Being English in America has a sucky side

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Renewing my driving license:

Me: Hello, I need to renew my driving licence
Her: OK, address? eye colour? hair colour etc?
Me: Normal answers
Her: Can you provide proof of citizenship?
Me: I'll come back tomorrow, I wasn't told i needed it.

Next day

Me: Hello, different lady, I need to renew my driving licence
Her: OK, address? eye colour? hair colour etc?
Me: Normal answers
Her: Can you provide proof of citizenship?
Me: Yes, I have my American passport (Hands it over)
Her: Do you have anything else?
Me: Yes, They gave me a certificate that I am not allowed to copy , so I keep it in a fireproof safe.
Her: Could you bring it here for me to see?
Me: Well, yes i could, but I don't want to. You have my passport there.
Her: Oh, OK then. I suppose that will be OK.
Me: Thank you
Her: (Various questions about drug/alcohol dependency)
Me: No.
Her: Have you ever met the Queen?
Me: No.
Her: Have you ever seen her?
Me: No. If I were ever in a situation where i might see her, i would run the other way.
Her: Are you subject to fits, seizures, blah blah blah
Me: No
Her. Have you ever met Princess Dianna?
Me: No, those are not my kind of people.
Her: Do you wear glasses or contact lenses when you drive
Me: No.....(Jokingly) I seem to be answering no a lot. I feel like I am maybe underachieving in my life.
Her: Have you ever met Hugh Grant?
Me: No.....er why?
Her: Well, you sound a lot like him. I thought you might be from the same area
Me: This is my posh voice that I use for talking to strangers so they can understand me. When I use my real accent i sound more like Benny Hill
Her: OK, Sign your name here please.
Me: (Signs document)
Her: Have you ever met Benny Hill then?



Don't get me wrong, we had a good laugh generally, and in the end I had a very smiley photo for my licence, but come on!!!! This is the 21st fricking century, The world is smaller, but not THAT bloody small!

 

[Parker36]

Yes, but you live in Ohio. People from New Jersey are considered "exotic" there.

PS: They shouldn't give US passports to people who can't spell "color" correctly

 

[Neunelfer]

So have you ever met Benny Hill?

What about Austin Powers?

 

[DeathBrewer]

Did you ever shag Austin Powers?

 

[bluehouse]

I think she was trying to flirt with you in an akward DMV kind of way. When I am forced to answer the phone at work, I sometimes get clients who are trying to flirt in this akward stilted way. Or else she has never been any where or met anyone from somewhere else. I am from Texas and I have never met W, if I saw him, I would run the other way. LOL

 

[ChshreCat]

Do you put bangers in your mash?

 

[AJ_in_HD]

funny story.

well the BMV in Ohio is better than the DMV down here in LA that's for sure!

Though in general...those motor vehicle places are not anyone's favorite place to go.

 

[llazy_llama]

Is your dick really spotted?

 

[chumprock]

Happy Belated St. George's day to you.

 

[olllllo]

Can you bend it like Beckham?

 

[anemic]

Have you stolen a barstool from Samuel Smith?

 

[chumprock]

Does your bubble and squeak actually bubble and squeak?

 

[Germey]

What's funny is that the opposite never seems to happen. That is, in England, I never have anyone say "Ooooh, your accent is so coool!"
Do you know George Bush?":cross:

 

[shecky]

Do you have trouble driving on the right side of the road?

 

[conpewter]

So you have a drivers license from before. You come in to renew it and you have to re-show proof of citizenship? I could be wrong but doesn't having a drivers license sort of say you've already shown it before?

 

[arturo7]

Are you still angry about the revolution and all of that tea?

 

[DeathBrewer]

Are you mad that the tea bag is on again?

Are these questions pissing you off yet?

 

[Hugh_Jass]

Have you ever been in a cockpit before?

Do you like gladiator movies?

Have you ever seen a grown man neked?:cross:

Seriously, I'm surprised you didn't get a "youens ain't from round here are ya boy?"
I guess Norwalk is much higher on the grey matter scale than Mansfield.

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Do crumpets taste better on the other side of the pond?

Do you guys get along with the French yet?

 

[mmb]

"Yah, I know Hugh. We're mates. He's a huge poofter in real life. Cheers!"

What should have been said.

 

[Baja_Brewer]

So you have a drivers license from before. You come in to renew it and you have to re-show proof of citizenship? I could be wrong but doesn't having a drivers license sort of say you've already shown it before?

What I want to know is why you have to prove your a citizen. Part of the point of a drivers license is that residents can get them, you dont have to be a citizen. This is the main reason that they're making you have a passport for crossing the border to Canada now...on your way back, the fact that you have a license isnt enough to prove that you're a citizen.

Anywho....


Have you met JK Rowling? Have you met Harry Potter? Have you been to platform 9 3/4?

 

[arturo7]

What's the deal with France?

 

[jgln]

You probably met the Beatles right?

 

[menschmaschine]

Your passport was plenty. For the purpose of getting a driver's license, it's the equivalent of a Birth Certificate. They shouldn't have asked for more than that.

LGI, I did the exact opposite of you. I moved to rural UK. I think I was the only American in Oswestry, except the time Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart came through town on vacation. I didn't stay long enough (< 1 year) to have to get a UK Driver's License, but I think I would have had to take a driving course or something ridiculous.

I worked for a Borough Council. So every time I would speak to someone on the phone, I'd get something like... "You're a far way from home, aren't you?" My response... "No, I live right outside of town."

 

[jgln]

Hey, we speak English too!


Hey, why do I have to wait 30 seconds between posts?? I don't need time to think about what I am saying, I know what I want to say!

 

[llazy_llama]

Was it hard learning to speak American when you moved here?

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

I have no idea what part of England you are from but I have to ask,

Is Kim Jong Ill really that small with that big of a head? Did you ever meet him?



















Alright, Alright.

I am seriosuly curious if the whole Joy Division, Ian Curtis fiasco really had that large an impact on the English youth of the time. That was the 80's so, you'd have been what mid 50's then? You had a TV right?

I really am curious about the JD, IC bit. To read the articles and see the biographical movies you'd think he was the Elvis of England underground or something.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Was it hard learning to speak English when you moved here?

Fixed that for ya'.

 

[llazy_llama]

Fixed that for ya'.

Umm... that was a joke, and an intentional error. Have you been following the thread?

 

[jgln]

I have no idea what part of England you are from but I have to ask,

Is Kim Jong Ill really that small with that big of a head? Did you ever meet him?



















Alright, Alright.

I am seriosuly curious if the whole Joy Division, Ian Curtis fiasco really had that large an impact on the English youth of the time. That was the 80's so, you'd have been what mid 50's then? You had a TV right?

I really am curious about the JD, IC bit. To read the articles and see the biographical movies you'd think he was the Elvis of England underground or something.

I could be wrong but I don't think they have TV over there yet.

 

[Neunelfer]

Fixed that for ya'.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Wow!! Go to work for a couple of hours and come back to half a million facetious questions!

You know what? If I get significantly bored in the next few minutes, I might just answer them all! :cross:

 

[chumprock]

*checks his watch*


*taps his foot*

 

[Chris300s]

Gordon Ramsey or Nigella Lawson? Stones or Beatles? Peanut Butter or Gnutella? Chips or Crisps? Is Shaun of the dead your favorite zombie movie? Have you ever met Simon Pegg? Simon Cowell? Simple Simon, the guy that met the pie man? Do you like pie, man?
It's cathartic to channel your inner 5-year old.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Umm... that was a joke, and an intentional error. Have you been following the thread?

Yeah. Cause ummm, you see the english say they speak the "proper" english and ummm, well........

Ohhhh NEVER MIND!

 

[chumprock]

What is your opinion of Branston's Pickle?

 

[DeathBrewer]

*checks his watch*


*taps his foot*

srsly...i'm curious to hear this.

Also, you used to live next door to orfy, right?

 

[DeathBrewer]

Those sisters in your avatar look like they would be a great kind of nasty in bed.

 

[Brewin_Bob]

Are you related to Russell Brand? Does your spell check "speak" the King's English? What's Prince Chuck really like? Does he hate to be called Chuck?

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

So have you ever met Benny Hill?

What about Austin Powers?

A) I doubt it. According to my mother, he was her milkman for a short time. I bear no resemblance to him, however. She used to tell me that when she was alive, but she never mentioned it even once after she died, so i can't entirely trust her on that one.

B) Er, what what about Austin Powers

Did you ever shag Austin Powers?

That would depend on if he looked remotely like a woman at any time during his career. It's always possible I suppose. He would only have had to slightly resemble a woman with a pulse.

Do you put bangers in your mash?

No. They reside at the side of the plate where they keep the peas company.

Is your dick really spotted?

My mother's spotted dick was the worst I ever tasted. Honestly, If you had my mother's spotted dick in your mouth you would throw up. (She was a school dinner lady for a time) She was never any good in the spotted dick department. However, I have enjoyed many spotted dicks from other sources.

Can you bend it like Beckham?

While I'm not a fan, I have to concede that he could indeed "Bend it" .......How much did LA Galaxy pay for him again!? Wow!! .....Just, Wow!! They must be retarded!

Have you stolen a barstool from Samuel Smith?

No, but I did once steal a bus stop from the sidewalk. It took about 15 minutes to wrest it from the ground, and about half an hour to carry it home. That lump of concrete on the bottom got really heavy! I hid it at the side of the house and it stayed there even after I sold the place.

Does your bubble and squeak actually bubble and squeak?

That is a northern term. I call it fry-up.....but yes, it does indeed squeak.

Do you have trouble driving on the right side of the road?

If in doubt, drive down the middle. Works like a charm.

So you have a drivers license from before. You come in to renew it and you have to re-show proof of citizenship? I could be wrong but doesn't having a drivers license sort of say you've already shown it before?

Last time I got a licence I was merely a permanent resident. This time I was a citizen.......Forgive them, father, they know not what they do.

Are you still angry about the revolution and all of that tea?

Revolution was the right thing to do.....Tea party was wrong thing to do......I visited Boston and drank their harbour. All differences are now resolved.

Thanks for the free tea BTW

Are you mad that the tea bag is on again?

Are these questions pissing you off yet?

Americans tea bagging? Nothing new there then.

Have you ever been in a cockpit before?

Do you like gladiator movies?

Have you ever seen a grown man neked?:cross:

Seriously, I'm surprised you didn't get a "youens ain't from round here are ya boy?"
I guess Norwalk is much higher on the grey matter scale than Mansfield.

I didn't understand your post apart from the part about Mansfield sucking donkey balls.

Do crumpets taste better on the other side of the pond?

Do you guys get along with the French yet?

A) Yes, they are not all stale on the other side of the pond

B) What would be the point?

What I want to know is why you have to prove your a citizen. Part of the point of a drivers license is that residents can get them, you dont have to be a citizen. This is the main reason that they're making you have a passport for crossing the border to Canada now...on your way back, the fact that you have a license isnt enough to prove that you're a citizen.

Anywho....


Have you met JK Rowling? Have you met Harry Potter? Have you been to platform 9 3/4?

What's the deal with France?

A) see above....It's just a continuity thing

B) Never met JK Rowling, but I would do her. Preferably for a large amount of cash.

You probably met the Beatles right?

Hey, we speak English too!


Hey, why do I have to wait 30 seconds between posts?? I don't need time to think about what I am saying, I know what I want to say!

You are the only person who has to wait 30 seconds because the forum does not trust you.

Was it hard learning to speak American when you moved here?

I never tried learning American when i realised that speaking english got me hit on a lot by the ladies.

I have no idea what part of England you are from but I have to ask,

Is Kim Jong Ill really that small with that big of a head? Did you ever meet him?



















Alright, Alright.

I am seriosuly curious if the whole Joy Division, Ian Curtis fiasco really had that large an impact on the English youth of the time. That was the 80's so, you'd have been what mid 50's then? You had a TV right?

I really am curious about the JD, IC bit. To read the articles and see the biographical movies you'd think he was the Elvis of England underground or something.

Joy division? I only know the name. Nothing else.








I can't believe I answered all that! I need a new life.