The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[jhoneycutt]

Dear Global Positioning System,
Get your sh** straight. I'm sick and fu***** tired of all the useless driving and wasted gas because you seem to think its funny to get me to do it.
Sincerely, guy whose second job kinda depends on timely deliveries.

 

[sumbrewindude]

Dear Fermentis S33,

Please let me know when you're done.

No really, I need to know when you're finally done.


Really. You done now?

Thanks,

Every new kit brewer.

 

[fimpster]

Dear this thread,
May I please have the last 20 minutes of my life back?
Sincerely, A guy who jut read all 17 pages of this thread.

 

[boydster]

Dear Old Man,

You miserable old ****. I've been stuck here in the back of your truck since 1963, tied to a 3 foot rope, and you can't be bothered to even get me a card for our anniversary? Suck my goat balls.

Sincerely,
The Only ****ing Talking Goat Ever.
PS: I peed on your hickory stick when you were passed out yesterday afternoon.

 

[Gixxer]

Dear soon to be ex wife who thinks I suck...

I really don't suck anymore and would love another chance to show you...

Sincerely, soon to be ex husband that doesn't suck anymore

 

[harleybug88]

Dear store greeter,

Please don't give me a fake smile and pretend your my best friend.

P.S. I know you're just doing your job, so nothing personal.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear soon to be ex wife who thinks I suck...

I really don't suck anymore and would love another chance to show you...

Sincerely, soon to be ex husband that doesn't suck anymore

Dear almost ex wife who thinks I suck....

I still suck, and so do you. So let's make this official already. We were anything but right for each other, and your Craigslist ad took it over the top.

Sincerely, your soon to be ex husband who hopes he's less than 80 by the time it's finalized.

 

[TXCrash]

P.s. Somehow you've gotten uglier and more trollish, and that's coming from a guy that hasn't had sex in 1 year...

 

[stevehardt]

Dear Julius Peppers,

Sorry abut all that "Julius Peppers is washed up" talk.

Sincerely,

Packer Fans everywhere

 

[boydster]

Dear Velveeta-Rotel-Hormel Chili dip,

Thank you for being so simple and so delicious. I know you get a lot of flack from people claiming you are some kind of unnatural abomination masquerading as food, and you may not technically be fit for human consumption, but still you persevere in the face of adversity. When we are together, we are unstoppable, a force to be reckoned with. Please don't ever change. You complete me.

Sincerely,
Tostitos

 

[PackerfaninSanDiego]

Dear almost ex wife who thinks I suck....

I still suck, and so do you. So let's make this official already. We were anything but right for each other, and your Craigslist ad took it over the top.

Sincerely, your soon to be ex husband who hopes he's less than 80 by the time it's finalized.

Dear TXCrash,
Please link us to the craigslist ad.
Sincerely, those that want to see the truth

 

[Fedora]

Dear Blue Moon,

Please go away.

Sincerely, OrangesSlicesDon'tBelongIn Beer

 

[TXCrash]

Dear TXCrash,
Please link us to the craigslist ad.
Sincerely, those that want to see the truth

Dear packerfan,
I would, but this is gen pop and the ad is rated r.

Let's just say she's a very dirty girl and leave it at that. She wanted to be dirtier, and expressed same in ad. Why put it in a sock when you could put it on her chest? Small but perky, she said they were. Yup, they were small.

Sincerely,
The man that's still legally married to the woman who's living with her boyfriend,
Txcrash

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

Dear Crash,

Bwahahahahahahahaha

Sincerely, Ginger

 

[ChefRex]

It was a tough brew day for me today, and only your use of "horser" (and a few home brews) could make me laugh. Agree about the loud motorcycles too, but I know I'm unusually sensitive to noise.
Dear BK, Is it asking too much for you to be self cleaning? Sincerely, Ah, it'll just have to wait until tomorrow

Dear Billy Klubb,
Please be light on him for he knows not what he has done.
Sincerely, His Berrys

 

[obie]

Dear Wes Welker,

Ha!

Sincerely,
Tom Brady

 

[themachinist]

Dear Americans

Make Something!!!
An economy can not work if you buy everything from another country. I'm sick of fixing cheap Chinese **** because corporate ******** cant look past the numbers to see the importance of a quality product.

Sincerely
Pissed off machinist with no work...

 

[soccerdad]

Dear small but perky,

You have us all by the balls and you know it, don't you? It's the 'perky', right?

Sincerely - the guys with brains in the little head

 

[Newsman]

Dear USPS --
Would it kill you to put the sender of a registered package on the delivery notice so we know how important it is to get to the PO to pick up the package?
Sincerely,
Ticked off person who helps pay your salary

 

[Zepth]

Dear USPS --
Would it kill you to put the sender of a registered package on the delivery notice so we know how important it is to get to the PO to pick up the package?
Sincerely,
Ticked off person who helps pay your salary

Funny that you should mention this today. I made an order to Auber and heard a horror story on this very forum. Basicaly FedEx did something stupid and left parcel in a publicly accessible location, actual customer never received it. Auber/fedex duke it out as to who is to blame, etc. It all worked out eventually IIRC.

Anyways, with this in mind in the "special request" portion of the checkout I asked "Please send as <signature required>". They didn't. The funny part? Received it today and "Signature required" was written on the package. Now did they enter it into the system to actually need to obtain a signature, no of course not.

 

[CJ-3]

Dear Fellow Employees,

If you drop something on my desk marked ASAP and I see a timestamp on it from a month ago it does not move higher up the priority list.

Sincerely, The Guy Who Has His Own Work To Do.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear Bears Fans,
Your team still sucks.
Sincerely, PFISD

Dear PFISD,
We agree, the Bears are sucking right now, but we will take the Wins when we can.
Think of what we might be able to do if we start playing well...
Sincerly,
Bears Fan,

PS. See you Sunday

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear All You Other Fans,

Daaaaaa Bills.

Sincerely,
*shrugs*

 

[Melana]

Dear Corporate Phone Administrator,

When I try to get a replacement phone because my existing phone died and I had nothing to do with the untimely demise please do not give me a hard time. It was not my fault, I didn't kill it. Also - one more thing - when you ship me the 'replacement one from your desk' please ensure it gets to me the next day. Telling me it shipped overnight on FedEx and not having it arrive is quite irritating.

Sincerely,
The Sales Rep that needs a phone.

 

[TasunkaWitko]

Dear Adult Children -

Our house, our rules. If you don't like it, there's the door.

Sincerely,

Parents of Twenty-Somethings Everywhere Who Can't Seem to Get Their $#!t Together These Days

 

[VApatriot]

Dear Fellow HBT Members,

Thank you all for imparting your knowledge, wisdom, experience, and various techniques on homebrewing. I have learned many helpful things from lots of you. This is the first place I come to learn more about making decent beer. I am humbled by your willingness to help the novice and inexperienced brewers with their craft. With your help I have learned to make very, very good beer. My hat's off to all of you.:rockin:


Sincerely,

A humble novice hombrewer

 

[CJ-3]

Dear Homebrewing Friend Who Got Me Started,

You're right, it is addicting

Sincerely,
A Happy Addict.

 

[ManhattanProjectBrewing]

Dear Penis,

I'm sorry...

Sincerely,

Your Zipper

 

[b-boy]

Dear All You Other Fans,

Daaaaaa Bills.

Sincerely,
*shrugs*

That would have worked better last week.

 

[elkshadow]

Dear people that drive between 3 and 7pm in the Denver metro area,

Chill. The. Eff. Out. I'm not sure how being in your home at 5:29 instead of 5:33 is worth driving like a maniac and risking your (and my) life for. Also, riding my ass when I'm going 5 over the limit will get you nowhere except slowed down to the speed limit. 5 miles per hour means if you traveled at a constant speed for an hour you would be 5 miles further. Not hard to do the math and realize that driving like a maniac for 10 or 15 minutes to get home nets a gain of, oh, let's say somewhere around NOTHING!!!!!

Sincerely,

I like living and I'm just trying to go to the supermarket without getting killed

P.S. For the love of god, put the phone down. It can wait.

 

[userzero]

Dear cook,

You put way too much bacon in there.

Sincerely,
No one ever.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Work,
I'm still pi$$ed. Leave me the flocc alone.

Sincerely,
The Angry Guy

 

[BigJack]

Dear cooler-than-thou music guy,

Tom Waits is terrible. He sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger doing a Louie Armstrong impression while straining on the toilet.

Sincerely,
People with ears

 

[Gameface]

Dear people that drive between 3 and 7pm in the Denver metro area,

Chill. The. Eff. Out. I'm not sure how being in your home at 5:29 instead of 5:33 is worth driving like a maniac and risking your (and my) life for. Also, riding my ass when I'm going 5 over the limit will get you nowhere except slowed down to the speed limit. 5 miles per hour means if you traveled at a constant speed for an hour you would be 5 miles further. Not hard to do the math and realize that driving like a maniac for 10 or 15 minutes to get home nets a gain of, oh, let's say somewhere around NOTHING!!!!!

Sincerely,

I like living and I'm just trying to go to the supermarket without getting killed

P.S. For the love of god, put the phone down. It can wait.

Dear fellow driver,

Keep to the right except to pass.

That should clear up the tailgating issue.

Sincerely,

Guy who doesn't set limits on everyone else based on how many miles over the speed limit I say it's okay to drive.

 

[elkshadow]

Dear fellow driver,

Keep to the right except to pass.

That should clear up the tailgating issue.

Sincerely,

Guy who doesn't set limits on everyone else based on how many miles over the speed limit I say it's okay to drive.

Dear fellow driver,

Keep driving fast during rush hour for no reason and enjoy the stress that it creates. Or just drive like everybody else and get home safely a minute or two later.

I'm not talking about going 55 in the passing lane on the freeway. I'm talking about city streets. 2 lanes going, 2 lanes coming and a turn lane in the middle, bumper to bumper, no chance to pass and everybody being in a race to the next red light.

Sincerely,

Guy who has never caused an accident or gotten a ticket for speeding in 26 years of driving

P.S. Nobody likes the way anybody else drives.

 

[hunter_le five]

Dear Slowpoke,

If you've never killed anyone while behind the wheel, you're driving too slow.

Sincerely,

Just-Kidding

 

[Melana]

Dear Slowpoke,

If you've never killed anyone while behind the wheel, you're driving too slow.

Sincerely,

Just-Kidding

Or were you...

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Co-Workers,

Say iPhone 6 one more time.

Sincerely,

 

[beavers]

Dear Fellow Employee ********* Coffee Drinker,

Two milimeters of coffee at the bottom of the pot is not enough for the next guy. You kill the pot, you brew a new one. Or else.

Sincerely,
Undercaffeinated with Nothing to Lose

 

[Newsman]

Dear people that drive between 3 and 7pm in the Denver metro area,

Chill. The. Eff. Out. I'm not sure how being in your home at 5:29 instead of 5:33 is worth driving like a maniac and risking your (and my) life for. Also, riding my ass when I'm going 5 over the limit will get you nowhere except slowed down to the speed limit. 5 miles per hour means if you traveled at a constant speed for an hour you would be 5 miles further. Not hard to do the math and realize that driving like a maniac for 10 or 15 minutes to get home nets a gain of, oh, let's say somewhere around NOTHING!!!!!

Sincerely,

I like living and I'm just trying to go to the supermarket without getting killed

P.S. For the love of god, put the phone down. It can wait.

Dear Elkshadow:
If you're in the "fast" lane and someone wants to go faster, GTF OUT OF THE WAY!

Sincerely,
Speedy Gonzalez

PS -- I agree on the phone!