The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[slym2none]

Dear body,

I know you are a night owl. I realise that you prefer to stay up late. But, I have to get up at 8:30 AM and I really need you to turn off the brain for a while.

Sincerely, Late-Night Lover

 

[TXCrash]

Dear 8:30,

Count yourself lucky,

4:55

 

[Renegades_Brew]

Dear 8:30,

Count yourself lucky,

4:55

Dear 4:55

I wish I could get up at 4:55...

Sincerely,
4:30 even on weekends...

 

[SatanPrinceOfDarkness]

Dear Stovetop,

Why is part of you made of plastic?

Sincerely,

The renter who melted you just now

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear 4:30

There's a 4:30 in the MORNING too?????

Sincerely,
Who am I kidding, I've gotten up at 4am to drink beer and catch late morning local time footy.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear 4:30,
By the time you're getting up, I've been going for six hours.
Sincerely, My day starts at 22:30 (10:30pm).

 

[TXCrash]

Dear neighbor that was working on his trailer till nearly 10,
bless you dude, I wish you'd gotten soaked by the massive rain.

Great way to introduce yourself. The guy that lived there before was a disrespectful dooshebal too.

Sincerely,

Sleep? Who needs it?

 

[max384]

Dear past self,

F*ck you.

Sincerely,

Present self









Dear future self,

Sorry in advance.

Sincerely,

Present self

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear 4:30 Sissies,
@gratus fermentatio has us all beat by being an oddball. otherwise, @mcbaumannerb and I have you beat. 2:30 in the AM, batches!

Sincerely,
Tired a lot

 

[TXCrash]

Dearest thread,
Por que esta tu muerta?
Sincerest,
Bored and poopomg. That's pooping.

 

[max384]

Dear Fort Pickett, VA

You can keep your hot weather. I miss PA.

Sincerely,

Hot, sweaty, and tired

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear hot and sweaty,

It's only going to get worse

Sincerely,
Fellow relocated Pennsylvanian.

 

[max384]

Dear fellow relocation Pennsylvanian

Thank god I'm only here for two weeks!!!

Sincerely,

I'm too tired to unstick my balls from my leg any longer

 

[SnakeRidge]

Dear Stickyballs,

Gold bond powder.

Sincerely,

Don't Come Into SC Without A Soothing Anti Chafe Powder.

 

[biochemedic]

Dear everyone,

It was F'ing hot in Pgh today too...although probably worse south of the Mason Dixon...

Sincerely,
PA still gets hot and miserable too.

P.S. Summer humidity notwithstanding, I still miss NC alot...

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear PA still gets hot,

Let's talk about humidity

Signed,
They call Columbia "Famously Hot" for a reason




Dear Cheesy,

No one cares.

Sincerely,
The rational part of Cheesy's brain.

 

[biochemedic]

Dear Giant Eagle Market District,

Thanks for having both child care *and* a bar. Having a black DIPA makes shopping on Saturday almost tolerable, and the boy loves getting a chance to play Minecraft on an XBox...

Sincerely,
Wife and daughter are at a birthday party and guess who got stuck doing groceries?

 

[72hw]

Dear Netflix,

Please refrain from making more of these twelve hour long movies like Sense8 and pass along the word to AMC, HBO and all the rest. I need to brew. I also need sleep.

Sincerely,

Mr. No Willpower Fanboi

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear weather gods, We could use some rain; a nice, gentle, soaking rain; for a couple hours. No big winds, no lightning, we need rain, not fire.
Sincerely, all of western Montana.

 

[Stealthcruiser]

Dear Sticky Balls,

It's called "Treefroggin"

Sincerely,

Thought you should know.

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear world,
I'm not angry at you why do you have to be such a +@&$.
It's not really you world its the sub par performances I'm surrounded by.
But holy hell I have never been surrounded by such gross incompetence vin my entire life.
I can't work because I have my kids. There should've been quotes there.
Then why don't you have your kid you miserable wanker.
And further more I'm pretty sure you don't have a court ordered psychologists appointment at 1030 am next Saturday. You lying @$$hole ¶u$$y. I'm pretty sure white collar workers nurse hangovers and play golf at 1030.
Signed shoulda been golfin.
PS radio edit

 

[slym2none]

Dear TYSK,

So, hot-doggin' & free-ballin' leads to tree-froggin'?

Sincerely, Likes A Lot Of Little Alliteration

 

[GuldTuborg]

Dear Montana,

Please take all our rain for the next 2 weeks. For the love of god, someone take it.

Sincerely,
The new swamp that is Ohio

 

[brewshki]

^California will take it

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Ohio:
We'd love to get some of that rain & we're happy to share it with CA. It's starting to look & smell like a bad fire season this year. We could really do with more rain & less fire.
Sincerely, just about everybody in MT.

 

[motobrewer]

Dear lawn:

Mow yourfuc*kingself.

Sincerely,
Busy

 

[ColoHox]

Dear Hotlanta,

You lived up to one of your nicknames. Good thing it's only for a few days.

Sincerely,
Can't breathe this thick, sea-level air

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear alchies,
Please avoid politics. It's like the plague and kills enjoyable things.
Sincerely,
Biting my tongue

 

[1977Brewer]

Dear alchies,
Please avoid politics. It's like the plague and kills enjoyable things.
Sincerely,
Biting my tongue

Dear Biter,

Really, my bad. I get a little heated.


Sincerely,
I was raised this way.

 

[motobrewer]

Dear Vladimir-

Son of a ***** I'm sick of these dolphins.

Sincerely,
Steve Zissou

 

[TXCrash]

Dear rain,
I hear others need you. You've left, for now, so please stay where ever you went. Or at least not here.

Sincerely,
I'm ready for the flooded roads to open back up. Funneling dummies onto the main roads only makes a bad commute worse.

 

[slym2none]

Dear Vladimir-

Son of a ***** I'm sick of these dolphins.

Sincerely,
Steve Zissou

Dear Steve,

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Sincerely, every one of the dolphins.

 

[marckw]

Dear Google,

Why are you so full of yourself that you presume to know what I'm searching for after typing only one letter?

Sincerely,
B was for Boil Kettle, not Bank of America

 

[max384]

Dear Boil Kettle,

It's scary sometimes how often Google is dead on with what I'm going to search with only a couple of letters.

Sincerely,
Time to tighten my tin foil hat again

 

[marckw]

Dear Tin Foil Hat:

Resistance is futile.

Sincerely,
Big brother

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Tin Foil Hat:

Resistance is futile.

Sincerely,
Big brother

Dear Big Brother,

Please get your cultural references correct.

Sincerely,
The Borg

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Big Bro:
"We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own."
Sincerely, the Borg.

 

[marckw]

Dear First Borg:

Nothing wrong with adding a touch of TNG to old-school conspiracy theory.

Sincerely,
Mixes metaphors

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear mixes metaphors,

You did this, didn't you:

Sincerely,
Nerd purist

 

[Beernik]

Dear wife,

Next time we but a house the distance to the nearest hardware store will be an important factor.

Sincerely,
No project is complete without two trips to the hardware store.