The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Kent88]

Male or female? Single? I recall something I saw a few years ago about the ratio up there... Lots more men than women... Oh course, they're Alaskan men... For women, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" lol...

Single male, but given some recent life events I don't know how much he'll be looking for a while.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Karma,

Thanks so much for giving me the idea of buying another 7g fermonster, so I can have two in the ferment fridge and one in the house for kveik; and then, after many months of no mishaps, letting the heat lamp warp the hell out of the fermonster currently in the ferment fridge. So I'm back down to two unless I can salvage it (won't know for a few days when I can rack the beer out if it).

Sincerely,

Yes I know I screwed up, but dammit it's worked for many months with nothing going wrong, why did it have to happen NOW?

*edit I have a nice heat mat now that's doing the job. Should have gotten one a long time ago.

 

[eldernut]

Dear Dog,

A hearty good morning is always welcome. You standing on my chest? Not so much. Please restrain enthusiasm until after 10am.

Sincerly
The food dispenser

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Food Dispenser,

I am a very smart animal but unlike you humans I have no concept of this thing you call "time". Now get up and feed me before I start nibbling on your ankles.

Sincerely,

Dogs with empty tummies and no opposable thumbs (typed by our human who has been up since 4:30am on a SUNDAY after being out late on Saturday but dammit they were hungry)

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Brain and Nicotine receptors all over my body,

Yes we have finally made the decision to quit this stupid habit. Ninkasi please grant me the strength of will I will need over the next week to silence the voices in my head telling me just one more bag of tobacco to finish the tubes I have will be a smart thing to do; a quick splash of water will make them unusable. I've got a nice vape to satisfy the mouth fixation, and hopefully enough fortitude to get through at least one week of it before you all finally die and let me get back to breathing. And a basic understanding of the psychology of addiction to help shut them up as well.

Sincerely,

35+ year smoker who would like to have her lungs back

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Dear Brain and Nicotine receptors all over my body,

Yes we have finally made the decision to quit this stupid habit. Ninkasi please grant me the strength of will I will need over the next week to silence the voices in my head telling me just one more bag of tobacco to finish the tubes I have will be a smart thing to do; a quick splash of water will make them unusable. I've got a nice vape to satisfy the mouth fixation, and hopefully enough fortitude to get through at least one week of it before you all finally die and let me get back to breathing. And a basic understanding of the psychology of addiction to help shut them up as well.

Sincerely,

35+ year smoker who would like to have her lungs back

Dear @seatazzz,

I'll make you a deal. If you get on here in 30 days and tell me that you haven't had a cigarette (or cigar, or pipe, or whatever your preferred smoke ingestion method), I will mail you a six pack of local (to me) beers. I'll take you at your word, and this is an incentive, not a dare/bet.

Sincerely,

Someone who wants to keep good brewers vertical and brewing as long as possible

 

[seatazzz]

Dear @seatazzz,

I'll make you a deal. If you get on here in 30 days and tell me that you haven't had a cigarette (or cigar, or pipe, or whatever your preferred smoke ingestion method), I will mail you a six pack of local (to me) beers. I'll take you at your word, and this is an incentive, not a dare/bet.

Sincerely,

Someone who wants to keep good brewers vertical and brewing as long as possible

Dear @3 Dawg Night,

I will take you up on that bet. Having an incentive always helps! 4/20 it is!!!

Sincerely,

a very grateful Seatazzz

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Dear @3 Dawg Night,

I will take you up on that bet. Having an incentive always helps! 4/20 it is!!!

Sincerely,

a very grateful Seatazzz

Dear everyone else,

Care to join me and up the ante?

Sincerely,
Someone who thinks that the best time to quit smoking was 35 years ago, but the next best time is today

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear @seatazzz and any other tobacco user who wants to be done…
Don‘t just quit. You know quitters never win and winners never quit.
Instead, become a non-smoker… the way you were before training your body to accept the polluted air.

Sincerely,
Has not smoked in over 30 years, and at $10+/pack very grateful for the change.

 

[Miraculix]

Dear smokers,

just give in to reality, there is nothing good about inhaling that poluted air.

Sincerely,
the guy that needed at least 20 attempts but once he understood that easy sentence, went from more than a pack a day to zero.

 

[Miraculix]

Dear everyone else,

Care to join me and up the ante?

Sincerely,
Someone who thinks that the best time to quit smoking was 35 years ago, but the next best time is today

I'd join in but shipping from Germany is way too expensive, maybe even impossible. Great idea though!

 

[Kent88]

Dear 3 Dawg Night,

I know I'm not involved in your incentive to get seatazz to quit smoking, but I still appreciate it. That's a cool thing to do.

Sincerely,
Someone who has never handled individual cigarettes, cigars, or anything in that family.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear 3 Dawg Night,

I know I'm not involved in your incentive to get seatazz to quit smoking, but I still appreciate it. That's a cool thing to do.

Sincerely,
Someone who has never handled individual cigarettes, cigars, or anything in that family.

I think it’s more accurate to say he’s supporting her own decision to stop. Good for you for not experimenting with or using tobacco.
Sincerely,
How we word things matter, and I truly only wish to be kind by adding my two cents about it.

 

[day_trippr]

fwiw, I "tried to quit" a few times over the five decades I smoked, but each of those attempts was self-sabotaged from the jump as I didn't really want to stop.
When I finally stopped smoking it was because I finally, actually, decided to stop smoking. The rest was cake.
Cold turkey was a non-event...

Cheers!

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

fwiw, I "tried to quit" a few times over the five decades I smoked, but each of those attempts was self-sabotaged from the jump as I didn't really want to stop.
When I finally stopped smoking it was because I finally, actually, decided to stop smoking. The rest was cake.
Cold turkey was a non-event...

Cheers!

Yep, agreed 100%.

When I was trying to stop smoking because "it's bad for me" or because "I should really stop", I failed.

When the day came that I was disgusted with myself for being a slave to cigarettes, and I just didn't want to be a smoker at all, I succeeded. It was that I finally wanted to quit, for me, that it worked.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear Driving instructors,
Please, please, please take more time to teach that driving with high beams on, on a busy multi-lane hwy is not acceptable nor is it necessary! Blinding the drivers in front of you is dangerous and if you can’t fricken see at night, stay the eff home.
Sincerely,
No they didn’t turn them on because I was driving slowly. I don’t drive slowly unless in a traffic jam, school zone, or residential street.

 

[bracconiere]

Dear Anti Smoking People,

**** ***, *** **** *** ***!

Sincerely,

Someone that doesn't want yet something else i'm supposed to be terrified of, and submit my soul to someone for, using it or not!

 

[balrog]

Dear Time,
For the love of all that is holy, get a move on!
Sincerely,
It's Been A Week At 32F And Even With Floating Diptube The Lager Attempt Is Still Not Clear

 

[Miraculix]

Dear Beer standing on the heater in the corridor for 4 days after bottling,

please be carbonated when I come home and please do not tell anybody that I am THAT impatient that I place a few beers on the heater to speed up carbonation, after bottling.

Sincerly,

struck by impatience.

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear late bottle of hard lemonade,

I'm sorry that I was so impatient for you to cool down that I placed you in the freezer and then forgot about you for a day. Your milk box casket will serve you well in the afterlife.

Sincerely,
Someone now setting the kitchen timer to 45 minutes

 

[Miraculix]

Dear late bottle of hard lemonade,

I'm sorry that I was so impatient for you to cool down that I placed you in the freezer and then forgot about you for a day. Your milk box casket will serve you well in the afterlife.

Sincerely,
Someone now setting the kitchen timer to 45 minutes

I see, we are haunted by the same ghost in different forms.

 

[D.B.Moody]

Dear IRS,

We received a 5071C letter from you. It was dated March 2, 2022. The control
number is xxxxxxxxxxxxxx. The taxpayer identification number in the letter is not mine,
nor is it my wife's.

I went on line per the instructions in the letter and ended up verifying my id. There
was never a way to just respond that the taxpayer id number in not mine. I don't know if
I'm supposed to do anything else. When I responded to the email I received after
verifying my id, all that happened is I went to the IRS website where I was supposed to
know why I was there. I don't know. For all I know I was supposed to ignore the letter
because it wasn't my id number.

If you want something else from me, you'll have to tell me. You may email me at
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Yours truly,
xxxxxxxxxxxx

EDIT: Yes, this is a redacted version of an actual letter that I recently mailed.

 

[Mr. Vern]

Dear annoying customer,

Yeah, I see that red flag on your email, I have ignored them for 15 years once I realized every-single-email from you has an emergency flag.

So what can I do with your red flags? By the words of Chevy Chase, "bend over and Ill show ya"!

Or you can take your basic request and get in line with everyone else. No, not in the front of the line... waaaaay back at the end.


Sincerely,

Sales person who has actual emergencies to deal with

 

[balrog]

Corollary to @D.B.Moody

Dear IRS,
Thank you for saying you never received tax return last year.
Thank you for saying the account is credited by $X

Did it not occur to you that $X is what was owed, and on the check which you cashed to credit the account, said check that ***WAS INCLUDED INSIDE THE SAME DAMNED ENVELOPE THAT CONTAINED THE TAX RETURN****!!!!!

Sincerely,
Mr. Cleaning Up Mess From Head Exploding

 

[Kent88]

Dear Sales Person,

Maybe don't take it so personally? I read a story like that and I wonder who might have hurt them. I know that, despite being a pretty easy-going guy who has wanted some basic work done on my house, I'm simultaneously being ignored by a small HVAC business, a plumber, and an electrician. I'm also having trouble getting another small/medium sized HVAC to return my calls.

It's so bad that I'm wondering if the problem is me. But I keep thinking back to when they were over to check the place out and whether they got annoyed with me, were in a hurry to leave, or complained that my house is weird and would be difficult to work in. I'm still scratching my head.

Sincerely,
Not even right when I'm the customer

 

[D.B.Moody]

Corollary to @D.B.Moody

Dear IRS,
Thank you for saying you never received tax return last year.
Thank you for saying the account is credited by $X

Did it not occur to you that $X is what was owed, and on the check which you cashed to credit the account, said check that ***WAS INCLUDED INSIDE THE SAME DAMNED ENVELOPE THAT CONTAINED THE TAX RETURN****!!!!!

Sincerely,
Mr. Cleaning Up Mess From Head Exploding

I got one of those too. In that case I called. It took four days and a long wait to get through. The person I finally got was very nice and helpful and on a recorded line. I can only hope the conversation ever gets listened to.
The problem seems to be an error due to slow handling of 2020 tax returns and the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. I was told that I should call back in a couple of weeks to make sure the problem was corrected. I said I couldn't promise to do that as it took four days this time and the number of these calls was apparently going to keep growing. I asked that a note saying I might try be put in my file for the IRS agent to read when he/she comes to arrest me in two and a half years, which would be the deadline for this thing. At least I gave whoever it was I was talking to a laugh.

 

[Mr. Vern]

Maybe don't take it so personally?

Ill admit I have a tendency to take it personal (my ex used to call it "Passionate" HA!). I am an inside sales manager for a manufacturing company, after 20-some years I can be a little salty depending on the day and mood!

Truth is I don't know what the nature of the emergency is, just that is is always an emergency. She was answered in proper order and within a half-day.

I am also covering for my lead salesperson today, even though I am well aware of her hustle-ability I am always reminded how much effort she puts forth when she has a week off!!!

That homebrew pint will be a good one after today

 

[Newsman]

Dear New Employer:
Can you please finish my "background check" and give me your start date?
Sincerely,
Unemployed guy impatiently waiting to start my new job!

 

[Stormcrow]

Dear New Employer:
Can you please finish my "background check" and give me your start date?
Sincerely,
Unemployed guy impatiently waiting to start my new job!

Dear Newsman,

The unanticipated length of your criminal record has our HR department working overtime to review it. We'll be in touch as soon as possible.

Sincerely,
New Employer

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Husband's Absent-Minded Friend,

Do you think that just FOR ONCE you could have checked traffic and realized before you headed out to pick up my husband for golf trip to Chelan, that I5 is down to one lane in certain areas and it would take you way too long to get here at the time you decided to depart? Thus negating the 1:30 tee time y'all had, and ruining MY fun shopping plans for the day???

Sincerely, very pissed-off wife who now has to wait another hour before leaving for fun times (yes 1st world problems but I'm still pissed)