Stupid Joke Thread!

[S-Met]

Why don't rabbits make noise during sex?

They have cotton balls.


What do you call 100 rabbits hopping backwards?

Receeding Hare line.

What's the difference between a healthy bunny and an odd bunny?

One is a fit bunny, and the other's a bit funny!


Where do rabbits like to eat breakfast?

IHOP


Why do brewers love rabbits?

Because Its not beer without hops.


Did you hear that The Energizer Bunny got arrested?

He was charged with battery.

Did you hear that the Energizer Bunny had to go to the hospital, soon after its release from jail?

They put his battery in backwards and he kept coming and coming.


How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it.

 

[mongoose33]

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

Not quite. We don't know if it did or not until later.

 

[Schlenkerla]

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

 

[Schlenkerla]

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

 

[Schlenkerla]

How is being in the military like getting a *******?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

 

[Schlenkerla]

What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date?

She’s got small tits.

 

[homebrewer_99]

In memory of Rodney Dangerfield:

We were so poor growing up that when my father died the undertaker asked if we wanted paper or plastic.

 

[S-Met]

I get no respect! The other day I'm sharing an elevator with a pretty woman and I say to her that she should get off on my floor and we can shag all night.

She tells me to get a shrink. I said, shrink nothing it's small enough already!

 

[S-Met]

I get no respect! I'm laying in bed when my house catches fire. My wife quickly gets out of bed to get the kids. As she's escaping down the hall with the kids I over hear her say, "shhhh, don't wake daddy."

 

[sonic7173]

"He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife ". Gotta love Caddyshack

 

[homebrewer_99]

Another Rodneyism: I went downtown the other night to pick up a midget hooker. I gave her $20 to go UP on me.

 

[JohnSand]

One more: My wife likes to talk during sex. The other night she called me from a motel.

 

[catdaddy66]

One more: My wife likes to talk during sex. The other night she called me from a motel.

I get in a cab at the airport and tell the driver to take me where the action is... He takes me to my house!

 

[bleme]

I asked Siri to tell me a joke:
The bartender says “We don’t serve time travelers here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

 

[jcav]

Another Rodney classic: "The neighborhood I grew up in was so tough, the babies wore black leather diapers!"

 

[homebrewer_99]

An egg, a slice of bacon and a slice of toast walk into a bar.
The bartender says: Get outta here! We don't serve breakfast.

A friend of mine said he walked into a bar last night.
I asked him if he got hurt...

 

[arturo7]

Two termites walk into a bar.

"Hey, is the bar tender here?"

 

[enkamania]

More Rodney, "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

 

[Schlenkerla]

More Rodney, "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

You could rattle different one of those every day and it doesn't get old. The look on his face with bug-out eyes and him straightening his tie. It's Classic.

 

[Schlenkerla]

 

[Schlenkerla]

 

[Schlenkerla]

 

[bleme]

I bought an elephant for my friend’s room.

He said “Thank!”

I said “Don’t mention it”

 

[Schlenkerla]

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrelephant

 

[Schlenkerla]

What do you get when you mix an elephant with a rhino?

Elephino. (HEll if I know)

 

[Schlenkerla]

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (they say no) Works, doesn't it?

 

[Schlenkerla]

If uncle jack helped you off an elephant would you help uncle jack off an elephant?

 

[JohnSand]

No point in helping a jacked elephant off you...

 

[lschiavo]

It would probably take many hands to get Uncle Jack off an elephant.

 

[JohnSand]

That Uncle Jack was a crazy one when he was drinking. The elephant was a dare.