You know you're a home brewer when?

[Northern_Brewer]

You see reports of temperatures in Europe hitting 45°C (113°F) and think "the whole of France is getting a ferulic rest"....

 

[Fransjoe]

When SWMBO, In-laws and Pastor sermon you on the dangers of your soul for making a hopped barley tea...(this is before pitching the yeast).

 

[Northern_Brewer]

When SWMBO, In-laws and Pastor sermon you on the dangers of your soul for making a hopped barley tea...(this is before pitching the yeast).

Recall that the Ben Franklin quote that is often misquoted, was originally referring to the Marriage at Cana and the process that leads to wine, if not the wine itself :

Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy!

 

[seatazzz]

If my uber-catholic grandmother was alive right now, I would have to endure a weekly sermon on the dangers of alcohol, brewing as a woman (not our place you know! Get back in the bedroom & the kitchen where you belong), and how I'm not as good as my perfect sister, who married an alcoholic with 5 DUI's at last count. God or whoever smite me now, but I was relieved when that banshee kicked the bucket back in '99, and so was my mother (her daughter).

 

[mongoose33]

You know you're a homebrewer when....

...your wife sends you a link to a book you might like, "Mastering Homebrew" by Mosher....

....and you've had it on your bookshelf for over 3 years.

[I appreciate my wife looking out for my hobby. BTW, I recommend the book.]

 

[rhys333]

...when you have WET socks.

 

[OpenSights]

...when you have WET socks.

Been there too many times! Usually just cleaning day...

 

[rhys333]

Been there too many times! Usually just cleaning day...

Same here. Kegging/cleaning day. It doesn't matter what I do, I always end up with water or sanitizer on the floor.

 

[pjhalifax]

Probably mentioned before, but I was just thinking this morning while I was looking under the sink for a trash bag: You know you're a homebrewer when you start visualizing fermentation buckets in every available nook and cranny of your home.

Hmmm...yep! I could fit one there, and there and there...

 

[kh54s10]

Probably mentioned before, but I was just thinking this morning while I was looking under the sink for a trash bag: You know you're a homebrewer when you start visualizing fermentation buckets in every available nook and cranny of your home.

Hmmm...yep! I could fit one there, and there and there...

I hope your fermentation buckets stuck in every nook and cranny are empty or your house is kept cold... Fermentation temperature control is one of the best ways to make your beer better. Lack of control and too high a fermentation temperature is one of the easiest ways to make a good beer mediocre or even bad.

 

[pjhalifax]

I hope your fermentation buckets stuck in every nook and cranny are empty or your house is kept cold... Fermentation temperature control is one of the best ways to make your beer better. Lack of control and too high a fermentation temperature is one of the easiest ways to make a good beer mediocre or even bad.

Yes, this is pure fantasy. I wish I had a cool house or a basement, but here in the southeast I'm 100% reliant on my mini fridge and cooler bag. Still, I do like to mentally take over the house with brewing equipment.

 

[deepbluegroove]

If you use Kviek and Saison yeasts its not an issue.

 

[Mic Carp]

When you have at least two refrigerator's/freezers and only one of them contains food.

I have 3 full size refrigerators, a mini fridge and a keezer

 

[seatazzz]

When you are a fairly experienced homebrewer, with common sense and science to back you up, and you STILL spend a good amount of time fretting about your lager on brand new S23 that hasn't got a krausen yet after over 48 hours. Then breathe a heavy sigh of relief the next morning when a thin film of foam is seen. Every damn time.

 

[Amadeo38]

When you are a fairly experienced homebrewer, with common sense and science to back you up, and you STILL spend a good amount of time fretting about your lager on brand new S23 that hasn't got a krausen yet after over 48 hours. Then breathe a heavy sigh of relief the next morning when a thin film of foam is seen. Every damn time.

Same. Every time I make a lager I freak out until Krausen finally forms. Every. Time.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

You know you're a homebrewer when, on a Friday night, you're pulling a pint off the tap and repeating the mantra in your head, "Don't kick, don't kick, don't kick", and breathe a sigh of relief when it doesn't kick.

 

[OpenSights]

Who did I buy this fermenter from? Was it the guy I bought the kegs from, or the guy I bought the keggle from?

 

[mongoose33]

You know you're a homebrewer when, on a Friday night, you're pulling a pint off the tap and repeating the mantra in your head, "Don't kick, don't kick, don't kick", and breathe a sigh of relief when it doesn't kick.

Last night I wanted to compare the Kolsch I made at the end of May with a new one I'd just kegged. I wanted to try a bit of each to see if I needed to jolt the new batch with some additional carbonation...

...and BAM! I get about 1/2" of beer in the bottom of the glass and the keg kicks. I really wanted to compare them as I used WLP029 in the first, and WYEAST 2565 in the second one.....

Guess I should have repeated the "don't kick" mantra....

 

[OakIslandBrewery]

You know you're a home brewer - when after a close tornado takes the power out and you wonder, "I think I could still finish this batch of beer I started". I waited though, continuing the boil the next day after the power is on and all is safe with my family and around home.

 

[OpenSights]

When you host a brew day and your friend asks about your new piece of equipment... in front of your wife.... who didn’t know about it yet. She then goes back inside to research how much it cost and sends you a screen shot of it on Amazon.

Amazon $168

Used $50

 

[OpenSights]

When you hear a thump. Wife blames your brewing and you need to keep her in check!

 

[Mic Carp]

When you finally decide to get organized and realize that you have 8 buckets and 9 kegs but only have room for 3 kegs in your keezer (time to upgrade)

 

[JohnSand]

When you stop on a road trip at an out of state HBS for yeast. Of course you have ice packs with you.

 

[treacheroustexan]

My phone autocorrects to brewing terms constantly.

Today was “I’ll take care of it after work when I get homebrew”. Meant to be just home. My phone also autocorrects my fiancé’s name to Brew. Oops.

 

[Kee]

When you stop on a road trip at an out of state HBS for yeast. Of course you have ice packs with you.

My last hotel reservation was chosen in consideration of its proximity to the local HBS.

 

[OpenSights]

When you volunteer your Saturday and equipment to help a buddy brew for his upcoming wedding. The only logical thing to do is to take Friday off to clean and load equipment.

 

[OpenSights]

My phone autocorrects to brewing terms constantly.

Today was “I’ll take care of it after work when I get homebrew”. Meant to be just home. My phone also autocorrects my fiancé’s name to Brew. Oops.

My phone and tablet does this all the time too and plumbing terms too.

Embarrassing when it happens when texting with customers!

 

[fourfarthing]

My phone autocorrects Grisette

 

[JohnSand]

Yes, I'm serious. And stop calling me Grisette.

 

[OpenSights]

When you volunteer your Saturday and equipment to help a buddy brew for his upcoming wedding. The only logical thing to do is to take Friday off to clean and load equipment.

Then we all end up at a local brewery and so happens to walk in are 2 club members to watch their uncle sing, the former owner of our old LHBS, two brew masters and another two club members... I know all of them pretty well other than the uncle...

What in the name of Pete kind of cult did I somehow get myself into?!?!

Oh, and my second day helping on commercial brew day is Monday. I get to reserve 5 gallons of wort to experiment with. Stout!

 

[Amadeo38]

...when you have to take time off work to refill your co2 tanks because it’s summer in Florida and leaving a tank in the car during the workday would be extremely dangerous.

 

[JohnSand]

Safety first.

 

[OpenSights]

Scrolling through Facebook and you spot a cooler for sale and decide to keep scrolling because it wouldn’t make a good tun...

 

[HB2 HughBHomeBrew]

When you walk out of a restaurant with an empty bomber in your hand.

 

[AkTom]

I’m building a deck. I need a couple of shims. Down to the basement, and say to myself, “shims, not beer”. I already have drank one and have another on the deck.

 

[Imhoppy]

You set up a spreadsheet that analyzes your beer consumption rate per day, how much kegged/bottled brew you have on hand, how much are in fermenters, and the date you will have no beer. The calculations determine the last possible date you need to brew more, taking into account fermenting days, secondary fermenting days, dry hop days, and carbonation days so you don't run out of beer. And just to be extra cautious, figure the next 2 brew dates as well. After all, when it comes to home brew, it's better to have too much than enough.

 

[Dave Sarber]

When you stop the car to pick up empty beer bottles off the side of the road.....

 

[beermanpete]

You set up a spreadsheet that analyzes your beer consumption rate per day, how much kegged/bottled brew you have on hand, how much are in fermenters, and the date you will have no beer. The calculations determine the last possible date you need to brew more, taking into account fermenting days, secondary fermenting days, dry hop days, and carbonation days so you don't run out of beer. And just to be extra cautious, figure the next 2 brew dates as well. After all, when it comes to home brew, it's better to have too much than enough.

You designed an MRP system for your brewery. Nice.

 

[Pkrd]

You set up a spreadsheet that analyzes your beer consumption rate per day, how much kegged/bottled brew you have on hand, how much are in fermenters, and the date you will have no beer. The calculations determine the last possible date you need to brew more, taking into account fermenting days, secondary fermenting days, dry hop days, and carbonation days so you don't run out of beer. And just to be extra cautious, figure the next 2 brew dates as well. After all, when it comes to home brew, it's better to have too much than enough.

And you give yourself a six month buffer.

 

[schematix]

You set up a spreadsheet that analyzes your beer consumption rate per day, how much kegged/bottled brew you have on hand, how much are in fermenters, and the date you will have no beer. The calculations determine the last possible date you need to brew more, taking into account fermenting days, secondary fermenting days, dry hop days, and carbonation days so you don't run out of beer. And just to be extra cautious, figure the next 2 brew dates as well. After all, when it comes to home brew, it's better to have too much than enough.

When you have so many kegs of finished beer in cold storage you don’t need the spreadsheet you made....