Crap kids say

[balrog]

I started hearing a fight for "the Donut side" which turns out to be the passenger side ....... when I pick up donuts most Sundays, I put their golden beauties in the passengers seat

Yep, donuts over Dad.

Been there. It's just another sad progression of cradle to the grave moment.

 

[doogster]

At Perkin's Pancake house... and when ordering the pancakes I (yes, me when I was a kid) ordered the large stack with blueberry compost. My sister had milk come out of her nose she was laughing so hard about that.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Honestly folks - kids don't tell you how to make pizza sauce.

My daughter would. She wants to 'help and will hand me every random spice in the drawer.
"Here use these" as she hands me cumin and dill...

 

[SundayBeers]

Obviously you have not had the train wreck called Donotos--it raises the game of Domino's 20 fold. Given the choice, I am getting Domino's every time and calling it great by comparison.

...never heard of Donotos.
Sounds like ive dodged a bullet there

 

[SundayBeers]

...never heard of Donotos.
Sounds like ive dodged a bullet there

...do they do pizza or donuts?

 

[Brew_Dude41]

...do they do pizza or donuts?

They call it pizza.

I call it despair in a cardboard box...

 

[soccerdad]

Donut Hoes. The name has potential. Food vendor at a music fest maybe.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

explicit lyrics (listen at your own risk)

 

[Dland]

Heck, I worked as a doughnut maker for a while, was nothing like that.

11 PM- 6AM more or less, solo shift, I think it paid $4 bucks an hour, early 80's, mid winter.

Cake donuts batter made out of one 50# sack, mix, & add a few ingredients, & fry with a dough dispenser over the fyolater, made O shapes as they dropped into the hot fat. Cook, flip, take out & drain extra grease.

Next came the bread doughnuts, they came from a 50# sack mix too, added yeast, proofed, roll out & cut O shapes, let proof again. Fry in fryolater, flip, you'll know when after a couple batches.

Left over bread doughnut dough was made into big cinnamon snails or crullers. Had to make some fancies and filled ones too. Mostly adding sugar, or chocolate flavored sugar, glaze etc. One thing about filled doughnuts one should know; the filling is often cheap & gross and comes out of a 5 gallon plastic pale(infn your lucky) ;}

I remember I was working one of these shifts when John Lenon was shot, to give a time frame. The cool jazz station I usually listened to went to his songs. That was at the black dog bakery, anyway, the septic in parking lot went up & down with the tide ([probably still does).

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Damn i want a donut now.

 

[Scout]

One day I was driving my oldest (she was about a year old then) to my moms house. I went around the last corner and heard a voice in the back seat say "F@#$ing idiot!"
Same daughter, around that age, would get in a mood and only answer "no" to any questions. I decided to test her...
"Do you want some juice?" "No!"
"Dontou want a donut?" "No!"
"Do you want some pizza?" "No!"
"Do you want to tell me no?" "No!"

A friend of mine took his oldest son to a hockey game. He was one or two and had this rubber chicken he liked to chew on, so naturally he took it to the hockey game. My friend, being a smart-ass, says to him "Son, I never thought i would say this, but please take the cock out of your mouth."

My younger daughter, when she was about five, would randomly bring me a beer to drink.

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

One nephew when he was about 2-3 tripped out of one shoe. The next thing you here is Sh! T my shoe.

 

[Beerstein]

My youngest son, somewhere between 1 and 2, loved sticks. He would walk around the back yard telling anyone who would listen “look at my big stick” only he couldnt pronounce stick, so it become “look at my big dick!”

 

[Toy4Rick]

Our son couldn't say Truck, it came out as F__k

My granddaughter says Titties for Kitties
Grandson say Blue Babies for Blueberries

So cute

 

[doug293cz]

Our son couldn't say Truck, it came out as F__k

My granddaughter says Titties for Kitties
Grandson say Blue Babies for Blueberries

So cute

One of my nieces had the same difficulty. "Dump Truck" came out as "Dumb F***."

Brew on

 

[Hophunter]

My 9 yr old asked if our 22 yr old neighbor was and adult. We told him yes. He responds with “she has a lot of energy for an adult”. The hell was he implying? Little ….

 

[Brew_Dude41]

My youngest son, somewhere between 1 and 2, loved sticks. He would walk around the back yard telling anyone who would listen “look at my big stick” only he couldnt pronounce stick, so it become “look at my big dick!”

Our son couldn't say Truck, it came out as F__k

My granddaughter says Titties for Kitties
Grandson say Blue Babies for Blueberries

So cute

One of my nieces had the same difficulty. "Dump Truck" came out as "Dumb F***."

Brew on

My boys are all developmentally delayed and having issues with speech. We constantly gat a chuckle from of them trying to say something, but getting something else out. Too many to remember or even pick out a favorite.
What I love right now is 1 of them uses his middle finger to point. In the grocery store he kept pointing to this he wanted and pleasing "peas...." another older kid with their mother was hitting the same aisles as I was ahead of and noted my son pointing, and probably been in trouble using a similar gesture. "Does he really like peas, and why is he allowed to use his middle finger all the time?"

 

[Beerstein]

One of my kids said had the exact same problem with "truck." Only ever seemed to come out when we would be driving. With the windows down, and he's sitting that calling Dumb F*** and pointing. Hard not to laugh. Kids are great.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

My wife was driving through town with the boys when they came a across bridal party taking photos. One of my sons saw her and his eyes lit up as excitedly pointed and shouted out "Princess, Princess, Princess!"

Too bad the windows were up and she couldn't hear that. I am sure it would have just a little joy to her day.

 

[501irishred]

8yo daughter - at recess an ant bit me three times!

Me - (sarcastically) oh my, did you survive??

8yo - yeah, but the ant didn’t!

 

[bleme]

One of my nieces had the same difficulty. "Dump Truck" came out as "Dumb F***."

Brew on

I'm told that I used to say "Fire F__k".
Kind of ironic that I married a ginger...

 

[grampamark]

Got this text from our daughter who had this conversation with 5 yo grandson Jack while getting him ready for bed-

J. You know who carries a briefcase?

M. No. Who carries a briefcase.

J. Grampa Mark.

M. What does Grampa have in his briefcase?

J. A knife and a gun.

M. Why does he have a knife and a gun?

J. To shoot gophers. And maybe people.

I’m sure there’s a game on his tablet with a briefcase-toting character. I replied that he forgot to mention the beer.

 

[mac_1103]

You shoot beer?

 

[Komodo]

When I gave my boys the birds and bees talk, they were maybe 5 and 7. I kept it pretty straight forward, and didn't pull any punches. It was mostly anatomical, how babies are made kinda stuff. The older one took it all in no problem. The younger one is real clever and you could just see his wheels turning in his head as he tried to make sense of it. He kinda looked at me sideways and asked "So, you put your . . . inside mom's . . . "
The oldest looked at him and said "TWICE!"

 

[soccerdad]

You shoot beer?

Need a funnel in the briefcase.

 

[grampamark]

You shoot beer?

No, but we have lots of gophers. Shooting enough of them to put any serious dent in the population is an 8-beer-an-hour job.

 

[FloppyKnockers]

Preface: Not my kid

A friend of mine was moving from Oregon to Florida and invited them to stay with me for a bit in Texas. Their youngest son (maybe 8ish) is confused about what time it is asks:

kid: why are all of your clocks 'wrong'?
me: you're in a different time zone, buddy.
Not sure if he was confused or if his brain blue-screened. I proceeded to tell him (in more child-friendly terms) that he used to live in Pacific time, he just came out of Mountain time, and now he's in Central time. Each one an hour further ahead than the last.
me: do you know what time zone you are moving to?
kid: no, but I can do this! [as he extended his arms like Superman and ran out of the room.]

I looked at my friend and said "I thought you said Sarah quit drinking when she was pregnant?".



Not gonna lie though. I kinda wanna try that technique to get out of dishes or meetings or whatever.

 

[Dgallo]

Preface: Not my kid

A friend of mine was moving from Oregon to Florida and invited them to stay with me for a bit in Texas. Their youngest son (maybe 8ish) is confused about what time it is asks:

kid: why are all of your clocks 'wrong'?
me: you're in a different time zone, buddy.
Not sure if he was confused or if his brain blue-screened. I proceeded to tell him (in more child-friendly terms) that he used to live in Pacific time, he just came out of Mountain time, and now he's in Central time. Each one an hour further ahead than the last.
me: do you know what time zone you are moving to?
kid: no, but I can do this! [as he extended his arms like Superman and ran out of the room.]

I looked at my friend and said "I thought you said Sarah quit drinking when she was pregnant?".



Not gonna lie though. I kinda wanna try that technique to get out of dishes or meetings or whatever.

This is how all the kids run away now lol

 

[mac_1103]

Shooting enough of them to put any serious dent in the population is an 8-beer-an-hour job.

Guess I can't afford to hire you to deal with my woodchuck problem.

 

[Noob_Brewer]

FYI: My kids are not youngsters anymore as most of these posts focus on the little tikes. Mine are adolescents (13,15, and 17) now with the oldest becoming 18 on friday. Regardless they are all "adults" in their own minds, full of sarcasm and wit. Case in point:

Last week we were all at the beach on vaca and my 13yr old did something (cant remember what) and my wife said something to the effect of, "I don't care what you think, all actions have consequences". My 15yr old daughter was nearby and is generally full of dead-pan sarcasm and humor simply looked at my wife and I and said "yeah, and now you two are living with your consequences" .....referencing the fact that wife and I had sex and three kids lol. My 15yr old knows she is an absolute handful now and loving every minute of it. We've nick-named her "contrary" because she argues EVERYTHING you say lol

 

[tracer bullet]

My 15yr old knows she is an absolute handful now and loving every minute of it. We've nick-named her "contrary" because she argues EVERYTHING you say lol

I'm having this already with my 7.5 year old daughter. Great to know I can expect 10 more years.

 

[Noob_Brewer]

I'm having this already with my 7.5 year old daughter. Great to know I can expect 10 more years.

YES you will! My 15yr old daughter specifically showed her "gift" of sarcasm at about that same ripe young age as yours is currently. It only gets better....or worse depending on how you view it lol.

 

[tracer bullet]

I'm analytical and sarcastic, so... tree meet apple.

 

[Noob_Brewer]

I'm analytical and sarcastic, so... tree meet apple.

I hear that! our kids get it from both my wife and I....for better AND worse lol

 

[Dland]

No, but we have lots of gophers. Shooting enough of them to put any serious dent in the population is an 8-beer-an-hour job.

Here's one way to deal with them; {;

 

[doug293cz]

No, but we have lots of gophers. Shooting enough of them to put any serious dent in the population is an 8-beer-an-hour job.

Here's one way to deal with them; {;

"Gophers," not "golfers"...

Brew on

 

[Dland]

"Gophers," not "golfers"...

Brew on

Yeah, I know.

I guess my humor can be a little out there for this forum, requires both semi literacy and sense of the absurd.

Especially amongest you digital spectrum types....[;

Brew on my friend.

 

[ncbrewer]

I guess my humor can be a little out there for this forum, requires both semi literacy and sense of the absurd.

I'll try not to make any sudden movements around you.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

YES you will! My 15yr old daughter specifically showed her "gift" of sarcasm at about that same ripe young age as yours is currently. It only gets better....or worse depending on how you view it lol.

My 8 yr old is right there with you.

She said something snappy one day. I told her 'your lucky, if I had said that to my father I would have got a 'pop' for it"

She came back with "well I guess I am lucky that you are soooo much nicer than pap pap." (Hip jutted out to the side)

"Nope, you just didn't run soon enough..."