No more AG for me :(

[bovineblitz]

I don't understand why all-grain would create a stronger smell than extract? The main source of the smells is from the boil, not the mash.

 

[MBasile]

Sounds like a great reason to get a burner and go outside, you'll both be happy then.

Personally, I went with outdoor brewing because a) my electric stove couldn't handle full boils very well, and b) I like being able to clean up with a garden hose instead of a sponge and paper towel!

 

[gclay]

It's not the smell of the grains she doesn't like just the hop additions. She says it smells like wet dog food. It was raining so I didn't have any windows open. Even I had a headache when I was done. My in-laws live in the basement and she's worried about them complaining about the smell. I can't brew in the garage as there's no space, I could brew in the backyard with a propane burner. I'll decide when this batch is ready to drink. I usually brew those pre-hopped extract kits, not the greatest but better than Laker lager.

As for her having my balls, I choose the battles I can win. I wonder out of all the "balls" replies how many are actually married or in a long term relationship? Just a question.

Gerald

 

[dfc]

I don't get this type of behavior. A good relationship is about compromise. What you typed reads like you're on the wrong end of a dictatorship.

 

[doctorRobert]

She better be hot.

You either need to post a picture to get some street cred back, err forum cred, or buy a turkey fryer and brew outside.

 

[ChuckO]

Maybe your next wife will be more understanding.

 

[smokinghole]

It's not the smell of the grains she doesn't like just the hop additions. She says it smells like wet dog food. It was raining so I didn't have any windows open. Even I had a headache when I was done. My in-laws live in the basement and she's worried about them complaining about the smell. I can't brew in the garage as there's no space, I could brew in the backyard with a propane burner. I'll decide when this batch is ready to drink. I usually brew those pre-hopped extract kits, not the greatest but better than Laker lager.

As for her having my balls, I choose the battles I can win. I wonder out of all the "balls" replies how many are actually married or in a long term relationship? Just a question.

Gerald

I'm in a two year old marriage so it's at the age where my wife still thinks she has more leverage by just saying something like your's did. If you don't take a stand then it's sort of like WW2. "The nazis weren't after me so I didn't do anything" then poof one day a battle you THOUGHT you could win, you downright lose. Don't keep passing off small battles. A priest at a wedding I attended said "if you sweat the little things than they never become big things" and I thought about that and it really made a lot of sense.

I've found that after being with my wife for the two years prior to marriage and now being married for two years, she shows more respect when I actually react to things I care about. She may not like it at first but when her estrogen induced bitch high wears off she can see my side of the argument. I still boil extract for starters or something in the kitchen. I do partial mashes for malted cider on the stove as well. I have mason jars of bottle sediment and yeast all over the place. There are mason jars with vinegar cultures in my sunroom. I get the occasional smelly ferment and the solution to that is taping a NATO gas mask filter on top of my 3-piece airlock. If she likes beer at all make a batch similar to what she likes. Mine likes IPAs which makes keeping her happy easy. I also started throwing in the occasional wine kit since she likes wine. Hell it was my wife that got me a turkery fryer kit and then saw it could be used for brewing. She then suggested "maybe you should try making beer at home with the turkey fryer".

So all snide jokes aside. Stand your ground about this if you care about brewing. As far as I see it if you don't your wife will act like the blitzkrieg of all things fun and enjoyable for you. One day all these seemingly small things will build up and BOOM you'll launch a ICBM during a battle that required only tear gas and riot gear.

 

[Xalwine]

I agree with everything said here. And honestly I was in the EXACT same boat you were in.

My wife and I live with her parents, we're all a little hard up for cash and the group setting works well. My wife stays home all day to watch our baby and I have a 3 day weekend Sunday-Tuesday. So on one of those days about twice a month, I would make a mr beer kit. It was great no smell and it was beer.

Then I made a mini mash. The smell of the hops gave her a headache even with the windows open.

She said that her mother would flip if she came home and the "house smelled like a brewery" so she helped me air it out and strongly suggested I go back to mr beer.

Well the bug had bitten me and I said, I really can't do that, this had developed into something I really enjoy. I know some people on the forum I regularly lurk (showing that I'm not the only guy who likes to do this) that brew outside. All I need is a few more things (actually it ran me about 200+ to get a full setup going but I sprung for some decent things)

She said that sounded like a decent compromise and to work out what it would cost and see if we could swing it.

That happened in the beginning of march and on the 25 of April I was making my first all grain outside.

In turn I helped her with her hobby, bookmaking and she made me a "brew book" so I could document my brews and labels.

This last part is to everyone who posted and the op:

That conversation would have turned out very differently if I had "told her how it was" or "played my man card" (sorry revvy) a marriage isn't about man cards and woman cards. Sometimes you have to play the family card and if that's something you don't have in your deck, then maybe you have other issues other tha the grain/hop smell. Best of luck to you all.

 

[gclay]

I was telling her about these comments a few minutes ago,and you know what her response was.. "I didn't say you couldn't brew inside, it's just that it stinks and still does." She changes her mind every 5 mins. I'll probably go with the turkey fryer in a while, but not yet. I want to keg first.

A friend of mine used to tell me "Don't sweat the small ****, and it's ALL small ****"

Gerald

 

[Revvy]

I was telling her about these comments a few minutes ago,and you know what her response was.. "I didn't say you couldn't brew inside, it's just that it stinks and still does." She changes her mind every 5 mins. I'll probably go with the turkey fryer in a while, but not yet. I want to keg first.

A friend of mine used to tell me "Don't sweat the small ****, and it's ALL small ****"

Gerald

You can get a turkey fryer for a lot less than a kegging setup (I bought mine for 30 bucks- Someone posted yesterday that they bought one from Gander Mtn. for 36, irc.) All joke aside, if 40 bucks is all that it would take for a little marital tension reduction, I'd put off buying a kegging setup for a bit, and get set up where she can't complain.If she changes her mind every 5 minutes, then you're smarter to deal with this now, before you brew again....or you won't have anything to PUT in those kegs you want.

 

[astropunk]

You need to understand how women communicate. They never just come out and say anything, you need to read the signals and subtle hints.

You HEARD it as a complaint about the smell.
But it was really an invitation to do the right thing and buy an outdoor turkey fryer.
And it will help if you also buy some flowers too.

 

[o4_srt]

I agree with whomever stated that it's necessary to stand your ground.

A few months ago, my wife said "beer or me" because I was supposedly blowing all our money on brewing (even though food was on the table, bills paid on time, money going into savings, etc). The moment she gave me the ultimatum, I lost it and showed her the door. She knows when I start arguing back that I'm incredibly pissed, because I usually don't argue a whole lot, it takes a lot to piss me off enough to yell.

Although this made it a bajillion times worse at the time, she calmed down and we discussed things rationally.

She thinks she won because I agreed to a brewing budget, but she doesn't know that the budget she agreed to is more than I was originally spending.

 

[bovineblitz]

It's not the smell of the grains she doesn't like just the hop additions. She says it smells like wet dog food. It was raining so I didn't have any windows open. Even I had a headache when I was done. My in-laws live in the basement and she's worried about them complaining about the smell. I can't brew in the garage as there's no space, I could brew in the backyard with a propane burner. I'll decide when this batch is ready to drink. I usually brew those pre-hopped extract kits, not the greatest but better than Laker lager.

As for her having my balls, I choose the battles I can win. I wonder out of all the "balls" replies how many are actually married or in a long term relationship? Just a question.

Gerald

I still don't get it. You hop your extract recipes, right?

 

[Pappers_]

I still don't get it. You hop your extract recipes, right?

No, he said he used pre-hopped extract kits.

 

[ReefkprZ]

She thinks she won because I agreed to a brewing budget, but she doesn't know that the budget she agreed to is more than I was originally spending.

 

[bovineblitz]

No, he said he used pre-hopped extract kits.

ahhhh okay, must have blanked on that part

 

[osagedr]

The next thing she says is no more, so the only way I can get away with Ag is if she goes away for the night.

My in-laws live in the basement...

You must have done something wrong in your previous life.

 

[Zamial]

The next thing she says is no more, so the only way I can get away with Ag is if she goes away for the night.

My in-laws live in the basement and she's worried about them complaining about the smell. I can't brew in the garage as there's no space, I could brew in the backyard with a propane burner. I'll decide when this batch is ready to drink.

Ok This sounds like you need to build a nice brew shed to me.

 

[Spartan1979]

My wife didn't like the smell of brewing in the house, so she bought me a propane burner and a 10 gallon pot. She's a keeper! And she's a hop head.

 

[jkarp]

Consider that image f-ing stolen Revvy. Gonna get a LOT of use out of this...

 

[Gfei]

I brew outside on the car port for the very same reason.

 

[rambler]

Wow...You definitely have yourself an uphill battle!! There really is no option but for you to stand your ground. If not just for brewing but for your dignity as a human being.

There are many threads about the "SWMBO" acronym, and this is why it drives me nuts. Here is a prime example of why its totally out of line.

What happens if you brew again? What happens the next time you contradict her will in any other way? Should you have to worry about something as harmless as a smell that is unpleasing to her. Simply put "F@%K THAT"!! And as for the inlaws SO WHAT!!!. Its your house!

Its unfortunate that you have to be in this situation, but here you are. Now its just time to decide the best way to go forward. No one wants to lose a marriage over something like beer, but this actually goes far deeper than that. This is the reason that this country declared itself free from the Brits. No, not beer but basic human dignity. No one TELLS me what to do. I can be reasoned with, shared with ,and yes even compromise, but to have an EDICT handed to me in my own home F$@K THAT,

I hate to say it but I'd tell her to POUND SAND until she learns how to treat you like a man.

Fortunately no one can revoke your MAN CARD, only you can give it away.

 

[beersteiner2345]

To the OP, what people are having trouble processing here is not that she asked you to stop brewing in the house. That is fine, if she has ASKED you.

Here is how people with a HEALTHY relationship work this stuff out.

Wife: "Hey, lately when you have been brewing the smell is really awful and I am not a fan. Is there anything we can do to where you can still enjoy your hobby without offending my olfactory bulbs?"

You: "Why yes. Yes there is. I can either set up brewing outside, or brew with the windows open on a day you're out with the girls. And I thank you for respecting me and not being a demanding beehatch like this guy on the brewing forum's wife is."

 

[gclay]

You need to understand how women communicate. They never just come out and say anything, you need to read the signals and subtle hints.

You HEARD it as a complaint about the smell.
But it was really an invitation to do the right thing and buy an outdoor turkey fryer.
And it will help if you also buy some flowers too.

She's usually pretty straight forward with what she wants or says. I guess I Could Have bought her flowers, It was our anniversary.

I'm going to keg before I buy a fryer, cheapest one in town is $70. I have 11 gallons sitting in carboys and primarys.

We have a sloped backyard so I have to wait until we build a deck to brew in back or the fryer would probably tip. My mother in law is very sensitive to things in the air, she's battling lung cancer and everyone's paranoid, no air fresheners or anything in the house.

Gerald

 

[gclay]

To the OP, what people are having trouble processing here is not that she asked you to stop brewing in the house. That is fine, if she has ASKED you.

Here is how people with a HEALTHY relationship work this stuff out.

Wife: "Hey, lately when you have been brewing the smell is really awful and I am not a fan. Is there anything we can do to where you can still enjoy your hobby without offending my olfactory bulbs?"

You: "Why yes. Yes there is. I can either set up brewing outside, or brew with the windows open on a day you're out with the girls. And I thank you for respecting me and not being a demanding beehatch like this guy on the brewing forum's wife is."

Lol nice, what color is the sky in your world? purple with yellow polk-a-dots?

Sounds like someone's been to counselling.

Real life ---

What the <beep> is tha t<beep>ing smell
My beer
Wtf you have 25 gallons you just brewed this month
yeah, but they're all different
who cares, no more until that 's done
<tucking tail between legs> yes dear.

That's how reality works.

 

[beersteiner2345]

My mother in law is very sensitive to things in the air, she's battling lung cancer and everyone's paranoid, no air fresheners or anything in the house.

Gerald

OK, having read this, I retract my post above. I am sure your wife is stressed to the max over her mom, and normally not like that.

Best of luck to you two and her mom. Cancer is a real crappy hand to be dealt.

Given this situation, I would do anything I could to no further frustrate your wife. Good call.

 

[beersteiner2345]

Lol nice, what color is the sky in your world? purple with yellow polk-a-dots?

Sounds like someone's been to counselling.

Real life ---

What the <beep> is tha t<beep>ing smell
My beer
Wtf you have 25 gallons you just brewed this month
yeah, but they're all different
who cares, no more until that 's done
<tucking tail between legs> yes dear.

That's how reality works.

Maybe your reality. Never been to counseling, we just both respect eachother. See my post above, however.

 

[HSB]

This would have gone a lot better for you if you had stated "Being close to a Saint I have invited my cancer stricken MIL into my house for care. Unfortunately it is lung cancer and I think the smell of brewing may be bad for this..."

Or something along those lines. Whatever, the way this story is progressing, the least of you concerns should be the grief of a internet discussion.

And this all went down on your anniversary?

Best of luck.

 

[Airborneguy]

That's how reality works.

In your house maybe.

 

[KellyK]

I feel so sorry for those whose spouse/SO doesn't share in the wonder of beer as it can be an amazing mutual hobby. My husband and I had a 3 tier custom built for our 4th wedding anniversary. 7 years brewing together, 6 years of wedded bliss.