How do I be a bad neighbor, without actually being a bad neighbor??

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dawn_kiebawls

Lawncare and Landscaping enthusiast
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(TL;DR)

Hey all, I pride myself on being a good homeowner, a good neighbor and a good friend to those around me. My lawn and landscaping is manicured (I own a lawncare business, so, it kinda has to be), we're welcoming to our neighbors, never loud and always (in fact, too often) willing to lend a helping hand. This is all fine and well, but the new hipster couple that just moved in next door are really trying my patience and getting on my last nerve!

It started almost literally as soon as they moved in. As I mentioned before, I own a lawncare business in town so I made the same offer to them I do all of my new neighbors: to mow their lawn once, for free, while they're getting settled in, or pick back up on the contract I lost when the house sold. They stared daggers through me and said that they 'don't want emissions in their yard', as if we don't share an atmosphere and they don't have two cars parked in the driveway leaking oil. Fine, whatever. I maintain close to 100 lawns a week and about 95% of my block. I'm busy, just trying to be nice!

My backyard is fenced in and in the corner next to their corner I have a nice firewood rack and I rested a small pecan log on my fence (across the corner) to keep it off the ground so it can dry since it didn't fit on my rack. I noticed when I was fertilizing and spraying that the log was gone, and Mr. Hipster sitting in his back yard across the fence from me. It turns out that he didn't like it sitting on MY fence so he threw it into the alley. He then also criticizes the fact that I'm spraying chemicals, applying non organic fertilizers (of course the hipsters are organic) and that my mowers are too loud. Whatever, man. My lawn(s) are pristine, my customers are happy and I hate to break it to ya, but, I've done all my chemical schedules to your lawn for 3 years now so your lawn ain't organic either. But why not say something to me about my log, or at the very least throw it in my yard, not the alley?? I let the log issue roll off my back and gave him the usual 'these chemicals are safe, I'll be done in a minute'.

I was out spraying a couple Wasp nests around my house because I'm terrified of them, they harass my dog and my wife is allergic. They gotta go! Of course Hipster 1 and 2 start berating me again because of chemicals, but also that everything has a place on earth and that they pollinate. Now I'm getting a little thin on patience, so I maintain eye contact with them and continue to spray without saying a word. It's my property and I have very justifiable reasons for killing those winged bastards.

A couple weeks later I'm out trimming and edging my lawn when my weed whacker finds a pile of dog s**t by my sidewalk and splatters it on my shins, my shirt and my FACE!! I angrily shut off the machine, go inside to wash up and change clothes. Come out, finish trimming and jump on my mower. As I'm mowing Mr. Hipster comes over to say 'sorry, man I got distracted' and 'I always forget to bring bags with me' (HIS HOUSE IS 15 STEPS AWAY) and explains his little Chihuahua will only s**t on concrete. I tell him I already chopped it up with my trimmer, he looks at the pieces on my sidewalk and says 'oh yeah, gross, I'm not going to pick that up it has flies all over it already' then picks up his dog and leaves before I can say anything.

At this point I'm about to boil over like an unwatched BK.

The next week, he finds out I used to be a licensed Arborist and he now wants me to trim my tree that hangs over his property line. As much as I hate him, I agree to it even though its HIS responsibility simply because I don't want someone to come hack up my tree. He thanks me and follows up with how I shouldn't use wood chips in my planter beds so close to his house so he doesn't get termites. The next day, he wants me to call one of my friends who still is in the tree business to come drop a load of chips for HIM. I need a beer...

Last week as I'm mowing, I notice about 8 piles of Chihuahua sized s**t in the grass by my sidewalk and since the little dog doesn't walk in grass I know that Hipster f**k is just kicking it into my grass for either me to chop up, step in or have smashed into my mower tires.


I'm about to lose my mind! So, I'm asking you (anyone who has made it this far), how can I get back at this a**hole neighbor of mine and be a 'bad neighbor' without being a bad neighbor. I'm beyond a resolution, now I'm seeking petty revenge! I'm one more pile of crap or backhanded comment about how I do business from jumping the fence and smashing him or chasing him down with a mower (I wouldn't ever actually take it that far)...
 
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Well! It sounds like YOU need to retire that antiquated, loud, fowl, polluting gas powered lawn equipment and get back to the roots of your industry with a nice, quite, non-polluting manual reel mower. At the very least, you could be, should be, going electric.

But why do we have lawns anyway? They're relics of the royalty we cast cast off 244 years ago. There's no need for them. They waste literal tons of water each year. They indenture us to weekends of servitude and give us nothing in return. Plant the lawn! Garden the yard!

And you know, if you let those darling little dogs do their cute little business on your precious "lawn", you wouldn't need all those synthetic soil sterilizing fertilizers. I bet you're one of those know better types, though. Probably doing your own business inside your house; gross! You should be making all your 1s and 2s in a bucket to make some delicious and nutritious night soil fertilizer. It called zero waste, my dude. Try it.

And while you're at it, go apologize to the neighbors you so rudely "welcomed" to the neighborhood with threats of fumigating their personal space with hydrocarbons and then, the nerve!, tried to tear down the communal fence with your termite township. Why are you even cutting trees, bro? They're the lungs of the planet. Gah!
 
Well! It sounds like YOU need to retire that antiquated, loud, fowl, polluting gas powered lawn equipment and get back to the roots of your industry with a nice, quite, non-polluting manual reel mower. At the very least, you could be, should be, going electric.

But why do we have lawns anyway? They're relics of the royalty we cast cast off 244 years ago. There's no need for them. They waste literal tons of water each year. They indenture us to weekends of servitude and give us nothing in return. Plant the lawn! Garden the yard!

And you know, if you let those darling little dogs do their cute little business on your precious "lawn", you wouldn't need all those synthetic soil sterilizing fertilizers. I bet you're one of those know better types, though. Probably doing your own business inside your house; gross! You should be making all your 1s and 2s in a bucket to make some delicious and nutritious night soil fertilizer. It called zero waste, my dude. Try it.

And while you're at it, go apologize to the neighbors you so rudely "welcomed" to the neighborhood with threats of fumigating their personal space with hydrocarbons and then, the nerve!, tried to tear down the communal fence with your termite township. Why are you even cutting trees, bro? They're the lungs of the planet. Gah!


Is...is this for real? If it is, I've got a house that will be soon for sale. You would LOVE the neighbors!

edit: I didn't know what green text implied..thanks @doug293cz
 
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Put their dogs sh** in their mailbox.

Lots of ways to have fun with it.

Masonry work and boulders are too expensive, and frankly they're not worth it. But THIS is good..this is a good starting point. He does want a load of wood chips, but didn't specify where he would like them dumped. End of the driveway, obstructing the sidewalk accumulating fines from the city for obstructing said sidewalk and possibly blocking their cars in. Cheers!
 
Masonry work and boulders are too expensive, and frankly they're not worth it. But THIS is good..this is a good starting point. He does want a load of wood chips, but didn't specify where he would like them dumped. End of the driveway, obstructing the sidewalk accumulating fines from the city for obstructing said sidewalk and possibly blocking their cars in. Cheers!

I mean a direct response is probably preferable to something directly harmful. Or at least plausible deniability. Having a pile of chips dumped in the wrong spot is a great idea. Go extra melodramatic and dripping with disdain when you "apologize" for the "accident".

Could also be more direct. Scoop the poop. Knock on their door. When they open the door say "you forgot this" and drop it on their floor.
 
I mean a direct response is probably preferable to something directly harmful. Or at least plausible deniability. Having a pile of chips dumped in the wrong spot is a great idea. Go extra melodramatic and dripping with disdain when you "apologize" for the "accident".

Could also be more direct. Scoop the poop. Knock on their door. When they open the door say "you forgot this" and drop it on their floor.

Those are good thoughts. I should include (and edit the original post) that I wouldn't actually beat him or run him over with a mower, I don't think..I will probably go through with the 'chip' idea, give back his dogs 'deposits' and tell him to start picking it up EVERY time (there is now also a sign by the sidewalk where he frequents as well). If the problem persists I will probably just get my lawyer involved since his garages' eve is 18 inches over my property line and his downspout drains into my landscaping. I've played nice long enough, his fate is in his own hands at this point!
 
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You have every right not to deal with his dog's mess or one drop of water from his house to your land. I'd defiantly start by sending both back to him. Maybe even combine the two if you can do so without making things unpleasant for yourself.

Dog mess is a real and documented ecological and health concern, I have no pateince for dog owners who think it is OK to leave it around. I'm also a landscape and lawn care contractor, I won't even take on accounts where customers make a decent effort to clean up from their dogs.

If neighbor purports to be so "green", perhaps a screen of running bamboo such as Phyllostachys variety might be good along the line. My entire perimeter is enclosed with bamboo berms, no one can count the number of trucks I have or beers I make or drink. Check local laws, in some places, you are responsible for bamboo runners, in others you are not. Also, good root barrier is easy to install w chain trencher, I do it all the time.
 
Going to battle with a neighbor never works out well for either party. Unfortunately I inherited a feud with one after moving into my house. Come to find out the seller and neighbor had been at each other’s throat since the house was built. Anyway, I’d just take some beer over with you and work it out. Even if you only agree on one thing, you’ll still be better off then at war.
 
Put an empty condom wrapper on his porch, his girlfriend or wife might think he cheating and might ensue in a nice little argument. It'll probably have to be a biodegradable one, since that would be the only kind this fella would use haha. I don't know where you live, but I once planted a piece of English Ivy in a persons yard, its almost impossible to control once it takes off. Well this guy now has a yard full of Ivy and has nearly destroyed some of his trees bwahaha. Not to mention the poison oak he had to get rid of well. Hopefully he got a case of it before he realized it was growing in his yard. bwahhahaha. Any noxious weed will do the trick, but any aggressive vine works better.
 
Going to battle with a neighbor never works out well for either party. Unfortunately I inherited a feud with one after moving into my house. Come to find out the seller and neighbor had been at each other’s throat since the house was built. Anyway, I’d just take some beer over with you and work it out. Even if you only agree on one thing, you’ll still be better off then at war.

But pettiness and passive aggression are often worth it if just for the lulz.

Put an empty condom wrapper on his porch, his girlfriend or wife might think he cheating and might ensue in a nice little argument. It'll probably have to be a biodegradable one, since that would be the only kind this fella would use haha. I don't know where you live, but I once planted a piece of English Ivy in a persons yard, its almost impossible to control once it takes off. Well this guy now has a yard full of Ivy and has nearly destroyed some of his trees bwahaha. Not to mention the poison oak he had to get rid of well. Hopefully he got a case of it before he realized it was growing in his yard. bwahhahaha. Any noxious weed will do the trick, but any aggressive vine works better.

Bamboo?
 
But pettiness and passive aggression are often worth it if just for the lulz.

It’s all fun and games until you find yourself living next to someone with a couple screws loose, who is super smart, has lots of time on their hands and with not much to lose. I had a buddy in college like that and, at the time, thought it was endlessly entertaining the things done to people and institutions he thought wronged him in some way. Oh the stories I could tell! Now I just hope I don’t run into his sort again. Good luck with your neighbor.
 
I'd set up an old phone to video discreetly and video the neighbor leaving the dog **** in your yard. Then I would say you saw the dog on your video and say you are worried about their dog because the chemicals you use are "safe" but sometimes toxic to small pets. Tell them you forgot to put the flags out this time. Put some small flags out before you do this in your backyard away from the neighbor for effect. Have some story about a particularly rare but noxious pest you are treating for. You didn't see it in your yard but a client's may have had it. You'd offer to do their lawn for free but you won't because of the dog and it's safe and all but not everbody approves of the chemicals they've been shown to cause cancer in CA.


Hey is that you Bilsch?!
 
You have every right not to deal with his dog's mess or one drop of water from his house to your land. I'd defiantly start by sending both back to him. Maybe even combine the two if you can do so without making things unpleasant for yourself.

Dog mess is a real and documented ecological and health concern, I have no pateince for dog owners who think it is OK to leave it around. I'm also a landscape and lawn care contractor, I won't even take on accounts where customers make a decent effort to clean up from their dogs.

If neighbor purports to be so "green", perhaps a screen of running bamboo such as Phyllostachys variety might be good along the line. My entire perimeter is enclosed with bamboo berms, no one can count the number of trucks I have or beers I make or drink. Check local laws, in some places, you are responsible for bamboo runners, in others you are not. Also, good root barrier is easy to install w chain trencher, I do it all the time.

I've started charging my dog s**t customers a $35/weekly fee and referring them to a dog waste company in town i'm loosely 'partners' with who only charges $9 weekly. You would not believe how many of them still just pay me the $35 to smash turds...people are sick

Put an empty condom wrapper on his porch, his girlfriend or wife might think he cheating and might ensue in a nice little argument. It'll probably have to be a biodegradable one, since that would be the only kind this fella would use haha.

I like this idea, especially since she is WAY out of his league.

It’s all fun and games until you find yourself living next to someone with a couple screws loose, who is super smart, has lots of time on their hands and with not much to lose.

I agree, Mr. Hipster is in grave danger
 
First I disclose we rent, so I don't know how helpful this is. I hope it can help to whatever extent.

I'm so sorry. Having dealt with a psychotic neighbor (fixated on my wife. Not dangerously, Asperger's. She's a jazz singer, everytime she'd even hum a tune in our home he'd start playing it on the piano; stalked us, miraculously at the store when we there, another store when we were there, a jazz festival - yes, anyone could go, but we could tell he was looking for us..., etc.), it's extremely difficult to dislodge the SOB. I can only suggest trying by talking calmly to the bastard, saying you want peace between you and you want to work things out. Then state your grievances. He will of course play tit for tat and want you to stop using your lawnmower, chips, wasp pesticide, etc.

I was very close to tearing this guy apart. I had to get the police involved, log every incident (peering into our windows, etc.), write my lawlerly letters to the police to indicate why this was a problem, and finally he was cited. He rented as well, and the LL threw him out because she was now involved (he was her special pet project. She was deaf to our concerns over many years).

I only found out he had Asperger's after he left, which made me feel slightly bad as I really came close to loosening his joints. But my patience would still only have gone so far. We're all entitled to our lives.

You probably know police, if they can even do something, will likely only stir them up worse. It's unbelievably maddening, I know.

So, you have to coopt him. You could have a neighborhood party, and yes, invite them. Now they know you are well part of the neighborhood community and there is, in fact, a community who cares about each other as friends. One tiny bit less likely to do what he's doing.

Say you "know it sucks," but give him some dog crap bags and politely ask again if he'd just pick up the crap - "helps us all try to get along better."

If nothing works, write a formal, lawlerly letter, stating your requests. But give them the out that you want good relations and am completely open to sitting down to hammer things out. That may scare them enough to realize you're serious. And your conciliatory tone is good ammo should you need to go further.

Comb the codes. Comb the codes. Did I say comb the codes? If anything they're doing violates any codes, now you can write another letter letting them know you don't want to take it further, but they are in fact in violation of.... .

Do you have a neighborhood association?

Finally, and only finally, you could call the cops. I'd say 90% of the time if the cop is willing to go over and talk to them, that alone will scare the crap out of them.

I just looked and I regret my trail of letters, etc., I deleted - I was happy to flush the issue down the toilet when he was finally out of out lives. I only wanted to offer them as possible templates, as I can actually put together a decent pro se piece of persuasion.

I'm sorry man. I really hope you can get it resolved and you can get some peace.
 
I've started charging my dog s**t customers a $35/weekly fee and referring them to a dog waste company in town i'm loosely 'partners' with who only charges $9 weekly. You would not believe how many of them still just pay me the $35 to smash turds...people are sick.

I'm glad to here people are beginning to have to pay for their slovenliness (and I blame the owners, not the dogs). For too long some have assumed getting excrement splattered on our cloths and equipment, tracked into our trucks, is part of what we have to put up with for the privilege of working for them. Since I also do all the work and maintenance on my mowing equipment, charging extra would not even be worth it, not to mention my crew's well being. I was mow crew myself for the first 15 years of my business, so my sympathy is with them.
 
A coworker had a neighbor with a dog. Said dog filled said neighbor's yard with poop. Said neighbor told his ~10-yr-old son to clean up the poop. Said son scooped up said poop with a shovel and threw it into my coworker's yard. My coworker grabbed a shovel the next day and tossed it back across the fence, most of it onto the kid's trampoline. Apparently, the neighbor thought it was hilarious and said it would teach the kid a lesson.
 
A coworker had a neighbor with a dog. Said dog filled said neighbor's yard with poop. Said neighbor told his ~10-yr-old son to clean up the poop. Said son scooped up said poop with a shovel and threw it into my coworker's yard. My coworker grabbed a shovel the next day and tossed it back across the fence, most of it onto the kid's trampoline. Apparently, the neighbor thought it was hilarious and said it would teach the kid a lesson.

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Do not put anything in anyone's mailbox that is not mail. Tampering with the mail is a federal offense.

I like the old adage, "Good fences make good neighbors." The bamboo idea is nice, but it tends to run rampant once it's planted, and is a highly invasive species. The idea of bringing over some beer (bonus hipster points if it's one you made), and figuratively burying the hatchet. There is no telling how long they will be your neighbors.
 
I like the old adage, "Good fences make good neighbors." The bamboo idea is nice, but it tends to run rampant once it's planted, and is a highly invasive species.

A properly installed root barrier takes care of that for running bamboo species, and in warmer parts of country, there are some very nice non-running bamboos that stay put, but can form a dense screen.

BTW, bamboo is not technically invasive, as it does not spread from seed(at least not on this continent), can not cross roads, etc. As a member of the ABS and grower and seller of bamboo, I feel compelled to point that out.

A final note from me on this thread,(unless anyone wants technical advice on bamboo installation) if I was going to do anything devious of questionable legality, I would not discuss on internet......that said, there are a lot of seemingly innocuous things one could do teach someone respect for oneself, and stay withing the realm of "not unlawful", technically..

That said, I would not want an ahole neighbor take up too much space in brain, under skin. One of the reasons I don't live in town, and put an impenetrable green barrier around my land.

The trying to make nice would a good idea in long run, except when dealing those who will never stop being obnoxious, and take being nice as an invitation to use, sounds like OP may be dealing with one of those.
 
Is...is this for real? If it is, I've got a house that will be soon for sale. You would LOVE the neighbors!

edit: I didn't know what green text implied..thanks @doug293cz

Guess we'll have to see how this plays out to know whose house it will be.

Do not put anything in anyone's mailbox that is not mail. Tampering with the mail is a federal offense.

I like the old adage, "Good fences make good neighbors." The bamboo idea is nice, but it tends to run rampant once it's planted, and is a highly invasive species. The idea of bringing over some beer (bonus hipster points if it's one you made), and figuratively burying the hatchet. There is no telling how long they will be your neighbors.

Buried Hatchet Stout is a good beer.
https://www.southernstarbrewing.com/our-beers
A properly installed root barrier takes care of that for running bamboo species, and in warmer parts of country, there are some very nice non-running bamboos that stay put, but can form a dense screen.

BTW, bamboo is not technically invasive, as it does not spread from seed(at least not on this continent), can not cross roads, etc. As a member of the ABS and grower and seller of bamboo, I feel compelled to point that out.

A final note from me on this thread,(unless anyone wants technical advice on bamboo installation) if I was going to do anything devious of questionable legality, I would not discuss on internet......that said, there are a lot of seemingly innocuous things one could do teach someone respect for oneself, and stay withing the realm of "not unlawful", technically..

That said, I would not want an ahole neighbor take up too much space in brain, under skin. One of the reasons I don't live in town, and put an impenetrable green barrier around my land.

The trying to make nice would a good idea in long run, except when dealing those who will never stop being obnoxious, and take being nice as an invitation to use, sounds like OP may be dealing with one of those.

Cold hardy bamboo for a shady area? Not shady like the OP neighborhood. Shady like under a tree.
 
It sounds like a problem for sure, with pseudo-greenies.
I do have to say that I was unhappy with my old neighbors who sprayed pesticides and weedkillers right up to our garden fence in a brisk wind blowing our way. We don't use pesticides or weedkillers, and never on our garden. They had an absolutely manicured lawn. That's not our neighborhood, which has gardens, huge lots and some with native wildflower plantings. It was irritating to me when we would stand in our yard and have to go inside when they were liberally spraying every square inch of their property and a bit of ours.

Maybe that has them being so unfriendly(?). People with asthma (me) really have issues, and when the wind is brisk it can really be bad. Nice lawns are important to some people, especially in suburbia, but I don't want overspray on the food I'm eating. So maybe there can be a compromise. We like all of our neighbors now. We keep to ourselves and our own yards and leave everything alone. But if someone needs help, they jump in to help.

Wasn't it Robert Frost who said "Good fences make good neighbors"?
 
I've got neighbors on both sides with the perfectly manicured yards...kinda sounds like Yooper's neighbor (and mine also frequently have companies out spraying the daylights out of the yards). Both neighbors are older, retired, and obviously are perfectionists with their yards/gardens. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of our yard and do my best to keep it looking nice...but I refuse to use pesticides and have six beehives in our backyard (thus the refusal to use any chemicals).

That being said, I would certainly voice your thoughts, issues, complaints and gripes (as long as you'd consider them reasonable and not instigative) with your hipster neighbor. As I've gotten older, I've found that it's not as fun to provoke, tease, tempt, etc. I keep to myself, but will let a neighbor know if there is a problem/issue. The younger/'funner' side of me would have already posted about 10 fantastic ideas to get back at him...but maybe I've matured a bit (dammit).

Best of luck with your situation. I know my neighbors probably curse me under their breaths when a few weeds pop up here or there, but they get their annual gift of honey...and I hope they know that we're doing our best (with full time jobs, three teenagers, etc.) to make the neighborhood proud while also limiting exposure to the drinking supply, pets, and the environment.

Okay...I punish them by never gifting them homebrew...there...I had to list at least one.
 
Same with the previous posters, I get really nervous when my neighbors start spraying 2,4-D around since I grow hops and they, as most hop growers probably already know, don't care for even tiny wind drift amounts of that stuff.
 
It sounds like a problem for sure, with pseudo-greenies.
I do have to say that I was unhappy with my old neighbors who sprayed pesticides and weedkillers right up to our garden fence in a brisk wind blowing our way. We don't use pesticides or weedkillers, and never on our garden. They had an absolutely manicured lawn. That's not our neighborhood, which has gardens, huge lots and some with native wildflower plantings. It was irritating to me when we would stand in our yard and have to go inside when they were liberally spraying every square inch of their property and a bit of ours.

Maybe that has them being so unfriendly(?). People with asthma (me) really have issues, and when the wind is brisk it can really be bad. Nice lawns are important to some people, especially in suburbia, but I don't want overspray on the food I'm eating. So maybe there can be a compromise. We like all of our neighbors now. We keep to ourselves and our own yards and leave everything alone. But if someone needs help, they jump in to help.

Wasn't it Robert Frost who said "Good fences make good neighbors"?

I can appreciate that. While having manicured lawns isn't my neighborhood either, my block takes a lot of pride in our property. I'm never one to judge someone for not spending the time, energy or money on their grass as I do. Especially since it's how I make a living and I honestly enjoy it. For all I care they can plant a yard full of clover or dandelions, I just ask that they respect my property that I spend hours a week on, not to mention play in with my dog and host events in. We shouldn't have to watch out for someone elses dog waste. THATS my (main) complaint.

Not to knock asthma by any means, but the two of them sit outside and vape/smoke weed the majority of the day so I don't think they have breathing issues. I really do think they are just entitled, selfish people. (another) Example: their house sat vacant for a year before they bought it, some volunteer trees came up in their garden and he tried telling me I need to cut down MY tree because the seedlings will eventually grow into his foundation and ruin HIS house. Seriously, WTF!

Anyway, this was posted mostly as an outlet so I didn't blowup at them today, but also to see if I could come up with sneaky, legal (even borderline) ways to get back at them. I blew off some steam and enjoyed hearing some responses ranging from 'bury the hatchet' to 'brick up all their doors over night'. I'm going to settle on something in the middle. If he corrects his behavior, I'll absolutely start bringing him some of my beers. If not, I'm coming at him like the 4 Horsemen with a lawyer in tow. But ultimately, he will have the decision which way this plays out.
 
How about being a great neighbor/brewer and give him some spent grains? You know, save the earth!

Tell him to lay them out on cookie sheets in the house to air dry for a few days.
 
How about being a great neighbor/brewer and give him some spent grains? You know, save the earth!

Tell him to lay them out on cookie sheets in the house to air dry for a few days.

I'm not even joking you, the neighbors across the street from us have chickens so I offered them the grains and was denied because they aren't organic. I think we're just going to move lol...
 
If I knew general location of OP, I'd have an opinion on that, but P bissetti will do just fine in shade down to USDA temp zone 6.

Wasn't sure if bamboo or a hit man referral. Am I goig to be the subject of one of these threads if I plant along a chain link fence line with my neighbor?

ABS. Not just fro brakes. American Bamboo Society | Bamboo is Thriving
 
It were me I would get an old lawnboy 2 cycle lawn mower for my yard, they burn a fair amout of oil and are fairly loud. Tell the hipster neighbor that you wanted a lawn mower that was green (refering to the color of the lawn mower) to appeas his green nature.
Next get a propane type fogger and use it when the hipster is outside. Explain to the hipster that your wife is allergic to wasps and you want to keep them under control.
Third - check if your town has requirements tor dog owners to have a dog license. Our town does but no-one bothers to get one. You can report him for a lack of a dog license or possibly a lack of rabies vaccinuation which usually are a state requirement.

Don't get mad - get even!
 
Wasn't sure if bamboo or a hit man referral. Am I goig to be the subject of one of these threads if I plant along a chain link fence line with my neighbor?

ABS. Not just fro brakes. American Bamboo Society | Bamboo is Thriving

If you are worried about that, install a 60 mil, 30 inch plastic root barrier. Below are two installations we did; first one was construction site where we had to install the soil as well. A bit extreme, but what the customer wanted. The second was a more conventional installaton where there was pretty good soil in place, installed with chain trencher (check for utilities). On this one, the two neigbors were sworn enimeies, and had already spend a fortune on lawyers against each other. customer also wanted to be sure the neighbor would not have any compllaints. This one we still maintain the yard, and has been in around twelve years, and roots have not crossed property line, and they can not see each other at all any more.
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