This is so worth repeating. Thank you cheese.
I love my dog. I will spend money I don't have on him, and fill it in later.
But I will not allow him to live in pain.
It is better to love with all your heart, and let death take its course, than make one you love live with pain because you can't let go.
It's too bad we can't do the same with our human loved ones. I have terrible memories of my grandmother's last days, kept alive by machines as she begged for help with her pain. I can give my best friend rest from his pain, but I cannot give my grandmother rest from hers?
I apologize my friends, I didn't want to start something new. It is just something I need to get off my chest.
Damnit if I haven't choked myself up here. When my grandmother lived, she gave me, my girlfriend, and my brother $50. That was a lot for her, she lived on social security and the like, barely getting by. We kept the money because we wanted to find something to remind of us her. It was hard to find something to spend money on that meant something. We saved that money for over a year.
Eventually, we decided on a dog. The last of the money we spent on our puppy was what our grandma gave us. We spent her money on love - something that would love us in return. The final payment I made on our puppy was the money she gave us. He's two years old now and he's like my son to me.
Damn, it's been a long time since I cried. I guess I've never resolved this issue with myself. Some things you just can't seem to put in place. Other things never seem to be resolved.