The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Colorowdy]

Dear world,
I'm not angry at you why do you have to be such a +@&$.
It's not really you world its the sub par performances I'm surrounded by.
But holy hell I have never been surrounded by such gross incompetence vin my entire life.
I can't work because I have my kids. There should've been quotes there.
Then why don't you have your kid you miserable ******.
And further more I'm pretty sure you don't have a court ordered psychologists appointment at 1030 am next Saturday. You lying @$$hole ¶u$$y. I'm pretty sure white collar workers nurse hangovers and play golf at 1030.
Signed shoulda been golfin.
PS radio edit

 

[slym2none]

Dear TYSK,

So, hot-doggin' & free-ballin' leads to tree-froggin'?

Sincerely, Likes A Lot Of Little Alliteration

 

[GuldTuborg]

Dear Montana,

Please take all our rain for the next 2 weeks. For the love of god, someone take it.

Sincerely,
The new swamp that is Ohio

 

[brewshki]

^California will take it

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Ohio:
We'd love to get some of that rain & we're happy to share it with CA. It's starting to look & smell like a bad fire season this year. We could really do with more rain & less fire.
Sincerely, just about everybody in MT.

 

[motobrewer]

Dear lawn:

Mow yourfuc*kingself.

Sincerely,
Busy

 

[ColoHox]

Dear Hotlanta,

You lived up to one of your nicknames. Good thing it's only for a few days.

Sincerely,
Can't breathe this thick, sea-level air

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear alchies,
Please avoid politics. It's like the plague and kills enjoyable things.
Sincerely,
Biting my tongue

 

[1977Brewer]

Dear alchies,
Please avoid politics. It's like the plague and kills enjoyable things.
Sincerely,
Biting my tongue

Dear Biter,

Really, my bad. I get a little heated.


Sincerely,
I was raised this way.

 

[motobrewer]

Dear Vladimir-

Son of a bitch I'm sick of these dolphins.

Sincerely,
Steve Zissou

 

[TXCrash]

Dear rain,
I hear others need you. You've left, for now, so please stay where ever you went. Or at least not here.

Sincerely,
I'm ready for the flooded roads to open back up. Funneling dummies onto the main roads only makes a bad commute worse.

 

[slym2none]

Dear Vladimir-

Son of a bitch I'm sick of these dolphins.

Sincerely,
Steve Zissou

Dear Steve,

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Sincerely, every one of the dolphins.

 

[marckw]

Dear Google,

Why are you so full of yourself that you presume to know what I'm searching for after typing only one letter?

Sincerely,
B was for Boil Kettle, not Bank of America

 

[max384]

Dear Boil Kettle,

It's scary sometimes how often Google is dead on with what I'm going to search with only a couple of letters.

Sincerely,
Time to tighten my tin foil hat again

 

[marckw]

Dear Tin Foil Hat:

Resistance is futile.

Sincerely,
Big brother

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Tin Foil Hat:

Resistance is futile.

Sincerely,
Big brother

Dear Big Brother,

Please get your cultural references correct.

Sincerely,
The Borg

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Big Bro:
"We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own."
Sincerely, the Borg.

 

[marckw]

Dear First Borg:

Nothing wrong with adding a touch of TNG to old-school conspiracy theory.

Sincerely,
Mixes metaphors

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear mixes metaphors,

You did this, didn't you:

Sincerely,
Nerd purist

 

[Beernik]

Dear wife,

Next time we but a house the distance to the nearest hardware store will be an important factor.

Sincerely,
No project is complete without two trips to the hardware store.

 

[GuldTuborg]

Dear Beernik,

If you can help me to make only two trips to the hardware store per project, rather than my long standing average of three, I would be grateful. I suspect a brain implant to improve my memory would do the trick.

Sincerely,
GT

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear wife,

Next time we but a house the distance to the nearest hardware store will be an important factor.

Sincerely,
No project is complete without two trips to the hardware store.

Dear Beernik,

If you can help me to make only two trips to the hardware store per project, rather than my long standing average of three, I would be grateful. I suspect a brain implant to improve my memory would do the trick.

Sincerely,
GT

Dear homeowners who only take a couple trips,
Two? Three? I cant seen to get everything I need without going to three different hardware stores on at least two different occasions. And one more trip afterwards to return all of the spare parts and wrong purchases.
Sincerely,
Teach Me obi-wan Kenobi, you are my only hope.

 

[harleybug88]

Dear homebuilders,
Please invent a maintenance free house.

Sincerely,
A home owner.

 

[max384]

Dear homeowners

I try to do all my own work when possible on my house... But sometimes the best tool for the job is your credit card and a call to a contractor. Then kick back, relax, and drink a homebrew.

Sincerely,

I can't believe I used to fix my own plumbing problems

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear homebuilders,
Please invent a maintenance free house.

Sincerely,
A home owner.

Dear home owner,

They have one. It's called a rental.

Sincerely,
Landlords problem not mine

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Butthole,

If you would quit talking out of turn with your crappy bad breath, I wouldn't have to punish you with hot peppers on a regular basis.

Sincerely,
The North End

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Butthole,

If you would quit talking out of turn with your crappy bad breath, I wouldn't have to punish you with hot peppers on a regular basis.

Sincerely,
The North End

Dear Chicken,

Have you met egg?

Sincerely,
The Universe

PS, try a Bhut Jolokia Suppository.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Butthole,

If you would quit talking out of turn with your crappy bad breath, I wouldn't have to punish you with hot peppers on a regular basis.

Sincerely,
The North End

Dear North End,
I think our South Ends must be related. Identical twins separated at birth?
Sincerely,
Peppers, peppers everywhere

 

[GuldTuborg]

PS, try a Bhut Jolokia Suppository.

Tried that. It burns at both ends regardless.

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear hbt,
Sorry bout the last rant. Not really.
Signed the shape I'm in.