Stupid Joke Thread!

[day_trippr]

I bet there aren't that many of us here that are old enough but still have our wits about us to get this

 

[doug293cz]

I bet there aren't that many of us here that are old enough but still have our wits about us to get this

There are a few. At least I like to think I have my wits about me.

Brew on

 

[day_trippr]

Ok, that makes 3 so far

 

[balrog]

According to my wife, my wits have been steadily decreasing to the point where they are only about 50% their original.

Also:

 

[doug293cz]

According to my wife, my wits have been steadily decreasing to the point where they are only about 50% their original.

Also:
View attachment 849774

Careful, you'll get a new nickname...

Brew on

 

[balrog]

I was sitting with a friend at a bar, and pointed at two old ugly drunks sitting across the bar from us and said, "That's us in 15 years"


My friend said, "That's a mirror you idiot"

 

[ehall]

I brewed a wit once...

 

[ncbrewer]

I bet there aren't that many of us here that are old enough but still have our wits about us to get this

I'm old enough.

 

[jcav]

Me too!

 

[balrog]

I threw my dog a ball.


I know it's extravagant, but he looks GREAT in a tuxedo.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

When your significant other comes into the den and asks "What's on the TV?"
"Dust" is not the right answer.

Just got out of the emergency room and thought I'd pass this along to help others.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

If I bring you a glass of bourbon, just say “thanks”.

I don’t need to hear all this “How’d you get in my house” crap.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

GF: the only easel they have is $85, should I get it?
ME: What brand? Is it a Vind?
GF: It just says Staples
ME: Let’s go to another store. If we’re spending nearly $100 we should get the best.
GF: what’s so special about a Vind eas…oh go f*#@ yourself!

 

[Broken Crow]

GF: the only easel they have is $85, should I get it?
ME: What brand? Is it a Vind?
GF: It just says Staples
ME: Let’s go to another store. If we’re spending nearly $100 we should get the best.
GF: what’s so special about a Vind eas…oh go f*#@ yourself!

I found this one on etsy;

 

[balrog]

Husband: Unbelievable.
Wife: What?
Husband: Next door neighbor just showed up in a see through nighty asking for a cup of sugar, then winks at me and asks me up to their apt for a cheeky cup of coffee!
Wife: Well what did you say?!
Husband: what did I say?! I said “Sod off Dave!”, that’s what I said.

 

[balrog]

Had a bad dream last night. Disco was making a comeback.

First I was afraid. I was petrified.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

Each year, cows kill more people than sharks.


I'm surprised they kill any sharks at all.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I child proofed my home, but the kids still get in.

 

[BongoYodeler]

Despite the success of the side-loading washer, the side-loading toilet never really caught on.

 

[John Ha]

I've been finding quite a few things on my morning walks. For example, today I found an "R" retainer clip. I picked it up because it looked like a keeper.

Yesterday I found a wire coat hanger. I picked it up too because I thought it might help with my hangups.

 

[jcav]

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!


Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

Happy Father's Day everyone!! Had to do some dad jokes in honor of all our great fathers!

John

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

 

[3 Dawg Night]

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

 

[Jonakr]

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

I missed the significance of the bucket of glue, and now I'm intrigued.

 

[ba-brewer]

it's a red herring, cant be tuned either

 

[jcav]

Why didn't the shrimp share his treasure?

Because he was shellfish!

Why do they call birds that fly over the sea, Seagulls?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be called Baygulls.

I know, but this is the stupid joke thread...........


John

 

[pvtpublic]

I missed the significance of the bucket of glue, and now I'm intrigued.

He knew you'd get stuck on it

 

[Jonakr]

He knew you'd get stuck on it

Noice!

 

[Jonakr]

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

For the record, between is two, for three options you need a different word.

 

[pvtpublic]

For the record, between is two, for three options you need a different word.

Grammar kills jokes

 

[Jonakr]

Grammar kills jokes

So do I.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

I missed the significance of the bucket of glue, and now I'm intrigued.

I knew you'd get stuck on that one.

Edit: @pvtpublic spoiled my punchline!