gratus fermentatio
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You ever try to "milk" a beaver? Let me tell you, those bastards can BITE! :cross:
Regards, GF.
Funny Things Billy-Klubb Should Say About Beer in Public
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You ever try to "milk" a beaver? Let me tell you, those bastards can BITE! :cross:
Regards, GF.
Thats just because you have been skipping the foreplay and going straight to the milking. Romance it a little first, buy it a drink. Things will go smoother I swear.
hio3791
Well-Known Member
Have you ever wondered why we don't see beer commercials from these "craft" breweries? That's because in the United States, by law, only breweries that produce real beer are allowed to advertise. Making beer is a trade secret that only a few large breweries know. Craft breweries buy beer from these larger breweries, which is then used as a base. Craft brewers add synthetic hops, different types of sugars and other special flavoring agents to get the flavor, smell and mouth feel they are after. In fact, this is where the term "craft beers" come from, because these beers are crafted from base beers. Since they don't actually make the beer, they aren't allowed to advertise.
Being that it is a trade secret, this is why home made beer is so terrible (and potentially deadly as recently seen in the news). These so called "homebrewers" do not know the intricacies and cannot afford the required equipment to make real beer.
Being that it is a trade secret, this is why home made beer is so terrible (and potentially deadly as recently seen in the news). These so called "homebrewers" do not know the intricacies and cannot afford the required equipment to make real beer.
Cheesy_Goodness
Well-Known Member
I was skeptical about this at first, but then I realized it was in quotes.
Thanks for the info.
Jacob_Marley
Well-Known Member
I'm going to blame Monty Python for it ... watched Meaning of Life a couple days ago and it just came out when I started writing. Some kind of residual silliness hangover. Sketch humor I guess (if you can picture it as such).
Cheesy_Goodness
Well-Known Member
Aw sh!tsticks, I meant to say italics. Italics is the thing that always makes everything true.
Cheesy_Goodness
Well-Known Member
Back on topic:
The darker the beer, the more alcohol content it has.
The Native Americans used to brew light beer made entirely out of maize until they realized that the beaver gland could add some darkness to the color of the beer, thus upping the abv. The only reason whiskey was so popular after the Europeans settled was because it was, in fact, a much lighter and refreshing drink than the maize beaver brew they had been drinking for thousands of years.
The darker the beer, the more alcohol content it has.
The Native Americans used to brew light beer made entirely out of maize until they realized that the beaver gland could add some darkness to the color of the beer, thus upping the abv. The only reason whiskey was so popular after the Europeans settled was because it was, in fact, a much lighter and refreshing drink than the maize beaver brew they had been drinking for thousands of years.
India Pale Ales were actually stolen from the Indians by Imperialists. And that's Native American Pale Ale to you. I don't care if it was from India. They're Native Americans too.
Kirkwooder
Emperor of all things nobody cares about
They also brewed a drink similar to beer but used maple tree sap, honey, pumpkin and bittered it with the musk from muskrat glands. They called this beverage meer, do to the fact that it came from muskrats rather than from beavers.
Oh yeah, the word beverage, originated from the native american beaver beer. The first white settlers thought that the beaver gland beer was better than average drinks from Europe. It started as being referred to as "beaver average" and was later shortened to beverage.
hio3791
Well-Known Member
Many people don't know that prohibition was an attempt by the US government to bring forth and legalize moonshine. It's true. On April 1, 1917, President Woodrow Wilson, well known for his rye whiskey recipes, was about to sign a bill to legalize moonshine but the messenger carrying the documents to the President was accidentally shot by a beer drinking hillbilly who was deer hunting. The drunk hillbilly accidentally mistook the horse the messenger was riding for a deer. While never proved, it is believed the messenger was romantically involved with Margaret Woodrow Wilson, President Wilson's daughter. As a consequence President Wilson, in what became a grotesque view of beer drinkers, set forth to abolish beer from the United States and hence the birth of Prohibition.
In an ironic twist of fate, the messenger was a notable brewmaster whose humble beginnings in the craft came from the teachings of President William Howard Taft, President Wilson's predecessor and well known archenemy.
However, even more ironic is that the late messenger, in his college days, was a roommate of a young Franklin D. Roosevelt and it was this act that motivated Roosevelt to become the 32nd President of the United States and legalize beer sales. As everyone knows, President Wilson was Governor of NJ where President Roosevelt was governor of NY. It's believe that this act of revenge is partly the reason there's such rivalry between both states, seen mostly in professional sports and why to this day, both states remain divided on mutual issues.
In an ironic twist of fate, the messenger was a notable brewmaster whose humble beginnings in the craft came from the teachings of President William Howard Taft, President Wilson's predecessor and well known archenemy.
However, even more ironic is that the late messenger, in his college days, was a roommate of a young Franklin D. Roosevelt and it was this act that motivated Roosevelt to become the 32nd President of the United States and legalize beer sales. As everyone knows, President Wilson was Governor of NJ where President Roosevelt was governor of NY. It's believe that this act of revenge is partly the reason there's such rivalry between both states, seen mostly in professional sports and why to this day, both states remain divided on mutual issues.
Well you learn something new every day. I always thought that prohibition arose from Wilson waking up with a debilitating full body hangover and saying "I will never drink again!" and in an actual bout of self remorse decided no one should feel that way, ever and declared that nobody will drink again as long as he wasn't. Its hard to quit drinking if the other drunkies around you are drinking after all.
hio3791
Well-Known Member
I've heard that before but I thought that was rumored by the tabloids of the time. Some believe high ranking members in the inner circles of the President leaked that in order to draw attention away from the romantic involvements of the President's daughter and felt that portraying a picture of a drunken President was more "socially" acceptable (for those times).
Black Island Brewer
An Ode to Beer
Cream Ale originated in the north east as direct competition to the milk stouts being made be the "Black Irish" immigrants . Self respecting WASPs could not be seen drinking anything dark or Catholic, so needed a pale and light ale to be seen drinking at church picnics.
OP
OP
we could have an army of bearded liars spewing forth misinformation to the general public in bars, home brew shops, tap rooms, and liquor stores. if we plan it right, we could make the national news and make Jim Koch believe again.
Add to that the search engines indexing all the shaggy dog tales we've piled into this thread. Sooner or later some unsuspecting fool will stumble onto this and take something seriously.
Some poor kid's going to really screw up his college research paper with our stories. It's gonna happen, just you wait and see! :cross:
OP
OP
why haven't we had a beer yet? I mean in person. you're only 2 1/2 hours away (or maybe that's me...) and we go to the cities2-5 times a year.
drainbamage
Keep HBT weird.
I can just imagine someone stumbling upon this thread, reading it in horror and thinking, "oh my god...I'm never drinking beer again."
More for the rest of us!
Yeah! I'd be up for that. PM me next time you're heading up here. I'm in the north 'burbs. I'll take to to Hammerheart.
You mean that doesn't already happen?
You can really taste all the corn in Budweiser.
The amount of misinformation in this thread is almost dangerous.
You folks realize that all of this misinformation, as well as the sarcasim will become forever imbedded in the wisdom of Google once their bots have their way with it? I used to work for a major communications company that has it's hands wrapped around the world. (hint) And I can confirm that everything you post in a thread, regardless of where and when, is saved and preserved for at least 10 years. Some folks are special, their posts are saved even longer. Even indefinitely. It all depends on how "interesting" you are to those that make these judgements. And don't be fooled. The people that make the actual judgements are possibly more messed up than you have ever been on your worse day of your irresponsible youthful days. These people are truely reckless, and in a secret position of absolute control.
You folks realize that all of this misinformation, as well as the sarcasim will become forever imbedded in the wisdom of Google once their bots have their way with it? I used to work for a major communications company that has it's hands wrapped around the world. (hint) And I can confirm that everything you post in a thread, regardless of where and when, is saved and preserved for at least 10 years. Some folks are special, their posts are saved even longer. Even indefinitely. It all depends on how "interesting" you are to those that make these judgements. And don't be fooled. The people that make the actual judgements are possibly more messed up than you have ever been on your worse day of your irresponsible youthful days. These people are truely reckless, and in a secret position of absolute control.
Speaking of Jim Koch, he is actually a robot who is controlled by the great great grandsons of John Labatt, Adolph Coors and Adolphus Budweiser, as a way to control the market and test the craft brew markets. He has been spilling lies upon the many countries Sam Adams is sold in and most of their beers posses chemicals that alter the mind state of the drinker.
ubnserved
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We don't buy drinks around here ! We Make Beer! And other assorted beverages.
ubnserved
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Sorry that was me I still find it amazing what people will try to taste and make food out of. Castoreum is probably not the worst thing added to food either. Everyone has their own taste. :cross:
ubnserved
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The screwed up thing is that they are trying to outlaw powdered alcohol even though it was invented in 1974. I couldn't find any thing about the gel you speak of. The company plans on having it on liquor store shelves this spring if they don't get screwed over by mommy and daddy law makers.
http://www.palcohol.com/
OP
OP
we're making it fun again instead of tragic.
then our sarcasm and satire shall not go unrealized! now I just need the time and someone with a digital camcorder that can edit like a martha floccer...
drainbamage
Keep HBT weird.
I made it up as far as I know. Someone correct me if it does exist...I'd hate to slip too much reality into the disinformation thread
On the contrary, I'm waiting for a "25 CRAZY THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT BEER!" article to show up on Buzzfeed based on this thread.
We're like the HBT PsyOps division!
Digital Camcorder and Editing system available here. A bit further away than useful around Chicago from where you are. But available still.
To add to the things you should say:
"Real beer is supposed to taste like piss water. That's to keep people from drinking all my beer."
Stout was invented when an Irish brewery burned to the ground. The only things left were wooden aging tanks that did not burn because they were full of beer. But they charred badly. The Irish never waste beer, so they drank it, and liked it. "Guinness" is actually Gaelic for "Burned up", or literally "Gift of the Ashes".
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ubnserved
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I made it up as far as I know. Someone correct me if it does exist...I'd hate to slip too much reality into the disinformation thread
We're like the HBT PsyOps division!
I didn't even look I just remembered about the powdered stuff from a couple of years ago so I thought I would throw it out there. But if you can make a powder out of it it certainly can be made into a gel. Hmm, jell shots anyone?
Back to topic. ....
All beer made in the states where pot is still illegal is now made with synthetic hops now due to the fact that hops is in the cannabacaea family of plants which includes cannabis. Be sure to write your congressional representative and urge them to allow hops back into your beer it is far tastier and is far less dangerous than the cancer causing synthetic variety.
But you get drunk faster off the synthetic hops. That's why the tobacco companies support it.
ubnserved
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That is only if we do it right! Some day people will figure out not to believe anything they read on the interwebs.
As far as losers making judgments about what stays and what doesn't, that is a near impossible task and could only be accomplished by keyword banning or accepting, no company or government has the manpower to read everything on the Internet. The best they can do at the moment is flag keywords for further review. Simple things like d=@+h or de:at:h can throw off a keyword search.
Cheesy_Goodness
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ubnserved
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Hmmm..... the high priest of the Fundamentalist Church of Beer will be voted on super bowl sunday. Hopefully all of those nominated can make a video describing why they would like the position and what they will bring to the Fundamentalist Church of Beer. Nominations are now being accepted. You may nominate yourself but you must include your video at the time you place your nomination.
Since we have moved to our bigger building we are accepting new members to the congregation. You must have been a member of the Fundamentalist Church of Beer for at least the past 5 years, in good standing, to nominate a new member. Our new location will allow us to accept 12000 new members in addition to the 14732 we already have. You must be able to travel to our location to take your oath and have your monthly offering of $3264 paid by the time you arrive. Fundamentalist Church of Beer location will be revealed to you upon acceptance of your nomination by you and the Fundamentalist Church of Beer elders after your first offering has been received.
Other Fundamentalist Church of Beer news: Fundamentalist Church of Beer members in good standing with 3 years of dedication may now bring 1 non-member to any one of our 35 private bars nation wide. Just be sure to call ahead to make sure there are not any events scheduled and that the privacy limousine is available. As always no members may reveal any location of any Fundamentalist Church of Beer facility.
Fundamentalist Church of Beer website will be down for maintenance this weekend.
Since we have moved to our bigger building we are accepting new members to the congregation. You must have been a member of the Fundamentalist Church of Beer for at least the past 5 years, in good standing, to nominate a new member. Our new location will allow us to accept 12000 new members in addition to the 14732 we already have. You must be able to travel to our location to take your oath and have your monthly offering of $3264 paid by the time you arrive. Fundamentalist Church of Beer location will be revealed to you upon acceptance of your nomination by you and the Fundamentalist Church of Beer elders after your first offering has been received.
Other Fundamentalist Church of Beer news: Fundamentalist Church of Beer members in good standing with 3 years of dedication may now bring 1 non-member to any one of our 35 private bars nation wide. Just be sure to call ahead to make sure there are not any events scheduled and that the privacy limousine is available. As always no members may reveal any location of any Fundamentalist Church of Beer facility.
Fundamentalist Church of Beer website will be down for maintenance this weekend.
ubnserved
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Reported to mods for obvious death threat.
(
And to think, I was going to nominate Billy Klubb for high priest and he went and liked this.
There already is a Church of Beer. But I see that the banner image on their webpage has what appears to be a bucket of Coronas.
They are obviously not True Believers(TM).
I therefore suggest we form our own church, the Fundamentalist Church of Beer (FCoB). A belief set that embraces and evangelizes the One True Path to Pure Enlightenment, that which is attainable only through the consumption and evangelization of Good Beer. We shall reject any notion of inferior beer. The possession or (worse yet!) consumption of BMC shall be considered an act of heresy, punishable by shunning and/or pouring of entire cases of said BMC over the head of the heretic, one bottle at a time. (Heretical Waterboarding) Heretics shall be damned to a place in Beer Purgatory, where they will spend eternity mowing lawns and watching video replays of their favorite professional sports teams' losses.
We shall overcome!
Hallelujah!
They are obviously not True Believers(TM).
I therefore suggest we form our own church, the Fundamentalist Church of Beer (FCoB). A belief set that embraces and evangelizes the One True Path to Pure Enlightenment, that which is attainable only through the consumption and evangelization of Good Beer. We shall reject any notion of inferior beer. The possession or (worse yet!) consumption of BMC shall be considered an act of heresy, punishable by shunning and/or pouring of entire cases of said BMC over the head of the heretic, one bottle at a time. (Heretical Waterboarding) Heretics shall be damned to a place in Beer Purgatory, where they will spend eternity mowing lawns and watching video replays of their favorite professional sports teams' losses.
We shall overcome!
Hallelujah!
And if they run, thinking they can escape just & due punishment, it'll get a lil Southern fried...
We will also use the offending person's BMC for anew version of a corn hole tournament.
We will also use the offending person's BMC for anew version of a corn hole tournament.
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ubnserved
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As directed so shall it be .... as requested by by elder 69 the the name has been updated.
On another note - exceptions to the BMC consumption edict: fishing, boating, camping, nonmember parties/gatherings, personal parties that nonmembers will be primary attendees provided at least one such attendee has been deemed unworthy of the either Fundamentalist Church of Beer membership or have been deemed unworthy of craft beer in general.
One more note: there are stages of hell and purgatory and no one stays in purgatory for eternity unless they cannot follow the rules while they are a resident.
Heresy 1st act of punishable by banishment for 1 year to bars and liquor stores that carry no craft beer of any sort and keys to Church brew supply store and all home brew equipment will be locked up for the same year. If said heretic dies while in banishment or in the act, this is when the water boarding in purgatory kicks in. This will go on for a year and be reviewed each year on the anniversary of offense. First-time offenders can be released from purgatory provided they have repented.
OP
OP
"As the official Bouncer of HBT.com, I command you to buy this lager for me!" *holds up an IPA*
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