Dealing with Angry Wife when Upgrading Brewing Equipment: A How-To Thread

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Pkrd said:
Can we get a poll going?
OP hasn't posted because
  • Wife sold the computer to buy the kids shoes
  • Busy brewing
  • Wife reads HBT
  • ???
Click to expand...

Oh, the computer is still there. OP has been active since posting this, he's even thanked a few people in this thread. If you want to see how he's reacting to all the negative feedback, look at the few posts in this thread he's thanked.

He's gotten the message. I suspect he doesn't like it. :)
 
Soulshine2 said:
I dont understand that . we have a joint bank account ...we both work, its OUR money , she does the budgeting because I'm not that organized. Sometimes I have to ask if we can buy this or that , she will tell me - not now,after next check ,or yes .
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I was just giving you Kudos for not testing the wife.

We have joint bank accounts too.

However I brew on a budget. If i stick to my budget there is no issue whatsoever. I don't have to ask. It's an allowance if you want to call it that. I collect $350 per month in disposable income. I save part of my disposable income if I want to make larger brewery purchases.

If we didn't do that I'd be in the position of the OP buying stuff that would upset my wife. It also avoids having to justify or explain a purchase.

Truth be told its makes me think, do I need that or just would it be nice to have to brew. It sort of stops impulse spending.
 
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SEndorf said:
  • got bored from reading how perfect everyone's marriages / partnerships are ?
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Mine is far from perfect. We typically still argue about food. My wife doesn't plan, I do. I will take stuff out of the freezer in the AM or want to buy fresh meat on the way home. Whereas my wife is ok with a last minute fast food run. That I very much dislike. Namely for health reasons and food quality.

I'm the cook, she's the reheater. There's only so many days you can do hot dogs, chicken nuggets, or a prepared frozen dinner before I say enough.
 
I wasn't criticizing the contributors here. I'm merely pointing out from the OP's point of view, he wanted support that he didn't get.
I think he got the message that he screwed up, but can easily fix this. I'd kinda like to hear how this played out sometime.
 
SEndorf said:
  • got bored from reading how perfect everyone's marriages / partnerships are ?
Click to expand...

Now that is funny. (; If we relied on my wife's money skills, we'd likely be living in a rented trailer (not that there is anything wrong with that, haha).
 
Schlenkerla said:
That's cause it was a mistake #1) to buy stuff without talking about it first, then #2) to come here for back up.

Like she'd give two fecks what anyone here said.

In fact, if she knew about this it would pretty much put her over the edge. Saying, "You can't discuss it with me but you can with a bunch of anonymous people?"

I'm sure he's already justified it to himself and that's all he needed. When confronted, he came here, cause he wasn't gonna get what he needed to hear from her. I imagine he's been lurking in this thread. Maybe already apologized and admitted he made a mistake to her.

Frankly, it's foolish to come here for martial issues.
Click to expand...

Or marital ones.
 
guessing he was looking for us all to back him up and not getting that.
His biggest mistake, IMO was after getting lambasted for the first purchase, he then goes ahead with a second - larger - one without clearing the air with his wife on the first, and rules that go with it.
As far as the larger issue goes - yeah, it's important to clear debt, but as the be-all-and-end-all, there's still room for some fun - be it hobbies, vacations and so on. If she's one of those everything has to be paid off in 5 years types - there's no argueing there, but that's a drag of a life for that time.
 
jrgtr42 said:
guessing he was looking for us all to back him up and not getting that.
His biggest mistake, IMO was after getting lambasted for the first purchase, he then goes ahead with a second - larger - one without clearing the air with his wife on the first, and rules that go with it.
As far as the larger issue goes - yeah, it's important to clear debt, but as the be-all-and-end-all, there's still room for some fun - be it hobbies, vacations and so on. If she's one of those everything has to be paid off in 5 years types - there's no argueing there, but that's a drag of a life for that time.
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Nothing says you can't brew with a cooler, a turkey fryer, and some Ale Pales.

But no, I MUST have a full rig with SS MT, SS HLT, & SS BK with HERMS and multiple pumps. Otherwise I can't make suitable beer for drinking. [emoji35]

You see I'm a doctor I need my Audi, a Custom Home Theater with reclining chairs for 8, an indoor grill, outdoor BBQ Pit, and complete Spike Brewing System. We have standards here.

LoL
 
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SEndorf said:
I wasn't criticizing the contributors here. I'm merely pointing out from the OP's point of view, he wanted support that he didn't get.
I think he got the message that he screwed up, but can easily fix this. I'd kinda like to hear how this played out sometime.
Click to expand...

I knew you weren't. I only commented that I'm not perfect we still argue over spending is usually minor things like going out or eat leftovers or grilling steak vs burgers.
 
SEndorf said:
I wasn't criticizing the contributors here. I'm merely pointing out from the OP's point of view, he wanted support that he didn't get.
I think he got the message that he screwed up, but can easily fix this. I'd kinda like to hear how this played out sometime.
Click to expand...
I'm guessing so too... I mean, having enough money is one thing, working out with your LIFE PARTNER how and when to spend it is another - equally important - thing. Hopefully the OP has talked it through with his wife rather than just with a bunch of strangers...
 
SEndorf said:
  • got bored from reading how perfect everyone's marriages / partnerships are ?
Click to expand...
no ones marriage is perfect. each is as different as the people in it. It is work ,but takes communication,give and take, trust and dedication to make it work.
 
balrog said:
My wife hates beer. Hates the taste, the smell, the brewing process, the mashing malt, the boiling hops, everything. She doesn't begrudge me my hobby, though, and I just brew when she's out of the house.

And I brew in the garage.
Click to expand...

LOL... I could have written that.
 
My wife tends to like the lighter beers (big surprise, that).

I have a great dark lager for which I wanted to create a bookend lighter lager. The dark lager is Darth Lager; I wanted a Luke Lager too.

So I try a variant, removing the dark malts, added a pound of corn, used the same Mexican Lager yeast.....and I hated it.

I'm doing LODO, and it was just too corny. Brought out too much corn flavor, that is. Too much corn for my tastes. I chalk it up to a learning experience.

Guess, if you will, for whom it is her favorite beer ever?

Yeah.
 
Sounds a little whiny. You don't deserve anything. $500 purchases aren't small purchases especially when you have a large amount of debt.

Your wife is right.

Sacrifice paying the debt now so your money can work for you. There is no point in extending your pay period. Long term you are wasting money that could be used later. Less debt = more money to spend on brewing later.
 
Stop whining. Be a man: step up, be responsible, and pay your bills. Show some financial discipline. Save a little along and along for these purchases rather than going into more debt for them - you'll never get out of debt that way.
 
balrog said:
My wife hates beer. Hates the taste, the smell, the brewing process, the mashing malt, the boiling hops, everything. She doesn't begrudge me my hobby, though, and I just brew when she's out of the house.

And I brew in the garage.
Click to expand...

That was true of my ex-wife. My wife loves my beer and likes to hang out in the garage with me when I brew.

I didn't replace my ex... I upgraded ;-)
 
mongoose33 said:
My wife tends to like the lighter beers (big surprise, that).

I have a great dark lager for which I wanted to create a bookend lighter lager. The dark lager is Darth Lager; I wanted a Luke Lager too.

So I try a variant, removing the dark malts, added a pound of corn, used the same Mexican Lager yeast.....and I hated it.

I'm doing LODO, and it was just too corny. Brought out too much corn flavor, that is. Too much corn for my tastes. I chalk it up to a learning experience.

Guess, if you will, for whom it is her favorite beer ever?

Yeah.
Click to expand...
You need amylase enzyme to scrub that corn flavor.
 
davidabcd said:
I've not found that to be the case. Fraud has occurred twice with mine and fully reimbursed, no questions asked.
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same here, and recently they've been trying to give me cash back....i turn them down all the time....(i know there's no such thing as FREE money)

(and sorry if i'm late, ignore ONE alert, and this is what you come back to! :))
 
bwarbiany said:
I should also point out that my wife doesn't give me grief over purchases... But that's mostly because we're in a very good place financially, and I spoil her just as much as I spoil myself... She's getting this from me for her birthday this year lol...
Click to expand...

LOL, i would NEVER spend 14 hundred on a hand bag, or my bank account would neverbefull....:D
 
bwarbiany said:
I should also point out that my wife doesn't give me grief over purchases... But that's mostly because we're in a very good place financially, and I spoil her just as much as I spoil myself... She's getting this from me for her birthday this year lol...
Click to expand...

That's a dandy bag there... :D
I feel the exact same way. Coincidentally, I just spoiled her with This nice bag . Nothin's too good for the queen...
 
bwarbiany said:
I should also point out that my wife doesn't give me grief over purchases... But that's mostly because we're in a very good place financially, and I spoil her just as much as I spoil myself... She's getting this from me for her birthday this year lol...
Click to expand...

And if poor old Loius gets dirty, tro it 'tin the wash, it'll be grand.
 
Ok, trick is to buy a bunch of brewing equipment collections for cheap off Craigslist from people getting out of the hobby. By the time you have 3 burners, 20 fermenters, three tuns, 6 keggles/kettles, miles of hose and multiples of all the other smalls... eventually when some new random piece of equipment shows up it’s simply camouflaged by everything else....

Obviously I’m joking.... kinda. A month or two ago I hosted brew day and was showing off the one piece of equipment that I didn’t talk to Mrs. OpenSights about. One friend showed up a tad late and at the same time my wife came out to hangout for a few. He said “Is that your new air still?” My other buddy tried to pass it off as a coffee maker. I don’t drink coffee so the jig was up.

She went back inside after about 15 minutes of chit chat. Shortly I got a text with an Amazon link, $178. I bought it used for a club member for $50. I bought it literally one day after selling my jackhammer.

Seriously though, I’ve bought wine kits that were more expensive without asking! The OP has a good plan with the interest free route, which tells me he has good credit and a good conservative/semi frugal sense about him, but a purchase that large, even with an awesome financial plan, I’d still discuss it. I don’t think my wife would ever spend more than $75 on something not necessarily needed.

Edit: I do also believe in buying something once.
 
I was lamenting the pricey nature of the Spike conical + glycol setup I’ve been pondering while my wife and I brewed on Sunday. She tried to rationalize me into the purchase.
 
Sad I’m so late to the party on this

6 figures with doctorate debt makes you very poor. Dropping over a grand on some toys without some discussion was a poor decision in many ways.
 
jrgtr42 said:
guessing he was looking for us all to back him up and not getting that.
His biggest mistake, IMO was after getting lambasted for the first purchase, he then goes ahead with a second - larger - one without clearing the air with his wife on the first, and rules that go with it.
As far as the larger issue goes - yeah, it's important to clear debt, but as the be-all-and-end-all, there's still room for some fun - be it hobbies, vacations and so on. If she's one of those everything has to be paid off in 5 years types - there's no argueing there, but that's a drag of a life for that time.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't be surprised that before the first purchase he broached the subject of purchasing some big equipment and got shut down, then went ahead and started buying stainless. I had an uncle do that multiple times with his ex-wife.
 
In a situation where a couple isn't facing the imminent danger of being kicked out on the street, the difficulty is never just about the money. There's an underlying reason, whatever it may be.

The advice here is solid, in the main, but information every adult should basically already know. It is also information that any new couple can find within a half hour with some searching or by asking a reliable source.
 
Brewmegoodbeer said:
Fellow Brewers,

My wife gets very angry every time I make a brewery upgrade. The first time, it was the 5 gallon Spike conical (~450) and she was very angry as she thought it should be a mutual buying decision aka I should have asked her before I spent my money. This time it was the Spike hot liquor tank (~650). She is livid. On both purchases, I used Klarna which allows one to make 6 months in payment plans 0 percent interest.

Do any of you guys/gals deal with the same thing from your significant others and if so, how do you manage?
Click to expand...

Since this is supposed to be a How-To Thread.

This is one option.

 

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