My microwave is an incessant nag, and I want to smash it.

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Yuri_Rage

Yuri_Rage

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It beeps incessantly to remind me that it's done cooking until I open the door. It drives me crazy!

Sometimes whatever's in the microwave just needs to stay there for a few minutes while I finish cooking the rest of the meal. But no. The microwave insists that I remove it, beeping every few seconds while giving me the friendly LCD message, "YOUR FOOD IS DONE." Really? It's done? I had no idea! I thought that I put food in there for 5 minutes, and it transformed into a magical little playground for garden gnomes! Of course it's done! In fact, it's probably all soggy and crappy, too, but that's the price I pay for convenience. However, I'm not so forgetful or attention-lacking as to forget that 5 minutes ago I decided to torture some veggies with electronic wizardry, so I might need to go check on them sometime soon. I know there's food in there. I'm hungry. STOP BEEPING!

Of course, I could just go over there and open the door, but then I wouldn't get to be all angry at an inanimate object.
 
Or a ball of aluminum foil or potatoes without holes pierced in um, loose popcorn, test tubes with distilled water and a piece of plasti gage laying on top so it super heats the water melts the plastic which falls in and makes a impressive pop, there are lots of fun things to do with microwaves.
 
Maybe I'll wrap a CD in aluminum foil, cover that with steel wool, then place it in a full carton of eggs. And add a cat. Ok, maybe not the cat.
 
We probably have the exact same microwave. It lies. It thinks it's smart, but all it's really doing is guessing. I mean, how does it know my food is done? I could have set the timer for half the time so I can stir up the food. That stupid fsckin' LED panel should read "I think your food might be done." ...POS.
 
Scrap it make some kind of crazy magnetron steam generator/knifeless vasectomy machine that only Yuri could do justice.
 
We had one like that at the old house. It got to the point where I'd open and then close the door to turn off the reminder. Of course, then I'd forget about what was in there!

The new microwave likes to lavafy the bottom level of the ice cream carton while keeping the top in iceberg form.
 
Check your user's manual, Yuri, you might be able to program that setting. We had a microwave at work that could be programmed. Some jackass would constantly change the tune that plays when the food is cooked and he'd enable that damn chime sometimes. The boss had a habit of putting cold coffee in the oven and then going back to his office. My desk was closest to the machine I always had to go and turn it off.
 
Mine tells me to enjoy my meal...
Well what if I am in a pissy mood and just want to LOATHE my scrounging meal? What then?
Huh?
Or God forbid I'm reheating a cup of coffee. How the fishwater am I supposed to make a cup of searing (You know I hit the thirty seconds button, but that mother flightsuit cooked it for three minutes) flavored water into an enjoyable meal?

****ing pushy microwave....



Of course having one that beeps like a tiny dog on stimulants yapping at you might make my parents remember that they put something in there. I swear, every time I'm over there, there is something that has been left in the monkeysqueaking mircowave overnight.
 
Domminigan said:
Mine tells me to enjoy my meal...
Well what if I am in a pissy mood and just want to LOATHE my scrounging meal? What then?
Huh?
Or God forbid I'm reheating a cup of coffee. How the fishwater am I supposed to make a cup of searing (You know I hit the thirty seconds button, but that mother flightsuit cooked it for three minutes) flavored water into an enjoyable meal?

****ing pushy microwave....



Of course having one that beeps like a tiny dog on stimulants yapping at you might make my parents remember that they put something in there. I swear, every time I'm over there, there is something that has been left in the monkeysqueaking mircowave overnight.
Click to expand...

this is pure literaryness at it's finest! mother flightsuit. gotta remember that one.
 
+12 on the whole eggs idea. I used to do this, that is until the microwave really started to stink!:D

I would put it on it's back, the fill it completely with loose popcorn. Close. Then set on high for 10mins. Doing this outside is mandatory of course. Film then entire process and post here.

This mission will self destruct just like your microwave. :ban:
 
Better than a washing machine that honks every time the cycle changes. I'm only interested in when it stops, but there's no way to set that.

Once in a while, they put a useful feature in an appliance. My new stove beeps when the preheat is done.
 
Of course, being you Yuri-rage I would have thought you would just wire in a toggle switch on the side which interrupted the signal to the piezo/speaker.

Just a non-destructive thought.
 
Though it seems to have a comprehensive help feature that displays a help message when I push the HELP button, then any other button on the keypad, there is no settings menu. I did find the BEEP VOLUME button - help message, "PRESS THIS PAD TO SELECT BEEP VOLUME." Are people really so stupid as to not realize what the BEEP VOLUME button does? It gets better. If I press HELP, then the number 7 (which has no function other than to enter a freakin' 7 into the display), it says "THIS PAD MAY BE USED FOR TIME AND WEIGHT SETTING." Holy flying dog turds! So that's what it might do! All of my fears and concerns are not put to rest, though. That's too open-ended. It MAY be used for setting time and weight. What else MIGHT it do? Bring back the hit series, Happy Days? I hope not. The world can't handle another stupid, overused, misunderstood meme if Fonzy goes water skiing again. Maybe I should just avoid that 7 button.

Even though my microwave is now and forever muted, I hate it more than ever.
 
I will trade you! My microwave looks great (why my wife bought it), but it must be the conservation model. It takes a good 2 times more time than any other microwave I use. It's not a big deal, until I use another one. Example: leftover coffee in the morning - 60 seconds on my nuke box. We stayed at in-laws house over the holidays - 60 seconds and I have just boiled my tongue.

Also, what is with beeping for EVERY button push? I know I just pushed "5" as it displayed on the lcd. I don't need the beep that sends the dog cowering.
 
You people are microwaving old coffee? What the llama spit is wrong with you? Either leave the pot on, press the button when the warmer shuts off or make another pot. Jebus Krispy Kremes on a sailboat.
 
Here you go:



Check out Microwave Monday on YouTube as well. Someone thought it would be a great idea to microwave random items, some dangerous ones like gasoline +fire crackers.

Some people like short lives I guess.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Take a grape, slice it in half and put it into the microwave...instant plasma. Very cool. Also, a cd for about a few seconds makes some groovy looking beer coasters.

If you place cats in a microwave, be sure to take a fork and poke some holes in them first.
 
Yuri_Rage said:
Are people really so stupid as to not realize what the BEEP VOLUME button does?
Click to expand...
Actually, Yes. It's a common malady these days to be a total idiot and have to be told that ingesting a tape dispenser isn't a good weekend activity.
DeathBrewer said:
The day after thanksgiving, I heated up a plate of turkey and stuffing before crashing on the couch. It was still good when I found it there 8 hours later :D
Click to expand...
You must not have a sneakyninjadog like my dad does. I was eating a banana the other day, and then I suddenly wasn't.
 

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