Getting Divorced

[Brewkowski]

So a guy comes home and asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery"

Wife: "I'd take half and leave you"

Guy: "Good, here's $12 now get out"

 

[Yuri_Rage]

The muffin joke was already taken, so here's my favorite meme of late:

 

[david_42]

Hey there, buenaventura.

Went through it a while back myself and it sucked. But on the bright side, I never would have met Red had I not gotten divorced!

Hang in there - it will get better when you least expect it

Can't imagine you would have survived if Red had been your starter wife. That's a lot of fine woman.

 

[LooyvilleLarry]

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard ladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."

Bravo. Bravisimo.

 

[Brutus Brewer]

Guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila.
Bartender asks "12 shots, what's the occasion?"
Guy replies "I'm celebrating my first bl*w job."
Bartender says "that's a monumental day, have another on the house!"
Guy says "no, if 12 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth 13 sure as hell won't"

 

[azscoob]

"OH MY GOD IT A DOUBLE RAINBOW!!" wow, high on life? or something else perhaps???

 

[TxBrew]

Bravo. Bravisimo.

Agreed. Excellent joke.


Now....

Where is my bike!

 

[azscoob]

Agreed. Excellent joke.


Now....

Where is my bike!

Are you rubbing yourself correctly? if properly done it only takes one to two business days to get the bike, I gotta think you aren't rubbing the right locations, or are rubbing too fast. its all about the technique.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

If you rear ended a midget, and she got out of her car and screamed "I'm not Happy!" would you have the nerve to ask "Well, which one are you then?"

 

[Ciliorozo]

If you rear ended a midget, and she got out of her car and screamed "I'm not Happy!" would you have the nerve to ask "Well, which one are you then?"

By her reaction I wouldn't ask, I'd say "I know... you're Grumpy"!

Especially since she most certainly isn't Bashful!

 

[TxBrew]

Are you rubbing yourself correctly? if properly done it only takes one to two business days to get the bike, I gotta think you aren't rubbing the right locations, or are rubbing too fast. its all about the technique.

I believe go hard or go home, or go hard at home, but never go weak when there might be a bike on the line.

That's the motto I live by, so the next question is...

Why isn't there a place I can go to have my rubbing evaluated and critiqued by other who have received the bike?

No I'm not going on Chatroullete either.

 

[passedpawn]

The muffin joke was already taken, so here's my favorite meme of late:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI

Now THAT is funny. I got a bit freaked out by his crying actually.

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

 

[Walker]

Now THAT is funny. I got a bit freaked out by his crying actually.

Seriously. I would have thrown that f*cker right off the side of the mountain. That was ridiculously annoying.

 

[passedpawn]

Seriously. I would have thrown that f*cker right off the side of the mountain. That was ridiculously annoying.

Double rainbow guy should share a tent with Sizzle Manslap:

 

[SauceBoss]

You might find this book useful: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Screw-the-*****/Dick-Hart/e/9781559500692
Regards, GF.

hahaha nice!!! thatll get your mind off of it!

 

[TxBrew]

Now THAT is funny. I got a bit freaked out by his crying actually.

I saw one the other day and thought, my reaction is not nearly enough. I'm glad to see someone thought double rainbows are orgasmic.

 

[Ragutis]

 

[Chuck_Swillery]

Tell me something . . . anything . . . advice, a joke, a poem, a quote . . . something . . .

You're not alone! Just received the notice of my final hearing - Jan 19th. Part of me looking forward to starting over. I found out 2 weeks before my 21st anniversary! Glad I hadn't paid out the money for the ring I was going to buy her yet. LOL

Editted to add: Yeah... I'll be following this thread pretty close... some pretty funny stuff here!

 

[artbrau]

It was so hard to pull the trigger and say "over" but it was over way before I said it. Now I am remarried. I felt so much better about saying "I do" the second time and am way happier.

The only advice I would presume to give is, once you are certain divorce is the way to go, get the legal stuff over FAST. Dragging it out in negotiations sucks the life out of both of you.

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

Hang in there. As you can see many of us have gone through it and we all seem to think it was the best thing that has ever happened. It will take time though. In the meantime...

Guy goes to a new doctor. The doctor walks in and is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. The doctor says to him "Don't worry. I take my job very seriously and I will find out what is ailing you no matter what. Now what seems to be bothering you?" the man says, "I think my d*ck tastes funny"

So my wife and I decided to smoke only after sex. I've had the same pack for 20 years and she's up to 3 packs a day - Rodney Dangerfield

 

[koomber]

Long and Thin
(Traditional Scots Children's Song to tune "Pop Goes the Weasel"

Long and thin goes too far in
And doesn't please the ladies.
Short and thick will do the trick
It's good for making babies.

Our Mary did it once.
Once was once too many.
Wasn't she a silly dunce?
Did it for a penny.

 

[TxBrew]

They make a card for that now? I usually just wait till my buddy is drunk and tell her she was cheating on him.

 

[BlackDogBrewing]

Divorce is so expensive because it's worth every penny!

 

[TxBrew]

All this seems to be an ad for never getting married.

 

[Chuck_Swillery]

All this seems to be an ad for never getting married.

LOL - almost. In my case we NEVER fought but that was a big part of the problem. Some people can't get the other half to shut up, some can't get them to talk!

I'm going through my home brew a lot slower now... !

 

[Ricand]

All this seems to be an ad for never getting married.

NO NO No.. it's an ad for making sure you got the right person. I 'dated' my wife for 8 years before we got married. I'm happier than you can possibly imagine after 20+ years. On my wedding night, my best man asked if I was scared. It surprised me, but many people don't know for sure what they are getting into and it's frightening. Me, I knew exactly what my life was going to be and loved it.

 

[dougf]

So over a year later, how are things buddy?