Am I the A__hole?

[Brew_Dude41]

This has been done on other forums so I am thinking what the hell... you tell me Who is the A_hole. I welcome all feed back and further points of discussion (contention).

Our 3 boys have tutoring sessions @ 5, 530 and 6 on Thursday. My MIL is gracious enough to get 3 boys off bus and feed so that I can work come home and take 1st to tutor session @5. So, I come home @ 440 and start moving boy #1 towards shoes/coat on time to leave in 2 minutes to get to library for tutor time(takes 10 min to get to library at that time). 30 seconds later MIL stops all progress and pulls out ice cream treats for all 3 boys. Long story short we get to tutor 10 min later(Still paying for full 30 min).

Am I the Ahole because I am pissed that this act of spoiling the children making them late for their paid tutor session was disrespectful of our plan when it was VERY CLEAR what the timeline was set for the evening, or was she the a_hole to give the kid an ice cream sandwich after I had already clearly given the shoes on /coat on time to leave instruction.

PS I give Grand P's alit of leeway and discretion to spoil the gkids(that is their job, and the have earned it) .

Please help me understand who was the a_hole.
Edit: forgot to mention that there are now 6 1/2 gallon containers of ice cream and 4 boxes of ice novelties in my freezer now as a result of said MIL( 2 boxes SpongeBob and 2 boxes of M&M cookie sandwiches, q 6x .5 gallon tubs)

 

[day_trippr]

It wasn't you.

Speaking as a 4-time papa (and for a 4-time nana) we would never think of messing with grands schedules - and definitely would not whip out food without checking with the Ps first. That's just not done.

Cheers!

 

[Brew_Dude41]

@day_trippr thanks for the support! We may not always agree on all topics, but I love you for being real on all of them!

I will be blessed to see it from her shoes some day in (20 + yrs I hope). Then I can truly cast stones.

 

[ncbrewer]

I tend to agree with you, but I wouldn't call granny an A_hole either. Enough said.

 

[FloppyKnockers]

What time does ice cream normally get handed out at the Brew_Dude house? Asking for myself.

 

[mac_1103]

Gabdparent-hood confers absolute immunity from A_hole-ness.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

What time does ice cream normally get handed out at the Brew_Dude house? Asking for myself.

Apparently all hours I am not there to say no. In full transparency, we typically don't stock ice cream, and reserve it for special occasions.

Typically one would say after dinner and dishes done would be a desert time. Or after post meal schedule is cleared if it was an early dinner due to evening schedule.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

I tend to agree with you, but I wouldn't call granny an A_hole either. Enough said.

Gabdparent-hood confers absolute immunity from A_hole-ness.

A_hole was a general term and actually more descriptive of my reaction...

I am not sure about absolute immunity, but there is sure a long leash run with before they get there...

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

This is a boundaries issue. It’s often a challenge with grandparents but challenging or not must be communicated. Since the offending grandmother to the boys is your MIL makes it touchy. As in, your wife would likely be the best one to have that talk. Grandma had poor judgment for the moment and you are not the A-hole.

 

[MaxStout]

It's a tough decision to push back when someone is being otherwise helpful. But don't let that stop you from setting some rules. If boy #1 needs to leave now, he needs to leave NOW. Suggest to MIL that the treats would be better served as a reward for after the sessions. After dinner, preferably.

So no, you're not the a-hole.

 

[BongoYodeler]

This is a boundaries issue. It’s often a challenge with grandparents but challenging or not must be communicated. Since the offending grandmother to the boys is your MIL makes it touchy. As in, your wife would likely be the best one to have that talk. Grandma had poor judgment for the moment and you are not the A-hole.

As usual, sage advice.

 

[Agent]

That treat would have either been taken on the road or returned to the freezer for our return. Nearly no harm - no foul.

 

[MaxStout]

Could be worse...

 

[Brew_Dude41]

So here is a new one (just move to a new topic):

The 8 year old boys are in a rec league for basketball. Actually a nice instructional league that balances the whistle with the skill level- they let alot of stuff slide, and only call the most obvious calls. (MANY a double dribble or travel is looked past but if you are pushing/ grabbing / hacking it will get called if it is bad) generally there is no subbing in and out during the game to keep the clock moving and maximize the games played throughout the day.

So my boy's team is up big in their game this weekend, just a case where a number of the boys clicked and hit their shots, moved the ball well, and generally were playing much better. Midway through the second quarter, the reffs pushed our defense to inside the 3 point line, and then shortly after to all inside the lane. If someone stepped out the refs literally stopped and chased them back in.

Our coach stayed with the planned rotation at the beginning of the 4th versus loading it up with my three boys and the next worse 2. He realized his mistake when we roll off another 2 quick baskets (the thought that they were just going to pass back and forth for 6 min just was not sinking in to them)

So trying to stop the bleeding he starts swapping in the worst 5 (not allowed to sub remember). The time keeper and program director loses his mid that the coach is trying to do this and there is an exchange of words. Not too heated or over the top, the PD insisted no subs, in a less the nice manner.

So my question to you fine members of the jury: Is the coach a bit of a jerk for not breaking rotation in time, or does the Program Director have some culpability for not seeing what the coach was doing in subbing was not to gain a tactical advantage and stopping everything to yell at him for trying to do it- and not allowing it when it was explained?

 

[mac_1103]

Youth rec league referees, program directors, etc are all presumptively A_hol-ic. No exceptions. Note - I personally have served in all of these roles.

 

[mac_1103]

A_hole was a general term and actually more descriptive of my reaction...

Her immunity does not in any way imply guilt on your part. You can still have rules and set limits. And even lose it on occasion. She just can't ever be the A_hole.

 

[Knightshade]

Feels like a boundaries issue really, but I'm also confident of something that could be cleared up fairly quickly with a little bit of a convo. My parents didn't live far from us (like I could probably hit their house with a good sized stone from my driveway if I felt like it) when my oldest was little and he was so ever present in their lives, it was almost uncomfortable, but I wanted them to appreciate the experience of being grandparents so I didn't have too much to gripe about really.

However...there were multiple times when there was a little bit of.."Hey...not your kid, not your place to discipline." or "Hey..I really would appreciate your support with this <insert>." or whatever. I was always the one to broach these topics, because they were my parents and my wife was really about keeping the peace, but not wanting them to do certain things.

Youth rec league referees, program directors, etc are all presumptively A_hol-ic. No exceptions. Note - I personally have served in all of these roles.

Yes...this. I coached, ref'd, board member in some combination for youth soccer, both rec and competitive for over 14 years. I've delivered more than my share of a_holic behavior, especially in the beginning and received plenty.

 

[Snuffy]

Sorry, late to the party.

"Yes".

 

[jschein]

ESH

 

[Clint Yeastwood]

Seems a little early to have her offed.

 

[Pkrd]

I can't remember ever getting concerned about any coaching / refereeing decision when the kids were 8. At 12 or 13 the parents on the sidelines started to get rowdy and one even had a go at my daughter over some of her reffing calls. Probably why she stopped reffing soon after.

I'd say RDWHAHB. And some ice cream if the MIL says it's OK.

 

[madscientist451]

Your MIL helps out when you’re not there and she’s the A-hole? She could be doing many other things with her time. How about quit over scheduling the kids and taking everything down a notch.
When my kids were playing sports, I thought the coaches sucked, so I volunteered to do it for many years. It’s not as easy as it looks and there’s a learning curve. These days I try to be thankful for what I have and for what others do, despite their shortcomings. I reserve the A-hole title for those that really deserve it, but I’m not going to elaborate on that here. Time to get back to thinking about beer.

 

[mashdar]

I'm the a-hole. I'd make child 1 wait until after tutoring, and loudly say "Well, you should have had your ice cream earlier."

 

[mac_1103]

I'd say RDWHAHB.

League officials used to kinda frown on that, but one of my son's coaches always had a cooler and a stack of red solo cups in the back of his truck.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Ok, this one is weird:
Wife calls down that the toilet is not flushing. I go to check issue...
Said toilet is in master bath, so on the way I check 1st floor bath for plunger on the way to mbr, it was not there. Get to mbr and no plunger?WTH! Not in the 2nd fl kids/guest bath either... search house and it is no where to be found.
Ok, this is a peice of plumbing maintenance that I am very very very familiar (3 boys age 8) and I am not crazy to say it was sitting next to the 1st floor toilet in a plastic grocery bag from the last time that son 1/3 used half a roll to wipe. It wad 6 weks ago, i cleared using said plunger, and left it ther for the pendinf crisis.
It was a model that ensures a proper seal and worked well... it no longer exists in my home, or at least can't be be found anywhere by my wife or me. The best option is now some generic stiff rubber thing on a economic handle that has shown up in its place.
I looked at my wife and asked what this Mario bros POS was and what happened to the other one? No answers than "yes you have a better plunger, and "no I have no idea where it might be..." after searching the house (including the basement--where it should have never been)....
EDIT:Wife just found said peice of equipment where she left it when cleaning the other day (where I have no idea...) if my wife can't keep stuff in place, I have no idea how I might survive the next 10-20 years.....
Cheers...

 

[day_trippr]

I know where everything of mine should be. So if something of mine isn't where it should be, the Spousal Unit moved it.

That's my story and I'm sticking with it

 

[Dland]

EDIT:Wife just found said peice of equipment where she left it when cleaning the other day (where I have no idea...) if my wife can't keep stuff in place, I have no idea how I might survive the next 10-20 years.....
Cheers...

If that's the only problem you have with your gal, I'd say you're doing pretty well.

For what it's worth, I believe in redundancy. Any semi critical tool has at least one replacement on hand, especially something as inexpensive a s a toilet plunger, one for each bathroom is not all that extravagant.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Typically she doesn't move such things, and if she does she knows where she put it. To find it after an hour and half of searching seems a bit suspect. Either way it was found and blockage cleared.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

If that's the only problem you have with your gal, I'd say you're doing pretty well.

For what it's worth, I believe in redundancy. Any semi critical tool has at least one replacement on hand, especially something as inexpensive a s a toilet plunger, one for each bathroom is not all that extravagant.

Not going to disagree. Next trip to the hardware store will result in a spare. The other went out the trash today since that was all it was...

 

[Pkrd]

We've had to buy new kitchen utensils because the MIL has unpacked the dishwasher to places where things should be.
Of course having 18 wooden spoons, 14 muffin trays, three ice cream scoops etc doesn't help but apparently everything is essential.

 

[Agent]

We've had to buy new kitchen utensils because the MIL has unpacked the dishwasher to places where things should be.

I'm 100% certain that this is part of a conspiracy by parents to make their adult kids call more often.