(ok... I'm not feeling lazy)
I went out to San Diego for Super Bowl 37 (Raiders/Bucs) in '03 with a couple of my buddies. We went out only because another of our buddies was living in San Diego at the time. We had no intention of going to the game but just wanted to hang out for the weekend.
Anyway... our boy that lived out there... great guy... but just kinda of a jackass. You know the type. He's talking a huge game the whole time how he knows all the good spots and he's a "VIP" in a bunch of places so he's going to get us into all of the cool clubs (ehh... yeah... right).
So he takes us to this strip joint that Friday night... "Ohh, this is gonna be awesome, this place has the hottest women on the planet and I know the bouncers here... we'll be rock stars in here". Again... yeah... right.
We get to the front door... $50 cover (it's Super Bowl weekend). We hem and haw... fine.. we cough up the cash and go in. We walk in... the effin place is EMPTY. It's like 10:00 on a Friday night! We look at the stage... SWEET MUTHER!!! The woman up there was a freakin' DISASTER... freakin' stretch marks... a effin scar... about 30 lbs overweight and looks like she's about 50. We're HORRIFIED.
YEAH... (as I'm sure the above article is about)... ALL of the strippers that are worth ANYTHING are working private parties. The clubs had to scramble and pull anyone off the street they could... and it freakin' showed. So now we're all basically threatening our budy... the "VIP" with an absolute and thorough beat down. He decides he's going to try to make the best of it and sit down in Rapers Row. We're all over by the bar, sipping our $11 Buds thinking about how we're going to KILL this effin guy.
All of a sudden, this stripper comes on stage... she's maybe 25... ugly as freakin' sin... and it looked like 1) she had NEVER been on stage before and 2) she was on about 38 different drugs. She was NASTY. She's not dancing with ANY rhythm whatsoever... she's just kinda standing on stage awkwardly moving her hips back and forth. It was painful to watch. She does her little thing.. and then decides she's going to go around to the guys in Rapers Row, on all fours, looking for tips. Guys are just getting up and walking away.
She makes her way over to our buddy and he's just sitting there. She goes to put her hand down, missed the bar, tumbles off the stage, spills his full beer in his lap and then falls off the stage into his lap. He immediately jumps up with this look of horror on his face and basically tosses her back up on stage. We're hysterical.
He comes walking over, drenched in beer and proceeds to tell us not only is he now soaked through with cheap beer but she had "the worst body odor I've ever smelled... without a doubt. I got a whiff and started gagging!" AGain... we're hysterical. She goes back stage and he makes his way BACK down to Rapers Row (about 20 feet away from us). My two other buddies make a trip to the pisser so I'm standing there by myself.
All of a sudden a door opens to my right and who should come walking out?? Ms. BodyOdor. She comes staggering up to me and now she's looking to do lap-dances. "Hey... do you want a private dance?" (I start gagging from the smell). then I ask, "How much?" "$15"... My answer? "Here's $40... see that guy down there... he wants two." (pointing to my a-hole buddy she had just dumped a beer on).
She takes my $40 and walks down to him... I'm dyin' laughin... she doesn't even realize it was the guy who just threw her back up on stage. Now, I can't HEAR what is being said but I see her tap him on the shoulder... he looks in horror... she says something and points to another room... he starts shaking his head "no" feverishly and says something... she turns and points up to me... his head turns, looks at me with total disgust... and I put on the biggest ****eatin grin and wave.
Next thing I know... she's leading him to the other room!
He comes back ten minutes later and I think his face had actually turned green. He's cursing me out saying how he almost threw up about 15 times. We're all crying laughing at him.
... and then we left. So... For $101 I had a Bud and have a funny story.