Funny things you've overheard about beer

[masonsjax]

So there's actually some science behind those cartoons where the coyote runs off a cliff and floats there for a few seconds before falling.

 

[mark7347]

Bring back the quotes from that old ass brewing book. I don't need physics again.

 

[Kirkwooder]

Where's Billy with those berry punches?

* Announcement* Physics is not at all funny and certainly is not directly about beer. Now before I get a 5 page "well actually" I know physics has to do with everything, or everything has to do with physics, or some how that makes sense to some one, but it still isn't funny.

 

[GrogNerd]

Wanna learn some physics?

Take something off your desk

Drop it

Here endeth the lesson

 

[UnderTheRug]

So I inquired about Independence Brewing's Lupulust; I was told it was a New Belgian style Duval.......

It's a triple.

 

[VApatriot]

Man this whole gravity discussion is getting waaaaay too heavy!

 

[1975brewer]

It has definitely squashed my desire to keep reading this thread.

 

[mark7347]

OK, a few more pearls of wisdom from Home Brewing Without Failures (1965 home brewing guide):
-He recommends using brown or "burnt" sugar or even "gravy browning" to get the proper color for darker beers when you don't use many darker malts.
-He says you can get yeast from a bottle of commercial "Schlitz or Budweiser" and make a starter out of that.
-"The practice of using yeast from bottled beers can only be done successfully when the beers are dark; this is because only dark beers have a yeast deposit. Bright, light, sparkling ales do not have them." This seems to directly contradict what he said one page ago...
-He makes an aside about wine yeast and says that 14% abv kills wine yeast dead so if you want sweet wine you just add sugar beyond what is necessary for 14% abv and then the yeast will die and the rest of the sugar will remain in the wine and sweeten it.
-Another reference to skimming off ale krausen.
-Table salt is a good yeast nutrient so it's good to put in your beer.
-While a secondary gets an airlock, the primary should get a sheet of plastic with holes punched it in stretched over the top.
-As draught beers, by definition, have no carbonation if you want them to have head you have to buy "heading liquid" and add it to your draught beers. Would love a "well actually" about "heading liquid."
-If you don't use a brown bottle for your beer "the colour and sometimes the quality of the beer will suffer." This seems to be a reference to skunking but color? Huh?
-"The heavy froth one sees on the top of most stouts and particularly Guinness -- to which I am especially partial -- is mostly yeast forced to the top of the glass by the gas rising."

Love the "well actually"s I'm getting from my posts in this books, it's interesting to see what's real brewing history and what's the author being dumb.

More of this!

 

[drainbamage]

Where's Billy with those berry punches?

* Announcement* Physics is not at all funny and certainly is not directly about beer. Now before I get a 5 page "well actually" I know physics has to do with everything, or everything has to do with physics, or some how that makes sense to some one, but it still isn't funny.

It has definitely squashed my desire to keep reading this thread.

I take it you guys weren't around for the Great Economics Derail of Two-thousand-and-whatever. Physics is still an improvement.

 

[slym2none]

Uh...correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what we're already doing? I can see where non-brewers might like that one. But then, they could just by a craft beer with those flavors already in it. And I almost always use 'chup as a base for bbq sauces. Except for my Italian-style one.

I use bottled chili sauce as a base for one of the best, and my personal favourite, BBQ sauce. It also has beer and molasses in it, so...

:fro:

 

[slym2none]

my dad is the same way without the "anything that isn't made by coors or miller". The man drinks keystone. I love him, but he drinks keystone.

there is nothing wrong with drinking bottled water.

roflmmfao

 

[slym2none]

-As draught beers, by definition, have no carbonation if you want them to have head you have to buy "heading liquid" and add it to your draught beers. Would love a "well actually" about "heading liquid."

Well, actually... that sounds like porn. Not something that should go into beer.

 

[slym2none]

The force of gravity is proportional to mass, but inversely proportional to the square of the distance separating the two objects (me and earth). If you double the mass, you double the force. If you double the distance, you quarter the force. This doesn't mean much in absolute terms, but may help explain why elevation "outweighs" the increased mass of the mountain.

Anyhow, happy to find that no one has questioned my ability to fly.

Flap on.

Flying is easy enough - just fall and miss the ground entirely!

I think I need some Old Janx Spirit... or a good Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. Sorry.

 

[slym2none]

Man this whole gravity discussion is getting waaaaay too heavy!

Lighten up already!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

rolling-on-the-floor goat berry headbutt! my mama's so fat we lost 3 spelunkers looking for her boyfriend. Monica Seles back hand berry slap! our oldest was with me in the liquor store. he saw Shock Top and said, "Why don't you drink that beer? It's for punk rockers." I replied, "No, son. That's for sissies and style biters." mosh pit pants party surprise berry assault!! I got in an argument with an old ex-drunk yesterday about beer. he claimed that he could blindfold me and and take any 2 beers in the world side by side and there is no way that I could tell the difference. then he started back peddling the more I kept talking. social ***** uppercut!

 

[zmanzorro]

Man this whole gravity discussion is getting waaaaay too heavy!

I was reading this book about anti-gravity and I just couldn't put it down!

 

[supermutantbrewmaster]

Where's Billy with those berry punches?

* Announcement* Physics is not at all funny and certainly is not directly about beer. Now before I get a 5 page "well actually" I know physics has to do with everything, or everything has to do with physics, or some how that makes sense to some one, but it still isn't funny.

Disagree. Physics is funny which is why I love watching the 3 stooges.

 

[JonM]

.

 

[ElJefeBrews]

Wanna learn some physics?

Take something off your desk

Drop it

Here endeth the lesson

I tipped over a glass and beer fell into my mouth. Thank you physics! but what I gather is that if I were on the seabed then beer would fall to my mouth quicker. Looks like I'm going underwater...

But seriously, we're gonna have to learn how to brew beer while in free fall. When we have to leave earth do you really think we're gonna go that long without beer??? That's just scary. I suggest the ISS starts studying yeast behavior in orbit.

 

[mark7347]

I tipped over a glass and beer fell into my mouth. Thank you physics! but what I gather is that if I were on the seabed then beer would fall to my mouth quicker. Looks like I'm going underwater...

But seriously, we're gonna have to learn how to brew beer while in free fall. When we have to leave earth do you really think we're gonna go that long without beer??? That's just scary. I suggest the ISS starts studying yeast behavior in orbit.

We need to learn about fluid dynamics to understand the vortex bottle.

 

[zmanzorro]

I tipped over a glass and beer fell into my mouth. Thank you physics! but what I gather is that if I were on the seabed then beer would fall to my mouth quicker. Looks like I'm going underwater...

But seriously, we're gonna have to learn how to brew beer while in free fall. When we have to leave earth do you really think we're gonna go that long without beer??? That's just scary. I suggest the ISS starts studying yeast behavior in orbit.

Sorry, but an 11 year old beat you to it.

http://www.space.com/23141-space-beer-student-space-station-experiment.html

 

[SnakeRidge]

We need to learn about fluid dynamics to understand the vortex bottle.

I understand it, I just don't get it.

 

[ElJefeBrews]

Sorry, but an 11 year old beat you to it.

http://www.space.com/23141-space-beer-student-space-station-experiment.html

At least we got a head start on it. Somebody buy that kid a beer!

 

[drainbamage]

Sorry, but an 11 year old beat you to it.

http://www.space.com/23141-space-beer-student-space-station-experiment.html

I'm betting the astronauts hope that experiment works out too!

Although that leads to an unpleasant vicious cycle:

Astronauts make beer.
Astronauts drink beer.
Astronauts pee more frequently.
Pee water is filtered and used to make more beer...


Edit: Before the "well, actually"s roll in...yes, I realize they already recycle wastewater on the ISS, and the brewing process will further purify the water.

 

[ElJefeBrews]

I'm betting the astronauts hope that experiment works out too!

Although that leads to an unpleasant vicious cycle:

Astronauts make beer.
Astronauts drink beer.
Astronauts pee more frequently.
Pee water is filtered and used to make more beer...


Edit: Before the "well, actually"s roll in...yes, I realize they already recycle wastewater on the ISS, and the brewing process will further purify the water.

Yes but wouldn't that view just be so much better with a beer in hand?

 

[unionrdr]

Ground control to Major Tom,
Put that beer down & turn the engines on.
Check the bottle holder & may God's love be with you.
This is ground control to major Tom, the papers want to know what beer you drink?
This is major Tom,
And I'm feeling very buzzed today!
Floating up here,
amongst all the empty tin cans,
I hope this F***** thing knows which way to go?...
My beer is flat,
I spilled some on the controls,
there's something wrong!
Can you F***'s hear me down there?!
Dammit, that's wet!
Aw, sonofa****, I spilled it again!
Mutherf*****, where's the space towels?

 

[SnakeRidge]

Ground control to Major Tom,
where's the space towels?

Never forget your towel!

 

[hanuswalrus]

Dark Lord 2012 tasted like Worcestershire sauce when I tried one in January. I hope it's temporary.

The one time I tried Dark Lord, I thought it just tasted like soy sauce. I definitely know what you mean

 

[slym2none]

Never forget your towel!

Only an un-hoopy frood would not know where his towel is at all time.



-slym

 

[SnakeRidge]

Only an un-hoopy frood would not know where his towel is at all time.



-slym

Towel Day is May 25th. And I'm as hoopy as they come