Stupid Joke Thread!

[doug293cz]

Her: I was up with the baby until 4 am last night.
Him: It's probably not a good idea to keep the baby up that late.

I hope he has a comfortable bed in the garage.

Brew on

 

[day_trippr]

I hope he's not sleeping in a mortuary

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[day_trippr]

Puns make me numb.
Math puns make me number.

 

[doug293cz]

Puns make me numb.
Math puns make me number.

Day late, dolla short

Brew on

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I have a friend who is a tightrope walker.

He’s a nice guy, but he’s high strung.

 

[agentbud]

I like to think that I am a good person, but the way I react to people driving slowly in the left lane would definitely suggest otherwise.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

 

[BongoYodeler]

 

[balrog]

I just saw someone refer to “mansplaining” as “correctile dysfunction” and I can’t stop laughing.

 

[agentbud]

I just fired myself from cleaning my house. I don't like my attitude, and I caught myself drinking on the job.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I feel bad for Bigfoot. Everyone confuses him with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains.

 

[agentbud]

I'm so thankful they taught us about parallelograms in school instead of teaching us how to do taxes. It's coming in super handy this parallelogram season.

 

[agentbud]

Old age is a real thing... Last night I was in bed for 20 minutes when I heard the pizza guy cough. Then I remembered I came to my room for my wallet.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia.
He said, "Go ahead. Knock yourself out."

 

[balrog]

The patron saint of copying people on an email is

St Francis of a CC

 

[balrog]

Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. If you remove it, you just have


Gravy.

 

[day_trippr]

You know how sports players throw the ball into the crowd after they win a game?
That's not allowed in bowling - I know that now.

 

[balrog]

I don’t drink bourbon every day. That would just be ridiculous. It’s just at night.

 

[balrog]

 

[ba-brewer]

reasonable price for dinner and a show

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I saw two huge black birds in our yard this morning and they were stuck together.

Turns out they were Velcrows.

 

[ncbrewer]

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.
Her: Flathead, phillips or vodka?
Me: And that was when I knew she was the one!

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I met a microbiologist once.
They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

 

[agentbud]

My wife keeps telling me we need to do a better job at communicating with each other. Or at least I think that's what she said. I wasn't really listening.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Your igloo may be cool, but mine is cooler.

 

[day_trippr]

Q: How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?
A: It's not hard

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Cow farts come from the dairy air.