The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Immocles]

Dear MoreBeer,
I love that I was finally able to throw some business your way. I picked up some great deals and impulse bought all sorts of ****. I also appreciate that you were able to pack and ship earlier than you had projected....but did really have to pack and ship Friday afternoon before a long, holiday weekend?
Sincerely,
Frustrated liquid yeast buyer that could have waited until Tuesday.

 

[Kent88]

I've been there, dude. It's so frustrating.

I always get the extra ice pack.

 

[AzOr]

Dear Bathroom Mirror,
What’s going on with you? Are you ok? Since you turned 40 it seems like you’re letting yourself go.

Sincerely,
Handsome Guy

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear handsome guy,
It is not the mirror, it is me-the undisputed champion (and still undefeated).
Sincerely,
Time

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear right arm,

Thank you for developing an inexplicable and painful case of tennis elbow.

Sincerely,
Guy who does not play tennis

 

[Snuffy]

Dear right arm,

Thank you for developing an inexplicable and painful case of tennis elbow.

Sincerely,
Guy who does not play tennis

Who says social distancing doesn't have physical consequences?

Seriously, tho... Voltaren Gel. It's a topical NSAID gel that you will have to get your doc to prescribe - which they will usually do with a call or an email via the portal. Apply morning and night til it stops - which will be 3 days. Otherwise, immobilize for a month and see if it helps.

I hate tendonitis.

Look up coupons for it on the web before you go pick it up.

 

[SEndorf]

Dear agitated brewer,

It is not the fault of your LHBS that they are out of what you need. Stop yelling at them and use dry yeast substitutes, order what they have, and adjust your grain bill accordingly......

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear wife,
Don't get mad a me because the house is 80+ and you have irritated toddlers crawling into bed with you.
I told you we needed to on the A/C this morning but you refused because "it's not June yet, and I won't do it!" Now you have 3 exhausted 3 yr olds that cant sleep in their 90 degree room...
Enjoy!
Sincerely,
Chilling out (literally) in the basement tonight.

 

[Bilsch]

Dear beyond annoying german engineered automobile,
Can we just stop with the endless cycle of something going wrong, being repaired, and something ELSE going wrong, completely unrelated to the first issue? I would dearly like to drive you instead of you sitting in the driveway taking up space. Your new cam chain tensioner pads will be here on Saturday, let's make that the last one for a while, hmmm?
Sincerely,
Your owner who is very tired of explaining to her husband why the car isn't running now, and having to order parts online because NOBODY in my area carries parts for this beast other than basic maintenance stuff.

Dear electric car,
Thank you for not costing me a dime in maintenance and less then half the cost per mile in energy in the almost 3 years I've owned you.
Ok I lied, I had to add wiper fluid a couple times and air up the tires which cost something.
Sincerely,
Ex internal combustion car owner.

 

[Kent88]

Dear electric car,
Thank you for not costing me a dime in maintenance and less then half the cost per mile in energy in the almost 3 years I've owned you.
Sincerely,
Ex internal combustion car owner.

How old and how many miles on that EV?

I bought a slightly used PHEV in November. I've been darn happy with it over the last few months, and with the warmer weather now, I'm starting to see the battery range get to what the manufacturer said it can do.

It has been fantastic the last couple months. The pure EV miles it can get on a full charge exceed my spouse's drive to and from work. It hasn't seen a gas station in over 1,300 miles, and it has only burned about 3 gallons of dino juice in that time.

 

[bracconiere]

Dear dead keg of cider,

i loved you for a week...

Sincerly,

My new keg of wit, i'm glad i saved you with 2oz's of dry hops.....i know it will be short lived, but i have more malt showing up wendsday...

 

[Velnerj]

Dear daydreaming homebrewer,

You may think that the kegging system is the last upgrade you'll make to your brewing hobby. But you thought that about the kettle upgrade and the mill and the brew bag before. Let's not kid ourselves here, a DIY brew stand is looking around the corner and then there will always be something else. Get used to it.

Sincerely,

A realistic homebrewer

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Ex-internal combustion car owner,

Thbbbbbbbt.

Sincerely,

soon to be former owner of german-engineered POS as soon as I can find some fool to take it off my hands.

 

[Bilsch]

How old and how many miles on that EV?

I bought a slightly used PHEV in November. I've been darn happy with it over the last few months, and with the warmer weather now, I'm starting to see the battery range get to what the manufacturer said it can do.

It has been fantastic the last couple months. The pure EV miles it can get on a full charge exceed my spouse's drive to and from work. It hasn't seen a gas station in over 1,300 miles, and it has only burned about 3 gallons of dino juice in that time.

Just under 3 years and I’ve put on 20k. It’s great never going to the gas station or for oil changes etc. just a plug in the garage. There is plenty of battery capacity so the little range lost in the winter is a non issue. And besides all that I can smoke just about every gas burner around, and that coming from an old guy who never cared for stoplight drags before. Didn’t think I’d love this thing as much as I do.

 

[Kent88]

I feel inspired...

Dear Grocery Store with a free fast charging "station" for EVs,

Thank you! I appreciate it!

Sincerely,
A dude with a PHEV that can't completely make it there and back in the winter without topping off

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear God,
Why did you bless me with triplet boy's? (And they are a blessing)

Sincerely,
Was I really that bad of a kid to deserve this?

P.S. thank you for making sure that they will at least eat mac and cheese

 

[Kent88]

Dear EV fast charging station entrepreneurs,

Please bring back drive-in movie theaters. And look into adding stations at sit-down dining and indoor recreation facilities that are open 24/7. The latter may not seem like great ideas now, but give it a couple of years.

Sincerely,
Dude who wants to convince more friends and family to follow his example and drive PHEVs/EVs

P.S. Hotels and grocery stores.

 

[Kent88]

Dear God,
Why did you bless me with triplet boy's? (And they are a blessing)

Sincerely,
Was I really that bad of a kid to deserve this?

P.S. thank you for making sure that they will at least eat mac and cheese

Dear B_D41,
Did you retain no memories from your childhood?

Sincerely,
Probably something your parents / guardians would say

P.S. Muahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[Kent88]

Dear Rabbits,

I put a lot of effort into growing those tomatoes. Leave them alone.

Sincerely,
I'm not above buying a slingshot, dousing myself in bug repellent, and sitting in my yard from dusk until 2am most nights

 

[Kent88]

Dear Kent88,

Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.

Sincerely,
The Rabbits

 

[Horseflesh]

Voltaren Gel

I was curious, looked it up. The active ingredient is diclofenac, nice. And the gel is apparently OTC now too.

 

[VApatriot]

Dear Kent88,

Those pesky critters won't bother your veggies anymore if you spring for one of these and a controller. Since I got a pair of these and a controller, I haven't lost a single tomato to the raccoons.

https://www.premier1supplies.com/garden_wildlife/fencing.php?fence_id=34
https://www.premier1supplies.com/p/patriot-p5-energizer?cat_id=245

Sincerely,
VApatriot

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear Kent88,

Those pesky critters won't bother your veggies anymore if you spring for one of these and a controller. Since I got a pair of these and a controller, I haven't lost a single tomato to the raccoons.

https://www.premier1supplies.com/garden_wildlife/fencing.php?fence_id=34
https://www.premier1supplies.com/p/patriot-p5-energizer?cat_id=245
View attachment 683230


Sincerely,
VApatriot

Dear Vapatriot,
Would this work on small children?

Hypothetically of course...
Sincerely,
Asking for a freind

 

[Rodent]

Dear Doggie Walking Neighbor,

I so appreciate that your large dog has chosen my front yard as it's preferred unloading zone. I also am flattered that you're so impressed with it's creations that you have chosen to leave them as monuments during your 3x daily doggie-walks down our street as a generous gift to me.

I'm overwhelmed by your unending generosity, and have put together a thank-you gift to show my appreciation. I think you'll be left without words when you open that 'Amazon' package you'll find on your doorstep any day now. It's my way of showing my humble gratitude for your continued generosity, despite my multiple times of clearly noting that you don't need to keep leaving me such awesome yard art.


Sincerely,

One who found the perfect gift for this occasion

 

[Kent88]

Dear Momma Rabbit,

Really? What did you think was going to happen? You put your babies in a hole in my yard that you made no attempt to hide. Five. Feet. Away. From. My. Garden.

You don't deserve to have a litter to pass your genetics along.

Sincerely,
I feel like a terrible person, but I do not regret my actions.

 

[Kent88]

Dear "One who found the perfect gift for this occasion",

Your supply is limited. Mine is not.

You had to touch doggo doo. I didn't.

Sincerely,
Doggie Walking Neighbor

 

[Rodent]

Dear Doggie Walking Neighbor,

You obviously haven't opened your package yet. The excitement and anticipation of the unveiling of what awaits is just killing me

I'm sure once you have opportunity to breathe in and fully savor the intense aroma of the goodness that awaits your admiration, you'll recognize with absolute certainty that I'm definitely not re-gifting the presence of any present you have graced upon me.

Go ahead, put on that wind-breaker. I believe it's a bit chili tonight

Sincerely,

Big Mike

 

[SEndorf]

Dear Mr. Mailman,
Don't walk up to me and attempt to hand me my packages.
Leave them on the ground.. I say Thank you... And please walk away.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Dear daydreaming homebrewer,

You may think that the kegging system is the last upgrade you'll make to your brewing hobby. But you thought that about the kettle upgrade and the mill and the brew bag before. Let's not kid ourselves here, a DIY brew stand is looking around the corner and then there will always be something else. Get used to it.

Sincerely,

A realistic homebrewer

I had a pastor once who would say: "Now you've gone from preaching to meddling."

 

[Kent88]

Dear @Immocles ,

Thank you for writing to morebeer recently. I called them the other day after placing an order and made sure to tell them that I didn't want my shipment getting held up over a weekend. I'm expecting a shipment that includes yeast to be delivered tomorrow.

Now I just have to hope that the extra ice packs are enough. It's been rather warm.

Sincerely,
Kent88

 

[BruceH]

Dear Kolsch from Koln in a .5 liter can.

Why did I wait so long to try you? You are delicious.

Sincerely,
Beer lover

 

[Kent88]

Dear remaining keg of cider,

I have ingredients for a lager on the way. We kind of need the keezer for that. I have four words for you:

You can't defeat me!!!!

Sincerely,
Guy with a bad hangover tomorrow

 

[Kent88]

Dear Allrecipes pizza dough recipe writer,

I love pizza. I like your pizza dough recipe a lot. But it makes three, and I'm not going to freeze any of it.

Sincerely,
I feel like I have gained 15 pounds

 

[AJinJacksonville]

Dear Neighbor Across the Street,

Although I'm all about enjoying the outdoors with our canine companion, I can not and do not enjoy doing so with your three dogs off-leash barking their arses off while restrained by only an invisible fence that runs all the way to the street. I also do not appreciate you letting them bail out of your front door when I'm walking my dog at 9:30 PM. Not sure your intent on that, other than to stop them from barking their heads off indoors...but it makes it miserable for anyone riding, walking or rolling by.

Sincerely,
Annoyed Neighbor Who Uses a Leash with His Dog

 

[Rodent]

Dear Neighbor Just Down the Street,

Like the neighbor above who is roughly in the middle between us, I too am annoyed by your three dogs rushing at me while walking my leashed dog on the public sidewalk in front of your house.

Apologies in advance that I mis-read their (your?) intent in rushing at us, and for incorrectly viewing this as your dogs intent on attacking me and my Cocker just prior to tasing the dog that was closest to us and (as I now know) right at the perimeter of your 'not able to be seen by others'invisible fence.

I'm certain your dog will make a full recovery, and that its suffering was not without your quick learning. Hopefully it only takes this one event for you to have learned that not everybody has the ability to recognize that a charging 35 pound dog just 5 meters away will stop at the 3 meter mark due to said fence that none of us can physically see. Hopefully your dogs will not endure further suffering due to similar events just because you're an inherently slow learner.

Sincerely,
Annoyed Neighbor Who Doesn't Let My Dog Rush Others Peacefully Walking on the Sidewalk

 

[AzOr]

Dear Heater Allen Pilsner,
Why are you so effin delicious? I thought I had my pilsners down perfect. Now you have me tweaking my recipes and searching for a goal I'm not sure I'll find.

Sincerely,
A huge pilsner fan.

 

[Kent88]

Dear @Immocles ,

Thank you for writing to morebeer recently. I called them the other day after placing an order and made sure to tell them that I didn't want my shipment getting held up over a weekend. I'm expecting a shipment that includes yeast to be delivered tomorrow.

Now I just have to hope that the extra ice packs are enough. It's been rather warm.

Sincerely,
Kent88

Dear past self,

You spoke too soon.

Sincerely,
Frustrated slightly in the future from your perspective self

 

[Kent88]

Dear MoreBeer,

Ignoring your customer when he calls, requesting a slightly postponed shipping date to avoid yeast being in transit over the weekend is a good way to lose a customer.

Sincerely,
The angry caller you are going to receive tomorrow morning

 

[Immocles]

That bites!

 

[Inkleg]

That bites!

Dear The angry caller you are going to receive tomorrow morning,

That bites!

Sincerely,
FTFY