICO score" are great at owing people money. That's literally all a high score means. You live off paying debt back to someone else, and you're really good at it.

In 1 year, I will not be a slave to the lender. In 7 years, if all goes to plan I will not have a score at all. It's true, some lenders are so stupid that they look at the all mighty FICO score to see if they should loan you money. There are a rare few who are smart enough to look at someone's finances and personal wealth to see the true story. You can finance a house without any credit score at all.

There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race.

#DaveRamsey

 

[ProblemChild]

this thread sure changed direction....

 

[Immocles]

I was talking to someone once a while ago, not sure how long ago but certainly within the CC and cash back era. This person didn't believe in credit cards, paid everything in cash. Had little if any debt. Then he said he tried to purchase a house. Guess what? He had a very low credit score and had a lot of trouble securing a mortgage. If he was even able to do it. I don't remember the end of the story. There are hidden advantages to having and using credit cards.

I've heard of that type of thing happening as well. I bought my first house just shy of my 20th birthday and remember having zero problems getting a loan approved (mid 2004), but kept getting consistently denied credit cards until I was about 22 due to "lack of credit history". Just wanted a simple one for monthly subscriptions (Ahem, Everquest addiction..). Even the damn Sears cards were out of my reach. If my cousin wasn't the manager of the local store, I probably would have gotten myself banned from it from various heated arguments with salesmen. And in retrospect, it wasn't their fault, but arghhhh.

 

[mongoose33]

Increasingly various other entities are using FICO scores as indicators of trustworthiness, reliability, discipline, and so on. Insurance companies, for instance, and employers. It may well be valuable to have a high FICO score for that reason.

Our FICO is about 830. We have a home mortgage, no other debt, and that mortgage will be paid off in about 5 years or less (depending on whether I want to kill the balance with money we have in savings).

That's all the debt we have, other than monthly credit card bills that are paid off in full each time, for reasons I and others have identified above. Two cars. Paid off.

A FICO score, among other things, is an indicator of having capacity to handle debt responsibily, including NOT taking it on just because you can. It was a common element of FICO at one point--probably still is but I don't know for certain--that if you had a credit limit on a card but you didn't approach it, you were rewarded in your FICO score.

I'm going to guess we have something like $75,000 in credit limits on our cards. Know why it's that high? Because they'd love to have us use it. Our history and reputation indicates we'd pay it back. But I'm not buying stupid stuff like televisions and jet skis on credit. That's put on a card and the debt settled at the end of the month. And no, I have no jet skis.

Our FICO score has given us capacity in the sense we have access to credit should we want or need to use it.

Capacity. It's worth having.

 

[kh54s10]

This one is inaccurate. If he had a low credit score, it meant that he missed payments, not that he didn't have a credit card. His poor credit was due to poor money management, not lack of credit cards.

My lack of financial planning has left me in the current position that I'm in. Sadly I have a 790 credit score. I wish I was in the boat of the story that you're trying to tell of your "friend" above. In approximately 8 years... because that's what it will probably take, I hope to have no credit score. It's not a zero or a low credit score... it's literally no credit score. To me, those are the people who have finances figured out. I realize I am going to be in the vast minority on this one, and I am proud of it.

Those who worship the "all mighty FICO score" are great at owing people money. That's literally all a high score means. You live off paying debt back to someone else, and you're really good at it.

In 1 year, I will not be a slave to the lender. In 7 years, if all goes to plan I will not have a score at all. It's true, some lenders are so stupid that they look at the all mighty FICO score to see if they should loan you money. There are a rare few who are smart enough to look at someone's finances and personal wealth to see the true story. You can finance a house without any credit score at all.

There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race.

#DaveRamsey

I am no financial expert but I do believe that his credit was no good because they didn't have a record to go by. I do know that he didn't have poor credit because of poor money management. He didn't owe anyone anything, ever....

Maybe I worded it wrong and it is not the low score.

"Sadly I have a 790 credit score." Is this a typo or do you not know scoring? 790 is a very good FICO score.......

Yes you can finance a house with no score, but, if you don't have a score at all, lenders are going to be leery of lending so you will really have to work to find a lender. And you will probably end up paying higher interest rates.

I pay off my card as often as I can. I have also carried a balance when things came up and I needed money and didn't want to drain my accounts (plural) to get the money. My credit is good, I get the cash back. I give a little to the evil Credit card companies, so be it.

"There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race."

Yes commendable but those are very rare people..... Cash for a house is something that I would guess less that 10% of people could ever do.

 

[kh54s10]

Our FICO score has given us capacity in the sense we have access to credit should we want or need to use it.

Capacity. It's worth having.

This is the best reason to not avoid credit and FICO scores.....

 

[shoreman]

To answer the OP's question, sit down with your significant other and talk about an equal amount of "spending money", You can do whatever you want with it, they can do whatever they want with it - no one questions if it is a good use of $$. It's a % of both of your salaries. Works fantastic for me and my wife. Learn more about it in this book written by Elizabeth Warren and her daughter before she got into politics, great financial advice - https://amzn.to/2NFVDut

 

[Schlenkerla]

This one is inaccurate. If he had a low credit score, it meant that he missed payments, not that he didn't have a credit card. His poor credit was due to poor money management, not lack of credit cards.

My lack of financial planning has left me in the current position that I'm in. Sadly I have a 790 credit score. I wish I was in the boat of the story that you're trying to tell of your "friend" above. In approximately 8 years... because that's what it will probably take, I hope to have no credit score. It's not a zero or a low credit score... it's literally no credit score. To me, those are the people who have finances figured out. I realize I am going to be in the vast minority on this one, and I am proud of it.

Those who worship the "all mighty FICO score" are great at owing people money. That's literally all a high score means. You live off paying debt back to someone else, and you're really good at it.

In 1 year, I will not be a slave to the lender. In 7 years, if all goes to plan I will not have a score at all. It's true, some lenders are so stupid that they look at the all mighty FICO score to see if they should loan you money. There are a rare few who are smart enough to look at someone's finances and personal wealth to see the true story. You can finance a house without any credit score at all.

There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race.

#DaveRamsey

I think getting a credit card for that person, even for 6-12 months would have good credit. Even if they only used to for gas in a vehicle. Then made the $60-200 payment, balance paid in full, every month. Lack of credit history can be improved simply be making payments. I'd think utility bills might generate credit history too. I'm not really sure about that. Also if that that person has checking account and it's eons old it should help.


BTW - Dave's not here.

 

[davidabcd]

drove home a new car instead

Funny story though.

 

[Schlenkerla]

I am no financial expert but I do believe that his credit was no good because they didn't have a record to go by. I do know that he didn't have poor credit because of poor money management. He didn't owe anyone anything, ever....

Maybe I worded it wrong and it is not the low score.

"Sadly I have a 790 credit score." Is this a typo or do you not know scoring? 790 is a very good FICO score.......

Yes you can finance a house with no score, but, if you don't have a score at all, lenders are going to be leery of lending so you will really have to work to find a lender. And you will probably end up paying higher interest rates.

I pay off my card as often as I can. I have also carried a balance when things came up and I needed money and didn't want to drain my accounts (plural) to get the money. My credit is good, I get the cash back. I give a little to the evil Credit card companies, so be it.

"There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race."

Yes commendable but those are very rare people..... Cash for a house is something that I would guess less that 10% of people could ever do.

I'm one of the 10%. My personal disposable cash spending is limited to $350/month. Covers everything I spend excluding gas, utilities and rent. Everything else is paid with cash. I use my CC mainly for fuel and oil changes.

 

[kingmatt]

I am no financial expert but I do believe that his credit was no good because they didn't have a record to go by. I do know that he didn't have poor credit because of poor money management. He didn't owe anyone anything, ever....

Maybe I worded it wrong and it is not the low score.

"Sadly I have a 790 credit score." Is this a typo or do you not know scoring? 790 is a very good FICO score.......

Yes you can finance a house with no score, but, if you don't have a score at all, lenders are going to be leery of lending so you will really have to work to find a lender. And you will probably end up paying higher interest rates.

I pay off my card as often as I can. I have also carried a balance when things came up and I needed money and didn't want to drain my accounts (plural) to get the money. My credit is good, I get the cash back. I give a little to the evil Credit card companies, so be it.

"There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race."

Yes commendable but those are very rare people..... Cash for a house is something that I would guess less that 10% of people could ever do.

He is a Dave Ramsey zero credit score truther...don't bother.