I agree with everything said here. And honestly I was in the EXACT same boat you were in.
My wife and I live with her parents, we're all a little hard up for cash and the group setting works well. My wife stays home all day to watch our baby and I have a 3 day weekend Sunday-Tuesday. So on one of those days about twice a month, I would make a mr beer kit. It was great no smell and it was beer.
Then I made a mini mash. The smell of the hops gave her a headache even with the windows open.
She said that her mother would flip if she came home and the "house smelled like a brewery" so she helped me air it out and strongly suggested I go back to mr beer.
Well the bug had bitten me and I said, I really can't do that, this had developed into something I really enjoy. I know some people on the forum I regularly lurk (showing that I'm not the only guy who likes to do this) that brew outside. All I need is a few more things (actually it ran me about 200+ to get a full setup going but I sprung for some decent things)
She said that sounded like a decent compromise and to work out what it would cost and see if we could swing it.
That happened in the beginning of march and on the 25 of April I was making my first all grain outside.
In turn I helped her with her hobby, bookmaking and she made me a "brew book" so I could document my brews and labels.
This last part is to everyone who posted and the op:
That conversation would have turned out very differently if I had "told her how it was" or "played my man card" (sorry revvy) a marriage isn't about man cards and woman cards. Sometimes you have to play the family card and if that's something you don't have in your deck, then maybe you have other issues other tha the grain/hop smell. Best of luck to you all.