The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[GuldTuborg]

Dear Beernik,

If you can help me to make only two trips to the hardware store per project, rather than my long standing average of three, I would be grateful. I suspect a brain implant to improve my memory would do the trick.

Sincerely,
GT

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear wife,

Next time we but a house the distance to the nearest hardware store will be an important factor.

Sincerely,
No project is complete without two trips to the hardware store.

Dear Beernik,

If you can help me to make only two trips to the hardware store per project, rather than my long standing average of three, I would be grateful. I suspect a brain implant to improve my memory would do the trick.

Sincerely,
GT

Dear homeowners who only take a couple trips,
Two? Three? I cant seen to get everything I need without going to three different hardware stores on at least two different occasions. And one more trip afterwards to return all of the spare parts and wrong purchases.
Sincerely,
Teach Me obi-wan Kenobi, you are my only hope.

 

[harleybug88]

Dear homebuilders,
Please invent a maintenance free house.

Sincerely,
A home owner.

 

[max384]

Dear homeowners

I try to do all my own work when possible on my house... But sometimes the best tool for the job is your credit card and a call to a contractor. Then kick back, relax, and drink a homebrew.

Sincerely,

I can't believe I used to fix my own plumbing problems

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear homebuilders,
Please invent a maintenance free house.

Sincerely,
A home owner.

Dear home owner,

They have one. It's called a rental.

Sincerely,
Landlords problem not mine

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Butthole,

If you would quit talking out of turn with your crappy bad breath, I wouldn't have to punish you with hot peppers on a regular basis.

Sincerely,
The North End

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Butthole,

If you would quit talking out of turn with your crappy bad breath, I wouldn't have to punish you with hot peppers on a regular basis.

Sincerely,
The North End

Dear Chicken,

Have you met egg?

Sincerely,
The Universe

PS, try a Bhut Jolokia Suppository.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Butthole,

If you would quit talking out of turn with your crappy bad breath, I wouldn't have to punish you with hot peppers on a regular basis.

Sincerely,
The North End

Dear North End,
I think our South Ends must be related. Identical twins separated at birth?
Sincerely,
Peppers, peppers everywhere

 

[GuldTuborg]

PS, try a Bhut Jolokia Suppository.

Tried that. It burns at both ends regardless.

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear hbt,
Sorry bout the last rant. Not really.
Signed the shape I'm in.

 

[slym2none]

Dear life,

Refuse me at your own peril. You have been warned.

Signed, me.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear HBT,
Please don't leave me again. Work without you was painful. I missed you
Sincerely,
All of us

 

[max384]

Dear all of us,

I concur

Sincerely,
all of us

P.S. I'm freaking out. Man.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4G4mcYOXMA[/ame]

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear HBT,

Let's never take a break again. I need you. I'll be good. I promise.

Sincerely,
I love you

 

[Qhrumphf]

Stupid double post...

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear WX gods:
Thank you for that little bit of rain we got the other day. It wasn't as much as I'd hoped for, but it was more than I expected. We still need more rain though.
Sincerely, just about all of western Montana.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear WX gods:
Thank you for that little bit of rain we got the other day. It wasn't as much as I'd hoped for, but it was more than I expected. We still need more rain though.
Sincerely, just about all of western Montana.

Dear Western Montana,
You can have some of ours.
Sincerely,
my poor beat up plants

 

[Newsman]

Dear Western Montana,
You can have some of ours.
Sincerely,
my poor beat up plants

Dear beat up plants,

Montana can have some of ours too...

Sincerely,
Dripping NW Georgia

 

[Pyg]

Dear Rain.
I dont mind a little of you, for the grass and garden.
But when you rain so hard it closes the Muni Golf Course it is excessive.

Sincerely,
dont know what to do with myself tonight!

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Rain.
I dont mind a little of you, for the grass and garden.
But when you rain so hard it closes the Muni Golf Course it is excessive.

Sincerely,
dont know what to do with myself tonight!

Dear dont know what to do with myself tonight!
Why not start with beer and see where that takes you
Sincerely
an Enabler

 

[Beernik]

Dear makers of girls/women's clothing,

What the ****? Seriously, what the ****?

I'm starting back to school shopping for my 9 year old daughter and was reminded of the lesson I learned last year when my daughter went from 6/6x - little kid clothing to greater than size 7 preteen clothes.

Sure, the cost difference alone was enough to make my eyes pop out of my skull. Two more inches of material on the length and and inch more material in the waist increases the cost of a pair of pants by $20.

But that's not the point of this rant. No, I want to know what a "size" is. I defy anyone to give me a definition of what a size actually means.

The best that I can tell, a size is some kind of measurement of surface area. But even at that, it's not a very accurate one. For example, buying pants:

We go into Store 1 and try on clothes. She wears a size 8. Okay, she grew two sizes in a year.

We go into Store 2 and try on clothes. She wears a size 8. Yeah, consistency. My daughter definitely wears a size 8 pants, right?

We go into Store 3 and try on clothes. She wears a size 10. Did she gain 5lbs and grow 2 inches between Store 2 and Store 3?

We go into Store 4 and try on clothes. She tries on a size 10 and it comes half way up her torso. A size 8 still falls off her waist. The sales clerk says "why don't you try this size 7 slim." It fits.

So an 8 = 8 = 10 = 7 slim.

And apparently it only gets worse for girls/women from there. I've been reading a buzzfeed article about a woman getting fitted for bras at six different stores. For her:

38D = 38DD = 40D = 38D = 40DD = 42DD

Okay, assume the difference in cup size is a designer thing. But how does a 38 equal a 42? The circumference of a bra is not an unknowable, relativistic distance. Get a ruler and freaking measure it.

Sincerely,

Why is this acceptable?

 

[GuldTuborg]

Dear Beernik,

You're experiencing bad QC and "vanity sizing." Fit a mannequin for a size 8 this year, then try again in 2 years. Now a 6 will fit. Crazy, but I guess it makes some people feel better.

Sincerely,
Consumerism at Work

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear makers of girls/women's clothing,

What the ****? Seriously, what the ****?

I'm starting back to school shopping for my 9 year old daughter and was reminded of the lesson I learned last year when my daughter went from 6/6x - little kid clothing to greater than size 7 preteen clothes.

Sure, the cost difference alone was enough to make my eyes pop out of my skull. Two more inches of material on the length and and inch more material in the waist increases the cost of a pair of pants by $20.

But that's not the point of this rant. No, I want to know what a "size" is. I defy anyone to give me a definition of what a size actually means.

The best that I can tell, a size is some kind of measurement of surface area. But even at that, it's not a very accurate one. For example, buying pants:

We go into Store 1 and try on clothes. She wears a size 8. Okay, she grew two sizes in a year.

We go into Store 2 and try on clothes. She wears a size 8. Yeah, consistency. My daughter definitely wears a size 8 pants, right?

We go into Store 3 and try on clothes. She wears a size 10. Did she gain 5lbs and grow 2 inches between Store 2 and Store 3?

We go into Store 4 and try on clothes. She tries on a size 10 and it comes half way up her torso. A size 8 still falls off her waist. The sales clerk says "why don't you try this size 7 slim." It fits.

So an 8 = 8 = 10 = 7 slim.

And apparently it only gets worse for girls/women from there. I've been reading a buzzfeed article about a woman getting fitted for bras at six different stores. For her:

38D = 38DD = 40D = 38D = 40DD = 42DD

Okay, assume the difference in cup size is a designer thing. But how does a 38 equal a 42? The circumference of a bra is not an unknowable, relativistic distance. Get a ruler and freaking measure it.

Sincerely,

Why is this acceptable?

PS
How the hell is there a difference between 0 and 00. Secondly. A 0 to me would be nobody because 0 means nothing. I know that body image is a big problem nowadays but why not go with some measurement system more like what is in mens clothing and use an actual measuring tape or some scale like it? Why do women need to fool themselves?

 

[Psylocide]

Dear Beernik,

You're experiencing bad QC and "vanity sizing." Fit a mannequin for a size 8 this year, then try again in 2 years. Now a 6 will fit. Crazy, but I guess it makes some people feel better.

Sincerely,
Consumerism at Work

Dear GuldTuborg,

I'm not fat, I'm small clothed.

Sincerely,

Yeah... that's the ticket.

 

[max384]

Dear why is this acceptable,

tldr

Sincerely,

ADHD

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear makers of girls/women's clothing,

What the ****? Seriously, what the ****?

I'm starting back to school shopping for my 9 year old daughter and was reminded of the lesson I learned last year when my daughter went from 6/6x - little kid clothing to greater than size 7 preteen clothes.

Sure, the cost difference alone was enough to make my eyes pop out of my skull. Two more inches of material on the length and and inch more material in the waist increases the cost of a pair of pants by $20.

But that's not the point of this rant. No, I want to know what a "size" is. I defy anyone to give me a definition of what a size actually means.

The best that I can tell, a size is some kind of measurement of surface area. But even at that, it's not a very accurate one. For example, buying pants:

We go into Store 1 and try on clothes. She wears a size 8. Okay, she grew two sizes in a year.

We go into Store 2 and try on clothes. She wears a size 8. Yeah, consistency. My daughter definitely wears a size 8 pants, right?

We go into Store 3 and try on clothes. She wears a size 10. Did she gain 5lbs and grow 2 inches between Store 2 and Store 3?

We go into Store 4 and try on clothes. She tries on a size 10 and it comes half way up her torso. A size 8 still falls off her waist. The sales clerk says "why don't you try this size 7 slim." It fits.

So an 8 = 8 = 10 = 7 slim.

And apparently it only gets worse for girls/women from there. I've been reading a buzzfeed article about a woman getting fitted for bras at six different stores. For her:

38D = 38DD = 40D = 38D = 40DD = 42DD

Okay, assume the difference in cup size is a designer thing. But how does a 38 equal a 42? The circumference of a bra is not an unknowable, relativistic distance. Get a ruler and freaking measure it.

Sincerely,

Why is this acceptable?

I have the same problem with men's footwear; 12 = 12.5 = 13 in US "sizes." Apparently a clothing "size" is just sort of a ballpark estimate when it comes to women's clothing & men's footwear.
Regards, GF.

 

[GuldTuborg]

Dear style gurus,

Why did the codpiece ever fall out of fashion? I'm a strong proponent for bringing it back. Nothing says strong and masculine, yet classy, like a codpiece.

Sincerely,
GT

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear GT:
The codpiece also keeps my balls from sticking to my leg, no powder needed.
Regards, GF.

 

[Michigan_Wolfman]

Dear GT,

I don't know about codpieces, but I do know that kilts rock! That's me on the right, sporting MacDonald clan tartan at the Michigan Renaissance Fair.

Regards,

Michigan_Wolfman

 

[Zepth]

Dear questioning acceptability,

"STEP 1 : MEASURE YOUR KILT SIZE
Run a tape measure through your belt loops (as shown in the image above) and pull snug (to the tension you’d normally wear your belt at) to get your Kilt Size measurement. This will be your kilt size."
source: http://www.utilikilts.com/index.php/sizing

Sincerely,
Sizing that makes sense.

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear guy in front of me,
Dude you are one awesome guy. Thank you so much for the Wicked Weed you gave us. Really I was just happy I made in time to get the allotment at Casey's Brewing and Blending. But you my friend made me forget about all the screwed up B.S. at work. I can't wait to start trading with you.
Sincerely Hoping the e rest of ya are having an amazing holiday weekend.

 

[Melana]

Dear holiday weekend,
Thank you for reminding me that happiness can happen after death.
Sincerely,
Missing you tonight mum.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Weather Gods:
Thank you for the rain. It put a damper on my grilling meat, but that's OK, I don't mind. I'm just glad to have 1/2 a day of gentle rain without lightning, we really did need it. It would be really great if we could get a repeat performance in a few days.
Sincerely all of western Montana.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear AC repair man,

My office has been 85F and somewhere around 999% humidity for the past two days and I'm sweating more than a pregnant nun in a confessional. You...you are our last hope...

Sincerely,
Tired of swamp arse.

 

[Psylocide]

Dear AC repair man,

My office has been 85F and somewhere around 999% humidity for the past two days and I'm sweating more than a pregnant nun in a confessional. You...you are our last hope...

Sincerely,
Tired of swamp arse.

Dear Swamp Ass,

Sincerely,

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear Shaq,

You always know just what I need.

Sincerely,

 

[drainbamage]

Dear Beer Fridge,

RIP. God knows I put you through a lot, but those storms last night were just too much. You will be missed.

Sincerely,
21-gun salute

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Dear,

Sincerely,

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear driver,

If you remove snow from your car with a shovel, you're gonna have a bad time. Like a several thousand dollar bad time.

Sincerely,
You might as well use a rock.

 

[PlexVector]

Dear @Baja_Brewer,

Make it stop...I can't stop watching this! It's just so...mezmorizing!

Sincerely,
Mezmo