Stupid Joke Thread!

[3 Dawg Night]

My horoscope this morning said that I will experience deep emotional pain and loss in twelve years. So, to cheer myself up, I went out and bought a puppy.

 

[Snuffy]

 

[soccerdad]

SCAM ALERT !!
Beware those infared thermometers that take your temp on your forehead. They erase your memory and plant subliminal suggestions.
I went to the beer store for Founders Breakfast Stout and Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.
They met me at the door to see that I had a mask on and they took my temp.
I came home with a case of Coors Light and 12 PBRs

 

[day_trippr]

 

[doug293cz]

Where's the groan emoji?

 

[day_trippr]

lol! Dude! Situational Awareness!

 

[501irishred]

When do they review the table of elements?
.....

Periodically

 

[501irishred]

As I was driving by the prison yesterday I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused, I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, ”well that’s a little condescending“.

 

[stickyfinger]

Here are a series of jokes I have been working on while watching the animals in the back yard...

The head of the research lab was fired. He was spending too much time examining his student's figures.

Why was the fitness instructor fired? He just didn't work out.

Why did the platoon dig holes in the woods? It was their duty.

My wife made me an amazing Indian meal last night out of the blue. It turns out she was trying to curry a flavor.

 

[enkamania]

Saw this on facebook: I finished eating at a restaurant. The waiter asked me if i wanna box for my food. I said no but i’d wrestle him for it.

My girlfriend actually used that on a waitress.

 

[stickyfinger]

Why was Mahler’s 6th symphony Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite? Because it was in A minor.

 

[stickyfinger]

Did you ever get to see Mt Rushmore before it was carved? I hear the beauty was unpresidented.

 

[soccerdad]

Ever since I was a little buoy, I have wanted to bob up and down in the ocean for weeks on end.

 

[balrog]

Man's wife decided to become a whiskey maker. He loved her still.

When my kleptomania starts acting up, I take something for it.

 

[stickyfinger]

The police arrested a mafia hit man for killing someone in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

It was the first case of a knickknack paddy whack

 

[Tobor_8thMan]

A girl's best friend are her legs. Best of friends are soon parted...

 

[balrog]

I sang into a collander. Shouldn't have done that.


It strained my voice.

 

[balrog]

The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience.

The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this. Because?


A coo sticks.

 

[bleme]

Why did the girl take the toilet paper roll to the party?

Spoiler: Answer

She was a PARTY POOPER!

 

[balrog]

 

[ehall]

I can't beleive someone actually named a product soylent...

 

[S-Met]

I can't beleive someone actually named a product soylent...

I can't believe it took this long... I would have done it long time ago if I was in the soy industry.

Possible that they had to wait for copyrights to expire, assuming it existed.

 

[balrog]

I can't beleive someone actually named a product soylent...

Wow. I just assumed it wasn't real. Leave it to an Engineer who thinks food consumption is a waste of time. Wonder how he feels about beer?

 

[balrog]

 

[CKuhns]

I can't beleive someone actually named a product soylent..

Or put it in a Green topped bottle.

 

[doug293cz]

View attachment 695616

Is Sweeny Todd involved with this company?

Brew on

 

[bkboiler]

The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience.

The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this. Because?


A coo sticks.

I liked this joke so much I told a coworker who has a PhD in acoustics....he did not laugh but instead corrected the fact that auditoria are designed to not allow sound to bounce.
Pearls before swine...

 

[bleme]

I liked this joke so much I told a coworker who has a PhD in acoustics....he did not laugh but instead corrected the fact that auditoria are designed to not allow sound to bounce.
Pearls before swine...

He obviously has never been in my daughter's Middle School auditorium...

 

[ehall]

PhD in acoustics... that's a lot of money down the drain...

 

[Tobor_8thMan]

Not a joke, but does anyone recall yelling swear words into a box fan when our parents where not within hearing range?