Blissfully Child-Free

[iijakii]

kombat,

Tell us how you really feel?

 

[blizz81]

Besides, the world is already way too overcrowded. We're clogging the skies with CO2, the oceans with oil, and the cities with hungry people who insist on free-range organic everything while we simultaneously turn our farmlands into condos and our forests into pastures. We've drained the oceans of fish, there's perpetual war in that desolate sandbox known as the "Middle East," the economy sucks, national debt is through the roof... are you really doing a baby a favour bringing it into this world?

To be fair, I don't think there was ever a time where the world was this magical place where life was objectively brilliant and awesome and inviting. Hell, a life originating in Ontario, Canada probably has a lot more of a chance to flourish than one originating in some / many parts of the world.


And I don't know that "overpopulation" is really the "problem", so much as human nature / societal nature.

 

[JonM]

Threads like this always devolve into bickering and hurt feelings in a snap. This one seems to be right on schedule.

 

[bbohanon]

Then why will so few of them admit it? I have a theory.

You just admitted it, but this is an anonymous forum. Your kids will never find out you occasionally felt this way, and that's a good thing. But I think that our society is so invested in perpetuating this culture of parenthood that they hide the truth from young couples until it's too late. They imply that you're not a family without kids, that kids are wonderful, and invariably worth any minor occasional inconvenience or expense.

Because misery loves company. People have kids and find out how expensive and exhausting it is, then they look around at their child-free peers and are envious of the carefree lifestyle. They got "tricked" into having kids, so they want others to be as miserable as they are. So they NEVER admit any shred of regret.

"Kids are the best thing we ever did."
"Really? That one just pooped on your couch."
"Doesn't matter, still worth it when she smiles. You should have some."

Ever read Scary Mommy? Some of those women are literally bordering on suicide and violence. Some of their stories are heartbreaking, about how financially crushing their child is, how much of a disappointment they are, or how much they regret giving in to their spouse and having kids (or being a little too loosey-goosey with the birth control).

Besides, the world is already way too overcrowded. We're clogging the skies with CO2, the oceans with oil, and the cities with hungry people who insist on free-range organic everything while we simultaneously turn our farmlands into condos and our forests into pastures. We've drained the oceans of fish, there's perpetual war in that desolate sandbox known as the "Middle East," the economy sucks, national debt is through the roof... are you really doing a baby a favour bringing it into this world?

I certainly ponder how my life would have turned out without kids from time to time. I come to the conclusion everytime I think it over that it would have most likely turned out much lonelier than I would have wanted it to be.
I do look forward to seeing my kids fly the nest not only to get them out of the house but to see them start down their road in life and be a part of that journey with them.
I, nor my wife have ever felt our kids were any crushing burden on us financially or otherwise. Sometimes they soak up more of my free time than I want to have soaked up, but I never felt my kids were holding me or my wife back in any way. I know there are situations where folks in very bad spots in their lives have kids and it turns out badly. Its not the kids fault, its the parents fault. I totally get that. I came from a broken home where my dad was a lifelong alcoholic until the day he died so I can relate.

I know I was not financially ready for a child when we had our first, but if I had waited until I was, I would have never had kids. We still made it through 3 and I busted my ass to get to where I am in life making the money I make to support them which I don't regret for an instant. I believe you get what you give in life.

If anything, the friends I know who dont have kids I usually find myself wondering what they will do when their spouse dies? Who will they walk through the rest of their life with, spend time with, etc.? What happens when they die after their spouse dies? Will anyone really be around to remember them and tell stories of the crazy, awesome, bad, and good of their lives to the next generation? Plus you HAVE to have someone to pass on those awesome beer recipes too right? lol
We are a tight knight family in my house with minimal drama and I tell my kids all the time that family is more important than anything else in life, no exceptions.
They have picked up that charge which makes them the kids I want them to be and the ones I hope will be with me (or my wife if she outlives me) through the back half of my life should I outlive my spouse to fill those days where I dont want to be alone.
I firmly believe no one should be suffered the fate of dying alone in life.

As far as the overcrowded/national debt/chicken little the sky is falling part, thats going to happen no matter what you decide to do with kids. Sooner or later this world will exhaust its ability to sustain life. I have no idea when, but its probably sometime in the not too distant future. I pray my kids or their lineage are ones who in that time of need help find a solution. Nothing would make me prouder.

I still believe having kids is a personal decision that is neither right nor wrong whatever you decide to do and dont let my opinion be a guidestick as I know I dont know it all.
Maybe I am a nut, but I would not trade my kids for anything. They are my legacy and I am very proud of that.
:fro:

 

[wi_brewer]

I love my kids but every parent at some point dreams of being blissfully child-free. At least temporarily.

My parents took my two daughters (almost 4 and 1) for the weekend last Friday-Sunday. It was awesome, we went out for dinner on Friday and on Saturday I brewed 20 gallons while my wife did her thing. We looked at each other and both commented on how nice it was to be "free".

That said, we couldn't wait to get the kids back when Sunday afternoon came around.

 

[wi_brewer]

... are you really doing a baby a favour bringing it into this world?

You are here because two people chose to bring a baby into this world. Are you happy they did? Maybe not, considering your rant.

 

[slym2none]

You are here because two people chose to bring a baby into this world. Are you happy they did? Maybe not, considering your rant.

I certainly didn't ask to brought into this world. I had no choice in the matter.

And yes, sometimes I wonder if they did the right thing.

 

[Psylocide]

I certainly didn't ask to brought into this world. I had no choice in the matter.

And yes, sometimes I wonder if they did the right thing.

 

[BSBrewer83]

My parents took my two daughters (almost 4 and 1) for the weekend last Friday-Sunday. It was awesome, we went out for dinner on Friday and on Saturday I brewed 20 gallons while my wife did her thing. We looked at each other and both commented on how nice it was to be "free".

That said, we couldn't wait to get the kids back when Sunday afternoon came around.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't want to detract from the OP but every parent whether they want to admit it or not has those moments where a break is needed.

I lived the majority of my life as blissfully child free but cannot imagine life without those little snot machines now. They bring a joy that is not really explainable (even through the rough times).

 

[slym2none]

If I had kids of my own, I would be old enough to that kids' father. Never "emo", not here. Just stating how I feel.

 

[hunter_le five]

I didn't know slym2none was TheCADJockey

 

[Psylocide]

I didn't know slym2none was @TheCADJockey

ftfy

 

[SnakeRidge]

You are here because two people chose to bring a baby into this world. Are you happy they did? Maybe not, considering your rant.

I'm sorry, but this is the absolute lamest response there is in favor of procreating.

 

[slym2none]

I didn't know slym2none was TheCADJockey

Wait a minute...

 

[JoshuaW]

Im child free by choice and by circumstance. I have never been that interested in having kids, but it always just seemed like an inevitability. It was something you did to make the woman you love happy, you know? It was supposed to change when you have kids, blah blah blah. When my wife and I started dating at the end of highschool, and I eventually found out that her medical conditions would make it extremely risky for her to have kids, it all clicked. I didnt want kids, and this girl is perfectly happy not having them! I didnt realize it was possible! I think with my wife's personality, its a choice she would have made even without the health aspect of it, but she had definitely made peace with the reality many years before we met.

So, child free is how we live our life. I got a vasectomy this past year to solidify that decision and prevent any unfortunate mishaps. That wasnt the easiest on my mother in law, as my wife is her only child and she was under a delusion that my wife would be willing to risk her life to give her grandchildren.

We love the child free life though. A lot of our friends are having kids, and we like not worrying about making plans like they do. We live in the spur of the moment. We have extra money for expensive hobbies, and never have to worry about getting a sitter. Its a great life!

 

[ArkotRamathorn]

You are here because two people chose to bring a baby into this world. Are you happy they did? Maybe not, considering your rant.

This isnt an entirely fair question to ask. Would I be happy if I wasnt brought into this world? No, because I wouldn't exist. Your question is irrelevant.

 

[kombat]

This isnt an entirely fair question to ask. Would I be happy if I wasnt brought into this world? No, because I wouldn't exist. Your question is irrelevant.

You took the words right out of my keyboard.

My wife and I chose not to have any kids. Do you think the kids that we never had are currently in some sort of "limbo"-world, lamenting that we never had them?

 

[pointcity-homebrew]

I have children first off, and I am not going to derail this thread. The fact of the matter is some people should not breed, I am not suggesting anything about anyone here, just my encounters going out in public.

 

[Psylocide]

This isnt an entirely fair question to ask. Would I be happy if I wasnt brought into this world? No, because I wouldn't exist. Your question is irrelevant.

You wouldn't be unhappy.

You just wouldn't be.

 

[blizz81]

You took the words right out of my keyboard.

My wife and I chose not to have any kids. Do you think the kids that we never had are currently in some sort of "limbo"-world, lamenting that we never had them?

They'll never know happiness! They'll be so sad.

 

[iijakii]

We love the child free life though. A lot of our friends are having kids, and we like not worrying about making plans like they do. We live in the spur of the moment. We have extra money for expensive hobbies, and never have to worry about getting a sitter. Its a great life!

That's where the wife and I are now, but it blows in that all of our friends are now 100% about their kids. Never get to see them anymore. Or when we do hang out it's like.. going to the zoo.

Maybe kids wouldn't be so bad... all the cool kids are doing it

 

[hunter_le five]

My wife and I chose not to have any kids. Do you think the kids that we never had are currently in some sort of "limbo"-world, lamenting that we never had them?

You monster.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Wait a minute...

Hey.. wtf is going on in here? I was avoiding this thread for a reason and you's guys had to call down the thunder.

I disapprove of this. How much of it? All of it.

The shenanigans, tomfoolery and roflwaffles.

 

[blizz81]

The shenanigans, tomfoolery and roflwaffles.

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7uso/straight-talk-wireless-alcatel-onetouch-pop-icon

 

[TheCADJockey]

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7uso/straight-talk-wireless-alcatel-onetouch-pop-icon

I will virtually cut all of you. There's a difference between EMO and GOTH. If you were a loving parent, maybe you would understand. But you don't.

You'll never understand.

 

[Psylocide]

I will virtually cut all of you. There's a difference between EMO and GOTH. If you were a loving parent, maybe you would understand. But you don't.

You'll never understand.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRoSL0kdQFk[/ame]

 

[Owly055]

I've always loved children........... I've been the "uncle" to many over the years, but vowed NEVER to contribute the cancer that is overpopulation. Every year, I've watched the land I love gobbled up and destroyed as the cancer relentlessly spreads ever further destroying everything that is natural and beautiful (to me) in it's path. Houses go up, highways, fences, and we are forced more and more into ever smaller pseudo natural areas crowded with other people seeking peace or recreation..... and as often as not forced to PAY for what is our birthright. Nearly everything our society has become and is becoming repels me. I would no more reproduce than pour toxic chemicals on the land. Population is at the root of virtually all of our problems today.


H.W.

 

[radishthegreat]

If anything, the friends I know who dont have kids I usually find myself wondering what they will do when their spouse dies? Who will they walk through the rest of their life with, spend time with, etc.?

Go spend some time in an nursing home sometime talking to the residents; having kids is no guarantee people won't spend their final years completely alone. Adult children move too far away, die, get addicted, decide they hate you, etc, etc.

I'm childless-not-by-choice (yes, we exist) and I hate this condescending faux-concern about my old age (it's right down there with telling me I'm selfish and stunted and not a real woman). Unless they're only children of only children, everyone's got family, and unless they're complete jerks, everyone's got friends.

 

[pointcity-homebrew]

I will virtually cut all of you. There's a difference between EMO and GOTH. If you were a loving parent, maybe you would understand. But you don't.

You'll never understand.

I am a parent and do not understand. So explain,

Emo- cuts themselves?
Goth - cuts others?

 

[ArkotRamathorn]

I have children first off, and I am not going to derail this thread. The fact of the matter is some people should not breed, I am not suggesting anything about anyone here, just my encounters going out in public.

This is about 99% of why SWMBO never wants children. We see so many people with 2 children in a stroller, running over our feet at the farmers market, pregnant lady pushing the stroller, gives us the stink eye because she ran her stroller into us. I go around supermarkets and have people NEVER ever hit me with their shopping cart, but put two kids in a stroller and a pregnant lady (or their dumb cow-eyed husbands) behind a stroller and suddenly its Grand Theft Auto at the farmers market.

I wouldn't want to bring kids into the world, not with my family's history of genetics (diabetes, cerebal palsy, depression, addiction). Having gone through my own issues growing up I wouldn't want to force some other person into existence and say "here's this huge set of problems and issues that you will ahve to deal with while you grow up because I made you, HAVE FUN!".