Who else is sick of hearing the laughter of children?

[BrewWench]

I work with kids in one of my part-time jobs, and I know there are a few good ones. But I still doubt I'll ever want any.

 

[Rezilynt]

If you don't like kids, that's fine but keep in mind they are everywhere, and that there are still good ones out there if you actually pay attention.

Well said
I'd much rather hear childrens laughter than the rantings from a disenchanted adult - jmo

 

[FireBrewer]

Me, I can't imagine a life without kids, and I don't want to.

+1.

The interesting thing about people who don't like kids is that they lower their own population naturally.

And that's probably a good thing. Nothing worse than a parent that doesn't want kids, too ****** many of those ******** running around.

I don't like kids either and I'm only 22. And I'm not talking about just the small ones. Anyone less than say 14 or so, it just seems they all need a serious attitude adjustment.

If I had kids, I'd probably be accused of child abuse. But there's nothing like a good ass kicking to solve a problem.

Learned that in your vast 22 years, did ya?

I'll agree that spankings definitely have their place, but nothing in raising children is black and white. Gotta pick your battles.

Here's a little tidbit for you non-parents who have all the answers:

Thinking of Having kids? Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple whoalready are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Ways in which they might improve their child's breast-feeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the livingroom from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound)playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM,put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. Since you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. Howdoes that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child (a full-grown goat is an excellent choice).If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything that the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney,Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney Channel or Noggin for at least five years (I know,you're thinking "What's 'Noggin'"?). Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.(Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; this should occasionally crescendo to the decibel level of a supersonic jet). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now readyto take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

 

[Bobby_M]

I don't like kids either and I'm only 22. And I'm not talking about just the small ones. Anyone less than say 14 or so, it just seems they all need a serious attitude adjustment.

If I had kids, I'd probably be accused of child abuse. But there's nothing like a good ass kicking to solve a problem.

Notice the trend here? No matter what age you are, you'll think the generation (or I should say population) of those one decade younger is full of sh!t, out of control, a pain in the ass, and has really poor taste in fashion, music, and just about everything else. This opinion increases exponentially for every decade lower than that. The rule works in reverse for people decades older than you. Those 10 years older are know it all, crotchety, burned out old fogeys.

So, you're 22 and I'm 32. I probably feel the same way about you as you feel about the average 12 year old and conversely think of me in the same way I think of 40somethings.

Spawning is a totally innate drive and it takes a lot to keep it at bay. I don't think anyone is really prepared to be a good parent before it happens. I do think it changes people for the better about 95% of the time (not counting the accelerated greying). The other 5% were already crazy and having kids was the catalyst for a total meltdown like the folks who left their kids unattended for 2 weeks.

 

[BierMuncher]

+1.
Thinking of Having kids? Do this 11 step program first!

You missed one:

Lesson 12
Go to the bank and withdraw your entire life savings in the form of $20 bills. Get into your car and drive down the highway. Throw a $20 bill out the window every tenth of a mile. Repeat this process until you are down to your last 3 $20 bills. Stop. Fill you tank with gas using the last of your money and return home.

You now have a grasp of post child cash flow.

 

[brauhaus]

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the livingroom from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound)playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM,put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. Since you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

god, my daughter was like that for a few months, I'm glad she grew out of that...

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. Howdoes that look?

funny, sad and true!

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

aside from the rake, everything else is spot on!

funny shyt right there... almost every word is true!

You missed one:

Lesson 12
Go to the bank and withdraw your entire life savings in the form of $20 bills. Get into your car and drive down the highway. Throw a $20 bill out the window every tenth of a mile. Repeat this process until you are down to your last 3 $20 bills. Stop. Fill you tank with gas using the last of your money and return home.

You now have a grasp of post child cash flow.

 

[BrewWench]

Firebrewers' entire thread:

Not everyone has kids, you know. And you mentioned some perfectly rational reasons for avoiding having them unless you're 100% driven to!

 

[FireBrewer]

You missed one:

Lesson 12

Damn truth too!

god, my daughter was like that for a few months, I'm glad she grew out of that...

Yeah, my first had colic and didn't sleep through the night until he was 9 months old. Second slept at 2 months.

Not everyone has kids, you know. And you mentioned some perfectly rational reasons for avoiding having them unless you're 100% driven to!

I don't denigrate those that chose not to. Better to not want them and don't have them then have them and not want them. That's responsible, that's good, and that keeps the would-be parent and child from being unhappy. I do, however, denigrate the ones that don't have kids and think they have a reference point for pointing fingers and saying how children should be raised. It's like having someone who's never brewed a drop of wort in their life tell me how I should sanitize my chiller. :cross:

 

[Donasay]

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child (a full-grown goat is an excellent choice).If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything that the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

This one is great I might just have to find a goat to lend to my friends who are thinking of having a baby, this should cure them...

 

[RodfatherX]

Ha! I emailed the 11 step program to my brother and his 5 month pregnant wife.

 

[TheJadedDog]

You are not the only one; I cannot stand the children, any of them.

 

[RodfatherX]

On another note. Just this last fathers day I took my dad and mom out to eat at a steak house. This little kid (whose mom was a total milf) was sitting across from us in the waiting for your seat area. The little kid kept pulling on his dads pants leg. Not saying anything and just pointing at the stuff on walls wanting to get his dad to look at what he was looking at. Both of them just sat there texting away like the poor kid didn't exist. This kid was probably 2 or 3.

 

[cheezydemon]

Anyone who has posted that they don't like kids and couldn't imagine having any.....Thanks!

We really appreciate people like you removing yourselves from the gene pool voluntarilly!!

Have a nice day!

 

[BierMuncher]

...No matter what age you are, you'll think the generation...one decade younger is full of sh!t, out of control, a pain in the ass, ...The rule works in reverse for people decades older than you. Those 10 years older are know it all, crotchety, burned out old fogeys.

So, you're 22 and I'm 32. I probably feel the same way about you as you feel about the average 12 year old and conversely think of me in the same way I think of 40 somethings.

Exactly!

And that is why this is a non value-added thread.

 

[JVD_X]

For the record - my wife and I like children; however we have chosen to be a child-less couple for lifestyle reasons. From an intellectual and demographic view point childless couples are gaining momentum fast (at least in the US) - although it is still not as high as the 1930's when couples chose not to have children because they cost too much.

The reality is that most couples are delaying marriage until their 30's and 40's so just when they are planning on retiring, they have college expenses to worry about. In 18 years it's going to cost several hundred thousand dollars to send kids to an average college - basically wiping out any savings you might have and putting your kid in deep deep debt with probably very little chance of ever getting a job. It is well known that childless couples are much more affluent in the same way that gays are... we have lots of disposable cash. Cash that politicians need.

So... from a political standpoint... as the ranks of childless couples grows along with savings and cold hard cash... you can forget about schools, money for sport programs, etc... because we don't need those services and don't want to pay for them.

On a personal note... both my neighbors have put up basketball nets for their kids and now that school is out they are out playing from 7 am to 11 PM all week long. The catch is that there are completely open basketball courts across our quiet suburban street. All day I have to listen to "boing! boing! boing! boing! SLAM!"

Like I said earlier - we do like children but every time I vote it will be against having to pay for the burden of YOUR children.

 

[Bobby_M]

I want to recommend Idocracy (the movie) . It's pure genius. If you don't get it, it really does need a repeat viewing. The net effect of the trend of affluent intelligent people having less and less kids is well illustrated.

 

[david_42]

All good. I'm third of six in my family.

Sister 1 - 2 kids (one adopted)
Sister 2 - 2 kids
Me - 0
Sister 3 - 1 kid
Sister 4 - 1 kid
Brother - 0

Told my mother I wasn't ever having kids when I was 8. Child-free is good.

 

[BierMuncher]

...we have chosen to be a child-less couple for lifestyle reasons.

... we have lots of disposable cash. Cash that politicians need.

So... you can forget about schools, money for sport programs, etc... because we don't need those services and don't want to pay for them.

..every time I vote it will be against having to pay for the burden of YOUR children.

And we wonder why the rest of the world looks at America and mocks our "me first" attitude.

So you don't want to pay for public education for kids?
You think not educating kids is going to make you better off? Who the heck is going to change your colostomy bag when you're 85 years old if we don't educate todays youth?

No money for sports programs for kids?
But you'll give cash to politicians?

I fully expect that when I'm 75 years old, my Thanksgivings will entail all four of my kids and about 7 or 8 grand kids (hopefully more) running around the house. Tearing sh!t up, making a racket and yes...maybe even laughing out loud. That's what I consider a successful life.

But that's just me. I'm a family guy.

 

[JVD_X]

Hello Mexico!

BierMuncher, seriously and with all-due-respect, there are other opinions out there. I don't have anything against children, or school programs, or education for children. What I DO dislike is this socialized opinion that the burden of children should be equally shared and I find the idea of "the villages' children" to be sickening. You want to educate your children? Send them to private school. We need to do away with public schools altogether.

 

[Desert_Sky]

Im the oldest of 7, I have 3 of my own, and I cant wait for grandkids.


Life is good when surrounded by family

 

[the_bird]

Hello Mexico!

BierMuncher, seriously and with all-due-respect, there are other opinions out there. I don't have anything against children, or school programs, or education for children. What I DO dislike is this socialized opinion that the burden of children should be equally shared and I find the idea of "the villages' children" to be sickening. You want to educate your children? Send them to private school. We need to do away with public schools altogether.

Wow. Just... wow.

No public schools? THAT sure sounds like a great public policy! Who the hell needs an educated workforce! Why on earth should those who come from lower income families be able to educate themselves! Hell with that! That's not what we're looking for in our society!

I mean, I'm all about keeping government small... BUT WIPING OUT PUBLIC EDUCATION? That's just WHACKY!

EDIT: How the hell does this:

I don't have anything against children, or school programs, or education for children.

Reconcile with this?

We need to do away with public schools altogether

You're just fine with school programs as long as they are all 100% privately funded and don't cost you a cent?

 

[c.n.budz]

I love the fact that all the "I'm never having kids" crowd always seems to forget that THEY WERE ONCE KIDS THEMSELVES, and if their parents hadn't had kids, they would not be here to complain about kids...


I don't have any kids yet, but I plan to.

 

[Baron ken]

...The reality is that most couples are delaying marriage until their 30's and 40's so just when they are planning on retiring, they have college expenses to worry about. In 18 years it's going to cost several hundred thousand dollars to send kids to an average college - basically wiping out any savings you might have and putting your kid in deep deep debt with probably very little chance of ever getting a job. ...

There's the problem (in bold). Let the kids fend for themselves. Both my wife and I put ourselves through engineering school. Paid back the debt no problem with an engineer salary. No burden to parents finances. Expecting my only child to do the same.

 

[BierMuncher]

...You want to educate your children? Send them to private school. We need to do away with public schools altogether.

So those who cannot afford private schools? What do you suggest?

Trust me. You're talking to a right winger who voted for Reagan in '80. I know the difference between the "it takes a village" attitude and one that says if we want to live in a civilized society, we bare the burden of paying for law enforcement, fire protection, health care for the elderly (which is us someday) and yes...maybe even along the way, we educate the children so they don't become a bigger burden as uneducated, jobless adults.

You do realize that this country was built on public education right?

 

[the_bird]

There's the problem (in bold). Let the kids fend for themselves. Both my wife and I put ourselves through engineering school. Paid back the debt no problem with an engineer salary. No burden to parents finances. Expecting my only child to do the same.

Most financial planners will tell you to make damn sure your retirement picture is in good shape before worrying about funding your kids' college education. Lots of ways to get $$ for college; scholarships, grants, loans, etc, not too many options to get $$ for retirement.

I've put away a fair amount of money for my retirement but not much yet for The Bean, but of couse she's a supergenious who's going to get a full athletic scholarship to play hoops, with a great laugh.

 

[jmulligan]

It doesn't seem reasonable to pick and choose what public services you would and would not fund. If you want to do away with public education, then you should also do away with libraries. That is another service you pay for but have the option of choosing not to use. There may be streets you don't drive on, can you stop contributing to funds that repair those as well?

Some things are just for the overall benefit of society as a whole, and everyone contributes to them.

I agree with BierMuncher, what we DON'T need in this country is more of the "ME, MYSELF, MINE" attitude that I see in people every day.

 

[the_bird]

"My house ain't burned down - I'm not paying for no ******* fire department!"

 

[TheJadedDog]

Hello Mexico!

BierMuncher, seriously and with all-due-respect, there are other opinions out there. I don't have anything against children, or school programs, or education for children. What I DO dislike is this socialized opinion that the burden of children should be equally shared and I find the idea of "the villages' children" to be sickening. You want to educate your children? Send them to private school. We need to do away with public schools altogether.

What does Mexico have to do with anything? Last time I checked they were not, in fact, a socialist country.

EDIT:

"My house ain't burned down - I'm not paying for no ******* fire department!"

Dang it Bird, you beat me to it!

 

[cd2448]

you have to have public schools, there's no getting around it, but it doesn't make the $4000+ a year i pay to our school system via property tax feel any better coming out of my wallet.

now, why don't we do the same thing for medical care?

i like kids though, for the most part. if they could just be hidden away during those difficult teen years when they are all full of BS. like sent to madagascar or something from 12 to maybe 22

 

[Glibbidy]

I don't know about everyone else, but I would prefer to hear the laughter of children over most of the other noises they can be known to make.

Can I call you twenty-somethings hippocrates now, or in twenty years from now after some of you nay sayers actually procreate?