Old Timer Sayings

[beaksnbeer]

She's a carpenter's dream flat as a board and easy to nail.

 

[Sammy86]

My Paternal Grandfather's greatest saying:

Don't piss in my eye and tell me it's raining

 

[Dustinj]

Useless as tits on a bore hog.

It's got a broke motor. Referring to anything that doesn't work.

Sweating like a whore in church.

If your waiting on me you're backing up. Yea I don't get it either

All things my grandad said to me. RIP grandpa.

 

[user 125772]

While eyeing a shiny show car ,
" Well, if it don't go, chrome it ".

and, in reply to a pissed off, sassing son,
"someday you might be bigger than me, but you'll never be meaner"

 

[processhead]

"Tighter than Dick's hat band" - as when referring to anything tight. No idea what the origins of this one are.

"Been around since Christ was corporal" - Anything or anyone old.

 

[TNTgill]

Prouder than a puppy with 2 peters

Fuller than a tick on a hounds ear.

Finer that frog hair split 4 ways

Slicker than a minnow's peter

Swoll up like a poisoned puppy

Slicker than greased owl sh*t

 

[cheesehed007]

When I worked for a trucking company, Lester the old mechanic would call me an Ol' Pot Licker.

When you said something was hard, grandpa would say "Try taking a flying fu** at a rolling doughnut"

 

[Zuljin]

"Tighter than Dick's hat band" - as when referring to anything tight. No idea what the origins of this one are.

Dick is not a person

 

[Kirkwooder]

"Flatter Than pi$$ on a platter"

"Hornier than a two peckered billy goat"

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"It's raining like cow piss on a flat rock." It's raining very hard.

"Slicker than greased goose $hit on glass." Usually refers to icy roads, but could be anything slick or slippery.

"I'll mop the floor with you." A threat, not an idle one either.

"Mercy stars!" An expletive, on par with "Oh my goodness!"

"Sam hell;" as in: "What in the Sam Hell were you thinking!?!" I always wondered who this Sam was, but I knew better than to ask.

"Quicker than greased lightning." Very fast or nimble.

"Hide & watch." Wait and see.

"Tight as a frog's ass." Refers to anything tight.

"Clear as mud." Usually refers to complex instructions.

"Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Pretty much self explanitory, but it means you don't throw anything away if it can still be used for something. For example: The clock on your clock radio is broken, but the radio still works; don't throw it away, just use it as a radio & get a new clock.

 

[VApatriot]

Here's one from my old man:

There's more than one way to skin a cat other than stuffing it with butter.

I never really get that one.

 

[markus2982]

Day's saying...you can wish in one hand and **** in the other, see which one gets filled first.

Also...I didn't raise them(his kids) to keep them

 

[JDGator]

i see said the blind man pissing in the wind, it's all coming back to me now.

 

[Subsailor]

You're so old, when God said let there be light, you threw the main breakers!

You can't make butter, if you don't churn the milk.

Waste not, want not!

 

[Tinhorn]

A wink is as good as a nod to a blind man

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

This thread is pure gold

"Sweating like a pregnant nun in a confessional" - Pretty self explanatory

"Built like a brick ****house" - Used to describe anything durable

"Can't see it from my house" - It's not exactly right, but I don't care enough to make it right.

 

[Tinhorn]

Shaking like a dog ****ting bones

 

[evsol]

Sweatin' like a whore in church on Sunday

 

[roastquake]

My grandmother from up-country South Carolina used the word "haint" instead of "ghost"

 

[roastquake]

i see said the blind man

Wow I swear that was my Dad's favorite thing to say,

 

[BradleyBrew]

"Every time I keg, I thank god I keg."

 

[BradleyBrew]

A wink is as good as a nod to a blind man

Kinda like dating a blind chick.. you never have to worry about her seeing other guys.

 

[HawksBrewer]

Or referring to having sex as "getting some mouse ear"??????

Don't knock it 'til you try it.

Others:

Slower than molasses in January.

Sweating like a fat kid in church with diarrhea.

Up sh!t creek without a paddle.

 

[00radio]

Grandmother used to say about people she didn't like...

"They can go suck eggs!"

 

[Tinhorn]

Any port in a storm

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

i see said the blind man

To the deaf dog

 

[JonM]

I we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs if we had some eggs.

 

[funnycreature]

A former co-worker said that about my girlfriend at the time: "Nuttier than squirrel poop"

 

[Tinhorn]

I believe that raccoon is cross eyed


No idea what it means but I love to say it at random moments

It's a real conversation stopper

 

[beaksnbeer]

His/her cheese has slid off their cracker. (someone whom just isn't right in the head)
He couldn't think his way out of a hallway.