My SWMBO's blonde moments

[aekdbbop]

Ok, just wanted to share these two blonde moments that my wife had in the last few days..

1. We were in the living room, looking over some tax papers.. and she spilt coffee all over some of them. She was really upset. I suggested that we just put them in the oven @ 100 degrees and let them dry for a minute.

Christy: "But if we put them in the oven, won't they catch on fire?"

Me: "At 100 degrees?"

Christy: "yeah?"

Me: "When you go outside on a hot day in the summer, do your papers randomly catch on fire?"

Christy: "Oh, ha, I guess not."
:cross:

 

[aekdbbop]

2. We were on our way to eat some Italian food yesterday in Nashville, at a restaurant called Mamma Mia's. We get off the interstate, which is backed up, and we see a man holding a sign asking for money. The sign reads "I am a Vet, anything will help".

Christy: "I seriously doubt he is a vet"

Me: "what do you mean? How can you tell"

Christy: "I just dont think that he would be out their, they make good money"

Me: "Honey, he looks like a veteran of Vietnam. Wait, do you think that he is a veterinarian?

Christy: "Ha, oops"

I never laughed so hard in my life:cross:

She is awesome, but sometimes, it's a little scary...

 

[bradsul]

My sister has moments like that too. Sometimes I wonder how she gets through the day.

 

[the_bird]

Can we mention the time she was cool with posting a picture of her naked ass online, until it was pointed out that a MILIMETER of nipple was showing? Does that count as a blonde moment?

 

[dblvsn]

Can we mention the time she was cool with posting a picture of her naked ass online, until it was pointed out that a MILIMETER of nipple was showing? Does that count as a blonde moment?

That's a moment we'll allow her to re-live

 

[ohiobrewtus]

That's a moment we'll allow her to re-live

Can we all re-live it right now?

 

[Liquidicem]

The best I ever got out of SWMBO was when she called me at home one day:
Me: Hello
SWMBO: Hi. Where are you?
Me: ....
SWMBO: I got a call from some friends who want to meet for drinks. Where are you and how quick can you get up here?
Me: You just called me. At home. On a land line. Where do you think I am?
SWMBO: ....

 

[Bedlam]

My ex-spouse wasn't your shinyest apple on the tree, either. He had a bad habit of yelling at me from anywhere in the house, as his lazy ass wasn't about to get up and come talk to me like a normal human being. The following is one of our conversations:

Ex: HEY! HEY!

Me: Yes?

Ex: Where are you?

Me: I'm in the tub.

Ex: What are you doing?

Me:... (pause) ...makin' a pizza. What do you THINK I'm doin', you moron?

 

[wildwest450]

My ex-spouse wasn't your shinyest apple on the tree, either. He had a bad habit of yelling at me from anywhere in the house, as his lazy ass wasn't about to get up and come talk to me like a normal human being. The following is one of our conversations:

Ex: HEY! HEY!

Me: Yes?

Ex: Where are you?

Me: I'm in the tub.

Ex: What are you doing?

Me:... (pause) ...makin' a pizza. What do you THINK I'm doin', you moron?

Men don't have blonde moment's!

 

[ColoradoXJ13]

My ex-spouse wasn't your shinyest apple on the tree, either. He had a bad habit of yelling at me from anywhere in the house, as his lazy ass wasn't about to get up and come talk to me like a normal human being. The following is one of our conversations:

Ex: HEY! HEY!

Me: Yes?

Ex: Where are you?

Me: I'm in the tub.

Ex: What are you doing?

Me:... (pause) ...makin' a pizza. What do you THINK I'm doin', you moron?

Obviously, you're not a golfer

 

[The Pol]

OKAY I have to chime in...

In December my wifes reality about where "baby pine trees" come from was shattered! At a store we saw a bunch of small sapling pines to use as decoration in your home:

Erin: Wow, those are really small trees, I didnt know you could get them so small!

Me: What?

Erin: These trees, they are so tiny!

Me: How small do you think they start out? Do think they are "born" three feet tall?

Erin: Huh... I never really thought about that, I have never seen them so small.

Me: They start out as seeds and look almost like blades of grass when they sprout.

Erin: Oh... I have never seen that!

 

[The Pol]

Thanksgiving was another treat. I was out flying a trip and got a call from my wife as I was walking down the jetway to the plane. She was in charge of buying the food for the feast that weekend.

Erin: I am having a hell of a time finding sweet potatoes!

Me: At Thanksgiving?

Erin: Well they must be sold out!

Me: At Thanksgiving?

Erin: I have been looking everywhere!

Me: They should have a whole stack of them in some conspicuous place, it is Thanksgiving!

Erin: All that I can find are Yams!

Me: Hunny, sit down... Yams ARE Sweet Potatoes....

Erin: Well why the hell is it in small print!

Me: Love you hunny... happy shopping!

 

[Melana]

My ex-spouse wasn't your shinyest apple on the tree, either. He had a bad habit of yelling at me from anywhere in the house, as his lazy ass wasn't about to get up and come talk to me like a normal human being. The following is one of our conversations:

Ex: HEY! HEY!

Me: Yes?

Ex: Where are you?

Me: I'm in the tub.

Ex: What are you doing?

Me:... (pause) ...makin' a pizza. What do you THINK I'm doin', you moron?

That's too funny. Guess that's why he's the ex!

 

[ColoradoXJ13]

Thanksgiving was another treat. I was out flying a trip and got a call from my wife as I was walking down the jetway to the plane. She was in charge of buying the food for the feast that weekend.

Erin: I am having a hell of a time finding sweet potatoes!

Me: At Thanksgiving?

Erin: Well they must be sold out!

Me: At Thanksgiving?

Erin: I have been looking everywhere!

Me: They should have a whole stack of them in some conspicuous place, it is Thanksgiving!

Erin: All that I can find are Yams!

Me: Hunny, sit down... Yams ARE Sweet Potatoes....

Erin: Well why the hell is it in small print!

Me: Love you hunny... happy shopping!

Actually, you are wrong, yams and sweet potatoes are different...sorry

a-la-wikipedia

"Often called a yam, the sweet potato is not in the Yam family, but that is only the beginning of the confusion (see yams). Nor is the sweet potato closely related to the common potato, although both are Solanales plants. Although yams and sweet potatoes are both angiosperms (flowering plants), they are not related botanically. Yams are a monocot (a plant having one embryonic seed leaf) and from the Dioscoreaceae or Yam family. Sweet Potatoes, often called ‘yams’, are a dicot (a plant having two embryonic seed leaves) and are from the Convolvulacea or morning glory family."

 

[TCHDNSD]

Actually, you are wrong, yams and sweet potatoes are different...sorry

a-la-wikipedia

"Often called a yam, the sweet potato is not in the Yam family, but that is only the beginning of the confusion (see yams). Nor is the sweet potato closely related to the common potato, although both are Solanales plants. Although yams and sweet potatoes are both angiosperms (flowering plants), they are not related botanically. Yams are a monocot (a plant having one embryonic seed leaf) and from the Dioscoreaceae or Yam family. Sweet Potatoes, often called ‘yams’, are a dicot (a plant having two embryonic seed leaves) and are from the Convolvulacea or morning glory family."

http://www.fullsizebronco.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30913&highlight=yams

All you ever wanted to know about yams and a whole lot more info that you didn't need.

 

[kram]

Not SWMBO, but she related this story about a road trip with her sister...

SWMBO: Another Mile marker down, i think we're almost half way there now.

Sister: Cool! How far is it between those mile markers anyway?

 

[The Pol]

Regardless of the all mighty WIKI, the cans in the store said Yams and Sweet potatoes on the same can. As far as Kroger is concerned, they are the same.

Actually, you are wrong, yams and sweet potatoes are different...sorry

a-la-wikipedia

"Often called a yam, the sweet potato is not in the Yam family, but that is only the beginning of the confusion (see yams). Nor is the sweet potato closely related to the common potato, although both are Solanales plants. Although yams and sweet potatoes are both angiosperms (flowering plants), they are not related botanically. Yams are a monocot (a plant having one embryonic seed leaf) and from the Dioscoreaceae or Yam family. Sweet Potatoes, often called ‘yams’, are a dicot (a plant having two embryonic seed leaves) and are from the Convolvulacea or morning glory family."

 

[pjj2ba]

T
Me: Hunny, sit down... Yams ARE Sweet Potatoes....

In this country this is "true", but it is not in other countries. In our supermarkets they are used interchangably. However........


It's time for the Botany Police!!!!!!!

Sweet potatoes (what we typically see in the store) is Ipomea batatas, a relative or morning glories. They are also dicots and are true roots.

True Yams are Dioscorea L., a monocot, and are a bit odd, but are basically a rhizome.

History Lesson time Too!!! The color of sweet potatoes varies from dark orange to yellow. The latter is where the confusion arose. When the slaves were brought to this country they saw the sweet potatoe, particularly the more yellow forms and thought they were the same plant they were used to in Africa (the true yam) which they called Name (nah - may), which based on they way they pronounced it, got corrupted into yam. Ta da - confusion to this day.

So if your wife is of African descent, maybe SHE was right!

 

[Laurel]

I have lots of those blonde moments. Luckily, HWMBO doesn't spend any time on HBT to regale you with the stories!

 

[Skins_Brew]

we were watching TV and a pink panther insulation commercial came on...

SWMBO: What type of animal is the pink panther??
ME: ........[intense laughter]

 

[PeteOz77]

OK time for us to confess our OWN Blonde moments..

Sitting at work, and I look down at my watch.. which has stopped. I announced to my coworkers in the room... "Hey my watch has stopped! I wonder when that happened?"

 

[Limited Visibility]

OK time for us to confess our OWN Blonde moments..

Sitting at work, and I look down at my watch.. which has stopped. I announced to my coworkers in the room... "Hey my watch has stopped! I wonder when that happened?"

Hahah I just did that with a wall clock that is really high up on the wall in my living room to my SWMBO.

 

[richab]

Well at least she looks like a rockstar in the bedroom...

2. We were on our way to eat some Italian food yesterday in Nashville, at a restaurant called Mamma Mia's. We get off the interstate, which is backed up, and we see a man holding a sign asking for money. The sign reads "I am a Vet, anything will help".

Christy: "I seriously doubt he is a vet"

Me: "what do you mean? How can you tell"

Christy: "I just dont think that he would be out their, they make good money"

Me: "Honey, he looks like a veteran of Vietnam. Wait, do you think that he is a veterinarian?

Christy: "Ha, oops"

I never laughed so hard in my life:cross:

She is awesome, but sometimes, it's a little scary...

 

[Soulive]

Haha, the one about the Vet is pretty good. My SWMBO doesn't really say too many "blonde" things, but she definitely has the moments. I respect her intelligence, but I do enjoy the space cadet moments. And by enjoy, I mean find it kind of hot...

 

[PeteOz77]

SWMBO and I were taking a drive out to the local reservoir to have a look, as we are in severe drought here. As we approached the dam, she exclaims

"Oh my god! Look! It's almost EMPTY!"

I have to say I was at a loss for words... but then they came to me.... "Umm sweetheart.... the water is on the OTHER side of the dam"

She was still confused, but I told her she would understand in a minute.... as we drove past the face of the dam... she finally got it.

 

[david_42]

Yams, sweet potatoes, once you've dumped four pounds of brown sugar on them and slathered on the marshmallow fluff, WHO CAN TELL?

 

[PeteOz77]

Hahah I just did that with a wall clock that is really high up on the wall in my living room to my SWMBO.

Yeah, but my watch also has the DATE on it ! LOL

 

[Bernie Brewer]

She is awesome, but sometimes, it's a little scary...

I love the red in her eyes as she's wielding that knife. She looks like demon spawn. But HOT demon spawn..........

 

[talleymonster]

SWMBO is doing crosswords on the couch right now. She asks me "What's a four letter word for Barley drink?":cross:


Beer baby. Beer.

 

[talleymonster]

SWMBO is doing crosswords on the couch right now. She asks me "What's a four letter word for Barley drink?":cross:


Beer baby. Beer.

SWMBO claims that she already knew the answer, but she was just quizzing me. My initial thought was barley-wine.

 

[PNWgirl]

I have lots of "blonde" moments and I am a natural blonde. Sh*t.

Well, to clarify, I am more prone to clumsiness than air-head moments. I tend to walk into walls when I cut corners around doors, randomly spill/drop things, etc. Oh yeah HWMO's fave is when I bend over to get something off the floor and hit my head on something on the way down, like the couch arm. He gets a kick out of those moments.

 

[Denny's Evil Concoctions]

Some of you are so divorced if certain someone's find this thread. lol

 

[EvilTOJ]

Where's benny blanco? I swear he's had more accidents and slipups WHILE IN CHAT it's not even funny. The best time was when he bent down to get his toothbrush, knocked his head on the counter causing massive bleeding. He then came back INTO chat to tell us what happened, bleeding from a head wound. I do believe Yooper (Official Nurse Moderator of HBT) told him to go to the hospital and he didn't.

 

[joejaz]

My ex sister-in-law wanted to donate her old ceiling fan to the homeless.

My other sister in law doesn't eat filet mignon because she doesn't like fish.

 

[Yooper]

Where's benny blanco? I swear he's had more accidents and slipups WHILE IN CHAT it's not even funny. The best time was when he bent down to get his toothbrush, knocked his head on the counter causing massive bleeding. He then came back INTO chat to tell us what happened, bleeding from a head wound. I do believe Yooper (Official Nurse Moderator of HBT) told him to go to the hospital and he didn't.

The funnest part about that was about two weeks later, he blamed ME because he had a nasty scar. He said, "You didn't tell me I'd have a scar on my forehead!".
Um, Benny, did I tell you to go to the hospital and get a few stitches? "Well, yeah". Well, Benny, that would have helped prevent such a nasty scar. "Really? How come you didn't tell me that?"


OK, my daughter is a natural blonde, too. We were in a department store, and wanted to go another floor. She actually looked at the stairs, and said, "Wait- I don't know if those stairs go up or down.".

 

[PurdyGood]

My SWMBO (a redhead) just yesterday:

Me: My allergies are killing me. I'm going to the store to get some Zyrtec.
She: How? You don't have a prescription.
Me: No, it's over-the-counter now, just like Tylenol. Or vitamins.
She: Oh, ok. So then our insurance will cover it?
Me: *smile* I love you...

 

[MikeFlynn74]

Wife: Hey big thin on the news about your deployment. They said some others were going to Asia. Sucks you didnt get that one.
Me: Afghanistan is in Asia baby
Wife: Weird I thought it was in the middle east.
Me: close enough

 

[aekdbbop]

Ok here is my blonde moment..

I was taking a shower at a friends house in louisville, and he had some face wash in the caddy. On the bottle it said 100+ uses...

When I walked out, I asked my friends what else you could use face wash for, other than to wash your face.

They looked at me with a blank stare and said "no brian, you can use the soap 100+ times..."

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Soulive]

My best blonde moment was when I first started kegging. I was in the habit of over-complicating things and over-analyzing all aspects (which I don't usually do with brewing). I used a SS braid to filter the beer while racking into the keg. The SS braid fell into the keg and I didn't want to pull it out. For about 2 hours I was worried about the metal leaching or causing off-flavors in the beer. Then I remembered the whole friggen keg is made of SS...

 

[superfluent]

I phoned my exSWMBO a week ago and we talked for a couple of minutes and then suddenly:
She:"S*it, I think I left my cellphone at the restaurant. I can't find it in my bag. God, how stupid of me!".
Me: "Look in your hand..."
She: "Huh, what do you mean look in your hand. It's empty!"
Me: "Look in your other hand..."
She: "What do you mean 'other hand'!?!"
Me: "The one your're holding against your ear..."
She: "OK, could you just hold while I'll go kill myself?"

H