Stupid Joke Thread!

[ba-brewer]

I lost my job. Well I didn’t lose it, I know where it is, there’s just some other guy doing it now.

blah blah blah

I lost my girlfriend. Well I did not really lose her.

-Bobcat Goldthwait

 

[ba-brewer]

What do you call a cow with no legs? Doesn't matter he ain't coming!

Ground beef

 

[enkamania]

I was a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired

 

[ismellweird]

Ground beef

I already gave the answer

 

[day_trippr]

@ba-brewer's answer was funnier...

 

[homebrewer_99]

I lost my job. Well I didn’t lose it, I know where it is, there’s just some other guy doing it now.

blah blah blah

I lost my girlfriend. Well I did not really lose her.

-Bobcat Goldthwait

I remember when he said that in the George Carlin show "Apartment 2C" back in the 80s.

 

[ismellweird]

@ba-brewer's answer was funnier...

That’s fine, was just pointing out I published the real joke.

 

[S-Met]

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Tri-Tip.


What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.


What do you call the Rancher who helps the cow with no legs?

Hamburger Helper.

Just pointng out that this was posted back on page 6 of this thread Feb 24, 2018 as a cow joke. I dont like to over think joke, but the validity is funnier as ground beef. Asking what you call a cow with four legs is equally benign as it still wont come to you.

 

[ba-brewer]

I remember when he said that in the George Carlin show "Apartment 2C" back in the 80s.

I don't recall when I heard it, but it did come to mind while reading your jokes.

 

[ismellweird]

Just pointng out that this was posted back on page 6 of this thread Feb 24, 2018 as a cow joke. I dont like to over think joke, but the validity is funnier as ground beef. Asking what you call a cow with four legs is equally benign as it still wont come to you.

I think this joke is different in different areas of the world. I’ve made cows come. They are smart too like dogs. I’m not saying dogs is wrong just not the joke I grew up with.

 

[S-Met]

[QUOTE="ismellweird, post: 8286816, member: 249148"I’ve made cows come.[/QUOTE]
I'm envisioning that breakfast scene from Kingpin right about now. Finishing up a bowl of cereal and talking about milking the cow... but we have a Bull!

 

[ismellweird]

I'm envisioning that breakfast scene from Kingpin right about now. Finishing up a bowl of cereal and talking about milking the cow... but we have a Bull![/QUOTE]

Ooooh, WYSIWYG

mell

 

[Schreiner]

Joke my daughter came up with:
How can you tell if a crayon is a boy or a girl? Trick question. It's cansgender!

 

[ba-brewer]

What has 12 legs, 2 dicks and 1 ball?

Murphy, Moe and Vern.

 

[bpgreen]

I’ve made cows come.

Ew. Isn't that illegal in most states?

 

[RonnieBiggs]

All this cow talk reminds me...
Q. What has two legs and bleeds alot?
A. Half a cow

 

[ismellweird]

Ew. Isn't that illegal in most states?

Cows are real smart, smarter than people know. After a while they learn their names, but the right way is to establish a word or phrase and teach all the cows. That way they can all be standing around in a field and you yell the word and they all start coming at the same time. Smart animals. I had a cow years ago Henrietta. Very smart, I taught her to come but also sit, stay, just like a dog. She was struck by a piece of a falling aircraft and killed.

 

[baldm79]

Ew. Isn't that illegal in most states?

Definitely not something to admit to on a forum! I’ll call peta

 

[vanishingpint]

Cows are real smart, smarter than people know. After a while they learn their names, but the right way is to establish a word or phrase and teach all the cows. That way they can all be standing around in a field and you yell the word and they all start coming at the same time. Smart animals. I had a cow years ago Henrietta. Very smart, I taught her to come but also sit, stay, just like a dog. She was struck by a piece of a falling aircraft and killed.

Here we go again.

 

[ismellweird]

Here we go again.

No sorry, it sounds crazy, I know, but they can sit. It looks a little like a dog sitting. They don't really like to do it unless they're feeling really lazy, like when it's going to rain.

 

[soccerdad]

Homebrewtalk .. where men are men and sheep are afraid. Cows too, I guess.

 

[homebrewer_99]

Homebrewtalk .. where men are men and sheep are afraid. Cows too, I guess.

I thought that was Montana...

 

[ba-brewer]

A guy is on trial for bestiality with a sheep and the witness is testifying. The witness starts describing in great detail how the guy first put the sheep's leg in his left boot, then he put the other leg in his right boot but the sheep kept pulling it's legs from the boots before the guy could have his way with the sheep. In the middle of testimony Juror#4 nudges Juror#3 and whispers "Don't you hate when they will do that".

 

[JohnSand]

Which leads us to What are the three biggest lies a cowboy tells?
I own the ranch.
The pickup truck is paid off.
I was just helping that sheep over a fence.

 

[homebrewer_99]

[QUOTE="ismellweird, post: 8286816, member: 249148"I’ve made cows come.

I'm envisioning that breakfast scene from Kingpin right about now. Finishing up a bowl of cereal and talking about milking the cow... but we have a Bull![/QUOTE]

I read once that if you milk a bull you have a friend for life...

 

[heymak]

Guy sitting at the kitchen table drinking his morning coffee, wife ask why so glum? He says remember twenty years ago when you were 16 and I was 20 and your father caught us in the back seat of my car. He put a shotgun in my face and said" Married my daughter or go to jail for 20 years".....Today's the day I would have got out.

 

[S-Met]

Which leads us to What are the three biggest lies a cowboy tells?
I own the ranch.
The pickup truck is paid off.
I was just helping that sheep over a fence.

You forgot "I won this belt buckle"

 

[JohnSand]

So, this guy is at the doctor for a check up. The doctor asks if there are any changes in his life.
"Well, I don't think my wife loves me anymore."
"A common fear" the doctor replies. "I'm not a therapist, but has she asked for a divorce? Started seeing someone? Told you she doesn't love you?"
"No, nothing like that" the man replies. "There is this one little thing. Late at night when she thinks I'm asleep, she whispers in my ear 'Die you bastard!'"

 

[Boomer]

I thought that was Montana...

Easy turbo.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Here's a good toast my deceased father in law used to tell to his drinking buddies.

"Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women!"

[emoji481] [emoji481] [emoji481]