Old Timer Sayings

[nobadays]

Loose as a limp d!ck in a lard bucket.

Tighter than a bull's a$$ in fly time

Love these colloquialisms!


Don
Primary: nothing
Secondary: nothing
Bottled: Oatmeal Stout, APA and Rye IPA
Kegged: Joe IPA Clone

 

[Hoppity]

"More scarce than hen's teeth."
"When God was giving out brains, you thought he said trains and asked for a nice slow one"
"When God was giving out noses, you thought he said roses and asked for a big red one"
"When God was giving out heads, you thought he said beds and asked for a nice soft one"

 

[vanishingpint]

About someone who was scared ..."He was puckered up so tight you couldn't drive a needle up his ass with a sledgehammer "
Someone short..." He'd have to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass."

 

[JonM]

Old timer at the firehouse, "son, at my age it's like shooting pool with a rope."

George Burns said something about trying to shove a raw oyster into a coin slot.

 

[Shawn3997]

"Sharp as a sack of wet mice" (from Foghorn Leghorn)
"Lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut"
"Knee high to a grasshopper"

 

[unionrdr]

Dumber than a box of rocks
Perk as a ruttin' buck
" That boy flaps his strap so much, he's gonna get his tongue sunburned!"
A fart is just a miss-guided burp!
Pound sand
pound pavement
hit the bricks
Shoot the S***
Shoot the breeze
Throw the bull around by the tail
Fair day's work for a fair day's pay
" Well, slap my face & call me pappy~!" -Same as,
" I'll be damned!"
Haven't got a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of!
About as useful as a left-handed football bat!
The lights are on, but nobody's home-stupid
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink...but you can sure make him wish he had!
Colder than a well-digger's ass! (done this one, it's true!)
Colder than a polar bear's ass! (ditto)
Slicker than greased cat shiz...

 

[landshark]

"Slower than the second coming of Christ."

 

[zefbrew]

twice as thick as pig **** but only half as useful

 

[Redlantern]

That boy is busier than a three legged cat trying to bury a turd in a marble floor

 

[ChelisHubby]

A friends father would say I need to kick a turd out of him long enough to tie him up, that is when his son messed up.

 

[ChelisHubby]

When my Dad was doing a repair on one of the million things on the farm He would say that close enough for government work.

 

[Peruvian802]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNC3OciAF3w[/ame]

 

[arturo7]

'Pert near if not plumb.

 

[unionrdr]

The character of Gabby Johnson was taken from the popular Gabby Hayes on WHK radio when I was a kid. He was always sayin', " I'm tired, tired, tired of hearin' about it!" to whatever was being discussed. Besides the good ol' frontier gibberish.

 

[vanishingpint]

The sheriff's near.

 

[jsprinceiii]

He's not an as$Hole... Even an as$Hole has a purpose!

 

[jcav]

They were so poor they couldn't even pay attention!

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Father in-law said "When God was handing out ears, I thought he said beers so I asked for two big ones."

 

[Fedora]

They were so poor they couldn't even pay attention!

Couldn't put a down payment on a free lunch.

-Grandpa

 

[jcav]

That kid is a day late and a dollar short.

If I had your money I'd throw mine away.

You would spite your nose to save your face.

 

[jsprinceiii]

There's three kinds of turds in this world..
Musturd, Custurd, and you ya big turd! (misspelled intentionally)

 

[Fedora]

Also from Grandpa, regarding how much help a boy or boys will be in any given situation.

"One boy, whole boy.
Two boys, half boy.
Three boys, no boy."

 

[Dfitz]

Proof of the puding's in the eatin.

Power mower? Naw I got a push mower. Yeah that's right $2 front & back (good ole gramps)

Slower than molasses

 

[Jim204]

When the wife is in a bad mood you tell the fellows at the club I am going home " for a little hot tongue and cold shoulder"

 

[JLeuck64]

As a very young boy I can recall my Grandpa always telling me "Son, keep it as clean as a whistle because you never know when someone will want to blow it!"

Long after Grandpa passed, in my mid twenties I was reflecting on what Grandpa used to tell me a a young lad and it suddenly hit me...

I knew EXACTLY what he was talking about ( ;

 

[glenn514]

When my parents built their house, my Dad had a toilet plumbed in the basement, so he wouldn't have to run upstairs to "answer the call." On the wall over the toilet tank, he hung this sign:

"WE AIM TO PLEASE. WON'T YOU AIM, TOO, PLEASE?"

Wish I would have kept that sign when my Mom sold the house.

glenn514

 

[jsprinceiii]

You want Sympathy?? You can find it between Sh!t and Syphilis in the dictionary!

 

[Shawn3997]

We were so poor all we had to play with was dirt, and we had to share it!

 

[Thegundog]

My dearly departed dad: "who gives a rat's ass" - I guess that meant he really, really didn't care....

 

[nobadays]

Co worker.... "well, go home and fight with the old lady... monkey's got a nose bleed and shes on the warpath."