The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear Pedestrians walking in the street at night dressed like a Ninja,

I know all the cool people wear black, and the sidewalks are filled with snow, which should really be cleared, but the village isn’t enforcing their own rules and haven’t for so many years that residents and shopkeepers may not even realize they are worthy of a ticket. I really don’t want to run you down nor put a dent on the car I just repaired, so FFS wear something light, a scarf, hat or puffy coat at night So motorists can see you more easily.

Sincerely,
Driver that can see a black cat running out in the street more easily than Ninja clad morons.

 

[davidabcd]

dressed like a Ninja

That was funny. Our Eight Mile (same as the movie) has tons of traffic, tons of people crossing wherever, tons of hard-to-see folks and I'm surprised the inappropriately dressed don't get mowed down accidentally.

 

[Kent88]

I'm surprised the inappropriately dressed don't get mowed down accidentally.

I question why you feel the need to specify "accidentally".

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

 

[davidabcd]

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

That was funny (I think).
No, I kind of give humanity the benefit of the doubt that they won't try to take out someone on purpose.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

I question why you feel the need to specify "accidentally".

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

I’m not sure if the law has changed, but a long while ago NYC decided to not blame motorists for hitting jaywalkers. (Grey area, but essentially true) It was in the news, about 40 years ago. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few were “clipped” on purpose.
https://www.lawlavin.com/blog/the-rights-of-pedestrians-in-new-york/

 

[davidabcd]

Whatever the law may be here, I would find it wrong to convict a driver for hitting a jaywalker if the driver is going no faster than the posted speed limit or a reasonable speed for the situation.
But there is the law here that if someone rear ends you and you slide (say there's snow and/or ice on the ground) and hit the car in front of you, you're responsible for hitting that car. I can see this being logical as you shouldn't tailgate, I guess.

 

[davidabcd]

Just to finish up, I was out just now and was reminded that a strangely high percentage of jaywalkers don't look while crossing so...
Dear Jaywalkers,
Please don't put your lives in the hands of strangers who may be on the phone when you cross the street illegally.*
Signed,
I don't get you, dude.
*I don't actually have a problem with jaywalking, especially around here where a light crossing can be a half-mile away. Just do it sensibly.

 

[bracconiere]

Dear Cat "owners"...

If you own this damn thing, why the f is it always on my back deck! and have the nerve to stare at me and hiss!

Sincerly,

Someone that thinks all cats should be house cats!!!! keep your sick fetishes to yourself, and don't expect me to feel the same way!

 

[davidabcd]

If you own this damn thing, why the f is it always on my back deck! and have the nerve to stare at me and hiss!

Funny.
Here it would be negligent/irresponsible to let a cat you own outside and unsupervised. Too many perils to name. Ours go out on leashes in the backyard.
You might be a cat person and not know it which is why they like to hang out by your place.

 

[bracconiere]

Funny.
Here it would be negligent/irresponsible to let a cat you own outside and unsupervised. Too many perils to name. Ours go out on leashes in the backyard.
You might be a cat person and not know it which is why they like to hang out by your place.

my issue is it's the little girl's cat that lives next door, seems like a good kid...and thinks my house is "pretty"...i assure you i'm a dog person, and don't like cats...a dog can get a job!


but i respect your right to play your games with your cat....

 

[Ayzala]

Dear Amazon/Amazon Driver

I ordered an air purifier 3 days ago and what I got well...
To start, I get it that you are saving money by slapping a shipping label on the packaging instead of putting it in an Amazon box. And I get it that you save on shipping by having your own fleet of delivery vehicles and drivers.
But....
I was so happy to see the box on my front steps and bent down to pick up what I thought would be about 10 pounds... Woh, this thing is light!!!
Opened it up to find two fairly beat up pieces of packing foam and nothing else! Not even the instructions!
So, my thoughts are
1) How did the driver not know a package with a shipping weight of 9.4 pounds weighed less than 9.4 ounces.
2) How did the people in the warehouse not realize the box could be empty.
3) How did the loaders of the delivery truck not think it may be empty.
4) If someone else bought the same product, and didn't want to pay for it, returned an empty box, why didn't the receiving department think it was empty.
5) Your driver in my area has a brand new air purifier with the instructions.

I'm so confused as to what actually happened here, where in the chain of command did the ball get dropped?

Thankfully you replaced the item at no cost, but what the heck do the Indian (from India) people that I chatted with know anyway!

Sincerely,

Seriously thinking about going back to brick and mortar stores.

 

[davidabcd]

my issue is it's the little girl's cat that lives next door, seems like a good kid...and thinks my house is "pretty"...i assure you i'm a dog person, and don't like cats...a dog can get a job!


but i respect your right to play your games with your cat..

I'm a dog person too. You do sound like my brother--great disdain for cats until he met one that started schmoozing him. To each his own, full respect.
One of our cats plays fetch, another can open doors. They come running to be picked up when they see me, talk a lot, one growls at the USPS truck or letter carrier.. An improperly treated cat is intolerable to be around.
From having both, I've observed that you can boss a dog around with little downside. Boss a cat around too much and it will be ruined.
Edit: I almost forgot, if there's no job market for literally opening doors or fetching, there's always rodent control.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear Department of transportation people,
Not sure who is in charge of the clearing and maintenance of I-270 around Columbus, but could you find out who it is that is in charge of I-71 and US-315. They obviously have figured out the magical solution to clearing the snow and ice off the roads that is clearly eluding you. Maybe if you're nice they might give you a few tips on how to the job that you obviously have no clue how to do.
There is no other conceivable reason that one 3 lane interstate is covered ice, slush, and snow to to point that only the most reckless of us drivers dare to exceed 40 mph for a short bust, only to merge on to an intersecting road that is completely clear and running at normal highway speeds. Obviously, you are inept and have no clue how to do your job, please transfer back to Texas where it is acceptable to just shut everything down over a little snow and ice
Sincerely,
It is called salt and a plow blade...

 

[Kent88]

Dear Cat "owners"...

If you own this damn thing, why the f is it always on my back deck! and have the nerve to stare at me and hiss!

Sincerly,

Someone that thinks all cats should be house cats!!!! keep your sick fetishes to yourself, and don't expect me to feel the same way!

Dear Monster,

I grew up with barn cats. I will never keep a cat in the house.

Deal with it.

Sincerely,
Someone who appreciates a good mouser

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear going back to brick and mortar,
#1 please do. Those people at those stores miss you, and getting out for some air and exercise might be considered a good idea by some.
#2 99% of the people handling that box don't care that this box is lighter that expected. They are handling hundreds if not thousands of boxes and it not their concern to check the weight, just get it where it is going in a timely manner. There is a process for claims, and it is not to stop a box in the middle of shipping.
Sincerely,
Come and see us in real life.

 

[Kent88]

Dear Cat Enthusiasts,

Have you checked out the Cats thread?

Have you checked out Bracc's profile page, maybe left a profile post?

Sincerely,
Just asking questions.

 

[Jayjay1976]

Dear Amazon/Amazon Driver

I ordered an air purifier 3 days ago and what I got well...
To start, I get it that you are saving money by slapping a shipping label on the packaging instead of putting it in an Amazon box. And I get it that you save on shipping by having your own fleet of delivery vehicles and drivers.
But....
I was so happy to see the box on my front steps and bent down to pick up what I thought would be about 10 pounds... Woh, this thing is light!!!
Opened it up to find two fairly beat up pieces of packing foam and nothing else! Not even the instructions!
So, my thoughts are
1) How did the driver not know a package with a shipping weight of 9.4 pounds weighed less than 9.4 ounces.
2) How did the people in the warehouse not realize the box could be empty.
3) How did the loaders of the delivery truck not think it may be empty.
4) If someone else bought the same product, and didn't want to pay for it, returned an empty box, why didn't the receiving department think it was empty.
5) Your driver in my area has a brand new air purifier with the instructions.

I'm so confused as to what actually happened here, where in the chain of command did the ball get dropped?

Thankfully you replaced the item at no cost, but what the heck do the Indian (from India) people that I chatted with know anyway!

Sincerely,

Seriously thinking about going back to brick and mortar stores.

Dear @Ayzala
Was the box filled with purified air? Maybe you misread the product description?
I can tell you from experience that bubble wrap isn't filled with air, they use cow farts to make them more "green".

Sincerely,
Read product descriptions more thoroughly next time, and remind me never again to attempt scuba diving using bubble wrap in place of an air tank.

 

[davidabcd]

Dear Cat Enthusiasts,

that was pretty funny.

 

[davidabcd]

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

And another response:
Like Stallone in the original Death Race 2000?

NO!

 

[Jayjay1976]

I'm a dog person too. You do sound like my brother--great disdain for cats until he met one that started schmoozing him. To each his own, full respect.
One of our cats plays fetch, another can open doors. They come running to be picked up when they see me, talk a lot, one growls at the USPS truck or letter carrier.. An improperly treated cat is intolerable to be around.
From having both, I've observed that you can boss a dog around with little downside. Boss a cat around too much and it will be ruined.
Edit: I almost forgot, if there's no job market for literally opening doors or fetching, there's always rodent control.

Dear cat-averse citizens,

I think that people who dislike cats based on comparisons to dogs are ill-informed.

My brew cat Milo is an absolute terrorist and that's what makes him awesome. He's not friendly to guests and if he were ever around a child I suspect that kid would receive a face tattoo, but to us he is a big sweet 25 pound marshmallow with fearsome fangs and daggers on all his toes. His kisses always involve some teeth and his safe word is a blood-curdling scream. He does like people, he just can't eat a whole one, and God forbid he ever gets outside we have coyotes around here and the poor defenseless things can't even climb trees.

Sincerely,
All out of bandaids

 

[Kent88]

he ever gets outside we have coyotes around here and the poor defenseless things can't even climb trees.

Dear band-aid needed,

Those coyotes can hold their own.

Sincerely,
Barn cat liker

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Obviously, you are inept and have no clue how to do your job, please transfer back to Texas where it is acceptable to just shut everything down over a little snow and ice
Sincerely,
It is called salt and a plow blade...

Dear Texans
Btw, this is not meant to be a shot at Texas or it's residents. Typically you don't need to battle snow, and the millions of $$$ needed to invest in the equipment required to clear the white stuff doesn't make sense down there.
Up here in Ohio there is no such excuse for one interstate to be almost impassable and connecting to a perfectly clear one.
Someone needs to lose their job before some loses their life.
Sincerely,
Sick of incompetent people keeping their jobs.

 

[davidabcd]

barn cats

barn cats are always 15 pound killing machines in my mind. I know that's not true but there it is.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Cat
I admit that your turds are quite tasty, but please do something about the breading on them. It has the taste and texture of ground up clay. Maybe try corn flake crumbs.
Sincerely, Dog

 

[Kent88]

barn cats are always 15 pound killing machines in my mind. I know that's not true but there it is.

That wasn't my experience. Unless you feed them a lot (you decide that you don't want them chasing many mice), they're usually scrawny, and look bad enough that you want to call them sickly, but you've also watched them for months or years and you know that it's just how they look.

And when you do feed them a lot, they usually won't stop chasing your feet, because they want to be close to the bringer of the food. Once you've fed them for the day most will ignore you until the food is gone, then it's back to your feet, only you've already given them all their food, but they just keep pestering you. The good ones will still hunt anyway, but lots of well fed cats seem to lose interest in mice.

Unless you're a real cat enthusiast or have close neighbors who are, most barn cats are inbred because it's a high turnover job and you haven't made the effort to keep bringing in new blood. They are also probably missing most or all of their shots. Many never visit a vet. Also, cats are stupid and will give birth when the kittens have no chance at making it through a midwest winter.

 

[davidabcd]

Note the: "I know it's not true...."
I'm more than familiar with the awful lives outdoor cats endure. They don't belong here, technically, in any climate that gets cold. I've found dead, outdoor cats done in by every way there is.
On the plus side, cats are cute.

 

[Sam_92]

Dear daughter,
Thank you for falling asleep in my arms, forcing me to read HBT instead of washing dishes or laundry or any other horrible chores. Also your tiny snores are completely adorable but next time maybe wait until I have a beer nearby before we assume this stationary position.
Sincerely, kinda lazy dad.

 

[balrog]

Dear Ijjit,
No.
No, you can not.
No, you can not immerse yourself in that tasty email about how to use your pound of Lupomax Cascade.

You have had a pot on the stove, on HIGH HEAT, making a starter.

What wast thou thinking? Do you use that brain at all?

Sincerely,
Up To Elbows In Barkeeper's Friend Scrapping & Scrubbing Glass Top Stove

[EDIT: And PS, I think I have discovered a new element that should work nicely as a surface protector for reentry vehicle traveling near light speed into the atmosphere.]

 

[Kent88]

Dear College friend I've lost touch with who just announced will be moving to a remote Alaskan community for a new teaching job,

I really hope you know what you're doing.

Sincerely,
Concerned for your sanity, as there isn't much to do in a town that size and it gets down below 3.5 hours of daylight in late December.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear College friend I've lost touch with who just announced will be moving to a remote Alaskan community for a new teaching job,

I really hope you know what you're doing.

Sincerely,
Concerned for your sanity, as there isn't much to do in a town that size and it gets down below 3.5 hours of daylight in late December.

Male or female? Single? I recall something I saw a few years ago about the ratio up there... Lots more men than women... Oh course, they're Alaskan men... For women, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" lol...