Don't Drink Beer

Williams 728
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JulianB said:
When are the Don't Drink Beer shirts going to be available? Maybe these should be a collaboration project with Talkbeer. I like the "no one gives a **** what breweries you have visited" idea for the back. I think "Disrespect Beer" would also be good for a shirt.
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I will probably make them once my google ad words money starts rolling in, them $7.89 checks bro

Can't wait for all the pussyhurt kickstarter kids to call me a complete hypocrite, gonna love fielding those grounders in my inbox all day long.
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
I will probably make them once my google ad words money starts rolling in, them $7.89 checks bro

Can't wait for all the pussyhurt kickstarter kids to call me a complete hypocrite, gonna love fielding those grounders in my inbox all day long.
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Make 20. Wait for TBers to start trading loons for them. Then print 500 more, sell for $$$.

Then flip all that cheddar for one ancient beer that you're going to eviscerate in a review.

... profit?
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
This doesn't even involve craft beer.

12/31/10, the night before California banned caffeine 4loko, I brought a fully horizontal to this civilized party, all 8 flavors and Holiday Camo. No one would touch it and just took photos and laughed at it. I explained that come tomorrow, this would be contraband. I opened every flavor and slowly people started getting wet. Even the DD's wanted a lil hit, i dont know if it can be described as the drunkest I have ever been, but it was the most completely out of control I have been to date. I had probably 3-4 cans overall. Usually a blackout is forayed into forgotten Taco Bell and a headache. This parlayed into completely auto-activity. I came to, still awake, at 8am, feeling completely dry insdie, still drunk having not slept.

I "woke up" playing Xbox, my characters power leveled in Fallout 3, but it was more a Pinnochio transubstantiation, like gaining sentience from being complete automata. I had beaten large sections of the story mode with no knowledge of what had happened. It made the rest of the game less satisfying, and I feel that is the real caution to this tale.
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I wish my out of control **** shows resulted in a regrettable video game Marathon instead of crippling shame and narrow escapes from incarceration.
 
Four loko is both to blame, and should be given credit, for almost every drunken foray of mine since 2010. I don't know why, but pounding a pre-ban after a tasting is STILL something I cannot resist.


So, what's your favorite flavor?? Fresh I was a blue raz man, but that fruit punch is still kicking ass all these years later. Meanwhile blue raz looks and tastes a lot like window cleaner now. And dat Orange blend is straight toxic these days.
 
bramsdell said:
Do you read Big Ghost? I'd been reading him for some time before I found you a couple years ago and definitely catching the same feels from both writers.

http://bigghostlimited.com/ though his twitter is where it's at.
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I had never heard of him until after about 18 months into DDB, people also pointed me to Thus Spoke the Gramaphone, Thug Kitchen, and other sites with a similar narrative. Good stuff and it's fun to see other sites out there putting a spin on traditional reviews and commentary, even if it makes DDB seems pedestrian by contrast.
 
Is the baconator an hommage to maddox.xmission.com?
 
StubFaceJoe said:
Is the baconator an hommage to maddox.xmission.com?
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did Maddox do something with a Baconator?

The baconator is just an absurd sandwich and it sounded incredibly oily, reading the initial reviews people had precum all on their tips writing about things that usually would be putrid like "ah yeah i saw that rainbow sheen of oil, nice coconut oils on the top, chunks of white smegma on the rim, now you know its legit coconut, mmm you can taste the greasy finish, 5/5 100 world class FT: Proprietors, also"

so I wanted to take something even oilier, grease and bacon and cheese to make it even more imperial, add those lipid tones to boost the greasy mouthfeel. my bottle of prop also had white chunks in the cab and rim, it was this messy oiliness that people loved so I just took it to an absurd conclusion.

It had nothing to do with Maddox, or epic meal time, or whatever else.
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
did Maddox do something with a Baconator?

The baconator is just an absurd sandwich and it sounded incredibly oily, reading the initial reviews people had precum all on their tips writing about things that usually would be putrid like "ah yeah i saw that rainbow sheen of oil, nice coconut oils on the top, chunks of white smegma on the rim, now you know its legit coconut, mmm you can taste the greasy finish, 5/5 100 world class FT: Proprietors, also"

so I wanted to take something even oilier, grease and bacon and cheese to make it even more imperial, add those lipid tones to boost the greasy mouthfeel. my bottle of prop also had white chunks in the cab and rim, it was this messy oiliness that people loved so I just took it to an absurd conclusion.

It had nothing to do with Maddox, or epic meal time, or whatever else.
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I totally get the commentary. Thanks for the cliff notes though.

Just thought maybe I'd unlocked a cookie for the future DDB documentary.
 
good_jp.gif
 
buzzword said:
on a scale of 1 to whatever, how many laughs do you make when you see the correlation between stuff you review and new ISO threads on the trade borg?
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I dont assume causation, i figure its more correlation like "oh ****, I forgot I was meaning to get that" or maybe the next day 10 different people all seem to want some obscure beer.

The best was when I reviewed a faded ass Terrapin Depth Charge from 2009, i said it had no coffee presence, it had like 8 gots and people STILL put up ISOs offering up some offshelf stuff for it. I dont think DDB has that much influence to make people seek something out, who knows, maybe it does. I predict plenty of people will come back rattling their sabers about how OVERHYPED wineification was, how all those ISOs that popped up the next day were my somehow DDB's fault etc. etc.

I don't want to be responsible for people's ******* trades, my site should be a clear reflection of how huge a waste of time and money trading is at the inception.
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
I dont assume causation, i figure its more correlation like "oh ****, I forgot I was meaning to get that" or maybe the next day 10 different people all seem to want some obscure beer.

The best was when I reviewed a faded ass Terrapin Depth Charge from 2009, i said it had no coffee presence, it had like 8 gots and people STILL put up ISOs offering up some offshelf stuff for it. I dont think DDB has that much influence to make people seek something out, who knows, maybe it does. I predict plenty of people will come back rattling their sabers about how OVERHYPED wineification was, how all those ISOs that popped up the next day were my somehow DDB's fault etc. etc.

I don't want to be responsible for people's ******* trades, my site should be a clear reflection of how huge a waste of time and money trading is at the inception.
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I gained some interest in redbud cuvée four after your review. Didn't put up an ISO though. Somehow landed it after someone picked up like a half case in Oklahoma in the last month
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
did Maddox do something with a Baconator?

The baconator is just an absurd sandwich and it sounded incredibly oily, reading the initial reviews people had precum all on their tips writing about things that usually would be putrid like "ah yeah i saw that rainbow sheen of oil, nice coconut oils on the top, chunks of white smegma on the rim, now you know its legit coconut, mmm you can taste the greasy finish, 5/5 100 world class FT: Proprietors, also"

so I wanted to take something even oilier, grease and bacon and cheese to make it even more imperial, add those lipid tones to boost the greasy mouthfeel. my bottle of prop also had white chunks in the cab and rim, it was this messy oiliness that people loved so I just took it to an absurd conclusion.

It had nothing to do with Maddox, or epic meal time, or whatever else.
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i'm surprised you haven't done the double down randall yet. way more ridic sandwich than a baconator. sounds like i need to double down one of my remaining props...
 
beer30jax said:
DDB. I always enjoy the blog when it's a slow night working at the bottle shop. Thanks.

Was always curious, how much, if any, formal writing background do you have?
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I majored in philosophy in undergrad at Berkeley, have a JD and that ESQ steeze, but in terms of "Have you even been featured on Buzzfeed" I am not on that trill.

I cobble along with my limited skillset, spinning out the tepid levity that is appealing to an incredibly tiny market, putting smiles on them ticker faces like huge neckbearded babies with BMIs well over that 30 spot.
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
I majored in philosophy in undergrad at Berkeley, have a JD and that ESQ steeze, but in terms of "Have you even been featured on Buzzfeed" I am not on that trill.

I cobble along with my limited skillset, spinning out the tepid levity that is appealing to an incredibly tiny market, putting smiles on them ticker faces like huge neckbearded babies with BMIs well over that 30 spot.
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What is the most words you make without simile?
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
I majored in philosophy in undergrad at Berkeley, have a JD and that ESQ steeze, but in terms of "Have you even been featured on Buzzfeed" I am not on that trill.

I cobble along with my limited skillset, spinning out the tepid levity that is appealing to an incredibly tiny market, putting smiles on them ticker faces like huge neckbearded babies with BMIs well over that 30 spot.
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AHA! I knew I sensed some sort of NorCal sensibility in the midst of all your Southern California avowals!
 
dontdrinkbeer said:
I majored in philosophy in undergrad at Berkeley, have a JD and that ESQ steeze, but in terms of "Have you even been featured on Buzzfeed" I am not on that trill.

I cobble along with my limited skillset, spinning out the tepid levity that is appealing to an incredibly tiny market, putting smiles on them ticker faces like huge neckbearded babies with BMIs well over that 30 spot.
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JoeLikesBeer said:
What is the most words you make without simile?
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In fairness, there's only one simile there.

I, too, majored in philosophy in undergrad and will begin pursuing my JD next year. Plan to be brandishing my , Esq. in just a few years.
 

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