So most of my son's umbilical chord just fell off....

[CreamyGoodness]

So... this being the first time I have literally thought about such a thing, I... I threw it away.

Now, this brings up a very interesting (and thoroughly repulsive) mathematical equation:

For every sanitation worker who handles garbage bags per year...:

(X houses (times) average of Y apartments) times (Z average of new babies per house per year) - (2 weeks umbilical drying time) times (1 bag of garbage containing umbilical chord) = number of garbage bags containing partial baby belly buttons handled...

Or is my math off?

 

[Cyclman]

Not that different than toenail clippings...

 

[Zuljin]

A mere fraction of a fraction of cat poop handled.

But my first thought was umbilical cord hop sock.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Your math is terrible, as duration it takes for cord to fall off is irrelevant to the number handled.

Also, congrats.


Sent from my iPod touch using Home Brew

 

[boydster]

(X households [houses + apartment units combined, I mean])(Y avg annual births per household)/(Z # sanitation workers handling garbage bags on avg route) = # dried up baby belly button shingles handled by a typical sanitation worker per year.

But each one is special, I think. Congrats!

 

[grittanomyces]

Is the umbilical chord above or below D flat?

 

[MindenMan]

Why hasn't anyone asked, "What key is an umbilical chord in anyway?"

I hadn't seen the above post before I made mine. My daughter is a music nerd, and she thought my post was funny

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

I hate to think what you're gonna post when you start changing dirty diapers...

 

[Yooper]

I hate to think what you're gonna post when you start changing dirty diapers...

You think alot like me. My first thought was "Oh, God, I hope he didn't save the umbilical cord- that ****er stinks".

My second thought was, "Please God, don't let him decide to describe the curds in the yellow stool of breast-fed babies vs. brown poop of bottle fed babies and which are preferable in sanitation workers' minds".

 

[passedpawn]

My second thought was, "Please God, don't let him decide to describe

you just did it for him

I cut the cord on my third child (he's 16 and in his second year of college now). Frightening thing, that. Doc just handed me the scissors and showed me where. Freaky.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

I cut the cord on my third child (he's 16 and in his second year of college now). Frightening thing, that. Doc just handed me the scissors and showed me where. Freaky.

I wasn't expecting it to be so slippery and rubbery.

I can honestly say that I've no desire to see a human being come out of another human being for the rest of my life. It was a truly horrific and beautiful experience that I'm glad I had and need never have again.

 

[Beernik]

you just did it for him

I cut the cord on my third child (he's 16 and in his second year of college now). Frightening thing, that. Doc just handed me the scissors and showed me where. Freaky.

The things you miss when you adopt.

I think I would have passed out.

I was there when our daughter was born. But I was in a corner, away from the action.

 

[evanmars]

I thought he was going to say it came off and fell into his fresh batch of wort!

 

[Barley_Bob]

I thought he was going to say it came off and fell into his fresh batch of wort!

That's exactly what I thought too.

I don't know if I'm relieved or disappointed.

 

[Stocktonbrew]

You think alot like me. My first thought was "Oh, God, I hope he didn't save the umbilical cord- that ****er stinks".

My second thought was, "Please God, don't let him decide to describe the curds in the yellow stool of breast-fed babies vs. brown poop of bottle fed babies and which are preferable in sanitation workers' minds".

Im going to go mow the lawn now and try to put this out of my mind...Gross

 

[Quadrupled]

you just did it for him

I cut the cord on my third child (he's 16 and in his second year of college now). Frightening thing, that. Doc just handed me the scissors and showed me where. Freaky.

Not to derail, but your son is 16 and in his 2nd year of college!?!?

 

[Homercidal]

I can't believe you didn't make an Umbilical Mead, Creamy!

Cutting the cord was not big deal for me. I've gutted and cleaned plenty of animals in my younger days.

The worse part was the episiotomy. It literally gave my shivers when the doc cut and it made a sound like cutting through lettuce. I was sure to tell him to stitch it up better than OEM.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I didnt get the opportunity to cut the cord (sorry for the chord spelling) due to the c-section. Honestly, some part of me wants to go to my magic happy place and never think about the labor/c-section/NICU experience at all ever again, seeing as how so many things went wrong and how many of them could have gotten even worse. Thats a rant for another time, or maybe never.

Last night I fed and burped David Frank, which took probably 10-20 minutes in the glider chair, and realized that my wife and mother in law were both all but literally cheering me on. "Good job, dad!" after the little guy let out a pretty impressive belch for a 2 week old. So I head off to bed feeling accomplished for getting a baby to eat milk (like thats tough) and then burp (good going James!). Oy.

 

[Homercidal]

Yes, you defied all odds and managed to do something that nature naturally wants us all do, eat.

I despise the ignorant male stereotype repeatedly displayed on television and in movies.

A bit later I will tell you how to make a velcro onsie that REALLY helps when that guy starts getting a bit more mobile!

 

[DrunkleJon]

Yes, you defied all odds and managed to do something that nature naturally wants us all do, eat.

I despise the ignorant male stereotype repeatedly displayed on television and in movies.

A bit later I will tell you how to make a velcro onsie that REALLY helps when that guy starts getting a bit more mobile!

Nah, just get him one of these.

 

[Barley_Bob]

Last night I fed and burped David Frank, which took probably 10-20 minutes in the glider chair, and realized that my wife and mother in law were both all but literally cheering me on. "Good job, dad!" after the little guy let out a pretty impressive belch for a 2 week old. So I head off to bed feeling accomplished for getting a baby to eat milk (like thats tough) and then burp (good going James!). Oy.

So, for something that's so natural, it can be a huge pain in the ass to get them to eat for the first couple of weeks. I realize that wasn't really your point, but a lot of people do go to specialists just to solve this problem. So, good job, Dad! Anyway, best of luck with your newborn, and best of luck with your Mother-in-Law.

 

[Beernik]

My daughter had to be burped after every two ounces or she would spit a bunch back up. One night, at 2am, I fell asleep while feeding her and she sucked down all six ounces in the bottle. I woke up when she projectile vomited 3 ounces of formula on my face.

By the way, around 4 to 6 months you get to start him on fruits and veggies. Color in = color out, except for bananas which turn grey-black.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Im heartily looking forward to making baby food.

Get this little guy into okra at a young age...

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Just for future reference, and some pre-warning, I suppose you also had him circumcised too and we should be foreshadowing the mathematical statistic of plasti-bells to sanitation workers?

 

[Quadrupled]

Im heartily looking forward to making baby food.

Get this little guy into okra at a young age...

We did this too, it was fun. I will advise you learn from others experiences and buy some flavors to ensure he likes them. Our shocker was that our oldest liked spinach combinations but loathed butternut squash and any combo thereof.

Sucks feeling like you're wasting food, though you may end up making a stock of some sort with unliked purée.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Just for future reference, and some pre-warning, I suppose you also had him circumcised too and we should be foreskining the mathematical statistic of plasti-bells to sanitation workers?

ftfy. hahaha!!
both our boys got the snip. our older got the ol' slice & dice, our younger got the plastic thing. the slice & dice was cleaner and healed up better.