Dealing with Angry Wife when Upgrading Brewing Equipment: A How-To Thread

Brewer's Friend 728
Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum

Help Support Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
kh54s10 said:
I was talking to someone once a while ago, not sure how long ago but certainly within the CC and cash back era. This person didn't believe in credit cards, paid everything in cash. Had little if any debt. Then he said he tried to purchase a house. Guess what? He had a very low credit score and had a lot of trouble securing a mortgage. If he was even able to do it. I don't remember the end of the story. There are hidden advantages to having and using credit cards.
Click to expand...

I've heard of that type of thing happening as well. I bought my first house just shy of my 20th birthday and remember having zero problems getting a loan approved (mid 2004), but kept getting consistently denied credit cards until I was about 22 due to "lack of credit history". Just wanted a simple one for monthly subscriptions (Ahem, Everquest addiction..). Even the damn Sears cards were out of my reach. If my cousin wasn't the manager of the local store, I probably would have gotten myself banned from it from various heated arguments with salesmen. And in retrospect, it wasn't their fault, but arghhhh.
 
Increasingly various other entities are using FICO scores as indicators of trustworthiness, reliability, discipline, and so on. Insurance companies, for instance, and employers. It may well be valuable to have a high FICO score for that reason.

Our FICO is about 830. We have a home mortgage, no other debt, and that mortgage will be paid off in about 5 years or less (depending on whether I want to kill the balance with money we have in savings).

That's all the debt we have, other than monthly credit card bills that are paid off in full each time, for reasons I and others have identified above. Two cars. Paid off.

A FICO score, among other things, is an indicator of having capacity to handle debt responsibily, including NOT taking it on just because you can. It was a common element of FICO at one point--probably still is but I don't know for certain--that if you had a credit limit on a card but you didn't approach it, you were rewarded in your FICO score.

I'm going to guess we have something like $75,000 in credit limits on our cards. Know why it's that high? Because they'd love to have us use it. Our history and reputation indicates we'd pay it back. But I'm not buying stupid stuff like televisions and jet skis on credit. That's put on a card and the debt settled at the end of the month. And no, I have no jet skis. :)

Our FICO score has given us capacity in the sense we have access to credit should we want or need to use it.

Capacity. It's worth having.
 
Jtvann said:
This one is inaccurate. If he had a low credit score, it meant that he missed payments, not that he didn't have a credit card. His poor credit was due to poor money management, not lack of credit cards.

My lack of financial planning has left me in the current position that I'm in. Sadly I have a 790 credit score. I wish I was in the boat of the story that you're trying to tell of your "friend" above. In approximately 8 years... because that's what it will probably take, I hope to have no credit score. It's not a zero or a low credit score... it's literally no credit score. To me, those are the people who have finances figured out. I realize I am going to be in the vast minority on this one, and I am proud of it.

Those who worship the "all mighty FICO score" are great at owing people money. That's literally all a high score means. You live off paying debt back to someone else, and you're really good at it.

In 1 year, I will not be a slave to the lender. In 7 years, if all goes to plan I will not have a score at all. It's true, some lenders are so stupid that they look at the all mighty FICO score to see if they should loan you money. There are a rare few who are smart enough to look at someone's finances and personal wealth to see the true story. You can finance a house without any credit score at all.

There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race.

#DaveRamsey
Click to expand...

I am no financial expert but I do believe that his credit was no good because they didn't have a record to go by. I do know that he didn't have poor credit because of poor money management. He didn't owe anyone anything, ever....

Maybe I worded it wrong and it is not the low score.

"Sadly I have a 790 credit score." Is this a typo or do you not know scoring? 790 is a very good FICO score.......

Yes you can finance a house with no score, but, if you don't have a score at all, lenders are going to be leery of lending so you will really have to work to find a lender. And you will probably end up paying higher interest rates.

I pay off my card as often as I can. I have also carried a balance when things came up and I needed money and didn't want to drain my accounts (plural) to get the money. My credit is good, I get the cash back. I give a little to the evil Credit card companies, so be it.

"There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race."

Yes commendable but those are very rare people..... Cash for a house is something that I would guess less that 10% of people could ever do.
 
To answer the OP's question, sit down with your significant other and talk about an equal amount of "spending money", You can do whatever you want with it, they can do whatever they want with it - no one questions if it is a good use of $$. It's a % of both of your salaries. Works fantastic for me and my wife. Learn more about it in this book written by Elizabeth Warren and her daughter before she got into politics, great financial advice - https://amzn.to/2NFVDut
 
Jtvann said:
This one is inaccurate. If he had a low credit score, it meant that he missed payments, not that he didn't have a credit card. His poor credit was due to poor money management, not lack of credit cards.

My lack of financial planning has left me in the current position that I'm in. Sadly I have a 790 credit score. I wish I was in the boat of the story that you're trying to tell of your "friend" above. In approximately 8 years... because that's what it will probably take, I hope to have no credit score. It's not a zero or a low credit score... it's literally no credit score. To me, those are the people who have finances figured out. I realize I am going to be in the vast minority on this one, and I am proud of it.

Those who worship the "all mighty FICO score" are great at owing people money. That's literally all a high score means. You live off paying debt back to someone else, and you're really good at it.

In 1 year, I will not be a slave to the lender. In 7 years, if all goes to plan I will not have a score at all. It's true, some lenders are so stupid that they look at the all mighty FICO score to see if they should loan you money. There are a rare few who are smart enough to look at someone's finances and personal wealth to see the true story. You can finance a house without any credit score at all.

There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race.

#DaveRamsey
Click to expand...
I think getting a credit card for that person, even for 6-12 months would have good credit. Even if they only used to for gas in a vehicle. Then made the $60-200 payment, balance paid in full, every month. Lack of credit history can be improved simply be making payments. I'd think utility bills might generate credit history too. I'm not really sure about that. Also if that that person has checking account and it's eons old it should help.


BTW - Dave's not here.

 
kh54s10 said:
I am no financial expert but I do believe that his credit was no good because they didn't have a record to go by. I do know that he didn't have poor credit because of poor money management. He didn't owe anyone anything, ever....

Maybe I worded it wrong and it is not the low score.

"Sadly I have a 790 credit score." Is this a typo or do you not know scoring? 790 is a very good FICO score.......

Yes you can finance a house with no score, but, if you don't have a score at all, lenders are going to be leery of lending so you will really have to work to find a lender. And you will probably end up paying higher interest rates.

I pay off my card as often as I can. I have also carried a balance when things came up and I needed money and didn't want to drain my accounts (plural) to get the money. My credit is good, I get the cash back. I give a little to the evil Credit card companies, so be it.

"There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race."

Yes commendable but those are very rare people..... Cash for a house is something that I would guess less that 10% of people could ever do.
Click to expand...
I'm one of the 10%. My personal disposable cash spending is limited to $350/month. Covers everything I spend excluding gas, utilities and rent. Everything else is paid with cash. I use my CC mainly for fuel and oil changes.
 
Last edited:
kh54s10 said:
I am no financial expert but I do believe that his credit was no good because they didn't have a record to go by. I do know that he didn't have poor credit because of poor money management. He didn't owe anyone anything, ever....

Maybe I worded it wrong and it is not the low score.

"Sadly I have a 790 credit score." Is this a typo or do you not know scoring? 790 is a very good FICO score.......

Yes you can finance a house with no score, but, if you don't have a score at all, lenders are going to be leery of lending so you will really have to work to find a lender. And you will probably end up paying higher interest rates.

I pay off my card as often as I can. I have also carried a balance when things came up and I needed money and didn't want to drain my accounts (plural) to get the money. My credit is good, I get the cash back. I give a little to the evil Credit card companies, so be it.

"There are also those who pay cash for their house and cars. That's the category I have more respect for than the group trying to win vs a credit card company for their extra 1-5% back in the debt rat race."

Yes commendable but those are very rare people..... Cash for a house is something that I would guess less that 10% of people could ever do.
Click to expand...

He is a Dave Ramsey zero credit score truther...don't bother.
 
Credit cards are generally only a good idea for people who don't need them so, in that case, just use a debit card. They're like casinos: they aren't there to lose money.
 
davidabcd said:
Credit cards are generally only a good idea for people who don't need them so, in that case, just use a debit card. They're like casinos: they aren't there to lose money.
Click to expand...

In my experience, card fraud protections are vastly superior using a credit card versus a debit card. When using a credit card, you're out some credit balance ('on paper' funny money) while it's resolved; usually quickly. With debit, you're out actual money.

I don't use a phyiscal debit card for anything anymore. Online transactions for all monthly bills (mortgage, utilities, etc); credit cards (paid off every cycle) for daily expenses...

Managed debt is great. It allows us purchasing power and lifestyle we couldn't have without it.

And debt is generally cheap (if you're responsible with it) thanks to the masses to who mismanage it and fund that cheap debt for the rest of us.
 
I prefer credit cards to debit cards, primarily for the better fraud protection. Somebody gets your debit card and your account can be drained in a matter of hours with little recourse.

Best credit card story I ever heard was about a guy buying a house with plastic. One of my brother-in-laws was a bank manager for many years. His bank was preparing the closing documents for a loan made by another branch. They were just waiting for the buyer to provide them with the source of the funds to be transferred at closing. The loan officer who made the loan called my BIL and told him “I think we’re being hosed. He’s paying with a Master Card”. This on a $250K transaction.

Turns out the buyer had the plastic linked to an investment portfolio worth many multiples of the price of the house. They never found out, however, how long the guy intended to carry the balance. :cool:
 
To me, it sounds like she wants to be in the know when it comes to big purchases. Have you ever talked about things with her before buying equipment, and how has that gone?

I'm not married but my gf and I live together. She has no problem with me spending money on hobbies, but kinda seems disappointed if I made a big purchase without telling her, she just wants to know for whatever reason. But she won't get in my way at all if I want to spend.

She's been supportive of the brewing hobby, she has a harder time dealing with me spending hours in front of my computer more so than brewing (my other hobby is designing video games which often is more time consuming than brewing. Has a hard time understanding that a couple days locked in my study room is 'not that much time' lol)
 
Bobby_M said:
You need a mad money fund. Its for buying things only you want and you dont rationalize or ask permission for. Wife gets one too. It is funded by a portion of your joint salary, something you both decide on.

Never try using the "I earn more money so I deserve....." Statement in any arguement.

It is my opinion that paying down debt quickly is a noble goal. Cant blame your wife for that.

I'm sure its not just school loans either. Both have car loans or leases right. Mortgage? Pay now or pay more later.

Hey, this is coming from someone who makes more money by upselling people on more gear. I just choose not to unless customers demand it.
Click to expand...

This is exactly what me and my wife did years ago.

We set up a household bill account that covered all of our bills. We then figured out what percentage both of us made of our total income, so for an example lets say I made 60% and she made 40% of our total income. We then each had to put in 60/40 split on the bills so all was even and all of our regular bills come out of that one account.

We then each have our own account we can do whatever we wish to do, even if that means me spending a boatload of money on brew pots or the such.
 
I've had too many beers not to comment on this one again,,

If OP is out there, he might consider himself lucky that his spouse is willing to be the adult in room. For all her good qualities, my gal will not likely ever be that.

I could go on, but why bother?
 
Yeah , OP kinda ducked out on his own thread...Lets hope the advice given made an impact and he and his wife are discussing it.
Point- Marriage is a TEAM effort with respect, compromises /sacrifices and agreements .Most of all, communication at all times.
 
Soulshine2 said:
Yeah , OP kinda ducked out on his own thread...Lets hope the advice given made an impact and he and his wife are discussing it.
Point- Marriage is a TEAM effort with respect, compromises /sacrifices and agreements .Most of all, communication at all times.
Click to expand...
That's cause it was a mistake #1) to buy stuff without talking about it first, then #2) to come here for back up.

Like she'd give two fecks what anyone here said.

In fact, if she knew about this it would pretty much put her over the edge. Saying, "You can't discuss it with me but you can with a bunch of anonymous people?"

I'm sure he's already justified it to himself and that's all he needed. When confronted, he came here, cause he wasn't gonna get what he needed to hear from her. I imagine he's been lurking in this thread. Maybe already apologized and admitted he made a mistake to her.

Frankly, it's foolish to come here for martial issues.
 
Last edited:
We decided 28 yrs ago that any purchase over a certain amount out of the joint account was worth a discussion. We do each have our renewable monthly “WAM” (walkin around money) that is used however one desires, but if one of us goes back to the main stash for an over the limit amount, we talk. YMMV.

My brew equipment and ingredients come out of my WAM and her nail and hair and blah blah blah comes out of hers.

I do agree that getting out of debt is very important. For us, life became so much more pleasant when we became debt free. We especially enjoy being able to save more and give more to worthy causes than we had been able to before.
 
Last edited:
Soulshine2 said:
Yeah , OP kinda ducked out on his own thread
Click to expand...

I was wondering about that too.

Some people think strongly and have fixed opinions about money, spouses, etc and he was probably shocked at the responses but for a very few. If I thought the way the OP does about such matters (I don't, personally) and read most of these responses, it probably would feel like a complete ambush and I'd be really angry, calling every last person foul names.
This is just speculation, of course.

I found it interesting to read all of the opinions on this one.
Well, good luck to the OP and his situation.
 
My wife took a long drive back up north to visit family and attend a 1st birthday for her cousins baby girl. Yesterday she texts me a picture of an oktoberfest shes having at the LHBS I used to go to . She asked me what I wanted while she was there. I wasnt expecting it so I had to think quick.
So - shes bringing me back an Oatmeal stout grain kit, a 10# bag of Weyermann German Pilsner malt and a couple pounds of chocolate malt.
So , you see, its a definite respect and communication thing when it comes to your hobby. If your spouse enjoys what youre doing , she will help you.
 
Soulshine2 said:
My wife took a long drive back up north to visit family and attend a 1st birthday for her cousins baby girl. Yesterday she texts me a picture of an oktoberfest shes having at the LHBS I used to go to . She asked me what I wanted while she was there. I wasnt expecting it so I had to think quick.
So - shes bringing me back an Oatmeal stout grain kit, a 10# bag of Weyermann German Pilsner malt and a couple pounds of chocolate malt.
So , you see, its a definite respect and communication thing when it comes to your hobby. If your spouse enjoys what youre doing , she will help you.
Click to expand...

You didn't push the limits? Ask for a 50 pound sack of Maris Otter, a 50 pound sack of Bohemian Pilsner, 2 kegs, a jacketed conical fermenter??? Then see where she stops you??
 
Brewmegoodbeer said:
Fellow Brewers,

My wife gets very angry every time I make a brewery upgrade. The first time, it was the 5 gallon Spike conical (~450) and she was very angry as she thought it should be a mutual buying decision aka I should have asked her before I spent my money. This time it was the Spike hot liquor tank (~650). She is livid. On both purchases, I used Klarna which allows one to make 6 months in payment plans 0 percent interest.

I love the hobby of brewing and I am slowly upgrading my brewery to the exact way I want it. It would model the Spike Brewing system when I am finished. She doesn’t understand why I keep buying expensive things to brew with and just wants me to use what I have. In a way, she’s right. I can brew with what I have but I want to brew with what I WANT. I went to college for 10 years and sacrificed almost all of my twenties to earn a doctorate degree. Not to boast, but Ill just be breaking the six figure mark in salary this year. I want to enjoy my hobbies. We have a considerable amount of debt that is being slowly but surely paid off. She wants most of my pay and hers to go to paying off debt but where is the enjoyment on sacrificing after you have already sacrificed 10 years of your life to get where you are? Anyways...
Do any of you guys/gals deal with the same thing from your significant others and if so, how do you manage?
Click to expand...

Respectfully, She is correct. In your own words.... And she is scared. (Girls and finances are interwoven) And you're broke but you keep borrowing someone else's money. You'll never get ahead that way. I know. I've been there. I've done dumb with a capital "D". Sounds like you make a great income, but you're working for someone else who you owe all that money to. Imagine if you had no debt, that income, a happy wife that will let you splurge on some nice brewing upgrades? It's doable. My spouse was the same way. Stressed with money, the debt, the borrowing cycle.
But once my wife and I got on the same page, built a budget (which is freedom to spend, not a restriction like some people think it is.), We f*king tackled the debt and lived like the two broke people we really were. After we paid off the debt (1.5 yr), built an emergency fund for another year. (We didn't and don't have that nice income you have. Well done man that is awesome! You've worked for your tail off for that doctorate degree which is clearly not in finance or math (I say that in a nice way). But If you take that same focus you did getting your doctorate and live like that poor college student for a little while longer and sacrifice for the long game... and it might not even take you near as long with that awesome income...you'll be so glad you did).

Since doing that we have the freedom to splurge on nice things. In fact just upgraded to all electric brew system that was ~$2k in total. My wife who would have had a stroke a few years ago, didn't bat an eye... She looked at it. Smiled, said "get it if you want it".

Anyway, yes, I have gone through this. Been there done that. And I know I probably went to deep and don't mean to offend you by what I said (and I hope I haven't). But I was the same way, felt like I deserved to by something because I did xyz... then I realized that was pretty childish way to think. I had to grow up and recognize wants vs needs. And the freedom of having money in my account instead of being the middle man collecting it, only to pass it to someone else. That feeling sucks. But when you don't owe anyone, and you have that money. You have options. You should check out Dave Ramseys Total money makeover book or his youtube channel. FPU is worth it if you go that far. Happy wife...happy brew life.

And you maybe didn't want this advice, but that my two cents and it's worth the price you paid for it.

Cheers! Good luck man!
 
Soulshine2 said:
My wife took a long drive back up north to visit family and attend a 1st birthday for her cousins baby girl. Yesterday she texts me a picture of an oktoberfest shes having at the LHBS I used to go to . She asked me what I wanted while she was there. I wasnt expecting it so I had to think quick.
So - shes bringing me back an Oatmeal stout grain kit, a 10# bag of Weyermann German Pilsner malt and a couple pounds of chocolate malt.
So , you see, its a definite respect and communication thing when it comes to your hobby. If your spouse enjoys what youre doing , she will help you.
Click to expand...

Totally agree. My wife is probably one of my biggest supporters, fans, encourages, etc. She's the reason I have a brewery and bar in the basement. Yes, she absolutely enjoys my creations. I'm just as a big supporter of hers. When she struggled to obtain a professional certification I helped her, encouraged her, gave her moral support, etc. She passed and now has the processional certification she's coveted for a long time. Guess I'm writing and trying to describe that we are a team. We step in when needed, help without being asked and are always there for each other. IMO, this is how marriage is supposed to work. OK, what does the proceeding have to do with brewing. Wife was visiting a friend of hers recently in Harrisburg, PA. Out of the blue she calls me to tell me she saw Troegs Brewery, knows how much I like Troegs and what do I want her to bring home?
 
Last edited:
Soulshine2 said:
Nope, i dont push any limits. Im very grateful for the things she does for me.
Click to expand...
Wise man...

If she bought it for me, I'd owe it on my disposable budget. I have to watch what I say. I asked for 150 lbs of grain she'd asked for the cash upon getting home with the goods.
 
Soulshine2 said:
My wife took a long drive back up north to visit family and attend a 1st birthday for her cousins baby girl. Yesterday she texts me a picture of an oktoberfest shes having at the LHBS I used to go to . She asked me what I wanted while she was there. I wasnt expecting it so I had to think quick.
So - shes bringing me back an Oatmeal stout grain kit, a 10# bag of Weyermann German Pilsner malt and a couple pounds of chocolate malt.
So , you see, its a definite respect and communication thing when it comes to your hobby. If your spouse enjoys what youre doing , she will help you.
Click to expand...

Exception: She enjoys me cutting the grass but will not help. Haha.
 
Schlenkerla said:
Wise man...

If she bought it for me, I'd owe it on my disposable budget. I have to watch what I say. I asked for 150 lbs of grain she'd asked for the cash upon getting home with the goods.
Click to expand...
I dont understand that . we have a joint bank account ...we both work, its OUR money , she does the budgeting because I'm not that organized. Sometimes I have to ask if we can buy this or that , she will tell me - not now,after next check ,or yes .
 
Immocles said:
I've heard of that type of thing happening as well. I bought my first house just shy of my 20th birthday and remember having zero problems getting a loan approved (mid 2004), but kept getting consistently denied credit cards until I was about 22 due to "lack of credit history". Just wanted a simple one for monthly subscriptions (Ahem, Everquest addiction..). Even the damn Sears cards were out of my reach. If my cousin wasn't the manager of the local store, I probably would have gotten myself banned from it from various heated arguments with salesmen. And in retrospect, it wasn't their fault, but arghhhh.
Click to expand...
This is really going off OP subject but-
yep, credit and credit cards are one of those double edged swords . and if anyone tells you just go to creditkarma.com, I'll just say this, creditkarma.com lies. They show your credit as almost 50-60 points higher than it really is. and theres a difference between a soft credit pull and a hard pull. I still want to know why just checking your credit causes it to decrease. makes no sense.
 

Similar threads

?
Advice on how to enjoy homebrewing over the years without becoming an alcoholic.
2 3 4
Replies
138
Views
7K
Clint Yeastwood
Clint Yeastwood
G
Equipment crossroads.
Replies
36
Views
2K
Bobby_M
Bobby_M
N
Annual CO2 Usage
Replies
30
Views
1K
ninkwood
N
H
Converting to 3 Kettle Advice
2
Replies
43
Views
2K
Deadalus
Deadalus
luke2080
For Sale Brew Magic + Equipment
Replies
0
Views
336
luke2080
luke2080
InkBird 300

Latest posts

Back
Top