"Saying it in your outside voice" Tips for new members/venting and/or entertainment for regular HBTers

[homebeerbrewer]

I googled shinola: Neutral Shoe Cream

So now you know.

 

[skunkape]

I grew up with the phrase, "doesn't know *** from shinola" and never knew what the heck {a|the|some|how much|how many} shinola was.

Ever seen the the movie "The Jerk"?

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

Ever seen the the movie "The Jerk"?

These cans are defective

 

[skunkape]

These cans are defective

“I have a special purpose!”

 

[dmtaylor]

Newly signed up OP: I’m making my first batch of beer after watching a youtube video and using [what they say] ALL professional brewers use. My [word I read but don’t understand] isn’t doing [other word I don’t understand, but also learned online and don’t want to sound like I don’t know what I’m talking about]. Please help!
Regular HBT’er: Can you post a picture so we can help you?
OP: It’s a whosit and I did a thingy into the whatsit. [no picture]
Another regular HBT’er: [clear, rational explanation of part of the brewing process] ..Can you post a picture?
OP: Warts? I’m trying to make Beer! I don’t have any warts are you saying I have an infection? Please help me understand why the thingy isn’t doing a thing!
Another regular HBT’er: It would be really helpful if you could give more details about the gear you’re using and what part is giving you difficulty. Can you post a picture?
OP: I made Beer according to the instructions in the video with professional brewing equipment I bought from amazon. I don’t think it’s working because it doesn’t look like it did on youtube. [Includes fuzzy picture that may possibly be a close-up of an ordinary ferment in a bucket with the lid off and has nothing to do with the question]
Patient regular HBT’er: The picture doesn’t tell us much but; [carefully explains some of the normal brewing process in everyday language] Can you post a picture of your specific problem?
OP: You said that but the instructions said this and it’s what I did. Please help! [no picture]
etc
etc
etc
etc

A user you've never seen before: Your sulfite to chloride ratio is key. You need to add a bunch of gypsum and epsom and a microgram of calcium chloride and titanium chloride.
OP: Gee thanks!

And then neither the responder or the OP reappears ever again. Meanwhile, dozen of others continue the discussion without the OP.

 

[dmtaylor]

Sometimes it devolves like this:

Newly signed up OP: "Hi all, I just brewed a ____, and ____ happened. I tried doing ____, but nothing worked. Can anyone help?"

20 or so HBT members jump in, and some ask: "Tell us more about your process, gear, ingredients," etc.

Newly signed up OP disappears.

A few more HBTers take a WAG at the problem.

Still, not a peep from newly signed up OP.

Nothing gets resolved, so the jokes fly. Hilarity ensues.

Then comes the snark and the memes.

Then members start waxing nostalgic about other fun threads like "Please Delete," interesting people from our past like @ismellweird, or start discussions of drywall beers.

Then Google indexes the thread. Now people from outside HBT can stumble in and be baffled.

I posted my response before reading yours. Nice....

 

[dmtaylor]

Click on the Avatar (left side of the post). You'll get a dialog that includes an "ignore/unignore" button. For example:

View attachment 839368

Oh no you dih'int!

 

[dmtaylor]

I grew up with the phrase, "doesn't know *** from shinola" and never knew what the heck {a|the|some|how much|how many} shinola was.

I've heard it said the real source is Polish (from Poland) vs. polish. But that could get me in trouble for being so clear. If it makes anyone feel better, I am like 5% Polish or something like that.

 

[Beekeeper]

"Yeah, I tried that, it didn't work.
"I didn't really follow directions, did this instead, but I was not impressed with the results."

 

[MaxStout]

OP (joined yesterday, has 3 posts): "I'm thinking about doing A for my upcoming X. What do you think?"

Reply #1: "I think B would work much better for X, too much risk with A."
Reply #2: "I tried A once in an X like yours, it caused serious problems and it was a mess to clean up--never again!"
Reply #3: "I agree with Reply #1 in doing B. If you don't have the ability to do B, doing C usually gives results almost as good."
Reply #4: "Here's a link to a paper that discusses the disadvantages of doing A and why nobody does that anymore. Doing B or C are more reliable processes for your type of X."
Reply #5: "I do X a lot, at least 20 times in the last several years. Doing it using A is a recipe for failure. Trust me, been there."
Reply #6: "It's your beer, do what you want."

OP: "I'm going to do my X this weekend using A, and I don't think any of those problems will affect it. I'll let you know how it goes!"

(OP never heard from again.)

 

[Hoochin'Fool]

insert meme about "I'm in this photo and don't like it"...

 

[BrewnWKopperKat]

 

[BrewnWKopperKat]

Up 23 likes over the last month.

 

[BrewnWKopperKat]

Buy it from high volume retailers who use oxygen barrier bags (or other containers with no head space), store it cool, use it promptly.

... and ...

measure color in the glass, not the fermenter.

 

[TheBluePhantom]

I googled shinola: Neutral Shoe Cream

So now you know.

That is a new company that took the name. the original is where the phrase came from.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinola

 

[BrewnWKopperKat]

 

[dmtaylor]

A couple of oldies but goodies...

Ugh... please...

Summation of my current knowledge of this topic:

 

[BrewnWKopperKat]

to be fair, I do use my refractometer on the hot side with good results.

 

[dmtaylor]

View attachment 853326

That guy is a wimp. You can tell him I said that but he already knows.

 

[Broken Crow]

Here's one as much for many regular posters as newbies;
When you post pics, Please Shrink them a bit....Even with a high speed connection, this site can get bogged down a bit at times and posting a long thread of admittedly beautifully detailed pictures can often result in long waits and images sometimes failing to show up at all (and you can't even try another thread in a new tab while waiting) .
Most of my own pics are taken on my old iphone and I 'imessage' them to myself to get them on my laptop where they show up as .heic's of 2.x or more MB.. I open them in Preview, adjust size from 1000-something or so pixels to 200, hold down the alt key and 'save as' .jpeg, using the slider to shrink it to 40-60kB. Makes for a nice fit in the post and doesn't slow down page loading.
Been meaning to mention that for a while as even longtime users seem to be unaware of the experience they put us through while we patiently wait to see larger than needed pics that we really do want to see and appreciate and maybe because it's just akward, we never ask each other to scale them down a bit.

 

[Agent]

Now thanks to @Broken Crow I took the time to figure out the specific and un-intuitive process of resizing pictures on mobile that had been solved long ago with a right-click on desktop.

 

[Snuffy]

Never dump a batch w/o tasting it. I don’t care if a mouse is paddling around on a turd in there. You gotta try it or you ain’t got a hair on yer yarbles.

 

[doug293cz]

Here's one as much for many regular posters as newbies;
When you post pics, Please Shrink them a bit....Even with a high speed connection, this site can get bogged down a bit at times and posting a long thread of admittedly beautifully detailed pictures can often result in long waits and images sometimes failing to show up at all (and you can't even try another thread in a new tab while waiting) .
Most of my own pics are taken on my old iphone and I 'imessage' them to myself to get them on my laptop where they show up as .heic's of 2.x or more MB.. I open them in Preview, adjust size from 1000-something or so pixels to 200, hold down the alt key and 'save as' .jpeg, using the slider to shrink it to 40-60kB. Makes for a nice fit in the post and doesn't slow down page loading.
Been meaning to mention that for a while as even longtime users seem to be unaware of the experience they put us through while we patiently wait to see larger than needed pics that we really do want to see and appreciate and maybe because it's just akward, we never ask each other to scale them down a bit.

On a related note, do not use links to Discord photos. Discord links self destruct after a short period of time, leaving dead links on our forums. Instead right click on the image and select "Copy image" and then paste that image into your post. If it is a large image, then better to save it to your device and resize before posting on HBT, as recommended by @Broken Crow .

Brew on

 

[Broken Crow]

So many new folk just aren't willing to put in the time to research and actually learn from the massive body of knowledge it is our Priviledge to have have on this Gift of a site; Success and Mistakes alike on here. "I don't care if I don't actually understand it! I'm gonna do it my way! ...why isn't it working?!?!"

 

[Broken Crow]

Hmmm... Every so often;
Do I agrue with science, rationality, the empirical data; peer-reviewed by a large and competent body on this very site over many years, and as much as I hate to resort to it: Common Sense?
While "Out of the Box" developments have fuelled our evolution, there are those who seem to set "Out of the Box" thinking as a goal in itself and when confronted with the flaws of their suggestions, they merely dig their heels in.
I find I occasionally must restrain myself from asking: "A few years back, would you have described yourself with the phrase: 'I smell weird'. Were you previously a member but lost your login info?"

(For those who missed it, https://www.homebrewtalk.com/threads/sewage-in-kettle.638122/ Hey...it is November!)

 

[mac_1103]

OP: is this a bad idea?
Everybody else: yeah, that's a bad idea.
OP: y'all are just a bunch of naysayers who invent problems.
Me: where is that ignore button?

 

[Yesfan]

Hmmm... Every so often;
Do I agrue with science, rationality, the empirical data; peer-reviewed by a large and competent body on this very site over many years, and as much as I hate to resort to it: Common Sense?
While "Out of the Box" developments have fuelled our evolution, there are those who seem to set "Out of the Box" thinking as a goal in itself and when confronted with the flaws of their suggestions, they merely dig their heels in.
I find I occasionally must restrain myself from asking: "A few years back, would you have described yourself with the phrase: 'I smell weird'. Were you previously a member but lost your login info?"

(For those who missed it, https://www.homebrewtalk.com/threads/sewage-in-kettle.638122/ Hey...it is November!)

Well, at least that guy didn't go with ANuStart for his username.........

 

[MaxStout]

Well, at least that guy didn't go with ANuStart for his username.........

There's a t-shirt for that.

 

[Konadog]

OP: is this a bad idea?
Everybody else: yeah, that's a bad idea.
OP: y'all are just a bunch of naysayers who invent problems.
Me: where is that ignore button?

My typical answer to those questions

 

[Jonakr]

Hmmm... Every so often;
Do I agrue with science, rationality, the empirical data; peer-reviewed by a large and competent body on this very site over many years, and as much as I hate to resort to it: Common Sense?
While "Out of the Box" developments have fuelled our evolution, there are those who seem to set "Out of the Box" thinking as a goal in itself and when confronted with the flaws of their suggestions, they merely dig their heels in.
I find I occasionally must restrain myself from asking: "A few years back, would you have described yourself with the phrase: 'I smell weird'. Were you previously a member but lost your login info?"

(For those who missed it, https://www.homebrewtalk.com/threads/sewage-in-kettle.638122/ Hey...it is November!)

Ah, the good ol' days...

 

[Broken Crow]

"I bought stuff without due diligence and had a bad experience and wanna complain! "
Then don't buy it again or at least adjust your expectations to reality.
"...what?!?...own it?!?!? take responsibility for my free choices when I can complain and blame others? Who are you kidding?!"

 

[Broken Crow]

 

[Snuffy]

"My banana creme rhubarb stout looks weird. Is this infected?"

 

[Broken Crow]

We have another thread:
"I have a leak..I tested with soapy water and nothing. where's it coming from?"
can you give details?
"it's a kegerator. I have a leak."
can you post pics or a description of your system?
"it's pretty standard. I have a leak... where's it coming from?"

 

[Broken Crow]

I'm not out to shame anyone, but incorrect usage of terminology (jargon) is just really getting on my nut.
Please: If you have a single-vessel brew-rig with a proprietary controller and a mash-pipe, this is an All In One; "AIO" it is NOT BIAB as it has a dead space between the outer wall and the malt-pipe any can use any controller on a Kettle which is outfitted to the owners desire.
Sealed fermenters and O2-free transfers are NOT LoDO!! They are O2-free transfers and can be done in closed-loop with a gas-return line or open-loop with external CO2 and a spunding valve (or very loosely; opening the PRV.)
Beer dispensing systems outside frat-houses do not use 'air', they use CO2, or 'Beer Gas' (nitro/CO2 mix)

 

[balrog]

Okaaaaaay

 

[Konadog]

 

[DaveDiamond]

The search function here is terrible, use Google to find threads and posts on here, it does a much better job!

 

[hottpeper13]

Saying Kviek yeast is like saying yeast,yeast; stop it! These people prolley say the Sahara Desert also; just stop it!

 

[DaveDiamond]

Saying Kviek yeast is like saying yeast,yeast; stop it! These people prolley say the Sahara Desert also; just stop it!

I was just talking about this with a guy I met at the ATM machine the other day!