Old Timer Sayings

[VApatriot]

Here's one from my old man:

There's more than one way to skin a cat other than stuffing it with butter.

I never really get that one.

 

[markus2982]

Day's saying...you can wish in one hand and **** in the other, see which one gets filled first.

Also...I didn't raise them(his kids) to keep them

 

[JDGator]

i see said the blind man pissing in the wind, it's all coming back to me now.

 

[Subsailor]

You're so old, when God said let there be light, you threw the main breakers!

You can't make butter, if you don't churn the milk.

Waste not, want not!

 

[Tinhorn]

A wink is as good as a nod to a blind man

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

This thread is pure gold

"Sweating like a pregnant nun in a confessional" - Pretty self explanatory

"Built like a brick ****house" - Used to describe anything durable

"Can't see it from my house" - It's not exactly right, but I don't care enough to make it right.

 

[Tinhorn]

Shaking like a dog ****ting bones

 

[evsol]

Sweatin' like a whore in church on Sunday

 

[roastquake]

My grandmother from up-country South Carolina used the word "haint" instead of "ghost"

 

[roastquake]

i see said the blind man

Wow I swear that was my Dad's favorite thing to say,

 

[BradleyBrew]

"Every time I keg, I thank god I keg."

 

[BradleyBrew]

A wink is as good as a nod to a blind man

Kinda like dating a blind chick.. you never have to worry about her seeing other guys.

 

[HawksBrewer]

Or referring to having sex as "getting some mouse ear"??????

Don't knock it 'til you try it.

Others:

Slower than molasses in January.

Sweating like a fat kid in church with diarrhea.

Up **** creek without a paddle.

 

[00radio]

Grandmother used to say about people she didn't like...

"They can go suck eggs!"

 

[Tinhorn]

Any port in a storm

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

i see said the blind man

To the deaf dog

 

[JonM]

I we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs if we had some eggs.

 

[funnycreature]

A former co-worker said that about my girlfriend at the time: "Nuttier than squirrel poop"

 

[Tinhorn]

I believe that raccoon is cross eyed


No idea what it means but I love to say it at random moments

It's a real conversation stopper

 

[beaksnbeer]

His/her cheese has slid off their cracker. (someone whom just isn't right in the head)
He couldn't think his way out of a hallway.

 

[vbwolpert]

"Dont rob Peter to pay Paul. Cause Peter will get sore and you cant work with a sore PETER"

"That boy couldnt find his way out of a wet paper bag with a map and flash light"

"Cut it, fit it, screw it and glue it before it changes cause it will"

"The definition of experience is the abilty to immediately identify a mistake once you made it again" aka you f***ed up again.

 

[Subsailor]

If it aint broke, don't fix it! meaning leave well enough alone.

 

[landshark]

Ducks in a row.

If you was drowning in a well I'd piss in it.

Believe nothing you hear and only half you see.

 

[sloanfamilydsm]

I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

"Next time you see (insert name here) grab 'em by the shorthairs and bring 'em over here"

 

[hoppybrewster]

You can't wake someone that's pretending to be asleep.

 

[Tinhorn]

Wouldn't trust him to fix a sack lunch

Meaning can't fix ****

 

[Cider123]

"She's so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road"



"He's crazier than a sh_thouse rat"


"She looks like she was rode hard and put away wet"

 

[smccarter]

Like my grandad always said.... "If you can't get to work on time... just get there whenever you can."

 

[RacingRam]

My FIL has some great sayings when he gets up to go to the bathroom...

"Excuse me while I shake the dew from my lily."
"I need to go talk to a man about a horse."
"Need to do some work for the phone company...lay some cable." (for #2...my wife HATES that one but I think it's hilarious)

He's a big guy. We went to the bakery last week and the guy behind the counter asked if we wanted some doughnuts. My FIL's response was "Does a fat baby fart? Hell yeah I want some doughnuts!"

My wife's stepdad is pretty handy, but not a perfectionist. Whenever we build something and it's a little off, he shrugs and says "well...we're not building a watch."

When it's sunny and raining at the same time, my wife's whole family says "the devil is beating his wife."

 

[BUCKNUTS]

Sometimes it's easier to get forgiveness than permission

 

[FerndaleFerments]

"Time heals all wounds."
Also "Time wounds all heals."
"Not the brightest bulb on the tree."
"Not the sharpest tool in the shed."

 

[lowtones84]

"Sittin' in the catbird seat."

 

[Ryush806]

Back when the earth's crust was still coolin


If he was on fire I wouldn't piss on him

 

[Brewitt]

My old boss used to say "Flatter than a platter of piss"

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

If you want to keep something around here you gotta shove it up your ass!

 

[hoppedup75]

"Foooock everyone but 6, make them your pallbearers"
"Harder than a hookers heart"

 

[Powhatan]

You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shiat.

 

[cluckk]

One I still use, but the young guys never seem to understand: "It's no step for a stepper."
One of my favorites is: "Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you."

 

[JonM]

An old co-worker used to say "Good enough for the kind of girls I go out with," when we'd finish a job, especially if it was an easy job that didn't take a whole lot of planning/effort. Later when I started to earn a little respect around there, he started switching it to "well, that's good enough for the kind of girls YOU go out with."

 

[Whsoj]

After a slipped wrench in the winter "**** FAR!!!" or "fire" (the realize your son is helping don't miss a beat and say "it saves matches"

Hotter than two rats F(ferociously partaking in coitus)ing in a wool sock behind a wood stove.

If I don't see ya for mating season go ahead and frack yourself man!