The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[RCope]

Damn @seatazzz , I don't know you well , but I think you deserve this .

 

[zeppelin]

Dear Weber kettle grill,

Please allow me to have control over your temperature when I use you today.

Sincerely, a very skeptical grill novice.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Husband with a Credit Card,

WHY did you buy that air-fryer-grill-thingie that will only get used maybe twice a year, and now we have WAY too many kitchen gadgets with no room for them, when you don't even cook?????

Sincerely, wife who could probably create a three-course meal with only her brewstand (not that I would because I like a LOT of garlic and that would probably do something nasty to my kettle, but STILL)

 

[bracconiere]

Dear, seatazz..
i thought you used the air fryer for crystal malt?

Sincerly, guy wondering if it doesn't work?

 

[Jayjay1976]

Dear Husband with a Credit Card,

WHY did you buy that air-fryer-grill-thingie that will only get used maybe twice a year, and now we have WAY too many kitchen gadgets with no room for them, when you don't even cook?????

Sincerely, wife who could probably create a three-course meal with only her brewstand (not that I would because I like a LOT of garlic and that would probably do something nasty to my kettle, but STILL)

Dear @seatazzz I'm curious about the make/model of that air fryer grill thang.
Sincerely,
Jayjay

 

[seatazzz]

Dear @Jayjay1976 ,

This one. As Seen on TV! I think he got it at Kohl's for about $99.

Sincerely,

Rethinking my rant if this thing can cook bacon....

 

[seatazzz]

Dear @bracconiere ,

No I use the InstantPot for crystal malt...although now I'm wondering what an air fryer would do to it.

Sincerely, Seatazzz who should be starting brewday but damn this place is fun

 

[Kent88]

Dear Diabetics,

Don't give people grief when they see you're having trouble and call an ambulance for you. They aren't trying to ruin your night and rack up medical bills for you, they want you to be ok. All you do by complaining is risk that next time when they should call, they're reluctant to, and it wastes time.

Sincerely,
A friend of a diabetic

 

[balrog]

Sincerely, wife who could probably create a three-course meal with only her brewstand

Dear seatazzz, please verify that your said three course meal would be, Pineapple Wheat Radler, Idaho Gem Pale, and Oatmeal Stout.
Sincerely,
SmartA$$ed Easterner

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Balrog,

Sounds more like breakfast, but I can give it a shot.

Sincerely, now I'm hungry for oatmeal, hashbrowns, and pineapple juice

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Winter Gift-Giving Holiday of your Choice,

Damn you're getting close.

Sincerely, have not bought one thing for the spousal unit and need to get cracking soon

 

[balrog]

Dear Self
Corollary to @seatazzz above:
Yes you heard spousal unit complain about having too many things and yes you swear spousal unit said "no gifts".

Please recall what happened the last two times.

Sincerely
This year take the kid's advice
Just once
Please

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Dear Self
Corollary to @seatazzz above:
Yes you heard spousal unit complain about having too many things and yes you swear spousal unit said "no gifts".

Please recall what happened the last two times.

Sincerely
This year take the kid's advice
Just once
Please

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

View attachment 752294

Fell for that once. Still hear about it.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Fell for that once. Still hear about it.

Dear Husbands of HBT,

I am dumb, but I am not that dumb.

Sincerely, A Husband that Knows "No Gifts" Doesn't Really Mean "No Gifts"

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Spouses of HBT (gotta be PC, dammit some of us have ovaries {although mine don't work anymore} {and some of us may have spouses of the same sex as us, we are all-inclusive here}),

When we SAY we don't need anything for the brewery, we do NOT mean that. But we DO mean that we want to buy it ourselves because you may not know exactly the model number to the 10th decimal point of the new shiny thing we want. And if you DO buy it for us, we are sensitive enough to not return it because we do not want to hurt your feelings, and might need another one of said thing someday.

Sincerely, already bought what I wanted at morebeer.com, and also have a fantastic daughter who is getting me a gift card to morebeer.com so I can buy MORE shiny stuff, and a husband who knows not to buy me brewery stuff unless I am right there with him, and lets me buy what I want within reason the rest of the year, yes this is too long but I don't care oh look beer.

 

[seatazzz]

And one more.

Dear USPS,

While I do understand the fact that everyplace is understaffed right now, it does irk me a little bit that husband got his "known" Xmas present before I did (for backstory we get each other 2 gifts for Xmas; one that is known, and one that is a surprise). I have no complaints to you, because I am in the supply chain industry myself, but dammit it's not fair.

Sincerely,

A bit miffed that spousal unit has a new toy while mine is still sitting in transit somewhere.

 

[balrog]

getting me a gift card to morebeer.com so I can buy MORE shiny stuff

Always good to have more, even if it's more MoreBeer giftcards to get more MoreBeer stuff, for, you know, more MoreBeer beer stuff.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Morebeer -
Wondering if you pay these "influencers" to mention Morebeer several times per post. Or are they BOTS?
Sincerely, your most loyal Morebeer bot - I mean influencer.

 

[balrog]

Dear Oh Most Humorous Person Misguidedly Suggesting My Influence,

Thanks for giving me a laugh, being able to tell the kids I am an influencer, of more than balding, bad jokes and gravity's inexorable pull into the grave.

Sincerely
About to go influence some logs to become firewood.
Using an axe.
And wedges and a sledgehammer.

And some gravity.

 

[KeizerBrewr]

Dear Motorists,

Please understand how a roundabout works and that stopping is only required if you cannot merge into said roundabout without colliding into an oncoming vehicle. If not, avoid roundabouts until you do.

Sincerely,
Thoroughly miffed motorist.

 

[davidabcd]

Dear Motorists,

If you're not drunk, very old, texting or tired and you still driving that poorly, you shouldn't have a license.

Sincerely,
Someone who doesn't quite get things

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear Vehicular-Manslaughter-Defendants-in-Waiting

Looking out the opposite window to the stopped car at the 4-way stop you've just sailed through at 60km/h doesn't mean the offense did not happen.

Just because the Horrendous Bugblatter Beast of Traal assumes that if you can't see it, then it cannot see you, doesn't mean the same applies to the real world you are actually living in.

Sincerely,
Someone currently experiencing a real-world experiment of what happens when the traffic police disappear because "COVID"

 

[MaxStout]

Dear Firefox,

As one of the 3% or so people who still use your browser (there are a few sites that work best for me in FF), I do have to ask: are the weekly, gold-plating updates really necessary? How many times do you need to polish that thing?

Sincerely,
Eyes glazing over watching the updating progress on my startup screen read 33%...34%...35%...

 

[Kent88]

Dear Perturbed Firefox user,

Have you tried Linux? It's a lot less obnoxious.

Sincerely,
A happy Firefox user

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Innovators of Space Heaters,

It's 2021. Don't you think that by now, you could possibly manufacture something that does NOT trip every damned breaker I plug you into? I spent the extra $$ to get a nice one. I even plugged it into the ONLY outlet in my house that has nothing else plugged into the same circuit, turned it on LOW (750w), and it still zapped the breaker. And, Yes I am aware of fire hazard, maximum amps, etc, but my toesies are cold.

Sincerely,

Someone who is about to get blasted with replies about why space heaters trip breakers and are unsafe. But again, I am cold.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Thoroughly Miffed,

Come to Western Washington. We have roundabouts out the yingyang here and many many motorists who have no clue how to navigate them. Many are near schools where children wander willy-nilly without a care for crosswalks.

Sincerely,

Have seen many vehicles driving around and around and around a 2-lane roundabout because they didn't know how to get out of it, until I am right next to them and they suddenly decide to swerve out.

 

[VApatriot]

Dear Mother Nature,

Thank you so very much for not destroying everything I own in a tornado yesterday. You scared the crap out of us and have motivated us to be way more prepared in case we're not so lucky in the future.

Sincerely,

A home brewer that thankfully never has to shovel snow again, but has to be on a serious lookout for a tornado with every storm front.

 

[Kent88]

Dear household plumbing system,

Why??? I've felt ill for a few days, woke up feeling crummy again, but figured it wasn't anything a hot shower can't fix. Why did you greet me this morning with lukewarm water, only to have the temperature plummet, and on a morning when temperatures outside are below zero?

Sincerely,
Thank goodness for space heaters

 

[davidabcd]

Dear sweet cats of mine,

Please, please, please stop staring at me until you get what you want.

Sincerely,
Easily manipulated cat "owner"